[…unWARP!!!]

Good evening.

PROLOGUE

	(It’s recommended that you read “Mary”, “The Fourteen”, and “Mary’s 
Quest:  Only A Scar”, available on this server, in order to understand this story.) 
	Everything that is done by one, eventually comes back to oneself, whether  
for good, or for evil, whether for reward, or for judgement, and it is all  accounted 
for in Eternity. One toon will learn this first hand, and she will also learn that there is 
more  than one way to leave behind an inheritance, a legacy, a posterity, a  
successor, and why not, offspring, whether for good, or for evil. And all that is left 
behind will continue to bring  dividends, whether for good, or for evil, until the end 
of time.
	This is the story of one such toon, and it begins with a vault.
	This vault was…

******* 

	…Empty.
	Completely empty.
	Save for a heap of rubble, and a layer of dust on the floor, obviously  caused 
by a wall that had been blown apart.
	It wasn’t the dust that had her completely riled, and it wasn’t the rubble,  or 
the hole on the wall, or even the emptiness of one of her most secure  vaults.
	What had Dakota Dee completely riled was the fact that everything was  
exactly the same as she had left it. It was as if she had never travelled  back through 
time and space to alter the destiny of her father’s nemesis, who happened to be the 
father of *her*  nemesis. Furthermore, Acme Looniversity was still standing, with 
no traces  of riots, bigotry, religious intolerance, racism, or speciesism, save for her 
own, of course. She was so  riled she didn’t even bother to change the clothes she 
used in her time  trip.
	*The J was still alive.*
	And not only that, that black panther was more of a Waiting One now than  
before.
	The M, J’s older sister, was alive as well, but that was beside the point.
	*And The J.A.M.—J and M’s father—still had his left eye in his face.*
	What was also getting her riled was the fact that she had failed miserably,  
AGAIN.
	But what was sending her wrath to the stratosphere was the fact that there  
would be no more time trips for her, or anyone, anymore.
	The time machine was gone.
	The hole in the wall was too small for such a huge machine to be pulled  
through, so it was somehow stolen through teleportation, i.e., warping.
	And the only toons she knew who had the ability to warp, or at least  
simulate a warp, were the fourteen older sons and daughters of Buster and  Babs 
Bunny (the Bunny warren actually had seven more kits, but they were still in 
kindergarten or  diapers), The J, The M, and The J.A.M.
	Professor Coyote and Calamity Coyote had mechanical transporters; so  
somehow, all of these toons got together and stole the time machine right  out of her 
vault.
	And now, all her plans to remove The J, The J.A.M., and Acme Looniversity  
from the plane of existence had themselves been removed from the plane of  
existence.
	“Dee?”
	Behind her stood her insanely faithful sidekick, Tex, a young green buck  
with a black shirt, one of Buster and Babs’ kits.
	“Dee, you’re fighting a Higher Power.”
	She considered that perhaps her nemeses’ victories were nothing short of  
miraculous. Since she didn’t believe in miracles, even though she lived in  toonity, 
the only explanation to her defeat was that *someone* must have helped her 
nemeses without her  knowing it.
	“Dee, you might as well be trying to stop an earthquake. You’ve already  
wasted too many resources into something you simply can’t change!”
	The humanmaid turned and saw that her sidekick’s almond brown eyes were  
reddened and appeared to be pleading, and his ears were pointing straight  down. 
Perhaps he was allergic to all this dust. She turned again and continued walking 
aimlessly  through the empty vault.
	“Dee, it’s over.”
	Over…over…over…over…over…over…
	At this point, something within Dakota Dee, daughter of Montana 
Maximilian  and Elmyra Duff-Maximilian, not only snapped, but actually rebounded 
itself  out of the plane of existence.
	The Caucasian ran up to him, grabbed the buck’s shirt with such force that  
her fingers tore through the fabric, and hissed into his face, “No, Tex,  it’s NOT 
over. Not until J or J.A.M. are gone. I WILL win. I’m RICH. I HAVE to win. No 
[CENSORED] felines are  going to get the best of me, EVER!! I WILL DESTROY 
THE J, IF IT’S THE LAST  THING I DO!!!”
	With that, she threw him out of her way, and stormed out of the vault.
	Tex toppled and fell on the rubble, and for a long time, he simply laid  there.
	And his broken heart continued to pour tears for the female he loved.

*******

“Posterity doesn’t necessarily require genetic compatibility in order to be
so.” — The J.A.M.

Cree Summer Franks is

JACOB MARLEY’S DAUGHTER

also starring:

John Kassir
Cree Summer Franks as Mary Melody
The N.I.M.H.
Francesca Marie Smith
Dick Van Dyke
and Chuck McCann

Special appearance by Bill Cosby.

Written by The J.A.M. (i_am_the_jam@hotmail.com, but please call me J.A.M.)

Some segments were co-written with Jennifer Cleckley a.k.a. Rottin Kid/The  
Incredible Werekitty.

Edited by professor Nathaniel T. Freeman

* To Ebenezer Scrooge, Nicholas of Bari, Shaul of Tarshish, Zaccheus of  Jericho, 
James Cash Penny, Milton Hershey, Adam Smith, Abraham of Ur, and  all their sons 
and daughters. *

*******

STAVE ONE  -  RED NUMBERS, RED LETTERS

	Tex was right, of course. It was impossible for Montana Max *not* to see  
that enormous amounts of energy, which his factories needed, had been  suddenly 
depleted in the previous days. A quick investigation led him to his daughter, and as 
punishment, her  allowance was suspended and her savings were depleted until the 
electric  bill had been paid off. Naturally, this forced Dakota to work longer hours 
after school and weekends. Even  Christmas Break didn’t provide any relief for her, 
because now that she had  no school she had to work all day long in order to bring 
her balance out from the red.
	All that made her more resentful than before. Normally she would be 
working  day and night for her own pleasure and gain, not to pay off debts, much 
less  to pay her father. She resented her father, her nemesis, and the green buck who, 
for some reason,  didn’t mind working with her throughout all this.
	On one particular winter afternoon, it was precisely that green buck who  
burst into her office within her father’s mansion. The office consisted of a  large 
room tiled with mahogany, with a matching desk and bookcases, save for the red 
brick fireplace on the  wall, currently burning, and a large window behind the desk. 
Most of the  furnishings were gifts from her father, but the silk curtains and the red 
carpeting were her own idea. The  humanmaid, in her charcoal business blouse and 
skirt, with black dress  shoes, didn’t seem to be affected by the relaxing effect of the 
lavish set up, for she was busy typing furiously in  front of her ultra-thin monitor.
	“Dee! I’ve got great news!!” burst the green buck, bounding to her desk,  and 
unable to stay still. “The debt is finally paid in full!! You’re finally  out of the red!”
	The Caucasian stopped typing for a moment, brushed back some of her  
almond-brown hair, glared at her jovial sidekick, and returned her attention  to her 
on-line business.
	“Dee? I got the quarterly report here! It’s all paid for!” He pulled out a  
pawful of papers from his body pocket, but his boss didn’t seem to notice.  “Dee?” 
He tilted his ears toward her, placing the report beside the keyboard. Still she typed 
furiously.  Taking a chance, he gently placed his gloved paw over her left hand, 
“Dee,  it’s over, it’s okay, it’s paid for. You can relax now.”
	She stiffened at his touch, but not because of any romantic causes.  “Relax?” 
she asked dangerously, slowly turning to him.
	Quickly, Tex removed his paw, and lowered his head and ears as fright took  
over him. “Y-yes, Dee. Your hard work paid off. You’re finally making  profits 
again. And since we won’t go back to school until January, well, maybe you should 
take a break  and—um—I don’t know—uh—go skiing?”
	Her father’s favourite winter sport, practiced in Switzerland, or New  
Zealand if it was June. “Tex, have you any idea how much catching up we have  to 
do now?”
	“Catching up?” he winced in confusion, raising his ears.
	“Oh yes. We spent the last two months paying off a debt—which SHOULD 
have  been an investment—that I SHOULDN’T have had to pay in the first place.  
We’ve lost two months of profits because SOMEONE foiled my plans.” She turned 
back to the monitor.  “Luckily for me, we’re in the Christmas season.”
	“So you’re going on vacation?”
	“Far from it! NOW is the perfect time to take advantage of all those idiots  on 
a shopping frenzy!! NOW is the time to hike up prices, lower production,  and cut 
warranty time! If I time things just right, in two weeks I can make up for the lost 
profits of  two months.” She continued altering numbers and typing out orders, but  
suddenly, she stopped, sat back on her tall leather chair, and sighed with resignation. 
“But even if the debts had  come from elsewhere, they would have been paid off 
sooner if The J were here  to help me. And the profits of the holiday season would 
have gone to the moon if he’d only listened to me  and stayed here!!”
	The lapine turned slightly away. There was that name again: The J. Though  
Tex considered him a good friend, he knew that Dakota’s heart would never  let him 
go, even if it was for material reasons now. And despite the fact that The J had a 
girlfriend,  Tex’s younger sister, Anni, Dakota would continue pining after the black  
panther, which meant he would continue pining after her, unless something drastic 
happened.
	“Dee, you know J would have never cheated his customers, like you’re doing  
now. But he *still* would have found a way to make a profit without  cheating!! It 
*can* be done, you know!”
	“J is an IDIOT!!” The brunette glared at him and huffed for a moment, then  
turned back to her work. “And so is the rest of his family. This holiday is  the only 
good thing that his religion has come up with—except maybe Easter. I just love it 
when sugar and  egg stocks go up, don’t you?” The male remained silent at that 
comment, his  heart starting to fill with pain once more. “Oh, and before I forget,” 
she shoved him a written order, “take  that to the printers. Make sure that 
‘Christmas’ is spelled ‘X-mas’. Can’t  be too careful when it comes to political 
correctness.” A smile appeared on her face for the first time in  two months. “It’s 
amazing how one little letter can save us millions of  dollars. I love political 
correctness, don’t you?”
	She continued typing, so she didn’t notice the lagomorph pull out of his  shirt 
a gold chain, which held a Cross and a Star of David. With his ears  behind him, he 
murmured, “Sure, it’s done wonders for this planet.”
	The object of his affections obviously ignored that comment, and continued  
ranting, “But still, J was a fool to let religion get the best of him! He  simply doesn’t 
know the wealth he’s missing!”
	Tex looked at her. He had to make her see the Light. “You don’t know that.  
He *could* be sending it ahead.”
	Dakota raised an eyebrow at him. “Ahead? My dear Tex, you know toons 
can’t  die—heh, of old age, at least. So we CAN take it with us, because we don’t  
go anywhere!” Suddenly a scowl replaced her smile. “J was a [CENSORED]!!! We 
could have made  beautiful music—and profits—togeth—”
	Her romantic ponderings were interrupted by an unexpected visitor who burst  
through the large double doors. “DEE!!!”
	The teenager winced as an adult human with white skin, light brown hair,  
blue eyes, white jacket, blue jeans, and black and white sneakers, invaded  her 
sanctum. Words had to crawl through her teeth. “Hello, Uncle Duncan.”
	Elmyra’s younger brother ignored the grinding teeth and walked happily  
around her desk, standing next to the rabbit, leaning down and planting a  kiss on the 
female’s head. “How’s my favourite niece?”
	How she hated him. “What do you want, Uncle? If it’s money, there’s none.  
I’m deep in debt right now.” Tex would have said something, but he knew that  
Mister Duff didn’t care either way.
	“Is that all you think about, Dee? Please. I just invited your mother to  our 
annual Christmas party and she told me I could find you up here so I  could invite 
you as well! And as long as we’re all here, I guess I’ll invite your boyfriend as 
well!” he gestured  at Tex.
	“HE IS ***NOT*** MY BOYFRIEND!!!” she screamed, gales of wind 
blowing  through hair and fur.
	But he still continued smiling. “He’s not? My oh my, Dee, it looks like  
you’re missing out on plenty. I mean, look at him! He looks like the pick of  the 
warren, doesn’t he?” Tex’s cheek fur turned purple as he blushed. “Or are you 
waiting for a human  boyfriend?”
	Or half-human, at least, thought Tex. Perhaps one reason why Dakota sought  
J was that he was half-human and half-jaguar, genetically, at least, though  The M 
showed more of a mix than her brother did, as she was an African-American human, 
but with  jaguar-patterned hair and orange eyes. Perhaps Dakota, too, was seeking to  
have genetically enhanced offspring one day, and J was a perfect candidate for that. 
However, everyone  *knew* that the outcome was unpredictable. After all, Nolan 
Carrotte, a  friend of his, had an albino rat for a father and a black cat for a mother, 
and he came out very mixed, with a  Siamese-type fur pattern and rodent incisors 
between carnivore fangs.  Nolan’s younger sister, Talleen, instead, came out as a 
perfectly normal black cat with green eyes. A.J. Fox, Nolan’s  cousin, had a red fox 
for a father and a brown rabbit for a mother, and he  came out nearly 100% copper- 
brown rabbit, save for a white belly and muzzle, brown points in his paws,  foot-
paws and ears, blue eyes, a slightly longer tail, slightly shorter  ears, and fangs as 
well, though not as long as his father’s.
	The adult continued, “Oh, never mind that, you have plenty of time. But  
still, he can come too, even if he’s not your boyfriend. We’re going to have  TONS 
of fun!!”
	The female teenager slowly put her hands on either side of the keyboard.  
“Uncle, you invite me to your Christmas party every year.”
	“That’s because I’ve held one every year since I moved out of your  
grandparents’ house.”
	“And what have I told you every year you’ve asked me?”
	“Well, let’s see,” he pondered. “You get all nasty, you yell at me, and you  
decline my invitation.”
	She glared cryogenically at him. “And what makes you think that this year  
will be different?”
	He glared back at her, but with determination and conviction, “Love, hope,  
faith, prayer, and perhaps the far-fetched idea that your boyfriend here  will soften 
you into acce—”
	“**TEX** **IS** *****NOT***** **MY** 
**BOYFRIEND**!!!!!!!!!!!!!”
	Moments after the burst, Duncan swept his light-brown hair back into  
position, and straightened himself up. Then he set Tex back on his  foot-paws, as he 
had fallen over. “It’s your loss, then, Dee, even though you KNOW that no one there 
will ask you for  money. And if someone does, they’ll have to deal with me. Oh, and 
someone  else is here to see you.”
	She sat back, “Who?”
	On cue, Granny, attired in her ever-popular nineteenth-century dark blue  
dress, entered Dakota’s office. The younger female mumbled, “Who lets these  
people inside the mansion?” Then, she asked the elder directly, “Professor Granny! 
Did you forget to  give us ten tons of homework to do over the holidays?”
	The elder waved that off as she shuffled to the desk, “Oh, heavens, no,  Dee. 
I already gave you your homework. I came to speak to you about more  important 
matters.”
	Eyebrow. “More important?”
	“Yes. A lot of toons in the Looniversity have been getting concerned about  
Leo and Miranda’s baby.”
	Those names appeared to draw a blank on the young female’s memory. 
“Who?”
	“Leo and Miranda Carrotte,” explained Tex. “Nolan and A.J.’s aunt and  
uncle. Miranda is some three months pregnant right now.”
	“Oh, them,” she said uninterestedly. “What about the baby?”
	Granny continued, “Well, the doctor ran some tests on Miranda and the baby,  
and the results have got him worried. There might be problems later on with  
hybridisation, so she’s been hospitalised.” Here she stopped, expecting Dakota to 
show some  interest, but the young entrepreneur simply looked at the elder as if  
wanting to know how all of that concerned her. So, the elder resumed, “I don’t know 
if you’ve heard of this, but both of  their families put together a fund, first, to prepare 
for the baby shower  next year, and second, to help medical research for toons in her 
condition, and newborn toons in the baby’s  condition.”
	Dakota closed her eyes and shook her head slightly, as if trying to digest  all 
this information and see where exactly she, her fortune, and any  potential profit, 
managed to fit in. This was fruitless, of course. “So what exactly do you need me 
for?”
	Granny pulled out a clipboard, “Well, I first talked to your father and  asked 
him to give a research grant to Acme General, but unfortunately, you  know how he 
feels about charities. So, I came here to talk to you. How much do you wish to give 
to Acme  General?”
	For some reason, the word “give” appeared to trigger something within  
Dakota, something primeval, almost genetically programmed. Slowly, she stood  and 
walked around the desk. “Let me get this straight: you want *me* to give *you* 
money, for free.”
	“If it’s not too much trouble.”
	“And you already asked my dad, and you saw his reactions.”
	“You *can* remain anonymous, if you feel it might help—”
	Standing in front of her, Dakota asked, “Professor, if you saw my father’s  
reactions, what makes you think I’ll react differently?”
	Granny’s blue eyes looked tenderly down at the youngster. “Well, for  
starters, you’re young, eager, and very good at business, almost as good as  The J.” 
Dakota’s right eye twitched. “Also, you’ve seen all that your father has done before, 
and how  his lack of interest has made things difficult for local charities. What’s  
more, it’s Christmas, Dee. It’s the perfect time to giv—”
	“I AM MY FATHER’S DAUGHTER!!!!” screamed the teenager, silencing 
the  office. “My father hates charities, so **I** hate charities even MORE!!!  Isn’t it 
enough that he has to cheat on taxes and employees’ salaries and welfare that you 
have to make  me [gritting teeth] *GIVE* in order to compensate??? And do you 
actually  *think* that because it’s Christmas that I’m going to think differently??”
	Duncan interrupted, “Now, now, Dee, watch that attitude! Santa Claus might  
hear—”
	“LET HIM HEAR!!” she burst back. “As if I *need* that old fatso! I have all  
the wealth I want, and I will MAKE more!”
	Her uncle sighed, “So, let me guess: you think Christmas is a ‘humbug’,  
Scrooge?”
	“Scrooge” chuckled, “‘Humbug’?” Then, she scowled, “Christmas is a  
***[CENSORED]***!!!” That word was enough to make Granny pale, clothes and  
all, and with a scream, she dashed out of the office, leaving her panicked silhouette 
carved neatly  on the double doors. Dakota looked at that and commented, “Well, 
that was  easy.”
	Her uncle had paled a trifle, but not enough to make him follow Granny just  
yet. Instead, he walked up to her and said, “We will save a spot for you at  the table, 
just as we do every year. I hope to see you there, Dee. Good night.” With that, 
Elmyra’s brother  calmly left his niece’s office.
	“The *nerve* of some people!! As if I’d actually want to help furry toons!  
And a *freak* furry toon at that! Why don’t they let evolution take its  course and 
eliminate that freak before it’s born, geez!! I’ll help DNA improvement MY way!!” 
The whole  ordeal had reminded her of her truncated plans of further combining 
jaguar  and human DNA, for *her* benefit, of course. But, she reasoned, she was 
still young. Still, with a  disgusted sigh, Dakota turned and was about to return to her 
desk, when she  saw Tex standing nearby, facing away from her, the printer order on 
the floor, ears completely down, and grinding  his teeth VERY loudly. “And what 
are *you* waiting for? Go home already!!”  The male didn’t move, but instead kept 
up the loud grinding. The female didn’t need annoying noise in  her office, so she 
whirled him around and ordered, “Hey, didn’t you hear  me?! I said GET OUT—
!!!!” When she turned him around, she saw that his eyes were red once again, and  
he was weeping openly. Shocked at this display of emotion, especially from a  male, 
she stood back and asked, “What’s wrong with you now?”
	Tex could only look at the red carpet now. He simply couldn’t bring himself  
to look at the female he loved directly in the eye, not after what she had  said about 
Christmas. “Dee,” he sobbed, voice cracking, “tell me something: did you *really* 
love J?”
	She wondered why he was asking this, but she quickly replied, “Hey, who  
didn’t? He’s handsome, has an awesome body, he’s great in business—” Her  brief 
romantic thoughts were suddenly replaced, “But that [CENSORED] betrayed me!!!”
	“So, you hate him now?”
	“***YES!!!!!!*** I hate him with every atom of my being!!! We could have  
done so much together, and he threw it all away!!!”
	The buck continued, still looking at the floor, “Dee, you did *not* have  any 
love for J.”
	She was surprised to hear someone challenge her feelings, but even more  
that it had been this cream puff of a rabbit. “What-did-you-say?” she asked  
dangerously.
	“You heard me. You really didn’t love J at all. If what you had for him had  
been *true love*, you would have wanted him to be happy with whatever choice  he 
made. And you would have been happy for him now despite the fact that he’s dating 
Anni.  Instead, you tried to destroy him *twice*. You never really loved him, Dee.  
You just wanted him as an asset, not as a person. If he had been a computer business 
programme, you would  probably be happier.”
	The humanmaid grabbed his shirt and pulled him to her face, “You  
[CENSORED]!!! You have NO IDEA what it’s like to be betrayed!!!!”
	He still wouldn’t look at her in the eye, “I know more than you could  
possibly fathom, Dee. That is why I must now give you an ultimatum.”
	“‘Ultimatum’?” she asked, as if he had asked her for a gold ingot.
	“Dee, you have no idea how much it hurt me when you said what you felt for  
J now, Passover, Christmas, or our beliefs in general.”
	Another mental speed bump. “Huh? ‘Our’ beliefs?”
	Tex pulled out his gold Cross and Star of David, showing them to Dakota,  
and finally, he looked at her in the eye. She saw in his almond-brown eyes a  spark 
she had never seen before. “I’ve been a Waiting One long before J left you.” For a 
moment, she  felt fear when she saw the symbols, remembering that The J had a 
chain  exactly like that. Before she could retort, her employee continued, “You’ve 
tried to destroy him, his parents,  his sister, and all that they’ve accomplished, and all 
that’s done is bring  hardship to *you*. But there is a way out of all this hate, greed, 
and evil.” He paused, trying to pull himself  out of her eyes. “Dee, I’m asking you—
*begging* you, to leave J and Anni  alone, and move on, and let me lead you into 
this life we have. You’ve already gone beyond the limits of any  normal villain 
we’ve known: Dee, you’re not a villain anymore; you’ve become  a *criminal*. I’m 
offering you a way out, but you have to *want* it. I can’t hold the lifeline for you  
forever, because I too, must choose between my own convictions of what is  right 
and just—or joining you in the Dark Side, which I *will NOT* do.” He gently put 
his paws over her hands, which  still gripped his shirt. “Please, Dee, stop this!! Stop 
all the evil and the  greed, and come with me! You won’t believe how much happier 
you can be without all the bitterness and  hate! In fact, you could help Miranda’s 
baby more than you think!! You may  not have the time machine anymore, but all 
the data and research you did to make it work and all you  did to prepare yourself for 
the time trips—and to prepare another  human-jaguar mix—could easily branch off 
into medical breakthroughs, if you put all the data in the correct paws! And  *you’d* 
get the credit for it, not your dad, not Professor Coyote, or even  Calamity!!” She 
just looked at him. “Please, Dee, come with me!”
	The brunette hesitated. She felt his paws on her hands, and after a moment,  
she shook him off, throwing him back. “You pathetic rabbit! Do you think  religion 
can soften me?”
	To her surprise, he replied, still crying, “No, Dee. No religion can soften  
*any* heart. What we have is much more. And you, as a human, can get *much*  
more than me, a rabbit. We know the original and *true* meaning of Christmas—”
	“HA! Do you really think that [CENSORED] Christmas will change me? My  
father never needed your religion, so I don’t either!!”
	The lapine sighed, and ground his teeth in pain. Suddenly, he dragged his  
foot-paw along the carpet, pushing down the strands momentarily, forming a  line on 
the floor. “Dee, this is the last chance I can give you: I’ve drawn this line, and I can’t 
cross it  to go to you, because you are in the Dark Side. *You’ve* got to cross it to  
come with me, and you will have something much better than what you have now.” 
The Caucasian looked at him,  shocked at the challenge he gave her. “Please, Dee, 
come with me!”
	She spat, “Go to Hell.”
	That was like an ICBM going through his chest, as his teeth ground louder  
than before. His eyes were practically waterfalls now. “Then I will do you  one last 
favour, Dee, and then I will have to leave, and never come back here, or do business 
with you.” He  pulled out a Book, and handed it to her. “Read this, and it will 
explain  everything we believe in, why we believe, why we behave differently from 
others, what Christmas and Passover  are *truly* about, why J had to reject you—
and—and—why now *I’m* forced to  choose, like J had to choose before.”
	“Huh? What do you mean *you’re* forced to choose?”
	His response was to suddenly grab her shoulders and pull her in for a deep  
kiss, as he had always wanted to do since he first saw her. She, of course,  was 
stunned and frozen, unable to return his embrace. An eternity later, the buck released 
the stunned  humanmaid, and shuffled toward the door. Before he left, he turned and 
said,  “You don’t have to read it all at once. The important parts are in red.”
	And with that, Tex Bunny walked out of Dakota Dee’s office forever.
	She didn’t know what to make of all this. Did he just quit? Did he just cut  
himself off from her and her businesses, without even asking for severance  pay? 
Did he love her as much as she wanted The J? Confused, she held up the Book in her 
hand. It was  somewhat thick, but according to Tex, she did not need to read from  
beginning to end in one sitting, as the important parts were already marked with red 
ink.
	“Dim!”
	The office’s lights darkened at her command, and she sat on a black leather  
recliner near the fireplace, where she opened the Book and searched for the  red 
segments. At this moment, a light rain began to fall outside the large window, 
momentarily  drawing her attention there. 
	The Fourteen & Co. (originally by D.C. Talk)
	“Red Letters”
	SUPERNATURAL
	© 1998 Achtober Songs / Out of Twisted Roots Music / Blind Theif 
Publishing  / Fun Attic Music 
	[andante] 
	She also thought she heard sleigh bells, but dismissed that as a figment of  
her imagination.
	Turning to the Book again, she read: “Happy are the merciful, for they will  
obtain mercy…”
	Ethereally, a piano began to play.
	An odd event took place now: for some reason, as she read, fourteen young  
rabbits faded into her office. Junior, Alexi, Miriam, Tex, Friz, Shotsy,  Morty, Bekki, 
June, Hunni, Anni, Mel, Buck, and Chuck, were standing there, in their everyday 
attire,  apparently spread about randomly. All had very serious expressions on their  
faces, yet none looked at any other, or even at Dakota. Then, other toons faded in as 
well: The J, in his white  t-shirt; his older sister, The M, in a green sleeveless blouse 
and blue  slacks, her jaguar hair flowing in a breeze that no one could feel; Nolan 
Carrotte, in his red shirt, yellow vest, and blue  shorts; his little sister Talleen, in her 
pink shirt and shorts; A.J. Fox,  wearing a white Credence Clearwater Revival shirt 
and blue jeans; and finally, a twenty-two-year-old female rat  with light-brown fur, 
pink headband and tail bow, long brown headfur, white  t-shirt, and rolled up blue 
jeans: Roberta Rat.
	Dakota read on as the other toons faded in and out, as they sang: 
	Junior held open his own copy of the Book, “*Pages—filled with a holy  
Message—*”
	Alexi blew a kiss upward, “*—Sealed with a kiss from Heaven—*”
	Miriam opened an aged scroll, “*—On a scroll long ago.*”
	Tex, arms crossed, “*Phrases, words that were bound together—*”
	Friz, ears sideways, broke a twig, “*—Now have the power to sever—*”
	Shotsy held up a Roman sword, “*—Like a sword evermore.*” 
	Morty looked up, “*Heed the Words divinely spoken!*”
	As did Bekki, raising her fists, “*May your restless heart be broken!*”
	June held a fist to her chest, “*Let the Supernatural take hooold—*” 
	Junior, “*There is love—*”
	Behind him, Team Aleph, “*—In the red letters.*”
	Morty, “*There is truth—*”
	Behind him, Team Beth, “*—In the red letters.*”
	Anni, “*There is hope for the hopeless!*”
	Behind her, Team Gimmel, “*Peace and forgiveness!*”
	The Fourteen, “*There is life—*” that word echoed through the room. “*—
in  the red letters…in the red letters…*”
	Tex trailed off, “*Ohhhh…*” 
	Dakota read: “I have come that they might have life, and might have it  
abundantly.” 
	Hunni continued, holding and looking at her Cross and Star, “*One Man—
came  to reveal a mystery.*”
	Anni, looking at a B.C.-A.D. timeline, “*Changing the course of history—*”
	Mel, also looking at it, “*—Made the claim He was God.*”
	Buck, “*Ageless, born of a virgin Mary,*”
	Chuck reared and proclaimed, “*Spoke with a Voice that carried through the  
years—!!!*”
	Team Gimmel, “*It’s persevered!*” 
	The J and The M directly to Dakota now, “*Heed the words divinely 
spoken!*”
	A.J. and Roberta as well, “*May your restless heart be broken!*”
	Also Nolan and Talleen, “*Let the Supernatural take hooold—*”
	Everytoon, “*Take hold…*” 
	The humanmaid now saw all the toons around her. 
	Team Aleph, “*There is love—*”
	Tex whispered, looking up, “*_I come before You._*”
	Team Aleph, “*—In the red letters.*”
	Tex, “*_I come unto You._*”
	Team Beth, “*There is truth—*”
	Tex asked her, “*_Do you see it?_*”
	Team Beth, “*—In the red letters.*”
	Tex, “*_I believe it._*”
	Team Gimmel, “*There is hope for the hopeless!*”
	Tex exclaimed, “*Hoooope—for the hopeless!!!*”
	Team Gimmel, “*Peace and forgiveness.*”
	Tex, “*Peace and forgiveness!!!*”
	The Fourteen, “*There is life—*”echo, “*—in the red letters………in the 
red  letters………*” 
	Suddenly, the entire room darkened and everyone disappeared, leaving 
Dakota  alone in complete darkness. She jumped up, and could only see herself—
and a  light in the distance? 
	[allegro] 
	The darkness was oppressing her, filling her with fear she had never felt  
before. She knew that she had to reach the Light in order to escape—but—it  was so 
far away! She ran for her life, and she was approaching it, yes, but now it seemed to 
be above  her. 
	The J faded in and out, his voice echoing, “*What You say—moves me.*” 
	She had to reach the exit, away from all the echoing voices… 
	The M, “*Revelation—*”
	Tex, “*Oh, no…!*”
	The M, “*—Come and take me.*”
	Roberta, “*The more I look—!*”
	Tex, “*…The more I look…*”
	Nolan, “*—The more I see—!*”
	Tex, “*…The more I see…*”
	A.J., “*The Word of God—!*”
	Tex, “*…The Word of God…*”
	Everytoon, “*—Is what I neeeeeed—!!!*” 
	She was climbing on something—on words? 
	“And you will know the Truth, and the Truth will set you free.” 
	The Words seemed to form a ladder toward the light—that was in the shape 
of  a cross? 
	Talleen shouted, “*Ooh, yeah!!! Ooh, oh yeah!!! It’s the Book of Love!!!*”
	Roberta added, also shouting, “*Yeah, yeah, yeah, it’s the Book of Love—of  
Looooooooooooooooooooooooooooove—————!!!*” 
	When she saw that it was indeed a cross, she stopped. 
	[andante] 
	And suddenly, she was sitting on her chair again—everything was normal—
and  Tex was kneeling in front of her, ears down, holding her hand— 
	And weeping? 
	Tex looked at her eyes and sobbed, “*There is love—in the red letters.
	There is truth—in the red letters!*”
	The J, beside them, “*Oooooo—!!!*”
	The males, “*There is hope for the hopeless!*”
	The females, “*Peace and forgiveness!*”
	Tex, still kneeling, “*—and forgiveness, yeah!*”
	Everytoon, “*There is life—*”
	Tex, “*There is life—!!!*”
	Everytoon, “*—In the red letters—*”
	Tex shook his head, “*Ahhh—!!!*”
	Everytoon, “*In the red letters———*” 
	Tex stood, turned, and whispered, “*_I come before You, I come unto 
You._*”
	The M, “*Ahhh—*”
	Everytoon, “*In the red letters———*”
	Tex asked her again, “*_Do you see it? I believe in:_*”
	Everytoon, “*In the red letters———*”
	Tex looked up and shouted, “*Speak to me, reveal to me Your Life!!!*”
	Nolan whispered now, “*_I come before You, I come unto You._*”
	Everytoon, “*In the red letters———*”
	Tex, “*Speak to me, reveal to me, ohh…*”
	The J whispered, “*_Do you see it? I believe it._*” 
	The Fourteen, “*Na na na na na na na na, na na na na na na na na na na.
	Na na na na na na na na, na na na na na na na na na na.
	Na na na na na na na na, na na na na na na na na na na.
	Na na na na na na na na, na na na na na na na na na na.
	Na na na na na na na na, na na na na na na na na na na.
	Na na na na na na na na, na na na na na na na na na na.*” 
	The Fourteen & Co. (originally by D.C. Talk)
	“Red Letters”
	SUPERNATURAL
	© 1998 Achtober Songs / Out of Twisted Roots Music / Blind Theif 
Publishing  / Fun Attic Music 
	All the toons faded away as they na-na-na’ed, leaving the young  
entrepreneur alone to catch her breath from her apparent run. Had all of  this been a 
dream, or a cheesy music video sequence? She then looked at the Book again, and 
decided to continue  reading. That previous passage had her intrigued; yet it seemed  
preposterous.
	“And you will know the Truth, and the Truth will set you free.”
	Set free from what? Lies? Bah, one can only be set free if one is first  
captive, which she knew she wasn’t—
	“…Whoever does wrongdoing is a slave to wrongdoing, and the slave does 
not  live in the house forever…”
	For some reason, she almost felt her blood pooling to her feet, as her  
previous statement of toons living forever seemed to hit a snag according to  this—
	No.
	This book was just a pathetic amalgam of pathetic ideals of right and  wrong. 
Doing wrong never stopped her father, and he had always stayed in  this house. She, 
too, would always stay in her house, after all, neither she nor her father were slaves 
to  wrongdoing, or anything or anyone else, for that matter. It was *she* who  
dictated what to do and how to do it, it was *she* who dictated wrongdoing, and not 
the other way around. In fact, she  was even better at it than her father was, seeing 
that she was much more  intelligent than he was. She followed in her father’s 
footsteps, and had gone beyond what he—
	“You do the works of your father.”
	Uh, exactly. He taught her well, and she had even surpassed him. True, she  
had failed to destroy The J, but sooner or later, she would wipe him off the  face 
of—
	“You are of your father, the Devil, and you will do the lusts of your  father. 
He was a murderer right from the start…”
	She gasped at that statement. Though she always knew, in the back of her  
head, that everything she did was tantamount to attempted murder; this Book  
seemed to throw that fact right in her face, as if It was speaking directly to her—
	Enough. She flipped to another section—
	“Does this offend you?”
	[CENSORED] right it did! Her father was Montana Max, not a confabulated  
personification of evil! And this Book had yet to explain why The J or Tex  did what 
they did—
	“He who follows Me will not walk in darkness, but will have the light of  
Life…”
	She suddenly remembered the oppressing darkness from which she wanted to  
escape. Could that be what Tex was referring to? Is that what he was trying  to 
persuade her to do? Leave the Dark Side?
	“He who hears my Word, and believes in Him that sent Me, will have eternal  
life, and will not enter into condemnation, but has passed from death to  life.”
	Not that it did The J any good, because she had seen him disappear from  
existence—
	—and return, for some reason. But this couldn’t be right. How can anyone  
escape death, especially premeditated termination?
	“If I want him to remain alive until I return, what’s it to you? Follow  Me.”
	There it was again.
	“Follow Me.”
	Follow, follow, follow. Why couldn’t *she* be the one leading? She was a  
leader, an entrepreneur, others should be following *her*.
	“Follow Me.”
	That phrase seemed to be all over this Book. And she could do that, follow,  
and join Tex, his brothers and sisters, following the rules written here,  along with 
The J—
	[THUD!!!]
	She flung the Book into the fireplace, where the flames began consuming it.
	Like [CENSORED] would she walk beside J, Tex, or a bunch of rabbits, no  
matter what, or Who, they themselves were following. She needed no one to  follow. 
She would lead, and others would follow her, now, and forever.
	She stood and left her office, leaving the Book to burn to ashes.

STAVE TWO  -  GHOST OF A FATHER  

	The humanmaid stormed down the halls of her mansion toward her room. It 
was  late and all the lights were off, but there was enough moonlight coming in  
through the windows to allow her to see her way. She glanced out one window, 
noticing how the snow  magnified the moonlight and—
	**SNOW??!!**
	She did a double take to make sure she wasn’t seeing things. Wasn’t it  
cloudy and raining just now? How could the weather have changed so quickly,  and 
leave such a huge imprint so quickly as well?
	Or, maybe she *thought* it was raining earlier. Yes, that could be it.
	Continuing her path toward her room in her ridiculously large mansion, she  
walked down a hallway that had portraits of people she and her father  admired. 
Most were long gone, but all, at one point or another, were, or had been, incredibly 
rich: John  D. Rockefeller, Bill Gates, Lee Iacocca, Henry Ford, Dakota’s 
grandfather,  and, of course, Montana Max himself. All were people she looked up 
to, admired, and learned from, besides  conjuring up plans to seize their fortunes for 
herself. She continued toward  her—
	“PHHHLLLBBBTT!!!”
	She whirled and looked back at the hallway, furious that someone had just  
given her a raspberry. But there was no one there, except herself. For a  moment, she 
thought Uncle Duncan had stayed behind to tease her, but he wasn’t there. It had 
obviously  been someone taller than her, because she distinctly heard the raspberry  
coming from above her and toward her right. But there was no one there, except her 
and—
	“PHHHLLLBBBTT!!!”
	She jumped back with a start. The raspberry had come from the wall!! But  
there was no one there, either! Just the portraits—
	“PHHHLLLBBBTT!!!”
	—and one portrait, of the tycoon she admired most, had just stuck his  tongue 
out at her and given her a raspberry, or at least that’s what she  *thought* she saw. 
This set her heart racing with paranoia. Either Tex slipped something in her drink—
	“PHHHHHHHHHHHHHLLLLLLLLLLBBBBBBBBBBBTT!!!”
	The figure in the portrait leaned down and gave the raspberry to her face.
	Her colour drained out of her feet one instant before she dashed out of the  
hallway and into her room one second later, locking herself in. Leaning back  on the 
large double doors, gasping with fear, she kept trying to convince herself that she 
had *not*  seen what she had just seen. Calming down a trifle, she wiped sweat from 
her  face—or was it saliva? No, [CENSORED] it, it was *sweat*! Looking around 
her room, she calmed down even  more when the familiarity of it slowly sank in.
	“Light!!!”
	The chandelier obeyed and illuminated the room: A light brown lush carpet  
covered the entire floor. Her king size cedar canopy bed, with orange silk  covers 
and curtains, dominated her right. Cedar drawers and closet doors framed the bed, 
and white silk  curtains filtered the moonlight coming in from the balcony doors to 
the  right of the bed. To the left of the balcony were more closets and the entry to her 
bathroom. On her left was the  fireplace, in front of which was another black leather 
recliner. On the  centre of the room was her computer workstation. To the left and 
right of the entry were more cedar bookcases,  filled with books on how to get rich 
quickly, and others on how to  manipulate DNA. A large digital clock was on top of 
the main doors.
	Despite the fact that the room had been designed to help her relax, it did  not 
remove her previous crankiness, fright, or paranoia. The main thing that  was out of 
place, however, was that the fireplace wasn’t lit, which explained her shivering.  
“BEAUREGARD!!!” she hollered. She changed into her orange silk pyjamas while  
she waited for the butler to reply. Grovely, her father’s butler, had retired several 
years ago, and a new one  came to take his place. Tall, silent, and submissive, he was 
basically the  same as Grovely, only somewhat younger. In charge of the logistics of 
the mansion, Beauregard should have  kept the fireplace going here, the same way he 
kept it going in her parent’s  bedroom. And as soon as he got here, she would tell 
him a thing or two, namely, a demand for an explanation  as to why the thermostat 
didn’t kick in at these low temperatures. She was  ready for bed now, but no one 
knocked at her door. “BEAUREGARD!!! GET YOUR LAZY BUTT OVER 
HERE!!!” If he  wasn’t at her door in thirty seconds, she would have him fired.
	Thirty seconds later, the chandelier shut off.
	A blackout? But didn’t the mansion have its own generator?
	Then, bells and chimes began ringing. Odd, didn’t Beauregard shut off all  
the hourly alarms for the night? That lazy bum was slacking off again—
	But here, Dakota noticed that the bells weren’t coming from her wall clock.  
Instead, they seemed to be coming from all around her, including the window.  What 
was happening? She ran to shut off the alarm of her digital wall clock and alarm 
clock, and  even her wristwatch, but all of them were off already, and what was more 
odd  was that none of them were set to ring at this hour. The ringing continued all 
around her, above her, below  her, and even through her, seemingly lasting for hours 
and hours.
	She stopped her ears and shut her eyes in a vain effort to stop the noise—
	The ringing didn’t so much stop as it suddenly faded down to a clanking.
	She had seen enough cartoons and enough movies to identify the sound as  
being the dragging of a *very* heavy chain. “B-Beauregard?” she mumbled. The  
clanking was increasing in volume, and accordingly, so did her heart rate and 
breathing. Fear and  terror gripped her once more when she distinctly identified the 
noise as  coming from *below* her, near the door, and continuing to approach. “This 
isn’t happening, this isn’t  happening, this isn’t happening…” she mantra’ed to 
herself, without much  success, for the noise drew nearer still. Suddenly she jumped 
back, thinking that the carpet was on fire. Not that she  had felt heat through her bare 
feet, but she saw wisps of smoke start to  billow up from it. The acrid stench of 
sulphur hit her olfactory bulb, making her eyes water. Then, a burst of  smoke 
exploded through the floor and her door, causing the fireplace to  suddenly blaze.
	And at last, she saw him.
	Though believing in ghosts was part of the curriculum at the Looniversity,  
this was her first actual encounter with one. The spirit, glowing a pale  white-blue, 
ascended through the floor and the door, rising higher and higher, making her look 
up in order to  meet the horrifying glare it gave her.
	She barely managed not to wet herself.
	So frightened she was that she could not move at all. All she could do was  
look at the apparition as it walked toward the fireplace and sat on the  recliner. An 
eternity later, her vocal chords came back on line, but with a distinct cracking. “J—
J—Jacob Marley??”  was all she could ask, knowing full well the legends of this 
time of year.
	“Actually, no,” replied the ghost nonchalantly, and with a slight Texan  
accent. “Jacob Marley’s spirit left the Earth long ago, and sadly, he’s now  in the 
place of eternal torment.”
	“Th—then—who are—?” Before the ghost could reply, “Ask me who I 
*was*,”  Dakota received a revelation. The ghost was transparent, like most ghosts  
she heard about, and apparently a male, with long hair, but he was not dressed in a 
ragged  nineteenth century business suit. Instead, he wore a modern, albeit still  quite 
torn and decayed, business suit, including a tie that was visible through the long 
beard. What was  frightening was the fact that the chains Dakota heard earlier were 
shackled  all over the phantasm’s back, arms, and legs, and shackled to the chains 
were huge bags of gold ingots, coins, and bills.  The only non-business attire he had 
was a bandage on his head that went  around his jaw. It was then that the revelation 
slammed into her mind. Despite the ghost having hair and beard  down to his thighs, 
creepily long fingernails, and hypodermic needles poking  from his arms, she 
recognised the face, one that she had seen hundreds of times before.
	“**HOWARD HUGHES???!!!***”
	“Ah, good, you admitted it. We can cut the cheesy introductions then. Heh,  
old Marley had to pull off a production before Scrooge finally admitted that  he was 
looking at him.”
	“And how do *I* know I’m actually looking at *you*?” she asked, suddenly  
regaining her obnoxiousness. “I know that Scrooge’s story has a bazillion  versions, 
and my enemies just might want to pull one on me.” She stepped closer to the ghost. 
“For  all I know, Tex could have slipped something in my soda earlier, and right  
now I could be sound asleep and dreaming all this.”
	“Oh? So you don’t believe this is really happening?”
	“The mind is very complex, Mister Hughes, *if* that’s who you really are,”  
her scowl and attitude returned with a vengeance. “How do I know you’re real  and 
not a pizza dream?”
	The ghost loosened the bandage on his head, and much to Dakota’s fright,  
that caused his jaw to swing down to his chest, allowing a horrifying shriek  to 
explode from the apparition. “Well?”
	Perhaps it was the fact that Dakota was used to Anni and The J  
screaming/roaring in her face, but though she shook with fright, she stood  her 
ground. “I’ve seen movies with scarier screams than that!”
	[WHAM!!!]
	The ghost looked at the floor, which now had a flattened teenager under an  
ethereal mallet he had pulled out of nowhere. Removing it, he asked, “Real  
enough?”
	“…okay…” she replied, muffled.
	[POP!!!”]
	Education works wonders, she thought, as she popped back to her normal  
shape. Her scowl and attitude took a slight step back to allow fright and  terror to 
step forward, or at least, just enough to treat the apparition with more respect. 
“Okay, so you’re  real,” she admitted. “But why are you here? You were never my 
partner, as  Scrooge was with Marley! You died long before I was born!”
	“True, I died the year your *father* was born, though I did have plenty of  
dealings with your grandfather. Nevertheless, you read my biography, and I  became 
your role model. Like your father and grandfather, you admired me and all the work 
I did, and the  fortune I gathered. You wanted to be more than me, your father, and  
grandfather combined.”
	Okay, this was getting creepy. “How do *you* know that?”
	The ghost sighed again. “The spiritual world has better communication than  
this one, Dee. I’ve been beside you in your office several times, though.  How is it 
that you can see me now, I don’t know. But when I learned that you were trying to 
follow in my  footsteps, my torment increased ten-fold.”
	Eyebrow. “Torment? Why? What do my goals of riches have to do with you? 
I  may have looked up to you, but who wouldn’t? You were the best businessman  
since Rockefeller—”
	A sudden shriek silenced the girl, making her cower down in front of the  
screaming phantasm. “*‘BUSINESS!!! Mankind was my business. The common  
welfare was my business; charity, mercy, forbearance, and benevolence, were, all, 
my business. The  dealings of my trade were but a drop of water in the 
comprehensive ocean of  my business!’*” Then, he sat back, calmly. “Wow. Jacob 
Marley couldn’t have put it better. But what he  said is true. Humanity was my 
business, as is yours, *besides* toonity.”
	“Huh?”
	“And my torment continues, because I see my legacy passing before me.”
	“Mister Hughes, what are you talking about?”
	“Dee, you don’t know the torment it is for me to see a young life be  
corrupted because of my actions, no matter how long ago I did them. And now,  you 
and others suffer because of the example I set.” The female just looked at him, 
seemingly unable to  comprehend. “I thought that my punishment would stop 
accumulating once I  died, but I was wrong. The dividends will continue to 
accumulate until the end of time: reaching  returns of 3,000, 6,000, and 10,000%. 
Not even Marley had it this bad; he  had Scrooge, and because Scrooge turned to the 
Light, one speck of punishment was removed from Marley. I had no  one.”
	“Hold it, hold it,” she interrupted. “You speak of Marley and Scrooge as if  
they were—”
	“Real,” he leaned toward her. “Yes, Dee, they were real, in every way.  
Perhaps their original names were different, but they were real, and even  more so 
because they lived in Reality, not Toonity. Ebenezer later talked to Charles Dickens 
and told him  his story, which he wrote.”
	Now this was getting *very* frightening. “So, if all of it was real, then  
you’re here to warn me?”
	“Oh yes. As it happened with Scrooge and Marley, and me, three ghosts will  
come to visit you, and you *know* when they will come: the first at one a.m.  
tomorrow night, the next one at two a.m. the next night, and the third at midnight of 
the third  night. I suggest you do as they say, or you will end up worse than me. The  
chains you see here were custom built by me, for me, but I didn’t know that until I 
died. And right now, the chains  *you* have built are as long as these, which is 
*very* frightening,  considering you’re barely a teenager, and not an old miser as we 
were. If you continue the path you’ve chosen, you just  *might* cut yourself off 
before the prime of life, and you’ll end up just  like me and Marley: endlessly 
wandering the Earth, seeing those we could have helped, and cannot help now,  in 
order to make amends. Even I, who travelled the world, didn’t do what was  required 
of me. And you know how I ended up: holed up in a room in Las Vegas. It’s too late 
for me  to fix what I did, as it was for Marley, and it will be for you, if you  don’t do 
as the spirits tell you. And just like Marley, I suffer most during this time of the year, 
because I see  everywhere people giving, even what little they have, and I have all 
this  wealth shackled to me, and I can’t give anyone a dime. That is my torture, as it 
was Marley’s, and it will be yours,  too, if you don’t change your ways.” Hughes 
looked at the wall clock, and  concluded, “Well, I must go now. I can’t stay in one 
place for too long. That is part of my punishment as  well.” With a resigned sigh, he 
looked toward the balcony. “Until the end of  time, I will continue to walk down the 
path of my father—” He tied the bandage around his head again, and looked at  her 
eyes, “—and *your* father as well.”
	At that, the trance was broken, and she blurted, “Huh? What? But my father  
isn’t dead yet!”
	He stood. “Oh, I’m not talking about him. You see, we both chose the same  
father, and it’s not Howard Hughes, Sr., nor is it Montana Maximilian.”
	She stepped closer, “Mister Hughes, what are you talking about?”
	He leaned down at her and declared dramatically, “Dee, I’m talking about my  
father, and *your* father: **JACOB MARLEY**.”
	There were many things that Dakota had been forced to accept in this  
encounter, but insulting her family was one thing she would NOT take.  “MARLEY 
ISN’T MY FATHER!!!” she screamed. “If he was real, then he left behind no 
descendants, and you  didn’t either!! I may not know Scrooge’s story by heart, but 
one thing I DO  know is that Marley died unmarried and without children! And even 
if he did, I’m a toon, and he was  real! There’s no way I could be his descendant!”
	Hughes just smiled. “Dee, the words ‘father’, ‘mother’, ‘son’, and  
‘daughter’, don’t always refer only to those who share similar DNA. They  also 
mean ‘role model’ and ‘successor’, and ‘he or she who carries on the walk and 
works of someone else’. Neither  Marley nor I may have sired sons and daughters, 
but those who do our works  *become* our sons and daughters, and you don’t know 
how much we wish that we had left behind *no*  legacy for *anyone* to follow. But 
if you walk the path and do the works of  Jacob Marley, then you are Jacob Marley’s 
Daughter.”
	Her rage exploded at that declaration. “**I AM THE DAUGHTER OF 
MONTANA  MAX!!!**”
	Hughes insisted, “Montana, too, follows the path of his father. He chose me  
as a father as well, besides having his own biological father, who *also*  chose me 
and walks my path, just as I unknowingly chose Jacob Marley as my father.”
	Here, she noticed a discrepancy. “Wait a minute, if my father and  
grandfather are doing the same thing you and Marley did, then why haven’t  *they* 
got visits like these? Why me *now*, and not when I’m really old?”
	“Their works of evil and greed have not yet reached the critical point that  
would merit a visit such as this one, and what frightens me is that your  father, 
grandfather, Marley, Scrooge, *and* me, put together, have not done HALF of all 
the evil you’ve  done until now. And you’re barely a teenager, which means that 
your cut-off  point has been moved to a much earlier date than expected.” The look 
on the humanmaid’s face declared  that the statement had gone clearly over her head. 
“Dee, you burned the  Words of Warning, but that doesn’t make them ineffective 
against you. The ghosts will try to persuade  you to choose another father, for your 
own good, and for a better eternity  than what I will have.” He stood and walked 
toward the balcony, but stopped and turned, “Choose another father,  Dee, or the 
Words you read will become truer than you could ever fathom, and  they will 
become true much earlier than you think. Cutting you off much earlier will actually 
be a  *favour* toward you, because if you grow old unchanged, the punishment you  
will get will be *infinitely* greater than mine or Marley’s combined.” The balcony 
doors suddenly flew open,  letting in a freezing blast of wind into the room, making 
Hughes’ decayed  suit billow eerily. He walked backward, ready to fly away. “Let 
my eternity, and our father’s, be a  warning to yo—”
	[SHOOF—WHEEEEEEEEEEeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee…]
	Dakota dashed to the rampart, quite shocked at seeing the ghost fall off  the 
balcony like Professor Wile did in his old shorts. As soon as she looked  down, 
though, Hughes’ ghost suddenly shot back up to her face and quipped, “Spooky, 
ain’t it?”
	[SHOOF—WHEEEEEEEEEEeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee…thud]
	He finally fell on the snow five stories below, with a muffled thud. And  
though the mansion was surrounded by large tracts of land, and the estate by  a large 
fence, in the distance just outside the fence she distinctly saw even more ghosts of 
past figures,  some of which were on the hall portraits, all shackled, and all trying to  
help the living needy, without success. She thought she saw a ghost try to give a 
stray cat a bone or something, but  the spirit was bound to an ATM, unable to reach 
it. Shackled spirits were  all around the perimeter of the estate, and since she was on 
the top floor, she could see them all around,  crying, wailing, and shrieking in 
torment, unable to help those in need.  Panic overcame her again, so she dashed back 
inside, slammed shut the balcony doors, and barricaded them with  two-by-fours and 
padlocks. Leaning back against them, catching her breath,  she looked at her room 
again.
	The chair was intact, the floor and main doors were also untouched, and the  
fireplace was dark. No trace of sulphur remained. Had it all been a dream?  Did she 
have a very strange hallucination?
	Suddenly feeling very exhausted, she shuffled to her bed. As she threw the  
covers back, she glanced at her digital wall clock.
	23:58:55
	*Sheesh, it’s nearly midnight. No wonder I’m seeing thi—*
	Suddenly sitting up and glaring at the clock, she saw that it was nearly  
midnight.
	Of the next day.
	The clock declared that exactly twenty-four hours had passed since she  
entered her bedroom, apparently without her knowing it. Did she sleep for  twenty-
four hours? And if she did, why didn’t Beauregard, her mother, or her father wake 
her up? If she had  indeed slept for an entire day, that meant she missed a crucial day 
of  working! She would have some serious catching up to do—and layoffs to do as 
well—in the morning. But because of  the previous visitation, as much as she tried, 
she simply couldn’t fall  asleep. She just lay on her left side contemplating the 
endless blinking of the wall clock as it paced one second  at a time.
	She couldn’t sleep.
	For an entire hour, she glared at the clock with bloodshot eyes, the  visitation 
repeating endlessly in her head, and its implications bringing  terror to her, expelling 
whatever somnolescence had previously attempted to surface.
	Finally, the clock struck ONE.

STAVE THREE  -  THE FIRST OF THE THREE SPIRITS  

	Though more than struck, it actually chimed the hour. Dakota sat up and was  
about to call Beauregard and order him to turn off the hourly chime so that  it 
wouldn’t go off an hour lat—
	“DAUGHTER OF JACOB MARLEY.”
	Slowly, the teenager turned.
	And then, she saw the ghost.
	Her temporal disarray was further disarrayed when she examined him,  
however.
	Standing next to her bed was a male ghost, quite muscular, yet middle-aged.  
He was at least two metres tall (6’6”), his long brown hair curling down to  his 
shoulders, and his beard down to his chest. He wore a regal green robe with white 
furred borders,  quite large, yet not enough to close on his muscular chest. His brown 
belt  appeared to have a holster of some sort, perhaps a sword scabbard? A beautiful 
holly wreath, girded with  diamond icicles, crowned his head. With his left hand, he 
held up an old  lantern that shone so brightly it made the humanmaid’s eyes hurt, to 
the point of making her want to blow it out with  something—anything. And with his 
right, he had pulled back the orange silk  bed curtain to address her. Like Dakota, he 
was currently barefoot.
	Dakota didn’t know what to make of him. Sure, he seemed friendly, perhaps  
even fatherly, but something was quite amiss. “I thought I was first going  to see the 
Ghost of Christmas Past,” she stated.
	“You’re meeting him now,” he replied, with a fatherly voice.
	“No, you’re Christmas *Present*,” she insisted. “Aren’t you supposed to  
be—um—well, *shorter* and dressed in white?”
	“Oh, no,” he explained. “That ghost was of Scrooge’s past. I appeared to  
him and Marley as Christmas Present, but now, their present is your past.”
	She just looked at him. “But even so, where’s all the food you had with  
Scrooge?”
	“Oh, I already had my banquet. I even lost weight after all these years,”  he 
chuckled.
	She looked at him with haughtiness. “Okay, so you’re Christmas Past. Now  
what?” Without a word, the ghost grabbed Dakota by the back of her shirt and  
hoisted her off the bed. “Ow!! Hey, what are you doing??!!” she protested as he 
carried her to the  balcony. With a swift kick, the doors fell outward, and he 
proceeded to walk  off the balcony, as Howard Hughes had done earlier. “Whoa, 
wait!! I may be a toon, but hitting the  ground still stings!! Put me down, you 
pathetic poltergeist!! Put  me—AAAAHHH!!!!” They fell off the balcony, but 
landed on the snow an instant later as if they had stepped off a  sidewalk. He 
dropped her on the snow rather indignantly, making her sit on  it rather hard. 
Immediately she scrambled to her feet, not noticing that she didn’t feel cold despite 
the fact that  she was only wearing her pyjamas. Thrusting her finger to his face, or 
at  least in its general direction, she bellowed, “You are in a LOT of trouble! I can 
call the Ghostbusters and they’ll ship  you off to—!!!!!!”
	Once again, she noticed something was amiss. Her mansion was gone, as was  
her yard, and even the entire estate. Instead, she was in another large  estate. “What 
is the meaning of— hey, I know this place!”
	“Do you now?”
	“Of course”, she replied, her scowl reappearing on her face. “This is Soho  
Junior Academy!! How I hated this place!!”
	“You did? Why?”
	“I never wanted to come here. I just wanted to go to the Looniversity and  be 
funny, but ‘nooooo,’ said my dad, ‘you must first learn how to behave  like the rich!’ 
Once Soho Prep opened an elementary, he decided to start a family tradition to send 
the  kids here first. But I managed to survive.” At this point, several boys and  girls 
of various species, including human, dashed past them, apparently ignoring them. 
Their uniforms were more  like business suits, with charcoal jackets, pants or skirts, 
and a dark blue  tie.
	“As Scrooge was in his visits, we are now invisible, inaudible, impalpable,  
and inolfactable.”
	“Somehow I knew that,” More boys and girls ran past them, making Dakota  
squint as her memory overhauled itself.
	“Trying to remember old friends? It wasn’t that long ago, you know.” said  
the apparition.
	She scowled again and crossed her arms. “Bah. I hated everyone and  
everything here. No one here was worth my time, or my memory space.” The  ghost 
looked sadly at her, and pulled down the scenery. 
	They were now in the library, watching a very sad little girl sitting all  by 
herself at one of the tables. A book cart was beside her, and as she  looked at it with 
teary eyes, a particular book caught her attention. She took it and examined it for a 
second, and  then began reading. Several minutes later, her pout was replaced with a  
*very* evil smile.
	The title of the book was “The Life and Times of Howard Hughes”.
	“That was a sad turning point,” sighed the ghost, pulling down the scenery  to 
another point of Dakota’s past at Soho. 
	When Dakota saw the next scene, she smiled and put her hands on her hips,  
“Sad? Why would you say that? I merely discovered a way to make my stay here  
worthwhile.” In a polo court, several children were surrounding an eight-year-old 
Dakota, and all  of them had money in their hands/paws/wings.
	And the girl was smiling like never before.
	“Fifty pounds for a doctor’s note. Take it or leave it,” she said.
	The snobbish grey rabbit in front of her grunted with anger, and silently  
agreed with the price, shoving her a fifty-pound note while she gave him a  falsified 
doctor’s note which would excuse the lad from football. With his ears stiff behind 
him, he  stomped away. “Now who was next? Oh yes, you needed three hall passes 
for  tomorrow, here you go, it’s a pleasure doing business with you as long as you 
give me money, hee hee, and  you? Oh yes, 100 pounds for your report card: your 
parents are going to be  *so* proud of you. Oh, and here’s your report, that will be 
thirty pounds because I had to include  misspellings. Okay, now you—hey, don’t 
look at me like that! This little  paper has YOUR handwriting in it, so I could throw 
the blame on YOU if I so choose! Now hand over the cash!!”
	The teenager was looking smugly at the child. “I learned how to do  
profitable business very early and very fast, don’t you think?”
	The ghost glared down, “You learned how to cheat, blackmail, and  
embezzle—very early and very fast! Many children feared you, and you enjoyed  
that, but that was simply to compensate for the attention your parents didn’t give 
you.” Dakota just  humphed at that, and would have enjoyed watching more shady 
dealings  continue, but the ghost pulled down the scenery to another time. 
	Now they were inside a dorm, where the young Dakota had just cleaned out  
another customer, and she was happily counting her money on her bed. Then, a  
relative of hers entered the room just as the now broke female red squirrel exited. 
“Dee?”
	She didn’t bother looking up. “Not now, Uncle Duncan. I have to make sure I  
have enough for my next investment.”
	The male walked up to the bed. “Dee, you’re every bit like your father. But  I 
have good news! Your mother finally convinced your father to have you  attend 
school in Acme Acres! Your dad sent me to take you home!”
	The child looked up. “No thanks, Uncle Duncan. I finally learned what I  
want to be when I grow up. I’m doing great business here, so I will stay  here.”
	The teenager commented on this, “Heh. Only when my father saw that I was  
just as good a businesstoon as he was did he finally decide to send me home.  He 
even sent someone to take over my little business here so that it wouldn’t go to 
waste.”
	Duncan leaned down and stopped the money counting by placing his hand on  
Dakota’s. “Dee, you have to come home with me, otherwise your dad will be  very 
upset.”
	The child protested, “Oh? Then why didn’t he or mom come and pick me up? 
Do  they *really* want me home?”
	“Now, now, Dee. You know your mom gets lost just going shopping, and 
your  father is busy preparing your transfer. Now come on. I’ll help you pack your  
stuff.”
	“But what about all the dealings that I still have pending?” she protested.
	“Oh, don’t worry. Your dad sent someone with me to deal with those. Trust  
me, he’s the best!” Both looked at the door as Dakota’s replacement strutted  in, also 
wearing the school uniform.
	“Buckawk!”
	“I sure hope so,” she scowled.
	Somewhere out in the hall, a child exclaimed, “He’s a chicken, I tell you!  A 
giant chicken!!!!”
	“And he’s still doing business in Soho,” quipped the teenager. “He sends  his 
quarterly reports right on time!” As the ghost pulled down the scenery,  she added, 
“Though I never was able to establish something similar at the Looney Elementary.” 
	The next scene was precisely at the Looney Elementary, inside a classroom,  
Yosemite Sam’s, to be exact. But there was no class in progress; instead,  the 
Christmas party was in full swing. Here, she had no choice but to remember her 
classmates, since she  still saw them practically every day. There was herself, 
slightly older than  before. She didn’t have a uniform here, just a dark blue dress and 
white sneakers. Also in the class were  Junior, Alexi, Miriam, Tex, Friz, Shotsy, The 
J, and several others.
	“All right, you varmints!! It’s time to exchange presents!!!” Despite his  
normal rashness, Yosemite Sam seemed to be very happy, and appeared to be  
enjoying the party as well. “Now, sit down and don’t twitch a whisker until I call 
your name! Then get  yourself up here and take your present, is that clear???!!!”
	“Yes, Professor Sam!!!” hollered the entire class, instantly sitting down,  
eagerly watching the huge pile of presents on the teacher’s desk.
	Sam grabbed the first one and read the tag, “All right! This here’s for  
Alexi!!!”
	As the grey doe bounded up to get her present, two toons in the back,  sitting 
next to each other, talked to themselves. “You know,” said The J,  “if the school 
picks up all of the leftover wrappings and shreds them, they could save a fortune on 
the  confetti if they sell it for New Years.”
	“Or, *we* could pick that up, and sell it to individual suppliers and make  
some profits for ourselves,” added the young Dakota.
	J turned to her. “I hope my ‘exchangee’ likes what I bought. I really  didn’t 
want to buy the first thing I saw, so I looked around a bit and found  something that 
could be *very* productive.”
	“Really—?” Dakota turned and looked at the feline’s eyes, and was about to  
comment on bargain hunting and possible profit for herself on something she  got 
somebody else, but her vocal chords appeared to have suddenly failed.
	“Yes, really, Dee. You know, it’s amazing what great prices you can find if  
you know where to look.” The young Caucasian just stared at the  Mexican-
American, and kept on staring. “Dee?”
	Finally, her speech powers returned, “Whoa, baby! Where have you been all  
my life??”
	This brought confusion to him for a moment. “Huh? Well, for starters, I’ve  
lived here all my life, and from what I’ve heard, you were in England up to  last 
year—”
	“J?” she asked, as femininely as she could muster for her young age,  
complete with eye flutter. “How would you like to be my business partner?  With my 
money, and both of our brains, I think that we can go far. REALLY far,” she leaned 
toward him.
	J leaned toward her as well, *quite* interested in making a possible deal  
with her, but before he could say a word, a troop of furry toons entered the  
classroom. “Cake and ice cream! Cake and ice cream!!” hollered a slightly less buff 
Morty Bunny, pulling a  small refrigerated cart. Some of the younger classes had 
been assigned to  hand out desserts to other classrooms, and to do it in a very jolly 
way. Among the toons in the troop  were Nolan, Bekki, June, Hunni, and a reluctant 
and scowling blue doe with a  yellow blouse and orange dress.
	“Stupid teachers,” murmured Anni, ears stiff behind her, as toons gathered  
up for dessert. “Each class should get its own food and not do something as  
ridiculous as this!” She was stomping and throwing scoops of ice cream on the 
student’s plates,  splattering a bit, and really didn’t care, until she looked up and saw 
that  The J was in front of her.
	She froze in mid-throw.
	“Well now, this is interesting,” he purred, looking at her almond-brown  
eyes. “I wonder what the Local Bully did to deserve this?”
	The angry lagomorph suddenly snapped out of whatever had taken over her,  
and threw the ice cream on his plate. “None of your beeswax, Blackie!”
	Dakota, who was beside J, asked, “Pushed down one too many nerds, 
Barbara  Anne?”
	Anni stomped, “*You’ll* be the one pushing up daisies if you don’t watch  
your mouth, brat!” Both were about to jump at each other, but fortunately,  the 
panther pulled the humanmaid away, while the pink buck pulled his sister away.
	It was here that the teen Dakota noticed that as they padded away, J and  
Anni kept looking at each other.
	Also, Bekki was looking at Nolan, whose attention was immersed in a  
Christmas card that he was preparing for The M, but no one noticed.
	The ghost commented, “It was during this Christmas that you saw that The J  
had incredible business potential—potential that you wanted to exploit for  yourself, 
but everyone thought that you had simply fallen in love with him, which you 
hadn’t.”
	The teenager scoffed at him, “I really don’t need that reminder, Casper.”
	“Do you now? Dee, you were so wrapped up in your own plans that you  
completely missed someone who had just laid their eyes on *you*.” The  pyjama-
clad toon looked around but didn’t see anyone that even remotely appeared to be 
doing what the ghost  claimed to have been doing—
	—until she saw Tex, way on the opposite side of the classroom. The  
herbivore followed the girl’s every move, even as she sat down with the  carnivore to 
discuss business.
	“He has ogled you from the moment you stepped into his life, Dee. But you  
never noticed.”
	“Yeah, right, as if I would want to be romantically involved with a cream  
puff rabbit!!” She turned to him, “And with all that my dad—AND Professors  Sam 
and Fudd—went through before, I doubt he would allow it. Besides, I already had 
someone in  mind for me.” The ghost said nothing, but instead pulled down the 
scenery. 
	Now, they were in the middle of Acme Forest, currently blanketed by snow.  
Dakota looked around, and saw herself, wearing black mittens, a dark blue  winter 
jacket and matching pants; and J, wearing a white jacket and trousers. This time, 
however, they  were in less than amiable spirits.
	“No, Dakota.”
	She blinked. “What do you mean NO? I’M DAKOTA DEE!! NO ONE 
TELLS ME *NO*  ABOUT *ANYTHING*!!!!”
	Fangs flashed, ears flattened, and a tail twitched, “Dakota, don’t get me  
wrong. I want to make tons of money just as much as you do, but I will NOT  do it if 
it means breaking the law and committing fraud!”
	The younger humanmaid’s fists trembled with rage. “J, stop those nonsense  
morals of yours! Your parents just don’t want you to have fun making money  by 
bending the rules! And do you know why??” She stepped closer and said to his face, 
“Because they  know that if you get rich faster than they did, and if your assets 
surpass  theirs, then they’ll know they are nothing but financial failures!!!”
	The panther didn’t buy that, and growled in her face, “Mom and Dad made  
money the RIGHT way, Dakota! And the reason why I’m saying NO to YOU is  
because of what they and I believe in!!!”
	She flopped her arms. “Oh, great. Your religion again. You know, J,  religion 
should be banned from business! It does nothing but block  profits!!!”
	“You *wish* this was about religion, Dakota. But this goes *beyond* a  
simple ‘thou shalt not steal’. This is about what we BOTH know is right and  wrong, 
and what you’re asking me to do, by the simplest logic, is COMPLETELY 
*WRONG*!!!”
	“WHO CARES?????!!!!” she screamed back in his face.
	The Mexican-American stood back, huffing; his breath condensing in his  
whiskers. “I care, Dakota. I care more than you can possibly imagine. And  even if 
we *could* get away with it, and my parents never found out, I will not betray their 
trust, AND,  I will not betray Him Who I wait for!!” He reached inside his jacket and  
pulled out his gold chain with the Cross and Star, much like his father’s.
	The young Caucasian was even more furious now, so she dragged her foot  
across the snow, making a line, and gave him her ultimatum. “J, this is your  last 
chance. Leave your pathetic religion, deny yourself and your parents, and follow me. 
If you do,  we’ll both become richer than Howard Hughes, Rockefeller, Bill Gates, 
Steven  Spielberg, AND my dad and grandpa combined!! I made this line, and I dare 
you to cross it to come and  follow me, but I will NOT cross it to follow you and 
your pathetic beliefs  and ethics!”
	“Sounds familiar, doesn’t it?” asked the ghost. The teenager said nothing,  
stunned at the parallel she had so long pushed into a suppressed memory.  “Amazing 
how history repeats itself, don’t you think?”
	 J looked at the line, and sadly looked up at her. After a moment, he  calmly 
declared, “Good-bye, Dakota. You don’t know how much it pains me to  see you 
choose the Dark Side and the Wide Path, because I cannot walk it. I chose the Bright 
Side and the  Straight and Narrow Path long ago, and I won’t go back, because I 
know what  waits for me at the end. I’ll pray that you will see the Light someday.” 
Wiping his eyes, the black  panther turned and padded away.
	Dakota watched as her younger self became stunned at having been denied  
something so huge so bluntly. The younger one called out, “J, wait!!” The  male 
stopped, but didn’t turn around. “You know, it doesn’t have to end like this! You 
know we’ve been  though a lot together, right?” No reply. “Well, I know that we 
have trusted  each other on many things, but you left out one thing that you were 
going to tell me.” The cub still stood  there, tail twitching. “Look, before you leave, 
just tell me your complete  name, and then we’ll go our separate ways, okay?” Tail 
still twitching, he resumed padding away from her. She  insisted, “I’ll *pay* you if 
you tell me your name!! J? J!! Stop!! You won’t  believe how rich you can be if you 
just tell me your name!!! J??” He became smaller and smaller. Fists trembled  again, 
“***J***!!!! I *will* find out your name, J!! One way or another, I  WILL know!!! 
AND ON THAT DAY, I WILL CURSE YOUR REAL NAME AND YOUR 
RELIGION!!!!!!!!!!” By the time  Dakota finished screaming, the young onça was 
out of sight. “***I WILL TAKE  YOUR HIDE AND USE IT FOR 
PYJAMAS!!!!!!!!***”
	The teenager turned, also with clenched fists, and hissed, “I’ve seen  enough! 
Get me out of here!”
	The ghost spoke, “This is when you ratified your decision of walking the  
path of evil. You couldn’t buy The J’s love, loyalty, or talent, much less  his real 
name.”
	She grabbed his robe and tried to pull him down, but instead lifted herself  up 
to his face, “I SAID I HAD ENOUGH!!”
	He just smiled, “You never loved him, Dee, because you couldn’t be happy  
with the choice he had made, nor with the female he chose.” With the  humanmaid 
hanging from his robe, he pulled down the scenery. 
	“What do you mean you refuse??!!”
	Back inside the halls of the Loony Elementary, Dakota saw an angry blue 
doe  getting very much into J’s face.
	The black panther just stood there, ears back, glaring at her. “You heard  me. 
I don’t have to prove anything to you or anyone, Anni. But if you don’t  like me 
*not* letting you push me around, that’s just too bad for you. Any fight would prove 
nothing. Now,  excuse me, I have to get to class.”
	This wasn’t looking good for the female, if she wanted to keep her bully  
image. “Why do you refuse, J? Are you afraid you’re going to get beat up by  a little 
girl?”
	Onlookers “ooh’ed” at that, but the male returned, “Or, maybe I’m afraid of  
putting you in the hospital, but I guess you’ll never know, will you?” The  doe 
fumed at that. “But why do you want to fight to prove dominance? You *know* that 
even the teachers  outrank you.”
	She pointed at him, “The problem is that YOU think YOU outrank ME!! 
Why  else would you back down from my challenges? Why else would you defy 
me??”
	“Because I’m trying to ignore you? Because I don’t want to take part of  this 
silly ranking system of yours?”
	Anni didn’t know how to counter that, so she watched him pad off to class.  
But then, a white LED lit above her, and a very sly smile exhibited her  dental work 
to the world. “Okay, it *doesn’t* have to be for ranks, J!”
	He stopped and turned, “Oh?”
	Smiling, but still with her ears stiff behind her, she explained, “Let’s  say that 
I don’t want to fight in order to prove who’s the alpha around  here. Let’s say that I 
simply want some— well—some ‘competition’, if you will. You wouldn’t be my 
enemy, adversary,  or nemesis; you’d simply be my opponent: someone to measure 
up against.”
	His tail curled with curiosity, and he straightened his ears. “Like a  sparring 
partner?”
	“Or more, if you wish, but now that you mention it, I *do* need a new  
sparring partner. Morty has been getting rather sore lately.”
	“Sounds interesting, but if you want to—compete—then we’ll compete *not  
just in boxing*. Would you also go against me in chess, karate, and other  
disciplines?”
	She stiffly stomped up to him, “Anything, anytime, anyplace, cat.”
	He smiled too, showing his carnivorous dental work, making her heart jump  
with fear, despite her efforts to maintain a fearsome face. “Then you have a  deal, 
doe.” And both shook paws.
	The female teenager watched this scene with boredom, but then stood back 
as  the next scenes were actually a montage played with the “War” theme from  
“Rocky IV”. The scenes included J moving a black bishop to set a checkmate, and 
then it changed to  him moving a white knight again for the checkmate, causing the 
lagomorph to  angrily throw the game board and the pieces in the air. The same thing 
happened after taking the final  checker, and making the last move in Backgammon. 
The scenes continued with  him shoving her arm down, winning at arm wrestling, 
shoving down her *other* arm, and then pinning her  down in Greco-roman 
wrestling. Finally, they were in a boxing ring, with  full protective gear; The J clad 
in white shorts, and Anni in orange shorts and top. At first, they appeared  to be 
doing some *very* intense boxing, and suddenly Anni fell to her side  in a technical 
knockout. Then they were fighting Judo with gi’s, with J in white and Anni in 
yellow, and the  jaguar cub back flipped the doe to the mat; then some scenes with 
karate,  where J kicked her legs under her and she dropped to the mat again; and 
finally, with a large audience, they were  now kickboxing.
	Dakota watched as they bounced around the ring, punching and kicking, but  
the cub was moving too fast for the doe to land any hard blows. The bout  went on 
and on, with Anni barely scoring a hit, and J having problems getting past her 
defence, and  blocking her fierce kicks, for she had apparently inherited her mother’s  
legs. Finally, the herbivore had the carnivore cornered, and with a final swing, she 
threw an uppercut to his  chin.
	[WARPUNWARP!!!]
	And made a complete miss.
	And the panther was no longer in front of her?
	Suddenly, she whirled—
	[KAWHAMSLASH!!!]
	Right onto a double flying kick to the jaw, with a tail lash to top it off.
	At that moment, everything and everyone hushed and moved in slow motion.  
Anni fell back and bounced on the ropes. All her brothers and sisters, and  parents, 
cried in mute agony. The J’s parents and sister stood, threw their fists up, and 
screamed/roared  in mute victory. The rest of the audience, especially all the 
weaklings,  nerds, and geeks, also joined in the mute celebration.
	For a moment, Anni looked at The J’s eyes, expressing mute resignation and  
disappointment. Finally, her eyes rolled up, and she fell on her face.
	The J weakly raised his right fist in victory.
	At this, Dakota also felt quite satisfied that a Bunny had finally been  
defeated and humiliated in such a manner, but a sudden change of scenery  halted the 
smugness like a brick wall. 
	The celebrations were over, the audience had gone home, and the combatants  
were in their orange and white winter gear as they painfully padded through  the 
snowed forest. Swollen portions of their faces and a band-aid here and there 
proclaimed it  to have been a gruelling fight. Anni had her head slightly downcast, 
and her  ears were bent back a bit, now displaying slight fear toward her companion.
	For the first time in her life, she feared someone.
	Also, her nervousness was quite evident in her speech. “You—you know,  
J—those were—um—really good workouts we had—especially today.”
	The J’s  tail dragged behind him. “I know. But we’re going to be as sore as  
bleep in the morning, I tell you that!”
	The doe remained quiet for a moment, and then asked, “J?”
	“Yes?”
	“I—um—if you want to—well—I’d like—to continue the workouts—and—
and all the  competition. I know—I know now that you’re—you’re—[grinding her  
teeth]—*better* than me—but—but—that doesn’t mean—well—that we can’t—we 
can’t—um—train—with each  other.”
	“Sounds fine to me. I never knew you could take so much, and I’ll tell you,  I 
had to pull a lot of advanced stuff on you! I’m really impressed!”
	“Impressed?? J, you—you—*you* really impressed *me*!! I mean—well—I  
never—never fought—*anyone*—who could take all that I could dish out, and  
*man* did I dish out everything I had!! Well, what I’m trying to say is—is—that I—
um—*need*  someone like you—to help me—” She suddenly stopped and held the 
panther’s  arm, halting him as well. She leaned closer, leaning her ears toward him, 
“You—you can—um—can you be  my sparring?”
	He leaned closer too, suddenly seeing something in her almond-brown eyes 
he  had not seen before. “Better—better yet—Anni——you can be mine——”
	The moment their furry muzzles pressed together, Dakota screamed at the  
apparition, “I’VE HAD ENOUGH OF THIS!!!”
	He looked down at her, smiling, and as he replied, his torch grew brighter  
and brighter, “You still can’t accept the fact that you never loved him,  otherwise 
you would be happy for him now.”
	“GET ME THE [CENSORED] OUTTA HERE, YOU PATHETIC 
POLTERGEIST!!!”
	The torch shone brighter, “By the way, you burned the Book, but there is  
one segment you need to read. It’s not in red, but it’s important anyway.”  He 
handed her a note, but she refused to take it.
	The torch was so bright that it made her eyes hurt. “SHUUUUUUUT  
UUUUUPPPP!!!!!”
	His smile was lost in the light. “‘Search your feelings; you know it to be  
true’.”
	“******SHHHUUUUUUUUUUUUUUTTTTT 
UUUUUUUUUUUUPPPPPPP!!!!!!!!!!!******” With a  final scream, she pulled 
out a fire extinguisher and blasted the torch. 
	When the carbon dioxide cloud cleared, she saw that she had just emptied an  
extinguisher on her chandelier, and she was panting with spent rage.
	The sudden quiet scared her; making her wonder if her screams had 
awakened  her parents, despite the fact that their bedroom was on the opposite side 
of  the mansion, but no one came to the door. For a moment, she thought about 
calling them and telling  them about this, but the fact that she was a teenager, and a 
proud one at  that, reminded her that it would not look good for her to go crying to 
mommy and/or daddy because of a nightmare.
	Was that what she had just now? A nightmare?
	She looked around her room, and saw that it was still the same way she left  
it. No chilly air hinted that the balcony had been opened, the fireplace was  still out, 
and there was no one else around but her.
	She was scared, though. Something was making her shiver, and it wasn’t any  
memories of cold air. But still, her previous display of emotion had taken a  lot out 
of her, and scared as she was, she flopped on her bed and instantly fell asleep.

STAVE FOUR  -  THE SECOND OF THE THREE SPIRITS

	She awoke with a start when the clock on her wall chimed that it was one  
a.m. again. Shakily looking up at the timepiece, she saw that she had slept  for 
twenty-four hours *again*. Either there was something wrong with current time and 
space, or she was  having a ridiculously long dream. Once again, she lay on her bed,  
wide-awake, watching the clock slowly advance; her trembling slowly subsiding. As 
she did, she considered her  previous experience.
	Who did that ghost think he was, telling her what she felt and what she  
didn’t? She knew she loved The J at one time, as much as she loved her  money, but 
the difference was that money never betrayed her, unlike that miserable feline. From 
her discovery  of her talents in Soho, she had worked hard to reach the status she had 
now.  It was rare when she asked her father for money, much to his delight, though 
the recent depletion in his  factory’s energy reserves had put a strain on their already 
distant  relationship. Still, she had paid him back, with interest, proving to him that 
she was more than capable of rescuing her own  finances without asking for help.
	Though again, she wished that The J had been there. What a deficit he was  
turning out for himself!
	Looking at the clock again, she realised that if the whole experience was  
going to play through, then that meant that there was another ghost coming  up at the 
top of the hour. But if Christmas Past, who originally was Scrooge’s Christmas 
Present, had already  appeared, then who—or what—was going to be *her* Present? 
Was she going to  be hauled away to see how the “peasants” lived their holidays?
	Well, not if she could help it.
	She got up and was about to leave—
	—when she saw a piece of paper on the floor.
	Normally, Beauregard kept her room spotless, so this obviously wasn’t a  
screw-up on his part. Suddenly she remembered that in his last moments with  her, 
the ghost tried to give her a note, and the memory of that event was suddenly 
sticking out in her  mind, almost unwillingly. And almost unwillingly as well, she 
picked it up,  and held it to the light that was coming in through the balcony doors.      
	“Come now, you rich! Weep and howl, for your miseries that are coming  
upon you! Your riches are decayed, and your garments are eaten by moths!  Your 
gold and silver are corroded, and their corrosion will be a witness against  you and 
will consume your flesh like fire. You have heaped up ‘treasure’ in  the last days. 
Indeed: the wages of the workers who mowed your fields—*which you kept back  
by FRAUD*—cry out; and the cries of the reapers have reached the ears of the 
Master of The Armies! You have lived on Earth in pleasure and luxury; you  have 
fattened your hearts as if it were time for the slaughterhouse!” 
	That was enough to frighten her even further, but when she read the next  
phrase, her colour drained completely:                “You have condemned—you have 
**murdered** the just!! He does  not resist you—” 
	She suddenly dropped the note as if it were on fire, and backed away from  it 
as if it were a lion.
	Still pale, she *knew* that she had murdered The J, The M, *and* The  
J.A.M., despite the fact that all of that happened in another timeline and  no one 
remembered it.
	But now it seemed as if Someone *did* remember, and was now about to 
hold  her accountable for her actions.
	A sudden crackling from the fireplace made her gasp. Despite the low light,  
she saw fragments of soot and ash falling from the chimney. She dashed  toward the 
door, but no sooner had she touched the knob when— 
	The clock struck TWO. 
	She froze in place to glance up at the clock. The moment she did, the  
fireplace lit up again, and a booming voice, well, boomed, behind her, “HO  HO 
HO!!! MERRY CHRISTMAS, DAUGHTER OF JACOB MARLEY!! HO HO 
HO!!!!” She had heard that voice before so  many times in so many Christmas 
specials and street corners and never gave  it much thought, but this time it seemed 
to resonate through her body. She knew exactly who  was standing behind her, and 
though it was quite surprising to have him  visit her now, nothing could have 
prepared her for what she saw when she turned around.
	[CLANG!!!]
	For starters, her room suddenly seemed ten times larger than it was before.  
Secondly, there was a HUGE banquet table next to her bed. The food was  served, 
many meat delicacies piping hot, many desserts glowing with sugar, many types of 
pastries and ice  creams glistening with moisture, and many salads crisp and tossed. 
It was as  if cooks from all over the world had come together to prepare meals for 
every culture known to  toonkind. And, either her eyes were deceiving her, or one of 
the dishes  served was indeed a roast camel.
	That in itself made her quite hungry, but the person who apparently brought  
the banquet, and what he brought the banquet *with*, was even more  impressive, 
despite the fact that she knew who he was, and what his method of transport was.
	Nine reindeer stood three metres (9’10”) at the shoulder: eight were side  by 
side, and one was in the lead. Their brown leather harnesses and bridles  were lined 
with gold, and gold bells clung to them. Every hair on their fur was in perfect place, 
and not a  single blemish was on them. Their antlers were all different, but all 
seemed  perfect in every turn and point. Different white markings were on their 
foreheads, except for the lead  reindeer, who had none, though his nose was so red it 
almost looked like a  large LED. The reindeer were attached to what Dakota could 
only describe as a red sleigh, but it was the size of a  bus. Perfectly polished and 
waxed, it glinted off the moonlight and  firelight. On the back of the sleigh was an 
incredibly huge red bag; the rim lined with white fur and stitched with  gold. 
Something inside was giving off light, though. And on the front seat  of the sleigh sat 
the Ghost of Christmas Present.
	“***SANTA CLAUS???!!!***” blurted the humanmaid, after lifting her jaw 
back  into place.
	“If you wish to call me that,” he boomed. “It took me a while to get used  to 
that particular distortion of my original name.” Then, he stepped off the  sleigh, 
standing 3.5 metres tall (11’5”). He was wearing the traditional red suit lined with 
white fur, black  gloves, black boots, black belt, and red hat, but a closer inspection  
revealed that the seams were gold lined. He wasn’t overly obese, but a combination 
of Nordic musculature and a round  abdomen made him look like a water tank. His 
long silvery hair curled  perfectly on his shoulders, and his long beard blended with 
the white fur of his jacket. Though he was from the  present, and no wrinkles were 
on his face, his blue eyes seemed ancient.
	He walked to the third reindeer pair to adjust a loose harness, and as he  did, 
Dakota asked incredulously, “Let me get this straight: *you* are the  Ghost of 
Christmas Present?”
	“Exactly.”
	“And it’s Christmas already?”
	“Exactly.”
	For the love of Bill Gates, how long had she been sleeping? “So, I guess  this 
banquet is my present?” she asked, with slight expectation.
	He turned, “Oh, no, the banquet is for others to share. After all, you  couldn’t 
possibly eat it all by yourself, now can you?”
	She turned to the huge table, barely able to see the opposite end. “No, I  
suppose not.”
	The ghost noticed something in her tone of voice, “Disappointed that you  
actually have to *share*, Dee?”
	The brunette smirked back at him, “Or, I could buy a huge freezer to store  
all of this. My family would never have to buy food until the end of the  century, 
Santa.” He turned and looked down at her, sadly. She continued, “So you *are* real, 
indeed. How is  it that you became the Ghost of the Present, anyway?”
	“Well, more than being a ghost or a spirit, I’m actually the general  
atmosphere or attitude of the times. I’ve changed a lot through the years,  just as 
society has changed. As to me being real, well, in Reality, I’m simply a legend, 
though here in Toonity  I’m quite real. Still, what you see before you is a far cry 
from what  Nicholas of Bari was.”
	“Who?” She really hated being thrown off like that.
	“Nicholas of Bari,” he repeated, petting a reindeer’s head. “Or, the  original 
Saint Nick, if you will. Like you, he was quite wealthy, but  *unlike* you, he chose 
the *right* father.”
	“Oh, please, don’t start with that,” she moaned, rubbing her head. “I had a  
lot of lip from your partner concerning that.”
	“But it’s true, Dee. Nicholas of Bari chose to be generous, because of  that, 
he became a legend, and here in Toonity, he became, well, me. The  father *you* 
chose isn’t going to give you a good eternity, you know. But enough talk,” he said, 
walking back to  the sleigh. “We’re wasting nightlight. Come on!!”
	Before Dakota could decide to follow him, the ghost picked her up from her  
pyjama shirt again and slumped her on the left of the front seat. “HEY!!!”  she 
protested. She glared up at him, “You know, this is getting reeeeally old—” Her 
complaints were cut  short when she saw what was in front of her.
	Instead of a blank plate, the front of the sleigh was a panel filled with  
switches, buttons, LED’s, GPS readouts, satellite weather maps, world time  settings, 
and a long screen that scrolled with hundreds of names.
	The Knight Industries Two Thousand would have had his scanners turn green  
if it had seen the panel.
	“You’re reluctant to follow directions, Dee, and you know that.” He sat on  
her right and took hold of the leather reins. “We wouldn’t need to do that  if you just 
do as you are told.” He noticed that his companion could barely see above the front 
of the  sleigh, so he commanded, “Adjust passenger seat.”
	“YIKES!!” She jumped with a start when she felt her seat rise to give her  
proper visibility, though she was expecting to be ejected or something.
	“Safety restraints!” Two four-point seat belt type harnesses tentacled from  
behind them and latched in front of their torsos, making Dakota yipe again.  Before 
she could say anything else, the ghost leaned down to her and whispered, “We all 
love this part.”  He straightened, whipped the reins lightly, and commanded, “Ahem:
	Now, Dasher!
	Now, Dancer!
	Now, Prancer and Vixen!
	On, Comet!
	On, Cupid!
	On, Donner and Blitzen!” He stopped for a moment to smile at his 
companion.
	“And ON RUDOLPH!!!
	To the top of the porch! To the top of the wall!
	Now dash away! Dash away! Dash away all!”
	Each reindeer raised his/her head and perked his/her ears as his/her name  
was called out. When Rudolph’s name was called, his nose shone with the  intensity 
of a floodlight, though red, and the balcony doors burst open once again. As Dakota 
felt the sleigh  lurch forward, and her insides quiver with vertigo, all she could say 
was “WhoooooOOOOOAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!” There was a clattering 
of hooves and  a scraping of metal as the sleigh slid forward, but both sounds 
stopped when  the reindeer leapt off the balcony rampart and into the snowy night.
	The sleigh was airborne!
	The sleigh bells jingled beautifully, as if playing a song no one else  knew. 
The teenager looked down and saw her mansion and estate grow smaller  and 
smaller, and now all she could do was clutch at her harness and say, “This isn’t 
happening, this  isn’t happening, this isn’t happening…”
	But despite her mantras, it was happening, and it was happening to *her*.  
As they left the estate, however, space and time seemed to frown upon the  teenager. 
“What? It’s morning already?”
	“Evening, actually. Normally I only travel at night, but in cases such as  
yours, I make an exception.” On and on they flew over the snow-covered Acme  
Acres, and apparently invisibly, since no one seemed to notice an object the size of 
an 18-wheeler  flying several hundred metres above them.
	After a while, the sleigh descended on one of the less prosperous parts of  
town, and not at a mall, but a simple corner grocer. Despite the lack of  shopping 
centres and large business offices, Dakota noticed that the toons were jostling all 
over the place, not  shoving each other, but with a happy sense of urgency. The 
sleigh landed on  the street, without anyone noticing, the two harnesses detached 
themselves, and the passengers stepped  out. The ghost then pulled off the huge red 
bag as well and flung it on his  back. Meanwhile, Dakota saw several toons of 
various species walk out of the grocery store, quite happy,  yet not carrying much. 
Then, a male brown bear and a female cougar walked  in, and from the look of them, 
they were obviously on the lower economic levels.
	They stepped inside too, with Dakota looking in shock as a 3.5 metre-tall  
man, and his huge red bag, easily squeezed himself through the single door.  Inside, 
the lowly toons were paying for their groceries, when the clerk, a young hound, 
suddenly said,  “Oh! Excuse me, but you gave me too much cash. Would you like 
the rest of  the change, or would you like another item?”
	This shocked the brunette to no end. Having plenty of experience with  
money, she had clearly seen the amount of money given, and the total amount  to 
pay. “What’s that idiot doing?” she blurted. “Is he giving money to them for 
FREE??”
	“He’s giving of himself to others, because he knows it is in his power to  do 
so.”
	“It’s also in his power to NOT lose profit! What a waste?”
	“A waste?” asked the ghost. He reached into his bag, and pulled out—not a  
present—but a handful of gold dust.
	“GOLD!!!!” screamed the teenager, lunging for the bag.
	[SMASH!!!]
	Despite his size, the ghost dodged her tackle, and let her smash her face  on 
the wall. As gold sparkles swirled above her and she peeled herself off,  he 
explained, “This is more than gold, Dee. These are eternal riches—the money and 
gold *you* know are  strictly *temporary*. When someone gives—out of *love*—
to someone who cannot  pay back, that goes to their eternal account. They receive 
interest here, AND compound interest  when they reach the end of their journey, 
with returns of 3,000, 6,000, and  10,000%. In many cases, including this one, there 
are those much richer than you.” He proceeded to sprinkle  both giver and receiver, 
watched by the scowling teenager.
	They walked out of the store, and as they prepared to leave, she asked,  “So, 
all those corporations with huge charity budgets, they are richer than  me as well?”
	“Not necessarily. The conditions are to give out of *love*, not *pity*.  There 
are those who give only to make themselves, and their businesses, look  good to 
everyone: they only give to boost their Public Image and Public Relations. But deep 
within them,  they are just as selfish and miserable and proud and ill willed and 
hateful  and envious—and murderous—” she shivered, “—like you. They’d be better 
off not giving than giving to  cover up their selfishness.”
	That was quite an oxymoron for Dakota; she wasn’t sure she understood. 
And  she wasn’t sure she *wanted* to understand. 
	The sleigh took off, and they went on their way. After a few minutes of  
travelling, they stopped in front of a large Tudor-style house. Its upper  stories were 
white with a dark brown trim, and its first story was of red brick. Its arched doors 
and windows  gave it a certain “cottage” feel, but its three stories made it one of the  
largest houses around. They stepped inside, walked past the living room, entered 
what appeared to be an elevator, and  the ghost pressed the “basement” button. Once 
there, they stepped out and  walked down a long hall. Dakota didn’t know where 
they were or who lived here, but then they walked past a  laundry room and stepped 
into what appeared to be a recording studio. This  time, she didn’t pay attention to 
the ghost somehow fitting himself in passages so narrow for him, bag and  all, 
because she recognised the occupants.
	“All right, what’s the big idea here?” she demanded of him. “Why the  
[CENSORED] do I need to see my enemies, ESPECIALLY that black 
panther???!!!”  She was also feeling quite self-conscious being clad in only her 
pyjamas, but then she remembered  that they could neither see, hear, smell, nor touch 
her.
	“Just listen. You’ll be very surprised.”
	Indeed, inside the room were Nolan, Bekki, with her black shirt and shorts,  
The J, Anni, and A.J., tuning up their instruments. And Dakota was scowling  at 
every one of them. She wasn’t the only one who wasn’t calm, however.
	“All right, what the [CENSORED] are we going to CALL this 
[CENSORED] band  anyway?” asked the orange doe, tuning her bass.
	“Well we certainly can’t call it the [CENSORED] Band. Unless we only 
wished  to play rough clubs,” chuckled her boyfriend, and host, tuning his guitar.
	“Sounds like fun,” she smirked at him.
	Anni stared at her sister from over the drums, “Wow, one whole sentence  
without a bleep, Bekki! It must be a record for you!”
	“Yeah! It looks like Nolan is rubbing off on you, right Bekki!” added  Anni’s 
jaguar boyfriend, preparing some sheet music.
	The older doe ground her teeth seductively at *her* boyfriend and winked at  
him. “[CENSORED] yeah!” Pause, “Hee hee, just not in all the [CENSORED] ways  
I’d want.” That comment made Nolan blush full-body, and A.J. laughed at his 
cousin’s  reaction.
	Turning on his keyboard, he turned to the band, “We can’t call ourselves  the 
Bloomin’ Loonies, either. Our parents took that name already. We need  something 
to identify *our* generation.”
	“Well, how about the Loonin’ Bloomies?” suggested the jaguar.
	The cat-rat host shook his head, “Nah, it still sounds too much like Dad’s  
band, *and* it’s also vaguely naughty.”
	“Naughty?” questioned the Mexican-American, his tail curling in curiosity.
	“Um, yeah. ‘Bloomies’ could be translated as ‘bloomers’, don’t you know?”
	“I still don’t get it.”
	The fox-rabbit explained, “Well ‘bloomers’ were a type of ladies underwear  
that took the place of petticoats, back in the day. *And* it’s used as an  alternate 
term for lingerie, so—”
	“All right! All right!!” The carnivore’s fur turned slightly purple as he  
blushed, raising his paws to halt the explanation. The others laughed at how  easily 
he was embarrassed, but stopped laughing when someone else entered.
	It was a familiar green buck, his ears low behind him while he dragged his  
foot-paws and ground his teeth VERY loudly, so loud that the others thought  he was 
going to break off an incisor. Nolan blinked in surprise, startled at his friend’s 
condition.  “Tex, m’lad, what happened to you?” he asked, padding to him. “You 
look like  the carrot crop’s been cancelled, and all the eggs are spoilt.” Bekki turned 
to him, nearly saying “sheesh” at a  typical reaction of a son of a rat raised by rabbits 
*and* a vegetarian cat  who loved egg salad.
	Her brother replied quietly, “It’s—it’s over.”
	“Over?” asked the feline-rodent.
	“Oi’m clueless, here,” added his cousin.
	Bekki then took a wild guess, “You finally broke it off with that little  
[CENSORED]?”
	A very weak “Yes” was all her brother could say, barely looking up at her.
	“[CENSORED], I had the feeling something suddenly [CENSORED] 
stopped  today—so you—you finally let Dakota go?”
	A.J. turned to his cousin, “From what Oi’ve heard, that would have to be  
pretty monumental. She had to have stooped pretty low for him to do it.”
	“Oi’ll say. Even after that time travel debacle, he still stuck by her.  Now, 
though,” he turned to the heartbroken buck, “Tex, m’lad, what did she  do?”
	He shuddered for a moment, ground his teeth in grief, and explained. “You  
all know the story of ‘A Christmas Carol’, right?”
	“Of course,” replied the felid-murid. “Bit of a tradition for Mum and Dad  to 
read it to us at Christmas time. Sometimes Aunt Miranda and Uncle Leo get  into the 
act and do parts.”
	“Oi hear Talleen’s doing Tiny Tim this year,” added the canid-leporid.
	The older rabbit looked blankly at all of them, then he resumed his teeth  
grinding. “Well——with what Dee did today—she——she made Scrooge look like  
Mother Teresa.”
	The band stood still at that, while Dakota just crossed her arms. “And it  took 
years to perfect that,” she commented, heard only by herself and the  ghost.
	“Oi take it this is the *before-visitation* Scrooge, and not the after—man,  
how greedy can she get?” asked A.J.
	“Or cold, for that matter,” added his cousin.
	The green buck continued, now with bloodshot eyes, “It wasn’t just greed:  it 
was her hatred to us all, and most of all to you, J.” The carnivore’s  tail stiffened at 
that. “She shut herself off from her uncle as well, despite his good nature.” There 
was also  the issue of the donation, but Tex didn’t dare mention that in front of  
Nolan and A.J. “And—and—she called Christmas something that would even make 
Bekki blush.”
	“Now THAT is a FEAT.” quipped Nolan.
	“HEY!”
	The canine-lagomorph padded up, “From the sound of it, you’re better off  
without her, Tex. She’ll hoist her own petard, eventually.”
	“Aye, bad ones like her always come to a bad end. You’re well away, old  
sport.”
	Tex looked at the two hybrid cousins and replied, voice cracking, “But  that’s 
not what I wanted! I wanted her to see the Light! I wanted her to be  set free! I don’t 
want her to end up in anything terrible!!!” He broke down in sobs now, and fell on 
the floor,  “I—just—wanted her—to turn to the Light—because I—love—her—so 
much——————”  His body shook with every sob, his head under his arms in 
inexplicable grief.
	The brunette just watched in shock as the buck crumbled in front of her.
	“Tex is the only toon on this planet who loves you, Dakota, despite what  you 
are, how much money you have, and who your father is,” boomed the  apparition.
	She was about to reply to that when the youngest doe stomped toward her  
brother, ears stiff behind her, and grunted, “You pathetic WIMP!!! I TOLD  you that 
loving Dakota would only bring you to THIS!! Look at all it took to FINALLY 
make you let go!!!”
	Her boyfriend pulled her back and added, though slightly more softly,  
“Anni’s right, Tex. It only took one request to do fraud to make *me* let go  of her. 
You were just harming yourself! You didn’t have to go through all of this in order to 
make you let  her go!”
	“It wasn’t her curse that made me let go,” sniffed the downed buck.
	“Huh?” asked his blue sister.
	“I—I finally confronted her with all she had done. I gave her the chance to  
make amends and turn to the Light. I—gave her my ultimatum.”
	“And she [CENSORED] it, I take it?”
	Dakota chuckled at Bekki’s method of describing her actions.
	He looked up. “Y-yes. When I left her estate, I received a Word that she  was 
no longer my responsibility.”
	Double take. “His WHAT?” blurted the humanmaid to the ghost.
	He explained, “In other words, you severed your only lifeline, Dee. That’s  
another reason why you needed this experience.”
	Tex’s head fell again. “But—it’s—just—so—hard—to let go—!!!” His 
muffled  cries filled the room for a moment.
	The elder hybrid kneeled and gently gripped his friend’s shoulder, “The  
phrase is: ‘where there’s life there’s hope.’ Other than that, Oi don’t  really know 
what to say. The sad thing is that—well—love hurts sometimes. She *may* see the 
error of her ways, and  she may not. Only time will tell, Oi suppose. If she chooses 
the Light,  she’ll come to you, Tex.”
	“This from somebody in love with someone ten years his senior.”
	“Hey, Oi can be sensitive!!” he protested, turning to his cousin. “Anyway,  
Roberta *did* let me down easy. Oi suppose—Tex probably tried to do the same  for 
Dakota—and she wouldn’t allow it. Very possessive, that one, or so Oi’ve heard.” 
There were  more muffled sobs from the buck after that. The rest didn’t know what 
else  to do or say, so they just sat next to him, holding his paws, a paw on a shoulder 
on his back or head, just  letting him know that they were there for him.
	After a while, Tex sat up, spent. The carnivore-rodent then had an idea,  
“Well, hopefully now, Tex can stand to hear this as-yet unnamed band  rehearse a bit 
more before Bekki and Anni help him home, ay wot? Moight take his mind off 
troubles for a wee bit.  Won’t help, long term, Oi know, but for right now—?”
	The green lagomorph looked at his friends again and sighed, “I—I guess I  
could use whatever help you can give. Go ahead, guys. I’m listening.” He  turned to 
the band as A.J. padded to the keyboard, and began playing the piano introduction to 
Rufus  Wainwright’s version of “Hallelujah”. Then, he stopped and asked, “Oi don’t  
suppose you’d want to sing, would you?  Maybe vent a little?”
	“I—I guess. I feel so empty now, maybe this will help,” replied Tex as he  
stood.
	“Try this.”
	As Tex examined the sheet music The J handed to him, Dakota just chuckled,  
“Heh. Typical male reaction to vent feelings, especially for someone with  ART for a 
hobby: Either break out into a song or write a poem. As IF I would ever fall for 
someone  like Tex!!”
	The ghost, on his part, just looked sadly at her, and then sprinkled gold  dust 
all over the band members, but even more on the black feline and the  green 
lagomorph.
	Tex took the music, read a bit, and nodded to the carnivore-lagomorph,  
cueing him to begin. When the introduction finished, he began: 
	“*I’ve heard there was a secret chord
	That David played, and it pleased the Lord.*” Dakota paled.
	“*But you don’t really care for music, do you?*” Was he looking at HER?
	“*It goes like this:
	The fourth, the fifth,
	The minor fall, the major lift.
	The baffled king composing ‘Hallelujah’.*” The ghost grinned in silent  
agreement. 
	“*Hallelujah,
	Hallelujah,
	Hallelujah,
	Halleluuuuuuuujaaah.*” For some reason, that word made Dakota’s insides  
cringe. 
	“*Your faith was strong but you needed proof.
	You saw her bathing on the roof.*” Though he never peeked on Dakota,  
actually.
	“*Her beauty in the moonlight overthrew you.*” Moonlight? Did Tex think 
she  was beautiful?
	“*She tied you to a kitchen chair,
	She broke your throne! She cut your hair!
	And from your lips she drew the Hallelujah—*” Tex was crying again, the  
metaphors clearly portraying what he felt Dakota had done to him. 
	“*Hallelujah,
	Hallelujah,
	Hallelujah,
	Halleluuuuuuuujaaah.*” 
	“*Maybe I have been here before.
	I know this room; I’ve walked this floor.
	I used to live alone before I knew you.*” Despite living in a large warren.
	“*I’ve seen your flag on the marble arch.
	Love is not a victory march!
	It’s a cold and it’s a broken Hallelujah!!*” For some reason, it seemed as  if 
Tex was singing directly to her, not just himself. 
	“*Hallelujah,
	Hallelujah,
	Hallelujah,
	Halleluuuuuuuujaaah.*” 
	“*There was a time you’d let me know
	What’s real and going on below.
	But now you never show it to me, do you?*” True. She trusted him with her  
evil plans, but those times were gone now.
	“*And remember when I moved [with] you?
	The holy dark was moving too!
	And every breath we drew was Hallelujah!!*” He *wanted* to be with her,  
despite her evil, he *needed* her. 
	“*Hallelujah,
	Hallelujah,
	Hallelujah,
	Halleluuuuuuuujaaah.*” And perhaps, Dakota was beginning to see what he  
*really* felt for her. 
	“*[I know] there’s a God above,
	And all I ever learned from love
	Was how to shoot at someone who outdrew you.*” Tex glared at J now, 
making  him lower his ears.
	“*And it’s not a cry you can hear at night,
	It’s not somebody who’s seen the Light!
	It’s a cold and it’s a broken Hallelujah!*” The cry of someone lost,  
perchance, forever. 
	“*Hallelujah,
	Hallelujah,
	Hallelujah,
	Hallelujah,
	Hallelujah,
	Hallelujah,
	Hallelujah,
	Halleluuuuuuuujaaah.*” 
	There was no clapping, no cheering, just a lonely buck weeping for a lost  
soul. The ghost took hold of Dakota and said, “Come. Let’s find a livelier  place.” 
They left the basement and flew away, not without the ghost first sprinkling the 
whole house with  gold. As they flew off, he commented, “You know, this bag 
should not be  full. I should be able to empty it every single Christmas.”
	“And why don’t you? I could put the gold to good use,” she grinned  
greedily.
	“I only give to those who give out of love. Many places have not seen so  
much as a speck of this gold in centuries. In fact, your mansion has not  received one 
grain since it was built!” She looked at him defensively, but he added, “That can be 
changed,  but it is not in *my* power to change it. It’s a decision *you* or your  
father must make.” The teenager didn’t reply to that, so she just crossed her arms 
and huffed to herself. And when  they landed, she huffed even more.
	“Oh, no, not Uncle Duncan’s house!!!”
	“Oh yes. Come, there are things you must see and hear!” They stepped off  
the sleigh and entered a large two-story cream-coloured house. There were  
Christmas Carols playing in the stereo, but low enough to avoid being annoying. 
Inside, Dakota saw that  the living room was filled with relatives she had not seen 
since she  returned from England, all clad in cozy sweaters and colourful slacks. 
There was her Uncle Duncan and his Asian  wife, and his young son and two 
younger daughters, all with black hair; her  Aunt Amanda (her purple hair long gone 
and replaced with the original red) and her balding Caucasian  husband, their two tall 
teenage sons and three tall teenage daughters, all  with red hair; her youngest 
uncle—with a complete set of red hair—and his brunette fiancée; her grandparents, 
Mac  and Emily, and even her mother was there!
	“What’s Mom doing here?”
	“Her brother invited her, remember? Naturally, he invited your dad as well,  
but he had work to do, as you.”
	The teenager said nothing, but kept looking at the family. They were all in  
the living room sitting on the couch, chairs, and floor, looking at one of  Duncan’s 
daughters, who was standing next to a large whiteboard on a tripod. Behind her was 
a tall  Christmas tree, filled with ornaments and apparently *planted* on presents.
	Dakota’s cousin read a small card, pressed a button on a stopwatch, and  
began drawing.
	“Tree!”
	“Smoke!”
	“Cloud!”
	“Monster!”
	“Blob!”
	“The Creature From The Black Lagoon!”
	“A red tide!”
	“Godzilla?”
	On and on they guessed, until a buzz from the stopwatch stopped them, and  
finally the “artist” declared, “No!! It’s Cousin Dee!!”
	That response brought laughs from everyone, including Elmyra, but a snarl  
and clenched fists from Dakota, “WHAT??”
	No one could hear her, of course, but much to her surprise, Duncan stepped  
up in her defence. “Now stop that! Christmas isn’t a time for being mean!”
	One of Amanda’s sons replied, “Aw, come on, Uncle Duncan. You know 
Dee  doesn’t care to know what happens here or what we say about her!”
	“Maybe, but she’s *still* your cousin. You should be concerned that she  
*doesn’t* want any part of this, or any of us. That only shows that there is  
something definitely wrong that needs correcting.”
	Dakota told the ghost, “Oh, please. As IF I’d want any part of this. I’m  sure 
that the moment I step into this house every single one of them will be  asking me 
for money!”
	The “artist” sat down, “Yeah, right. She thinks we’d only ask her for  
money.”
	Dakota did a double take at her cousin.
	“Yeah,” added Amanda’s youngest daughter. “It’s not as if we’re homeless  
that we’d all be *begging* her for money.”
	The “artist’s” sister added, “Well, if she were here, I wouldn’t ask her  for a 
dime. And I *know* she wouldn’t give it if I *did* ask!”
	Duncan’s son turned to his father and asked, “Dad, why doesn’t Cousin Dee  
like us? Was it something we did, or does she just not want to have fun?”
	The cousin in question was about to reply with something unspeakably rude,  
but was interrupted by her own mother. “Well, my best guess is that she just  takes 
after her father. I was hoping that she wouldn’t be *every single way* like him, but 
that’s the  choice she made.”
	“[CENSORED]!!!” blurted the observer. “Even my own mother’s against 
me!”
	“Against?” questioned the ghost. “I’d say more like ‘concerned’, Dee.  
Concerned about you—because you’re *family*.”
	Meanwhile, Duncan sighed and turned to his sister, “Well, that’s a very sad  
choice she made. She’s just cheating herself out of good family fun. And,  since I 
suppose she’s not coming tonight, I think it’s safe—and sad—for me to assume that 
she has  missed good family fun for another year, AND, she has cheated herself out 
of  another present.”
	“Present?” asked Dakota. She watched as her uncle stood and walked to the  
Christmas tree. He picked up a red-wrapped present, and took it to a closet.  When 
he opened it, Dakota leaned a bit and saw that the closet was full of presents of many 
sizes.
	She heard another cousin ask, “Dad, why don’t you just *send* the presents  
to her?”
	“Because,” he replied, shutting the closet and locking it, “she *knows* her  
presents are here. All she has to do to receive them is come here and ask  for them. 
When she does, I’ll be more than happy to give her all the stuff she’s missed over the 
years.”
	The greedy teenager could not believe her ears. The ghost stood behind her,  
“You have caused much unnecessary grief in these times of joy, Dee.”
	Something swelled up within her that caused her to grunt, “Maybe they  
wouldn’t HAVE grief if they’d stop asking me to come here! And I don’t NEED  
their pity OR their pathetic gifts!!!” Her whole body stiffened with anger.
	The ghost walked past her, “I wasn’t just talking about *them*, Dee.” He  
proceeded to give generous sprinklings of gold all over the remaining  presents, on 
the family members, and the dinner that was on the table. Glancing sadly at his 
charge, he also  threw a few sprinkles at the closet. Dakota was about to ask him just 
how  the sprinkles managed to float through the door, but the ghost was already on 
his way out, so she  reluctantly followed. 
	The next trip took them outside the city and into Acme Forest. When the  
sleigh landed, an incredible repulsion nearly made Dakota lurch her dinner.  
“RABBITS!!” she yelped, looking at the tree stump with a mailbox beside it.
	“Oh, yes, Dee. Rabbits, and plenty of them.”
	Grumbling, she stepped off the sleigh and followed the ghost down the hole.  
Inside, there were rabbits of every size and colour combination known to  toonkind, 
and so many that she didn’t bother counting. “Ack!! Is the entire rabbit population 
here???”
	“They’re all family, one way or another.”
	This she verified when she saw none other than her school principal: Bugs  
Bunny. Next to him was his wife, Honey Bunny. She saw Buster and Babs, and  
their children, The Fourteen, scattered about. There were other adult rabbits around, 
apparently  part of Babs’ original warren, and their kits as well. They were having 
fun  talking and jumping around, some were sitting in front of Bugs to hear crazy 
tales, and some were adding  their own decorations to the Christmas tree. Carefully, 
the ghost manoeuvred  around the lagomorphs, and walked down a long hall, 
followed by Dakota. Both came to a door, and stepped  inside, finding one buck 
lying face down on his bed, ears to his sides, and  all alone.
	“Tex?” asked the humanmaid.
	He didn’t hear her, of course, but she did hear what he was saying, despite  it 
being muffled, and filled with light sobs and very loud tooth grinding:  “Oh dear 
God—I know that I’ve done what You said and I let Dee go—but—it’s just so 
*painful*—especially at  this time of the year——” Dakota was shocked once more. 
“——she has made her  choice and moved on——but——I only ask——that You’d 
have mercy on her——You know where she came  from——how she was raised—
—and who her parents are——oh God——if it’s possible— —don’t take into 
account——all she’s done against us——and J——”
	[CLANG!!!]
	The brunette’s jaw hit the ground one more time.
	“—and please——just take away all the love I still have for her——all of 
this  is just——just——**consuming** me——”
	“Looks like he’s taking the order of ‘love your enemies’ to its fullest  
dimension, don’t you think?” asked the giant behind the humanmaid.
	Before she could put her jaw back in place and reply, a swift kick suddenly  
burst open the door, causing Dakota to jump and nearly hit her head on the  roof. 
“Are you still here bawling for that would-be-murderer???!!!” grunted Anni, 
stomping over to the  bed, ears stiff behind her again. “Get over it already!!”
	Her brother didn’t bother to look up. “You don’t know how I feel right now,  
Barbara!” The doe grunted and stomped in place. “J would NEVER turn evil,  reject 
you, or try to kill ANYONE!! Your heart wouldn’t be broken like this!!”
	She just flipped him over, grabbed him by his shirt, pulled him close, and  
grunted, “Well, yours is, bro, and given ALL our warnings, I honestly doubt  it’s my 
fault you’re paying the consequences despite ALL I told you!!” She pulled her left 
fist back, “Maybe  I should just give a good POUND—”
	“BARBARA ANNE.”
	Sheepishly, the young doe released her brother, patted down his shirt, and  
turned to face her mother at the door, giving her an award-winning grin.  “Barbara 
Anne, what have I told you about fighting your brothers?”
	“[Sigh] No fighting outside the ring.”
	As this exchange was happening, Dakota saw Buster enter and pad to the 
bed,  where he sat next to his son. “Tex?”
	“[sniff] Hi, dad.”
	The blue buck put his arm around his offspring, “Tex, I know that what  
happened with Dakota is horribly devastating for you, and you’re sort  of—well—
*mourning* for her now, but *please* understand that it’s Christmas right now, and 
all your family  is here. Do you think that maybe you can hold the tears, just for 
tonight,  and have some fun? And if you need to, tomorrow your mother and I will 
cry with you.”
	“I—I don’t know—”
	Babs padded up, “Please, son. Nolan, A.J. and The J are here—”
	“J IS HERE!!!” squealed the doe, [WARP!!!] warping out of the room in that  
instant.
	Everyone looked at the door for a moment, then Babs continued, “—and they  
want to have fun with you and all your brothers and sisters. Could you do  this little 
sacrifice for them, perhaps, as your Christmas present for them?”
	The young buck looked at his parents and sighed, “O—okay. I’ll try to raise  
my ears, too.” He stood and slowly padded out, his ears undecided as to  whether 
stay up or down. When they left, Dakota and the ghost followed.
	Back in the living room, the humanmaid looked up and saw the two hybrid  
cousins and the black panther standing near the entry ladder in their winter  gear, 
with Anni standing *very* close to her boyfriend. And despite all the noise, she 
clearly heard  A.J. singing, “…his party, and he’ll cry if he wants to, cry if he 
wants—*”  His interpretation was cut short by The J giving him a *very* 
carnivorous glare. “Sorry,” he said subdued.
	The onça cub then turned to his girlfriend, “Thanks for the invite, Anni!  But 
I can’t stay long. My uncles and aunts are warping over from Mexico and  my dad 
will be bringing them to the lair in a bit.”
	“Hey, no problem!! You can stay here for a bit, and then I can go over to  
your lair and see all your relatives again!”
	“Sounds to me like you’re just going to challenge Cousin E.M.M.Y. to the  
bazillionth game of chess!”
	“Hey, it just MIGHT be the one where I finally beat her! Besides, I *would*  
like to see more toons today than just several hundred bunnies.”
	The brunette saw this exchange with disgust. “Ugh, more furry toons. As if  
this place didn’t have enough with all these rabbits!!” The ghost seemed to  ignore 
her, as he stepped near the entrance.
	Meanwhile, A.J.’s face twisted into a grimace as a grey, brown, and purple  
does approached: Alexi, June, and Hunni; their eyes glinting with romance.  He 
turned to Bekki and gave her *his* most carnivorous Stare of Doom as he could 
muster. “Thanks for  inviting me to your party, *Bekki*,” he growled. The three 
does were  approaching fast, when suddenly a white LED lit above him, and he 
barked, “Hey, kids!! Let’s go outside and  make an ARMY of snowmen!!!”
	“YEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!” 
What followed Dakota could  only describe as a multi-coloured rabbit stampede. As 
the lagomorphs exited, the ghost held up his bag so that gold dust fell on every 
single  rabbit. When the dust cleared, a thoroughly flattened A.J. lay near the hole  of 
the Bunny Burrow.
	Smugly, the humanmaid walked over to the flattened rabbit-fox and boasted,  
“Looks like *I’m* not the only one whose plans backfire, FREAK.”
	The ghost, meanwhile, went on to put gold dust on the adult rabbits that  
remained, on the Christmas tree and the presents under it, and on the  banquet table. 
While the jaguar and rat- cat helped their friend return to his normal shape, he said, 
“Tex has  suffered greatly because of you, but he still has family and friends to help  
him with his sufferings. He *will* enjoy this party, thanks to everyone here. 
Unfortunately, he isn’t the only one  who’s suffering because of you, if not directly, 
then *indirectly*.”
	“What do you mean ‘indirectly’?”
	At this point, a cell phone rang. The carnivore-lagomorph had just popped  
back into his original shape when he realised whose phone it was. “Hello?”  Dakota 
thought she could hear the caller, but she couldn’t distinguish what was being said. 
“Aye, dad,  Oi’m here at the Bunny’s—huh? Oh—wait, is she all right?” His friends 
stood  still as the atmosphere turned uncharacteristically serious. “Oh—um, no, 
dad—! Oi’ll be there too. Same  hospital, roight—?——Okay——okay——yeah, 
Oi’ll be right there——right——okay,  dad. Oi love you. See you in a bit.” A.J. 
hung up, and his cousin was about to ask him what  was happening, but the rabbit-
fox beat him to it. “Something happened to  Aunt Miranda in the hospital. Uncle Leo 
and the rest of the family are getting *very* worried now.” A.J. re-did  his red winter 
jacket and scarf, “Dad called to let us know they’ll spend  the night with her again, 
but Oi think it’s best if we were there as well, maybe not for the night, but—”
	“Well, then, what are we waiting for? Let’s get out of here!!” Nolan had  
picked up enough of the urgency of the matter to forget the present party  and 
express concern about his relatives, and climbed up the ladder.
	“Do you guys need anything?” asked J, also quite worried now.
	Both cousins looked at him, and then A.J. looked at him in the eye.  “Prayer, 
my friend. Lots and LOTS of prayer,” and he too scrambled up the  ladder.
	As the teenagers left the burrow, the ghost told Dakota. “You’ll be  surprised 
just how far-reaching your actions can be, Dee.” She, naturally,  said nothing, as if a 
freak family she had no relations with could in some way be affected by her actions. 
They,  too, left the burrow and flew off, this time leaving the forest and going  back 
into the city. The humanmaid had a slight hunch of where their next stop would be, 
and her suspicions were  confirmed when she saw the huge building in front of her.  
Acme Acres General Medical Centre 
	They landed on the roof, near the rampart so as not to obstruct the  heliport, 
and took an elevator to the maternity ward. They walked several  hallways, again, 
ignored by the patients and staff, and entered a room. Inside, sitting up on the bed, 
was a brown  mink with brown headfur, wearing a hospital gown, looking *very* 
worried,  and occasionally wincing in pain. Sitting on her left, next to the glucose 
bag, was her husband, a tall brown  rabbit with blonde headfur, wearing a green and 
red sweater with black  pants. After her experience in the burrow, naturally, Dakota 
noticed something was amiss. “Hah! Some family!  Where are THEIR relatives to 
help them now?” she scoffed, hands on her hips.
	“In the waiting room, of course,” whispered the ghost, making her wince  
with defeat.
	The mink held the rabbit’s paw, “Leo—why is the doctor taking so long?”
	“Shhhhh, my darlin’.” More British accents. “The doc is probably just  
checking his golf scorecard. There’s nothing to worry about!”
	“Th-then why are your ears down?”
	The teenager chuckled. “Heh, some support HE’S being! She should have 
stuck  to her own species!”
	Here, a tall meerkat in a white lab coat entered the room. The couple  looked 
at him expectantly, so he held up his clipboard and began, “Well,  Mrs. Carrotte, I 
got the results here, and they don’t look very promising.” The couple’s spirits sank. 
“I was  expecting *some* complications due to your species difference, but I didn’t  
expect them so soon.”
	“B-but what about the baby?” blurted the mink lady. “Is the baby all  right?”
	The meerkat sighed. “No. But I wouldn’t worry *that* much. The cat-scans  
revealed that she’s a fighter, and a stubborn one at that. She wants to  live, so I’m 
sure she will. Now, we managed to stabilise your condition, but we’ll have to keep 
you under  observation to make sure that you and the baby remain stable, and are 
able  to reach at *least* your seventh month. However, you *might* want to be 
prepared in case we need to speed things up  and schedule a Cæsarean.”
	“CÆSAREAN???” chorused the parents.
	Dakota just shook her head at how irrelevant this all seemed to her.
	“It’s a standard procedure,” he replied with professional detachment.  
“However, there is *another* procedure that can be done in your case that  won’t 
require something so traumatic. I’ll go back to my office and get all the data you 
need—but I  *do* have to warn you that it’s barely in its initial research. Then again,  
chances are that you just might fit the profile needed to carry it through. If you are, 
then I’ll say that my  prognosis for a full recovery are—quite high.”
	The doctor went to retrieve the information, while Lionel shot his ears up  
and beamed, “See? Everything is working out! There’s no need to worry! And  even 
if we *can’t* try something new, Cæsareans aren’t that big a deal!!”
	Miranda couldn’t calm down, for some reason. “Oh——oh Leo!” she 
sobbed. “I  just wanted everything to be perfect for us and the baby!! I just wanted to  
go through a normal pregnancy!! Why———*why* is this happening?”
	Her husband was speechless for a moment, but then he brushed back some of  
his wife’s headfur from her face, “Luv, maybe—maybe there are couples worse  off 
than we are— and——and maybe if we go through with this, the research will be 
completed,  and they will be able to see their babies grow healthy, like *ours* will.  
And you heard the doc: our baby is a fighter!! Took after *both* of our families, ey 
wot?!” He kissed her  forehead.
	She huffed with exhaustion, and suddenly opened her eyes wide and put a 
paw  on her abdomen. “Whoa!!” she looked at the bulge under the sheets and said,  
“Aw, baby. I’m so sorry that you’re having your first fight so early in life. But you 
have to be  strong, baby!” she sniffed. “Mommy will be strong, and Daddy will be 
strong!  And come next spring, you’ll see what a beautiful world we have here in 
Acme Acres!!”
	“Pathetic mink,” gagged the humanmaid, arms crossed. “NOTHING is worth 
that  much trouble, OR a hospital expense, geez!! If they knew what was good for  
them, they’d just end this whole ordeal right now!!”
	The ghost boomed, “If everyone thought like that, Dee, then YOU wouldn’t 
be  here causing trouble!” The teenager did a double take at him. “Your mother  had 
a pregnancy MUCH worse than Miranda’s. Despite your father’s objections, she 
carried you to  FULL TERM. And she didn’t do it because she was an idiot. She was 
in pain  for *ten* months, Dee, and at any moment of her choosing she could have 
ended it *all*.”
	The Daughter said nothing at that piece of information so suddenly  revealed. 
She just slowly turned, and looked at the pained couple in front  of her. After a 
while, she asked, “So, the baby dies, then?”
	“*‘If these shadows remain unchanged’,*” he proclaimed solemnly, “I see a  
new nursery, new baby furniture, new baby clothes, and new baby toys, all  new—” 
Dakota sighed in relief, “—and unused, carefully preserved, yet gathering dust. If 
these  shadows remain unaltered in the Future, the baby will die.” Dakota gasped  
slightly. “But,” added the ghost, business-like, “Perhaps you’re right. ‘Why don’t 
they let evolution take its  course and eliminate that freak before it’s born, geez’!!” 
She whirled at  him, as if she had just been slapped in the face. Then, with a 
sternness never seen on someone so jovial, he leaned  down to her face and scolded, 
“Child! *‘If a child you be in heart, not  adamant, forbear that wicked cant until you 
have discovered who the Freaks are, _what_ they are, and _where_ they  are. Will 
YOU decide what toons shall live, and what toons shall die? It may  be that in the 
sight of Heaven, you are more _worthless_ and _less fit to live_ than millions like 
this  couple’s baby!! Oh God! To hear the insect on the leaf pronouncing on the  too 
much life among his hungry brothers in the dust!’*”
	Something tore at Dakota, something she had never felt before.
	Remorse.
	Conviction.
	Pain.
	Pity.
	Repentance?
	NO! She fought it with all her logic, and shot back with furious fists,  “NO!!! 
I never told them to marry!!! I didn’t marry them! I never told them  to get pregnant! 
THEY knew they were a mixed couple! THEY knew the risks!!” She stomped 
toward him and  pointed to his face, “Don’t you try to pull a Bob Cratchit on ME!! 
They’re  not my employees!! Why should ***I*** be held responsible for that 
freak’s life??!!” She stood back and  hollered at the ceiling, “I AM NOT 
RESPONSIBLE FOR THEM!! I AM NOT  RESPONSIBLE FOR THAT FREAK!! 
I DISALLOW ANY RESPONSIBILITY FOR WHAT MAY HAPPEN TO 
THEM!!!”
	“Rest for a bit, luv. Oi’ll go outside and tell the rest of the gang about  this. 
We’ll need all the prayer we can get!” Lionel stood and left.
	The ghost leaned down to her. “You aren’t worthy to have an employee like  
Bob Cratchit! If he HAD worked for you, he would have frozen to death before  his 
first Christmas with you! You weren’t worthy to have TEX as an employee, either!! 
And you know  perfectly well *why* you’re responsible, Dee, and why you *will* 
be held  responsible. You did a lot of medical research to prepare yourself for your 
time trips, AND to prepare the  way for the children you hoped to have with The J. If 
you submit your  research to this hospital, you *will* save the baby’s life.” She 
whirled away from him, arms crossed. Tenderness  returned to the ghost, and he 
spoke softly to her, “Dee, you have the power  to save not only this life, but millions 
of others, and not just furries, but humans as well. All the credit  would go to *you*, 
not the doctors, nor the hospital. So, will you change  the shadows of the future, so 
that others of my race may find the baby here?” She still said nothing. “Or must  
everyone who isn’t productive die? Will you continue to do the works of your  
father, and prove that you are indeed Jacob Marley’s Daughter?”
	She whirled and pointed to his face. “DON’T—— YOU—— CALL—— 
ME—— THAT—— AGAIN!!!”
	“You are just proving to everyone who you *really* are, and whose path you  
walk. Now, come! You may think that you have a huge net worth, but you must  
now see just how much you have devaluated your own life—and to a 
DANGEROUSLY low point, I  might add!” With that, he held her by her pyjama 
shirt, and stopped for a  moment to sprinkle gold on Miranda and her baby. Then he 
dragged her outside, despite her protests, and  took her to the waiting room, where he 
proceeded to sprinkle gold on Lionel,  Nigel, RuBarb, Lizbeth, Adam, Lillian, 
Rupert, Lola, Viktor, Amanda, A.J., Nolan, Talleen, and all  of Miranda’s and 
Lionel’s relatives. He then dragged her back to the roof,  despite her protests again, 
threw her up on the sleigh, and took off again. 
	This time, they left the city, and flew south at an incredible speed. As  they 
were flying, the ghost pressed a few buttons on the console, and a  narrow piece of 
paper emerged from the bottom of one screen. “If you think you can escape being 
held  responsible for the baby, then you should read another segment of The Book  
that you missed.”
	He gave her the tiny printout, which she snatched and read:                
“Whoever knows how to do good, and doesn’t do it, to him it is  wrongdoing—” 
	Again, Dakota threw away the note as if it was fire, and with all the wind  
that was blowing, it was immediately lost. For a while, she said nothing,  perhaps 
trying to convince herself that her research couldn’t possibly have anything that 
could save anyone’s  life, much less a rabbit-mink hybrid. Some time later, she saw 
that they  were still travelling south. “So where are we going now?”
	“We’re going to see how your actions nearly ended your *own* life, Dee.”
	Confusion crept on her once again, “Ended?” she turned to him. “Was the  
time machine about to explode or something?”
	The ghost whipped the reins, giving the sleigh another kick of speed. “Oh,  
no. The time machine worked fine every time. We’re going to see something  else.” 
Dakota did a double take when they appeared to be flying over a huge body of water. 
“Now, I *am*  the ghost of Christmas Present, but in your particular case, I will 
need to  make an exception and travel to a point in time in the Past.”
	“The Past? Why?”
	“Because of all the time travelling you did, Dee. I’m sure you remember a  
particular January morning you decided to visit?”
	Fear slowly crept on the humanmaid again, as she remembered her actions, in  
fact, her *last* time trip. “Uh—Santa—n—nothing happened to me in that last  
trip—unless those stupid rabbits *did* almost mess everything up and we were *all* 
nearly sent  to oblivion?”
	They were flying over land again, zooming over tall mountains. “No. Your  
position in the time machine guaranteed your own safety, even though  Calamity’s 
transporter caused you to be sidetracked. Nolan, Anni, and Tex put *themselves* in 
danger trying to  stop you. And yes, they *did* nearly get blown to oblivion, but that 
is not  the place where you were nearly cut off, Dee.”
	On and on they flew, now over a plateau, and a heavily populated area. They  
slowed down, and landed on a particular street in a particular  neighbourhood. 
Familiarity hit the brunette like a train. “Wh—huh?” she blurted, looking 
everywhere, and  recognising everything, and everyone. “This is The J.A.M.’s old  
neighbourhood!! What are we doing here?? I was never in any danger here!!”
	“That is what you think, Child.”
	The scene played out in front of them, and Dakota identified herself hiding  
behind the hedge, while The J.A.M. was on his brother’s tricycle, and The  R.I.C.K. 
was standing behind him, both of their backs toward the Caucasian behind the 
hedge.
	“Mewr growl gr gr yowl hiss growl??!!” repeated the firstborn.
	“Yowl-yowl growl-growl *yowl yowl*!!” mocked the thirdborn. Enraged, 
the  elder cub’s fur turned red, just as the younger cub wheeled the tricycle  around 
and began pedalling away.
	The R.I.C.K. scanned the ground for a moment and snatched the first weapon  
he saw.
	Both Dakota Dees leaned closer.
	[WHACK!!!]
	It was here that the Dakota on the sleigh noticed something was amiss. The  
“fishing hook” didn’t pierce the cub’s left eye, but instead, just made a  gash near the 
corner. Naturally, that didn’t stop him from giving a gut-wrenching yowl, making 
his older  brother stand back in shock and turn pale with fright.
	The dripping branch fell from his paw.
	[UNWARPUNWARP!!!]
	Seconds later, two adult jaguars clad in brown bathrobes, and one with long  
headfur and apparently pregnant, suddenly appeared outside the house.
	“GASP!!!”
	Now it was the mother’s turn to pale and flatten her ears when she saw the  
damage. She quickly exchanged Feline words with the father and then  [WARP!!!] 
commanded The R.I.C.K. something. The cub hastily ran to the orange car, opened 
the  passenger door, and held it open while the mother carefully picked up the  
injured one. The father was no longer there, but then he suddenly re-emerged from 
the front door holding two  younger cubs, one male and one female, while a slightly 
older female cub  padded out by herself. He then locked the door and stuffed the 
cubs into the car, and sped off.
	The Dakota at the hedge watched with scrutiny the entire scene, and emerged  
from her spot with her hands on her hips, and with the most gruesomely smug  
expression on her face.
	*Smiling.*
	And with her job well done, she turned and walked away.
	The pyjama-clad Dakota turned to the apparition, “I don’t see any danger to  
me here. Just what was supposed to happen here? Was the jaguar family  supposed 
to find me and eat me or something?”
	“No, but if you look at the other side of the street, you’ll see what I’m  
talking about.”
	She did so, and gasped when she saw Professor Mary Melody hiding behind 
a  car.
	*And pull out a pistol.*
	As Mary followed the brunette, hiding behind cars and poles again, the  ghost 
explained, “Mary tried to throw you off the time machine, but since  she jumped 
with you at the last moment, she ended up in the alternate timeline you created, 
where The J.A.M.  had lost his eye. She found him, and all her friends, and got 
Calamity to  build *another* time machine to send her here to stop you. She 
switched branches on you, Dee, and nearly  stopped you once and for all.”
	Dakota could only watch mutely as she saw Professor Melody—no, 
[CENSORED]  it! Just *plain Mary Melody* follow her counterpart, who walked 
with total  calmness back to the small park in front of the school. The reindeer pulled 
the sleigh slowly as  they, too, followed the females.
	*It was _her_...* she thought.
	The Questor knelt behind a rampart and drew a bead on the toon’s head, as  
she walked into the park.
	Her hands weren’t trembling.
	Dakota looked at Mary and at herself, and saw that for nearly one minute,  
the African-American had a clear shot of her counterpart’s head.  “But—but—why 
*didn’t* she??” she asked him.
	“I’ll let you listen, and you’ll know.”
	Suddenly, the Caucasian thought she heard the African-American speaking,  
but her lips weren’t moving. She then realised she was listening to her  thoughts:
	*Who knows what more evil this corrupted girl could do to other children in  
the future?* Dakota saw her hesitate, but the thoughts resumed:
	*No, this is for justice. I will destroy evil, remove whatever device the  evil 
toon has to control the time machine, and scene-change myself to Acme  Acres.
	This look-alike will *not* harm my boyfriend again.*
	But then, another Voice boomed out of nowhere. The brunette couldn’t  
identify the source, as there was no one else around.
	*_Don’t do it._*
	*Huh?* Dakota saw confusion on Mary’s face, but she didn’t lower her gun 
or  lose sight of her counterpart.
	*No, I _have_ to do it! Isn’t this what lovers do to defend each other?  
Destroy the sources of attack? Destroy the attackers? Destroy the enemy?  Destroy—
*
	*_Don’t do it._*
	*But—but—true, I’m _not_ a villain, and true, this was also something that  
_villains_ do, but didn’t good guys _also_ have situations like this? Like  in a war—
?*
	*_Are you in a war?_*
	*That’s a good question. Am I in an open conflagration against someone who  
is bent on destroying everything I know is good? Does that justify my own  
intentions?*
	*_Don’t do it._*
	*Yes. I have to destroy evil. This evil teenager will go unpunished if I do  
nothing, and worse, she will very likely continue hurting others: other  cubs.*
	Once again, the Carrotte baby stood out in Dakota’s memory.
	*_Don’t do it._*
	She saw Mary reaffirm her stance and grip the pistol tighter.
	*_Don’t do it._*
	*But if I kill her now, will the brunette be dead in the other timeline as  well, 
or just here? And if no one knows about this except me, will this  action be effective 
in deterring others from doing something like this?*
	*_Don’t do it._*
	*Or, am I doing this out of hate for the female toon?*
	*_Don’t do it._*
	*Hate is what drives villains forward. I’m not allowed to hate a villain,  just 
the evil within the villain. Can I destroy evil without harming the  villain, so that the 
villain will no longer be one?*
	*_Don’t do it._*
	*Have _I_ talked to the evil toon, as deeply as I did with the evil  jaguar?*
	“Evil jaguar?” asked Dakota. “Did my plan work *that* well?”
	*_Don’t do it._*
	*Have I found out what drives this villain forward, and what had caused her  
to turn to the Dark Side, just as I found out with the evil jaguar?”
	*_Someone waits for her._*
	“WHAT?”
	*And could someone love the villain despite her being evil, as much as I  
loved the Anathema?*
	The teenager on the sleigh froze. Someone told Mary not to kill her, not  for 
*Dakota’s* sake, but for TEX’S!!!
	*_Learn._*
	*Do I want to be a Terminator, like that wolf?*
	*_I have judgment ready for her. I will do this. I will avenge. The J.A.M.  is 
safe. It’s time to go._*
	Quietly sobbing, she lowered her gun, just as the brunette pulled out a  
remote. Mary hung her head and put her gun away, 
[WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRR
RPPPPPPPPPPPPP!!!] not  noticing the blue flash. She remained in the edge of the 
park for a few minutes, just crying to herself, and thanking God that today was 
Saturday  and no toons were crowding the school.
	Dakota turned to the ghost, shocked like never before. After a few moments,  
she tried to speak, “She—she could—she could have *killed* me—”
	“And she didn’t. She had already stopped your plan, without you knowing it.  
And if she *had* killed you, no one would have known that it was her. There  would 
be no way that Ballistics could have traced the bullet back to its owner because the 
pistol  model hasn’t been designed yet. Mary could have taken your identification  
and all your equipment before leaving, scene-changed herself back to Acme Acres, 
and return to her  original timeline, and you would have died here as a complete 
unknown. You  would have been buried in a common grave in a foreign country 
twenty years before you were born.”
	“It was her…” was all the humanmaid could say.
	“Yes, and now you *know* just how much your actions have devalued your 
life  in front of others, *and* in front of Heaven! Deliberately changing the  destiny 
of a soul to make him NOT become a Waiting One nearly caused YOUR soul to be 
forfeited right  HERE!! And just so you know, the only ones who would have missed 
you would  have been Tex and your mother, and it was because of THEM that Mary 
didn’t kill you! But even  so, in judgment, there is mercy. If there were no mercy, 
you would have been  killed here, but now you’ve been given this final warning. I 
hope you heed it.”
	“It was her…”
	“You also heard the Voice that stopped her. There is judgment ready for  
you, if you don’t make amends and change your ways. Now, come on!” He  whipped 
the reins again, and the sleigh was airborne once more. “We’ll go back to your own 
time now, because  you must see how the rest of the ‘Unproductive’ and the ‘Freaks’ 
spend  Christmas!”
	“It was her…”
	They flew back to their own time, and back to California, and from there  
began a trip around the world the likes of which Dakota had never seen. 
	Dakota Dee saw a world of toons that she had never seen before. They  
stopped at a homeless shelter, and saw Furrball happily serving turkey. They  
stopped at countless hospitals, churches, temples, and even synagogues, that were 
celebrating the *original*  meaning of the holiday. But they didn’t stop there. They 
went on to  thousands of homes, of all races, nationalities, languages, and economic 
levels, meeting toons who, by the  look of their faces, were joyous in celebrating the 
holiday, presents or no  presents. They even stopped at an oil platform in the middle 
of a raging ocean. On the bridge there were several  humans, a camel, a jackal, and a 
fennec, who were sitting at a table; the  camel serving a meagre chicken dinner, 
while the fennec was operating his laptop, making it play Christmas  carols it had 
stored on mp3’s. And all were singing, “Joy To The World”  apparently in Arabic, 
and quite happily at that. The ghost poured gold on all of them, and continued.  
Another stop was at a prison, where a group of visitors had organised a  celebration 
for the inmates, and all were singing “God Rest Ye Merry, Gentlemen” in what 
sounded like Romanian.  Another stop at another prison, where there were two 
inmates in a dark cell,  suddenly brightened by the ghost’s presence. Both were 
kneeling on their bunks, and speaking very  quietly. Then, they both looked up, and 
the brunette saw that they were  Oriental. They turned to each other, and hugged, 
saying something in Chinese.
	The teenager was surprised when a subtitle appeared below their faces:  
“Merry Christmas, brother.”
	On and on they flew again, this time in a *very* crowded basement. A  
teenage boy was standing in the front, speaking quietly, and apparently in  Spanish, 
because Dakota heard the word “Navidad” in his speech. And despite the nearly 
inhuman conditions,  everyone in the room seemed happy. Gold was sprinkled there, 
and they moved  on.
	Dakota didn’t know for how long they travelled, dropping gold on whoever  
was giving out of love, whoever was telling others the Message of the  season, and 
whoever was making sacrifices out of the goodness of their heart. 
	At last, they returned to California, and with a crunch of gravel and sand,  
landed in what appeared to be an old western ghost town. This she deduced  because 
there was a decayed sign at the entrance of the town that proclaimed:  WESTERN 
GHOST TOWN 
	There was no snow, just a mist all throughout. “Why are we stopping here  
and not the North—” Her question was truncated when she turned and saw the  
ghost’s appearance.
	His hair and beard were now extremely silvery and brittle, his eyes had  lost 
their spark, his face was *very* wrinkled, his suit was faded, and his  gloves were 
cracked. Even the now exhausted and panting reindeer seemed to have aged 50 years 
in one night,  with their thin fur, trembling legs, and crumbling antlers. Rudolph’s 
nose  was barely brighter than a candle. “What—what happened to you? And why 
aren’t we at the North Pole?”
	His voice was ancient as well. “We—can’t fly any more. As I told you  
before, Dee, I’m not physical—I’m an attitude—a general atmosphere of the  time. 
Very few know how to maintain the spirit of Christmas all year long. That is why I 
age like this.  There is no home base waiting for me in the Arctic Ocean.”
	“But—still, aren’t you supposed to be all jolly and giving all that  ‘ho-ho-ho’ 
business?”
	“There is more to me, a Spirit of Christmas, than joy and giving. There’s  
also truth, sternness, and self-defence if necessary. A brother of mine had  to give 
some children *weapons* during one Christmas in Narnia—”
	“Brother?”
	“Yes, I have some 2,000 of them right now.”
	“Wow, that’s a big—AAAAAHHHH!!!! THERE’S SOMEONE ON THE 
BACK OF THE  SLEIGH!!!!” The teenager shrieked, jumping out of it.
	The ghost turned stiffly and saw that the red bag, which was barely  half-
empty, was being moved by something under it. He eyed Dakota for a  moment, and 
without hesitation threw back the top of the bag, revealing—
	A boy and girl, who, had they received proper nourishment, would have  
passed for Dakota’s younger sister and brother, if she had them. However,  they 
were so thin, so pale, their eyes were sunken, their skin was scaly, their hair was 
crumbling, their  clothes were putrid, and their stench was so repulsive that any 
monster from  any horror movie would have been scared to death. Dakota labelled 
them as zombies, but even zombies had some  sort of life in their eyes, which these 
two didn’t have.
	She staggered away from the sleigh, and would have run away, but she  
couldn’t take her eyes off the children. Suppressing another scream, she  managed to 
stutter, “W—who— wh—wh—[CENSORED], I hope they’re not YOUR kids!!”
	Feebly, the ghost replied, “They are humanity’s children. They hang on to  
me, as many others try to hang on to the purely material and temporary,  because, 
yes, they are slaves to commercialism and marketing and society in general. The 
boy’s name is  Ignorance; the girl is Want. Be on your guard against these two, in all 
the  forms that they come, but especially the boy. On his forehead is the word 
DOOM, unless it is erased. And now,” he  leaned toward the teenager, “I dare you to 
deny that. I dare you to slander  me, and all who tell that to you! *‘Admit it for your 
factious purposes, and make it worse. And bide the  end!’*”
	Dakota could only watch in horror at the zombies, almost seeing her own  
distorted face in theirs. “But—don’t they have any shelter or orphanage to  go to?”
	He raised an eyebrow. “Why, Dee, I’m surprised at you. I thought you hated  
charities even MORE!!! And would one actually *think* that because it’s  Christmas 
that you’re going to think differently??”
	Once again, she was slapped in the face by her own words. Turning for a  
moment, and raising her arms in exasperation, she blurted, “But *I’m* not  the only 
one who has the power to give!! Aren’t there enough goody-two-shoes millionaires 
out there that  can keep the charities running? I mean, we BOTH saw that there are 
plenty of  toons out there who give! Why should *I* be different? What difference 
would I make?” She stopped for a  moment when she heard her watch sound the 
hourly chime, indicating that it  was midnight, AGAIN. She turned to him, “Why am 
*I* being singled out as the one responsible for  the—demise—of—”
	The children were gone.
	The bag was gone.
	The gold was gone.
	The sleigh was gone.
	The ghost was gone.
	The reindeer were gone.
	She looked about, but she was all alone in the Western ghost Town.
	“Spirit?”
	Silence, not even a cricket chirped.
	“Ghost?”
	Silence.
	“Santa? Santa Claus?”
	Her heart beat horrendously fast, pounding at the insufferable silence.
	“Nick? Saint Nicholas?”
	Her voice wouldn’t even echo.
	“Ghost Of Christmas Present?”
	She ran down the gravel-covered street, but she was all alone in the  
oppressive silence and darkness.
	“Father Christmas? Nicholas of Bari??? ANYONE????!!!!” 
	Suddenly, the silence was broken. 
	Despite the sound being infinitely hushed, lower than a whisper, the  
surrounding silence made it sound like a sonic boom that pounded in Dakota's  brain 
and chest. It took her several seconds to identify the sound as the crunch of boots on 
gravel with  an odd metallic counterpoint. If the teenager did not know any better, 
she  could swear that she was hearing spurs. She whirled toward the source of the 
sound— 
	—and fading in from the mist, walking toward her with only the sound of his  
footfalls, was The Ghost of Christmas Yet To Come.

STAVE FIVE  -  THE LAST OF THE SPIRITS

	Dakota Dee had never been so scared in her life. The sight and sound of the  
ghost tore at her innermost recesses, ripping away all the presumption and  pride and 
greed and hate that she had built for herself. As the ghost came closer, she began to  
distinguish him from the surrounding darkness. It wore a black cloak and  hood, as 
was expected, but it only reached its waist—a *very* low waist, she noticed. From 
the waist down it wore black  pants, though its legs were somewhat too short in 
proportion to its body. It  was shod with black boots fitted with spurs, hence the 
source of the infernal sound. Its oversized chest,  torso, arms, and head were 
perfectly still, and the only movement from it  was a rather odd walk that the legs 
were doing. It had the right arm raised a bit, and in its hand, something pointed  to 
the starless sky. As it came closer, she identified a black six-shooter  in the hand. 
Closer still, and she saw that the hood didn’t completely cover the face, in fact, she 
could *see* the  face—
	“Hey, don’t I know you?” Familiarity pushed away some of the terror: a wide  
face, low eyebrows, and a beard surrounding a jutting jaw. She had *seen*  this face 
before, somewhere, and she *knew* that, perhaps in a history book, or a 
documentary,  or—
	A Looney Toons Short?
	Hundreds of faces flashed through her memory, until one suddenly stood out,  
a face that matched perfectly the character in front of her. Insolence  returned with a 
vengeance, and she stood back, incredulous. “**NASTY CANASTA**??????!!!!!! 
*YOU’RE* the  Ghost of Christmas Future???”
	“Canasta” stopped in front of her. His skin was paler than what she  
remembered, but his scowl was still there. His unblinking gaze tore at her  insolence, 
making her feel uneasy.
	“No, but really, Canasta! How on Earth did you end up doing this gig? Are  
things that bad for all you ‘Bit Players’?”
	Canasta said nothing, but continued to gaze at her, unmoving, not even  
blinking.
	His lack of response filled the brunette with dread. A sudden possibility  
flashed through her thoughts. “Or—do you just *look* like Nasty Canasta, and  are a 
ghost, for real?”
	No movement, no response.
	“But why would you want to look like HIM? I mean, Canasta was, and still  
is, a perfect unknown! He just showed up to help move a cartoon along! Why  would 
he be fitting to represent you??” She waited for an answer, and received none. That 
actually  helped her think. “After all, you represent the Future, which no one knows,  
just—like—him————oh, I get it now. You chose a form I could identify with, 
while remaining  completely unknown, and also have the ability to scare the 
[CENSORED] out of  me, right?”
	His glare tore at her so much that she had to turn away. Trying to drown  out 
the infernal silence, and her own terror, she argued, “You know, I’ve  heard of this 
*incredible* invention that has revolutionised communication everywhere: it’s 
called  SPEECH. If you try that, you could get your message through to me much 
more  efficiently.”
	The ghost showed no amusement or surprise at her suggestion. She 
continued,  “You’re *really* freaking me out, more than the other two, you know.”
	Silence.
	“Please, you’ve got a mouth, just SAY SOMETHING!!” She didn’t know 
what  would be more horrifying: a demonic voice, or the infernal silence that was  
consuming her, broken only by her own cries. Seeing that she wouldn’t get any 
dialogue from him,  she sighed with defeat. “Okay, okay, so you’re the Ghost of 
Christmas  Future. You’re here to show me what *could* happen later on. But how 
are you going to show me anything here???  We’re in the middle of nowhere!!”
	Finally, the ghost gestured. He waved his revolver toward a building on  
Dakota’s left. It only took her a moment to deduce that he was telling her  where to 
go. She turned—
	—and saw that he was pointing to a saloon.
	“You do realise,” she explained, turning to him, “that I’m underage, and I  
can’t go into bars for several years yet.”
	He insisted with his gun.
	“Listen, dummy! I can’t go in there! I may be evil, but I’m NOT an  
alcoholic!”
	[BANGKAPWIIINNNG!!!]
	Dakota jumped as the bullet ricocheted between her bare feet. Terror and  
solemn dread filled her again. “O—okay, okay. I’m going.” She stumbled  across the 
street and up the wooden sidewalk, not daring to take her eyes off him. The 
Caucasian pushed  open the swinging doors, making them creak on rusted hinges. 
He followed,  again with the clinking of spurs, filling the place with an infernal echo, 
compared to the silence from  her own feet.
	The saloon looked like any abandoned and decrepit western saloon, except  
that there were no tables, chairs, or barstools. There was a bar on the  opposite side, 
but there was nothing behind it. A seemingly endless wall with countless windows 
completed the  front side. Dust, dirt, and sand were everywhere.
	“This place looks a lot bigger from the inside than from the outside.” A  
squeaking of rusted hinges, followed by spurs and footfalls on wood,  proclaimed 
that the ghost had entered behind her. She turned to him, “Okay, we’re here, and I 
doubt you’re going  to buy me a drink. So now what?”
	[BANGCRASH!!!]
	[…tinkletinkletinkle…]
	The girl slowly straightened from her cringe, heart running the 100-metre  
dash. She screamed at him, “What the [CENSORED] was that for, dummy!!!!????”  
His only response was to wave in the direction of the shot. She turned and saw that 
the first  window next to the door was broken—
	—then she did a double take when she noticed light coming from outside, but  
only through *that* window. Cautiously, she approached it, hoping not to cut  
herself on the debris, but for her benefit all the broken glass had fallen outside. She 
looked outside—
	—and looked back inside with a raised eyebrow. She looked outside again to  
make sure that she was seeing what she was seeing. “Now this is decidedly  
strange,” she said to herself, as she examined the scene “outside”.
	“Outside” was actually “inside”.
	Or, a window to another room, despite the fact that she knew that the  
window was in front of the saloon, hence, the window should give a view of  the 
street, but that was not what she was looking at.
	Instead, Dakota Dee was looking at the trading floor of the New York Stock  
Exchange.
	Looking closer, she saw that the trading day had finished just a few  minutes 
ago. Then, on the floor, she saw two male teenage human janitors  sweeping the 
myriad of sheets off the floor, and she could hear them talking.
	“…died yesterday. It was terrible!!”
	“I nearly barfed when I read it on the Net last night. Man, I get the  creeps 
just *thinking* of that type of death!”
	“Did the Net say when the funeral is going to be?”
	“Funeral? Don’t be silly. If he’s still as cheap as he is, he’ll probably  just 
throw the remains in a hole in a field so he’ll only pay for gas and a  shovel. In an 
unmarked grave, too.”
	The other one chuckled. “Anything to save money. But what about all the  
assets?”
	“He assumes control, of course. I read that he might hold an auction to  
recover what he invested in that [CENSORED]!!” She expected a defence, or  even 
an additional insult at the deceased, but the next answer surprised her.
	“An auction? Sounds interesting. I just might go and see if the rumours on  
the stereo are true. Just might buy it too, if the bids don’t go over my  savings!!!”
	Dakota wondered why the person and the funeral seemed less important than  
an auction. She looked back at the ghost, “Who are they talking about? Why  would 
anyone want to throw someone in an unmarked grave, if they can afford a decent 
funeral? Who  were those two referring to?”
	[BANGCRASH!!!]
	[…tinkletinkletinkle…]
	—was his response.
	She straightened up from her sudden flinch again, and saw that he had shot  
down the second window, without a word. She walked to it, and looked at the  next 
scene.
	“AndherewehaveagenuinePanasonicMAX70000onehundredpercentdigitalho
meentertainmentcentrebiddingstartsatfivethousanddollarsdoIhearfivethousanddollars
fivethousanddollars fiftyonehundreddollars—”
	Hands, paws, talons, and wings went up and down as the bids increased.  
Dakota watched with confusion at the auction in a large white auditorium,  
wondering why anyone would bid on a stereo that anyone could get— customised— 
just——— like—————— hers—
	She leaned out and squinted, trying to get a better look at the machine.  
“Odd,” she squeaked, “that—looks a lot like *my* stereo—” The bidding  
continued, and she looked at the bidders. Many were businesstoons she knew, and 
the previous teenage janitor  was there, as were a few toon celebrities, even the 
Warner Brothers and the  Warner Sister! She didn’t see herself, though, much less an 
older version of herself. She looked back at  the stage where the stereo was being 
displayed, but then caught sight of  someone. Way over on stage right, just outside of 
the bidders’ view, arms crossed, was her father, Montana Max.
	Montana had obviously seen better days. His black business suit was well  
pressed, and his tie was neat, but still, there was a sense of defeat coming  from him. 
His hair wasn’t unkept, but it seemed dry and brittle, with a few premature silver 
strands.  His eyes were cold and hard, sunken with weariness. He just stared at the  
auction, as if it were an IRS audit.
	Dakota had never been close to him, but even she couldn’t deny that he was  
in very deep grief. After all, why wouldn’t *he* be taking part of the  auction—?
	—unless—he had *organised* the auction————
	But why would he? Was he approaching bankruptcy and needed hard cash  
immediately? And if he did, why didn’t he just ask *her*—
	The teenager gasped when she saw the next items up for bid.
	A computer.
	A business desk.
	A digital wall clock.
	And a king size cedar canopy bed, with orange silk covers and orange  
curtains
	All of which had a very creepy resemblance to HER computer, desk, clock,  
and bed.
	“—SOLDtothegentlemanwiththeredcapthankyousir…”
	Someone with a red cap and blue sweater stood from the audience to claim  
her stereo—no, [CENSORED] it, a stereo that LOOKED like hers! She did a  double 
take and saw that the winner of the bid was none other than Wakko Warner, who 
was followed by  his brother and sister. He leaned back and whispered something to 
them, but  she heard him *very* clearly, “Faboo, I never knew that someone’s death 
could be such big  business…”
	The brunette had enough. She pulled away from the window and demanded, 
“ALL  RIGHT, CANASTA! JUST *WHOSE* STUFF ARE THEY AUCTIONING 
OFF???!!!”
	The ghost just stood there.
	She raised angry fists. “[CENSORED] it, you just have to nod YES OR 
NO!!!  WAS ALL THAT STUFF MINE????!!!!”
	[BANGCRASH!!!]
	[…tinkletinkletinkle…]
	This time, the teenager flinched just in time before the gun went off.  
Scowling at the ghost, she went to the third window—
	—that had completely collapsed, along with part of the wall, leaving enough  
space for her to walk through if she wished. The sound of boots and spurs  against 
the wood told her that the ghost was following her for this scene.
	She poked her head out, and saw a grey room with large cabinets along the  
walls. There was a large table in the middle of the room, and something  cylindrical 
was in the middle, covered by a white sheet. Looking at a door, she saw on the 
windowpane the  reverse of an eerie label:  MORGUE 
	“Um, what am I supposed to be looking at here?” she asked. Despite her  
being deathly afraid, confusion still reigned in her cold heart as well. The  ghost 
waved his gun again, this time, at the sheet and the cylinder under it. The teenager 
eyed him with  dread, and proceeded to the table. 
	“*Oh cold, cold, rigid, dreadful Death, set up thine altar here, and dress  it 
with such terrors as thou hast at thy command: for this is thy dominion!  But of the 
loved, revered, and honoured head, thou canst not turn one hair to thy dread 
purposes, or make  one feature odious. It is not that the hand is heavy and will fall 
down when  released; it is not that the heart and pulse are still; but that the hand was 
open, generous, and true; the heart  brave, warm, and tender; and the pulse a toon’s. 
Strike, Shadow, strike! And  see the good deeds springing from the wound, to sow 
the world with life immortal!*” 
	She didn’t know if the previous paragraph was spoken by the ghost, or if it  
just ran through her own mind. She was one second away from yanking the  sheet 
off when a sudden realisation made her turn paler than ever before.
	This was the *morgue*.
	Morgues are where dead people are kept.
	Except that here, in toonity, toons don’t die.
	That is, they *rarely* die.
	And the ways in which they died, documented so graphically back in 1988,  
could fill any toon with unspeakable horror.
	If there was a dead toon on the table, then the sheet would have a shape of  a 
body, which it presumably covered.
	But here, there was no body under the sheet, as the shape proclaimed.
	Under the sheet there was a CAN.
	And with what she knew about toon anatomy, the only reason why a CAN 
would  be in a morgue would be because it contained the dissolved aniplasm of a  
toon—
	—destroyed by DIP.
	She realised why the janitor was so creeped out by this type of toon death,  so 
she staggered back into the drawers. Despite the fact that there was no  dip in the 
can, she didn’t dare look at its contents. And if this was a normal morgue, the name 
of the dead  toon would be printed on the side of the can.
	The ghost insisted.
	“No,” she hissed at him. “I do NOT have to look under there! And just who  
died that no one cares?? Who died that not even the Warner Brothers  respect?”
	He stopped waving, but continued scowling at her.
	“Death by dip is something every toon fears, my friend. Something so tragic  
would have brought along SOME mourners! Doesn’t anyone respect or feel  
ANYTHING about a death as tragic as this?”
	For a moment, the ghost twirled his gun, as if thinking something, and then  
backed out of the room. The girl followed him—
	[BANGCRASH!!!]
	[…tinkletinkletinkle…]
	—just in time to cringe involuntarily at the gunshot and the crashing of  
glass. She looked out the next window, and saw that she was looking at a  strange 
place, so strange, it reminded her of—
	“Wackyland?”
	It was indeed Wackyland, for all the crazy colours and shapes and  characters 
in it proclaimed it so. Many strange characters were gathered,  and apparently 
anxious, when suddenly a hole opened in mid air above them, and Gogo Dodo 
jumped out, with the hole  closing behind him.
	“Gogo!” shouted a giant pen. “Were you able to get her to agree to another  
extension?”
	“No,” he replied, somewhat sad. “But we may still be out of this mess!!”
	“How? There’s *no way* she’ll give us even a discount! She’s worse than 
her  father!!”
	“Well, actually, the extension sorta came by itself. She’s dead.” The  
reactions of the toons more than shocked her. For one second their  expressions 
seemed to be of grief and sadness, but suddenly—
	—they CHEERED.
	And some actually knelt to thank God in Heaven.
	Amidst the joy over someone’s death, the Pen approached Gogo, “But—what  
happens to the loan now?”
	“The bank will decide whether they take it or give it back to her father.  But 
it will take *weeks* to decide, so we have more time to raise the cash  to pay off the 
loan!!”
	The additional cheering sickened the teenager to no end. She turned and  
hoisted herself up to the ghost’s face, “NO, YOU IDJIT!!! Show me any kind  of 
**GRIEF** over that toon’s death!!!” The ghost’s glare bore into her eyes as he 
twirled his gun  again, thinking.
	[BANGCRASH!!!]
	[…tinkletinkletinkle…]
	She let go of him and unstopped her ear. Looking out the next broken  
window, she saw that she was finally looking “outside” at a hill. It was a  sunny day, 
but the air seemed filled with sadness and grief. In front of her was a large crowd 
composed of toons  she knew. There were The Fourteen with their younger brothers, 
sisters, and  their parents, slightly older; Nigel and RuBarb Carrotte, with Nolan and 
Talleen, slightly older as well;  Adam and Lizbeth Fox, with A.J.; all the Tiny 
Toons, all the Looney Toons,  The J.A.M. and his family, Erik and Jessimyn Wolf, 
with Jason, Jasmine, rabbit twins, and Lilly, a young  wolf cub; Rupert and Lillian 
Carrotte, Viktor and Amanda Norka, and leading  the crowd, were a very distressed 
Lionel and Miranda Carrotte.
	All were dressed in black.
	All were standing next to an open pit.
	And all ears and tails were low.
	Since there was a wolverine minister officiating the ceremony, Dakota  
deduced that this was none other than a funeral.
	But whose?
	“…and bidding her farewell—” [CENSORED], she missed the name and 
species!  Quickly looking around, she didn’t see herself, just her mother, making her  
panic once again, “— even though many of us never even had a chance to say hello.” 
Then he read  from his Book, paraphrasing, “For now she should lie down and be 
quiet. She  should sleep, and then she would be at rest with kings and counsellors of 
the earth, who built up waste  places for themselves, or with princes who had gold, 
who filled their houses  with silver, or as a hidden untimely birth—though not totally 
hidden, as she had been—now part of the  infants who never saw light. There the 
wicked cease from troubling. There  the weary are at rest. There the prisoners are at 
ease together. They don’t hear the voice of the taskmaster.  The small and the great 
are there. The servant is free from his master.” He  looked up, “And sadly, she did 
not see her parents, her relatives, nor this world. Still, she received love,  and she 
will always be remembered as one who fought.” He turned to his Book  again, 
“Behold, I tell you a mystery. We will not all die, but we will all be changed, in a 
moment, in the  twinkling of an eye, at the last trumpet. For the trumpet will sound, 
and  the dead will be raised incorruptible, and we will be changed. For this 
corruptible must put on incorruption, and this  mortal must put on immortality. But 
when this corruptible puts on  incorruption, and this mortal puts on immortality, then 
what is written will happen: ‘Death is swallowed up in  victory.’ ‘Death, where is 
your sting? Grave, where is your victory?’”
	Dakota saw that his words of comfort didn’t seem to have much effect on  
Lionel or Miranda, who were sobbing almost uncontrollably.
	And she *knew* that they couldn’t be crying for *her*.
	“This is the funeral of the Carrotte’s baby,” she told the ghost, slightly  awed 
by the grief caused by a “freak”. “And I *know* the baby wouldn’t have  been able 
to own that stereo or be a creditor to a loan. Who was everyone talking about at the 
Exchange? The  auction? And Wackyland? Was it—was it—” She barely had 
enough strength to  consider that possibility, but after seeking within herself, she 
asked, “—was it *me*?”
	[BANGCRASH!!!]
	[…tinkletinkletinkle…]
	This time, she was looking at a snowfall, toward a window on a  mansion—
*her* mansion! And she was looking at the window that led to her  office—
	—and saw through the glass and translucent curtains, her father, sitting on  
the recliner, looking blankly at the burning fireplace. “D-Dad?” she asked  weakly, 
rarely having addressed him directly with that term. Looking closer she saw 
someone on her  desk busy typing away at the computer, but it wasn’t her. Odd thing 
though,  the worker looked like a chicken, a *giant* ch—
	[BANGCRASH!!!]
	[…tinkletinkletinkle…]
	Once again, she was looking outside, not at a graveyard, but at a large  open 
field, several hundred metres from a highway. “What’s supposed to be  here? It’s 
just the middle of nowhere!” As was expected, the ghost gave her no answer. “Boy, 
you really  like to talk, don’t you?” She turned back to the scene, and it appeared to  
be zooming in on someone, “Look, I think the night is about to end, but I *have* to 
know something. I have  the feeling all of the toons were talking about *me*, but tell 
me this: are  all these events set in stone?” The ghost said nothing. “Or—are they 
written on *paper with a pencil*? Can they be  changed?” The scene zoomed closer. 
“I, more than anyone, know that one event  can alter the course of history with huge 
repercussions. Can the same be said for all of what you’ve shown  me? Or—is 
everything—” she shivered, “final?”
	The ghost’s only response was to wave his gun at the scene in front of her.  
She turned—
	—and saw Tex, standing in the middle of the field, wearing sackcloth, with  
ashes on his head and drooped ears. “Tex? What is he doing here? And why is  he 
wearing all that? What’s wrong with him?”
	She then saw the grieving buck pull out a rose out of nowhere, and lay it  
down in front of a very small headstone. She didn’t know for how long he had  been 
standing there, but his swollen eyes and worn incisors made her deduce that he had 
been there for  quite a while. At last, he spoke with a choked voice, hindered by 
heavy  sobs, “It—it didn’t have to end this way!! Not like this!! He refused to put 
you in a decent plot—and gave you an  unmarked grave!!! I—I didn’t—mind—
paying for the headstone—sorry it’s so  small—it’s all I could afford—my brothers 
didn’t want to lend me any money—for it—” He shook his  head, and covered his 
eyes, “If you’d only listened—!! Now—now *my* payment  for what I felt for 
you—will continue—for now—and until Kingdom come—I’ll always pray for 
you—”  At that, the green buck turned, and slowly padded away from the stone. The  
teenager saw him pad toward a tree in the distance, where a female toon was 
waiting, though she  was too far away to identify her.
	Now it was only Dakota and the tombstone. She knew she had to look at it,  
but she wouldn’t dare. She turned to the ghost again—
	—and saw that he was waving his gun at the stone, *very insistently*.
	Finally, the girl grit her teeth, whirled, and looked at the tombstone.  
DAKOTA DEE Loved by only one toon. 
	She staggered back into the saloon, the name on the stone burning into her  
heart.
	She couldn’t scream.
	She couldn’t cry.
	She couldn’t speak.
	She couldn’t think.
	She struggled and struggled, staggering back to the broken window, blurting  
at last, “WHERE are my parents? My relatives? My GLORIOUS funeral?? My  
mausoleum??? Is this how it all ends? Is this what everything I've done leads 
to!!!???” Pale,  nearly white, including her pyjamas, she turned to the ghost, “Is—is 
this  how it all ends??”
	[BANGCRASH!!!]
	[…tinkletinkletinkle…]
	She was so frightened that she actually screamed and jumped at the gunshot.  
Trembling, she approached the next window.
	She was now looking at the halls of Acme Looniversity. And by the lack of  
textiles on several furry toons, she deduced that it was International  Nekkid Day. 
She saw Tex walking by, wearing nothing but his fur, and apparently showing off 
chest muscles  she didn’t know he had, especially now that he was taller. She was 
ogling  him to the point that she didn’t notice him padding past a young black female 
kitten with green eyes.
	“Oh, wow,” said Talleen, also ogling him—
	[CLONG!!!]
	—right before walking into a locker, startling both the humanmaid and  
herself. “Oooowww…”
	The green buck suddenly turned back, and asked her with concern, “You 
okay,  Tally?”
	The dazed kitten replied with low ears, “Uh…yeah. Gotta watch where I’m  
going.”
	“Well, okay, you be careful there.”
	“Right.” She gave him a toothy smile and went on her way, ears still laid  
back. As she did, she muttered, “Oh THANK you mixed up DNA! Half rat, so I  find 
rodentia attractive!”
	Tex looked back at the young hybrid, whose curves were just starting to  
come in through her thick fur, and thought, “She’s going to end up a fine  female.”
	Seeing the look in his eye, the brunette knew where all of this was headed.  
She fumed, “Brat!! She’s not even old enough to be in high school! What does  he 
SEE in her!?”
	[BANGCRASH!!!]
	[…tinkletinkletinkle…]
	Her previous terror was now replaced with insane jealousy, to the point  that 
the sudden noise didn’t faze her at all. She just moved to the next  window, where 
again she saw the cemetery. Lionel and Miranda were there again, just them and no 
one else  this time, and the couple was placing a large bouquet of flowers next to the  
small headstone.
	Remorse and guilt came on Dakota once again—
	[BANGCRASH!!!]
	[…tinkletinkletinkle…]
	—meaning she jumped at the next gunshot and crash. Moving to the next  
window, she saw the field where her nearly unmarked grave was, and an older  Tex 
was standing in front of it, ears down. “…Leo promised that he would wait until 
Miranda was ready to  try again—but I don’t think that’s ever going to happen, even 
with all the  research done now.” He looked up and sighed, “Things—could have 
been different—so very different…” He just  looked at the sky, not crying, or even 
grinding his teeth. Then, he took a  deep breath, looked at the stone again, and 
declared, “I’m not going to be coming here anymore, Dee.  I’m—I’m moving on, 
like Leo and Miranda will—hopefully—someday.” He  straightened up and sighed, 
“Farewell, Dee. I’ll still be praying for you.” With that last statement, he  placed his 
last rose on the lonely grave, and left the field. Dakota saw him  pad toward the same 
female toon as before: and now she knew that it was none other than Talleen, 
apparently  thirteen years old now. They shared a sad smile, and padded away, 
holding  paws.
	Dakota blurted, “That’s it??? Even HE’S leaving me?? But, how—HOW can 
he  leave me, like that—? I’ll be all alone…” 
	Alone…alone…alone…alone…alone…alone…alone… 
	Anger filled her again, and she hissed with clenched fists, “HOW can he go  
off with that little—that little—[CENSORED]!!!” she blurted, “What does he  SEE 
in her?” Though Talleen’s figure alerted her that if her present course remained 
unchanged,  Dakota would not be able to physically develop any further. Slowly, she  
opened her hands and stared at them, remembering all she had seen, and all she had 
done. “W-what what did he see  in ME?” She looked up to the couple as they 
became smaller and smaller.  “What—could have made him stay with me for so 
long—after what I did to his friends—what I did to his  family———what I did to—
——him———”
	At that moment, she remembered Tex’s kiss.
	The kiss that she blatantly ignored afterward, despite her being so stunned  
when it happened.
	She mumbled, “It was—the first time——someone kissed me——like that—
—”  Realising the present implications, she added, “And it might be the last——”  
Desperation now overcame her. “What—what made you stay with me, despite all I 
did? What made  you be the only one at my funeral, and the only one to ever visit 
my grave?”  she asked the shadow of Tex, as she placed a hand on the shattered 
glass. “Why am I still in your  head? What did I do to deserve—”
	[BANGCRASH!!!]
	[…tinkletinkletinkle…]
	She whirled back to the ghost. “Th-there’s still more? What more can you  
possibly show me that is worse than this??”
	He just waved his gun to the next broken window. Obediently now, the  
humanmaid walked over and looked out.
	And what she saw made her, and her clothes, and her hair, turn completely  
white.
	It was a dark alley, blanketed with dirty snow. A homeless grey dog was  
trying to warm himself next to a steel drum that had a very low fire inside.
	And further inside the alley Dakota saw the white-blue ghost of herself.
	She barely recognised herself, for though she was transparent, and wore a  
tattered business blouse and skirt, the entire figure of her ghost was  wrapped with 
chains long and large enough to moor a cruise ship. Huge bags of gold ingots, bills, 
and coins  were attached to the links. They were transparent as well, but barely 
enough  for Dakota to identify the face of the tortured soul inside them. Eerie 
clanking rang with every step she took.  “Howard Hughes wasn’t kidding, was he?” 
Dee murmured, as she watched her  ghost self through the window. “That—that’s a 
*lot* of chain...” The ghost said nothing, but just held up  his gun as it continued to 
smoke. The teenager whispered, “…I don’t want to  be alone…” and saw her ghost 
trudge on, trying to get to the dog to give him a small piece of dry wood to  help 
with the fire, but suddenly the ghost stumbled and fell with infernal  clanking as one 
of the links snagged on something. Dakota looked closer, and saw that it got stuck 
on a dime that  was on the ground. “What? How can chains get snagged on a dime?” 
she mused,  mystified. The ghost tugged and tugged, and even tried backing up, but 
the dime acted like a  spike that kept her from reaching her goal.
	“This is—this is—this can’t—”
	[BANGCRASH!!!]
	[…tinkletinkletinkle…]
	She never knew that terror could reach the intensity that it had reached  with 
her. Visibly shaking, with trembling legs, she approached the last  window.
	She was looking at a bedroom, a very elaborately furnished one, but there  
was no light save for the burning fireplace. The furniture seemed familiar—
	The brunette gasped when she realised she was looking at her *father’s*  
bedroom. Standing next to the fireplace was not her aged father, but an  adult yellow 
male lop rabbit with white headfur, clad in black silk boxers. For a moment, she 
thought she was  looking at Tex’s brother, Mel, but then she realised that this 
*couldn’t* be  Mel. The yellow shade of his fur was somewhat darker, his ears 
lopped but seemed longer, and the face was  similar, but not exactly like Mel’s, even 
allowing for age progression.
	The lagomorph appeared to be speaking to an empty chair, but slowly, the  
listener came into view.
	The Caucasian gasped when she saw him speaking to *the ghost of herself*,  
still wrapped in chains.
	“Please,” he huffed, “you must be confused. Montana Max doesn’t live here  
anymore because *I* threw him out! Besides, you’re a human; I’m a rabbit.  How 
could I *possibly* be your son?”
	“You read my biography,” Dakota’s ghost’s voice was very faint and nearly  
screechy. “You followed my example, you do the things I did, so then you’re  my 
son, Howard Hughes’ son, *and* Jacob Marley’s son as well! And with every act of 
greed and  corruption *you* do **I** receive more and more punishment!! But what 
I have  is *nothing* compared to what YOU will get if you don’t heed the spirits’ 
warnings!!”
	“Oh, come on. My father was greedy and nothing happened to him!”
	“That’s because he changed before it was too late!!” she replied, looking  at a 
portrait on the wall. Dakota, too, looked up, and saw that the buck’s  father was 
Tex’s younger brother, Mel!
	Dakota staggered back from the window.
	History was repeating itself in the most horrifying way she had ever seen.
	She never married, but she had children: those willing to follow the legacy  
she left behind.
	She had wanted to lead, and now she was leading others.
	Now, and *forever*.
	And the dividends of her actions would continue to accumulate until the end  
of time: reaching returns of 3,000, 6,000, and 10,000%.
	“***NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!***” She flung herself at the 
apparition,  hoisting herself up his tunic so she could look at him in the eye. 
“PLEASE!!  Can these events be altered in any way?? Can I have another end if I do 
things differently??”
	Silence.
	“No,” she sobbed, “it can’t end like this...!” She wept into the ghost’s  tunic, 
who actually seemed to show some emotion as he tried to lean away, as  if he was 
repulsed by the toon holding him. At that moment, he became transparent, allowing 
the girl to  fall through him and hit the floor hard. She continued sobbing, as 
something  else came to her mind. “*‘If these shadows remain unaltered,’*” Dakota 
quoted from Dickens. “If *I* don’t  change, that’s how it will end.” She looked up at 
the ghost and pleaded,  “What must I do to avoid this? What is it that I have to do to 
change this future??”
	Silence.
	“PLEASE!!! If you have ever talked, TALK NOW!! I don’t want to risk any  
misinterpretations here!! Can I avoid this??”
	The ghost twirled his gun again for a moment. Then, with his other hand, he  
reached into his tunic, pulled out a paper, and let it fall in front of her.  She clutched 
it like she would grab a gold ingot, sat up, and read: 
	“…when I say to the evil man, ‘You will die,’ if he turns from his evil and  
does what is lawful and right, gives back what he stole, and is guided by  the rules of 
life, doing no evil, he will certainly live, and will not die. None of the evil he did will 
be  accounted against him: he has done what is lawful and right, he will  certainly 
live...”
	“…when the evil man, turning away from his evil-doing, does what is lawful  
and right, he will live…” 
	She re-read the passage. 
	“…he will certainly live, and will not die…” 
	And re-read it. 
	“…None of the evil that he did will be accounted against him…” 
	And read it one more time to make sure it said what she thought it said,  but 
this time, she applied it to *her*. 
	“…None of the evil that *she* did will be accounted against *her*…” 
	“Is this correct?” she asked him with urgency. “I can avoid this??”
	And for the only time in this visit, the ghost nodded.
	She turned away, her face unusually bright, “Yes!! I can avoid this!! It  
doesn’t have to happen!! I can stop all this! I can live!! I can save  myself!! I can 
alter the future!! I can—”
	She turned to him again, but she only saw her bed curtains, and past them,  
the closed balcony doors
	She gasped, her mind suddenly crashing to a halt. Jumping to her feet, she  
ran around the room, making sure everything was where it was last night: the  
balcony doors, the smouldering fireplace, her carpet, and the large main doors—
	It had been real.
	She glanced at the clock, incredulous that it proclaimed the time to be  6:00 
am of Christmas Day, of that exact same year.
	“It was all done in one night,” she whispered to herself. Slowly, she  walked 
to the balcony doors and pulled away the curtains, to see the new  day, and the snow 
covered landscape.
	She had never felt so relieved in her life. She had been warned of her  
actions, and shown the future that would happen if she didn’t change. The  last 
warnings kept repeating in her mind, that if she turned and corrected her ways, she 
would be safe from  destruction, the same destruction that she had wanted for J and 
his father.
	And then, another memory flashed through her mind: 
	“It was *her*…” 
	Remembering some more, she realised something else: 
	“It was **them**…”

STAVE SIX  -  AFTERSHOCKS  

	That night, a female teenage human rang the doorbell of a large two-story  
cream-coloured house. She could hear music and laughing inside, typical of a  
Christmas party.
	An adult human answered the door, and was shocked to see who it was.  
“Dee??” he asked incredulously.
	She managed a feeble smile. “Hi, Uncle Duncan—I—I changed my mind—
can—can I  come in, please?”
	The elder smiled and gave her a big hug, nearly suffocating her. “Well, OF  
COURSE you can come in!! Guys!! Dee’s here!! She’s going to celebrate with  
us!!!” The rest of her relatives stopped what they were doing, and turned to the door 
to see if  they had heard correctly. When they saw Dakota, they gasped for a 
moment,  but then cheered and clapped as she was brought in.
	The Prodigal had come home.
	“Say, Uncle, you—um—know I have lots of money—you didn’t actually buy 
a  present for me, did you?”
	He patted her back, “Well, actually, I did. You may have everything, but  
even so, I know you may not have all you need. Come, I’ll show you…”
	That family had a very interesting celebration that night, and many were  
happy, thinking that the Prodigal had finally come home to reconcile herself  with 
them. 
	But that was *not* the end of it.

STAVE SEVEN  -  THE END OF IT

	Christmas came and went, and so did New Years. The young toons soon  
returned to school, and everything proceeded normally. Valentine’s Day  passed, 
then spring break, then Passover, Memorial Day, and Mother’s Day. School closed 
for the summer,  allowing the young ones to relax and have fun. Many families were 
happy that  summer, tough not all of them. Summer ended, and with it, vacation, and 
the toons returned to school  for another academic year. Thus came September, then 
October, at the end of  which many toons celebrated Halloween. And shortly after 
that came November, and with it, Thanksgiving.
	Nearly a whole year had passed since Dakota’s encounter with the three  
spirits. During all this time, she became distant, even to her parents. She  rarely 
talked to anyone, much less The J, The M, The Fourteen, or their friends. Whatever 
time she didn’t spend  at school, she spent in her mansion, never going outside, but 
apparently  engrossed in a very involving project. The Fourteen didn’t know what to 
make of her: she never attacked  them once throughout the year, never played a 
prank, or even hurled an  insult at them, not a single unkind word. Some thought that 
she had decided to stop being a villain and turn  from the Dark Side, but many 
weren’t sure that was the reason. Even her  father wasn’t completely sure what was 
going on with his daughter.
	During the summer, Dakota spent every day in her basement, working and  
working and working non-stop on whatever she was planning, and it was on a  
summer night that a small exchange took place. The girl was working at a table, 
testing chemicals and  containers, repeatedly dipping one of her hairs in a liquid to 
watch it  dissolve, when she heard the door behind her open, and then footsteps 
approach her.
	“Hello, father,” she said blankly, without turning to look at him.
	“Hello, Dakota,” he replied. His voice had deepened over the years. He  
looked at the lab coat that covered his daughter, in contrast to his  charcoal business 
suit. “This is a big project you’re working on, isn’t it?”
	“Oh, yes, very big. So big it just *might* even surprise *you*.”
	“It might, it might,” he pondered, looking at the project table, and all  the 
notes and computers nearby. Many reminded him of his antics with Buster,  Plucky, 
and all their friends, but the complexity of whatever she was doing went beyond 
anything he did.
	“Is it time for dinner?” she asked.
	“No, no, it isn’t. I just came to tell you that I’ll be going to Aruba this  week 
with your mother. If you wish to come, you can. You look like you could  use some 
sun.”
	For a while, she just kept working, but then replied, “Thanks for the  offer, 
Dad. I might be taking a break soon.”
	With that, the older toon turned and left. Just before he shut the door, he  
stopped and turned. “Dakota?”
	“Yes, father?”
	“I don’t know all that’s going on with you and those you deal with, but I  
know plenty more than you think I know, and I have *some* idea what you’re  
doing now. And you will carry out what you’re planning, and I will say that it just 
*might* work.”  His daughter replied nothing at that. “But just remember this: toon 
villainy  is something that’s easy to dismiss in the courts. The best defence you have 
is that you’re acting in character.  *True evil*, though, usually involves evidence, 
forensics, alibis, and eye  witnesses; you know, all the stuff that the *real* world has 
to deal with.” Still no response. “Just think about  that as you carry out your plan.”
	At that, the teenager finally stopped, and slowly turned. “I’ll keep that  in 
mind, Dad,” was all she said. She resumed her work, and Montana Max left.
	Several weeks and many experiments later, she held up a flask of liquid,  and 
scowled at it. Then she plucked out a hair from her head, and dipped it.  Pulling it 
out, she saw that it remained intact.
	She smiled, at last. 
	Finally, it was Christmas time again, and all students left school for two  
weeks. On the night of the final school day of the year, in a lair somewhere  in Acme 
Forest, a black jaguar cub padded up to his father, a properly spotted jaguar in a 
black t-shirt,  who was calculating some invoices on the living room table, with his 
wife,  an African American human.
	“Hey, Dad?”
	“Yes, J?”
	“The Bunnies invited us to a party!”
	“A party?” he asked, both parents looking up. The cub handed his father the  
invitation, which he opened and read. “Well, what do you know? So we have!  
Hmm—I think we can make it, *our* party won’t be until next week. I wonder why 
they’re having  their party earlier—”
	“Hey, Mom?” A tall female African-American human teenager, with  jaguar-
print hair and orange eyes, entered the living room. “I just got an  e-mail from Buster 
and Babs! It seems they’re holding a party and they’re inviting us!”
	Mary Melody M. turned to her. “Another? It wouldn’t happen to be this one,  
would it?”
	The M read J’s invitation. “Well, what do you know? It is!!”
	The J.A.M. smiled, “Well, it looks like we’re going to a party!” 
	Several days later, the family climbed on their dark green pick up truck,  and 
drove to the city. They followed the address to a rather lone area of  Acme Acres, 
one in the early stages of development. There were a few finished buildings around, 
and most were  barely on their way up. Finally, they stopped at a large dark blue unit 
that  proclaimed in its façade:  SALON DE FIESTAS 
	“A party salon?” asked Mary, translating the sign literally, from what  
Spanish she had acquired from her husband over the years.
	“A party ‘hall’, actually, a building specially built for having parties,  
especially kids parties. Those are common in Mexico, but this is the first  one I’ve 
seen here.”
	“Maybe Buster and Babs found it and wanted to be the first to hold a party  
here?” asked The M as they all stepped out.
	“That sounds like something Babs would do,” replied her mother. “She 
always  did like breaking things in. And speaking of her, here she comes!!” A line  
of dirt zigzagged between the sparse pavement and concrete, and stopped right at the 
corner where the  hall was. The ground burst open and Buster and Babs hopped out, 
holding a  baby carriage that held four squirming kits. Their fourteen older kits 
hopped out moments later, with  Junior, Alexi, and Miriam holding the paws of three 
toddlers.
	“Hey, you’re here!!” exclaimed the mother doe.
	“Yes, we are,” replied the jaguar father, as-a-matter-of-factly, and he  
ushered the lagomorphs inside. The hall was also light blue on the inside,  it had a 
stage on the far wall, and the ceiling was rather high. There were balloons and 
streamers all around, but  the place was empty.
	As they entered, Anni quickly hopped over to The J to kiss him hello, but  
stopped at the last moment, wincing. “What?” he asked.
	“Nolan,” she replied. He raised an eyebrow and curled his tail, then turned  to 
see that Nolan was indeed approaching the group.
	“Hey, chaps!” he hollered. “Rather out-of-the-way place to have a party, ey  
wot?”
	Bekki hopped over to receive him, happy, yet confused. “Nolan? How the  
[CENSORED] did you know The M’s were going to have a party here?”
	“The M’s?” he asked, as he entered the hall. “Bekki, your *mom* invited  
me.”
	“I did?” asked Babs.
	“Yes”, replied Mary. “You invited us as well.”
	“Huh? Wait—I thought *you* invited *us*!” said the father buck, 
bewildered.  All the rabbits were wincing in confusion.
	“Say what?” Babs checked their invitations, then Nolan’s. “Strange, all of  
these invitations are from each other!”
	“But at different times,” noted Mary. “We were invited at 5, you at 4:30,  and 
Nolan at 5:15.”
	“Uh—if we were all invited at different times, how is it that we all  arrived at 
the same time?” asked Buck, slowly.
	[SLAMSLAMSLAMSLAMSLAMSLAMSLAM!!!!!] Every toon jumped 
when every door and  window slammed shut with steel. Many of them screamed as 
the interior  structures folded up on themselves, pulling the decorations in, and 
leaving them  standing on a concrete rectangle next to a steel floor. Then, the steel  
floor opened, revealing a huge pit of a green foul smelling liquid.
	At this, every toon screamed, “***DIIIIIIIIPP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!***” Some tried  to 
whack open the doors, but they were too thick. Flamethrowers didn’t work  on them, 
either. Jackhammers didn’t work. Not even machine guns worked.
	Then, as a panicked lull came over the toons, a speaker high above them  
boomed, “Isn’t it amazing what you can learn by just observing others? I  knew all 
of you have different notions of punctuality, so I gave each of you a different time to 
arrive to  make sure I had all of you here at the same time!”
	“DAKOTA!!!!!” spat Anni at the speaker, ears stiff like never before. “GET  
IN HERE AND FIGHT, YOU COWARD!!”
	“Oh, no, Anni. Neither you nor your stupid brothers will make my plans fail  
again. J, you made the stupidest mistake of your life by choosing her.” The  cub 
bristled at that. “And now, you will die with your friends and family, and no time 
machine can help  you!! No one is coming from the past or future to help you!!”
	“HA!!” replied Junior. “Do you actually think we’re going to stay here?” He  
jumped, grabbed the scenery, and pulled down.
	[CRASH!!!]
	And the scenery snapped off its supports and came crashing down on him.  
Seeing that, The J.A.M. tensed and prepared to warp, hoping to reach the  unusually 
high ceiling and then try to find a way out. Right then, a panel on the wall opened, 
and a  mechanical hand shot out, holding a mallet—
	[WHACK!!!]
	—which suddenly smashed on the jaguar’s hip, knocking him to a wall. He  
roared in pain, but before anyone could assist him, more panels opened from  the 
wall, and with no time to dodge them, J, M, Mary, and the Fourteen were also 
whacked, and  essentially rendered warpless. “You know, it’s amazing what you can 
do with  a screwdriver and a few well placed blows, don’t you think?” Nolan yanked 
out a cell phone and tried to call for  help, but all he heard was static.
	They were truly trapped.
	“You don’t have any escape left, Nolan, so just enjoy your last moments on  
this planet.”
	A green buck painfully sat up and cried, “DEE!! Don’t do this!! If you  
destroy us with dip, the police will know it was you!! Everyone KNOWS you  hated 
us!!”
	“Oh, no, my dear Tex. I already have a plan of neutralising and breaking  
apart the dip—once all of you dissolve in it—and whatever’s left will  quietly be 
dumped in the ocean. And **IF** someone finds out about this, the paper trail I left 
behind won’t  point to me, but to my *father*. Everyone *also* knows he hates 
Buster and  Babs, AND The J.A.M. and his family! He will go to jail, and I will take 
over his businesses, and his  estate. I’ll *finally* be able to put my factories where 
the Looniversity  is!! And the best thing of all—” she paused, “—is that absolutely 
none of this will go into my, hee hee, ‘permanent  record’.”
	“Huh? What permanent record?” asked Shotsy.
	“Oh, I thought you knew about that, rabbit! You see, about a year ago, I  had 
a *very* interesting—‘dream’, if you wish to call it that. There, I  learned some very 
interesting things about your religion. Basically, I learned this:” They heard some 
shuffling,  as Dakota pulled out some notes. “I learned that ‘if the evil one turns from  
his evil and does what is lawful and right, gives back what he stole, and is guided by 
the rules of life, doing  no evil, he will certainly live, and will not die. None of the 
evil that he  did will be accounted against him: he has done what is lawful and right, 
he will certainly live’. Therefore, once I  get rid of all of you, and acquire my 
holdings, I’ll join your religion, and  essentially start with a clean slate. Nothing I did 
before will count against me!! Isn’t that wonderful?”
	“YOU CAN’T DO THAT!!!” screamed Anni, unable to stand.
	“THAT’S MANIPULATION!!!” added Mary. “YOU CAN’T 
MANIPULATE GRACE OR  MERCY!!!”
	“Hey, *I* didn’t make the rules, ‘Mary’, and by the way, I *know* that it  
was you, AND those rabbits, who spoiled my plans. Don’t ask me how I know,  let’s 
just say that—a little birdie told me, hee hee hee.” The African-American and 14 
lagomorphs paled  and shivered at the Elmyra-like giggle, which dripped with evil. 
“This time,  Mary, there’s nothing you can do to stop me, because everything has 
been set into motion. Once I watch you  all die, I’ll go cash in on some stock I 
bought last year. I’ll have to  thank whoever sent me that ‘dream’ for letting me see 
the stock market holdings one year ahead of everyone else!  So, like it or not, I 
*can* have it both ways. I *can* have my cake and eat  it too. And now, I will watch 
you all DIE!!”
	The dip slowly began to rise. In a few minutes, it would overflow and reach  
the concrete ledge. Quickly, Buster and Babs huddled their youngest seven  kits in a 
corner. Tex painfully stood, and cried, “But Dee!! What about our youngest 
brothers???  They haven’t done anything to you!! The youngest four can’t even talk 
yet!!!  Please, let them go!!!”
	“Now, now, Tex, I thought you were smarter than that. I can’t leave anyone  
behind, no matter how young, to take revenge later on!!”
	“THEY WON’T!!!” screamed Buster. “You can have them!!! You can raise 
them  and make them your employees, servants, sidekicks, ANYTHING!!! But they  
don’t deserve to die here!!!”
	“Interesting offer, Mister Bunny, but I have a better one. Tex!! J!!!”
	“W-what, Dee?”
	“Tex, J, I have a proposition for you two: renounce your religion,  surrender 
all your assets, holdings, and properties, whatever they may be,  to me, sign a 
contract to be my exclusive employees, and I’ll let you two live. You two are very 
good business toons,  so I’m giving you one last chance to use your talents for me. 
Do it, and you  will live. Refuse, and you will die.”
	J bristled, laid his ears back, bared his teeth, and puffed up his tail.  “I’D 
RATHER *DIE* BEFORE RENOUNCING MY BELIEFS!!!”
	“Too bad, J. You had such promise. And what about you, Tex? You’re much  
more of a cream puff than any of the rest. What do you say?”
	The green buck lowered his head, and sighed, “I—I’m sorry, Dee. I can’t do  
what you ask. You can ask me for anything you want—but I can’t betray Him  Who 
I Wait For, either.”
	“Too bad. Well, I may have failed twice, but third time’s a charm, don’t  you 
think? Oh, one more thing: J, since you’re going to die, it’s a bit  irrelevant that you 
should still keep your real name a secret from me. Do you and your family think you 
can stop  being blockheads for a moment and just tell me all of your real names?”
	The cub growled, “I never forgot that oath you made, Dakota. You may curse  
our names and our beliefs, but we won’t give you the satisfaction of getting  our 
names from us!”
	“Always the hot-head, just like your girlfriend. Too bad I won’t be able to  
make a pyjama out of your hide now—”
	“DAKOTA!!!”
	“You roared, M?”
	“Dakota, I don’t know how, when, or why, but I can tell you without a doubt  
that your plan will fail!!! You can’t manipulate your way into the Light!!  You have 
to be sincere, and your repentance has to be REAL, with EVIDENCE of it being 
real!! No matter  what you say later, or even if a church lets you in, it won’t be real,  
because YOU know it isn’t real!! This plan of yours won’t work!! You have to make 
restitution once you join—how do  you plan on making restitution to our families?? 
Or will you lie to them and  tell them that your dad did this?? You’re only deceiving 
yourself!!! You won’t make it if you hide the  truth!!!!” Despite their doom, some 
still worried more for Dakota’s soul  than their own destruction.
	“Listen, you freak! I took EVERY precaution to make sure my plan works, 
AND  I added plenty of safety nets for me as well!! Did you notice that while I  told 
you my plans, I wasn’t actually there with you? No, I’m right outside the door 
watching you  all. And even if by some freak accident or a last-moment rescue *I* 
should  fall into the dip, it won’t affect me. I spent the last year creating my own 
special mix that will dissolve  ANYTOON—unless they have my DNA and 
aniplasm! Education works wonders,  doesn’t it???!!! HA HA HA HA HA HA HA 
HA!!!!”
	The dip was about to overflow the pit. In desperation, every toon started  to 
empty their pockets, trying to find something to escape, or at least hold  off the dip. 
Nolan tried to use plungers to climb up the wall, but it had a stucco finish, rendering 
the  plungers useless. The M pulled out a grappling hook and threw it at a beam  on 
the high ceiling, but well-placed lasers cut off the hook and shot down the rope. 
Anni pulled out pistols and  lasers of her own, but the laser guns above her were 
mounted on a ledge,  making it impossible to hit them from where she was standing. 
She could wear down the ledge, but there wasn’t  enough time to knock out all the 
lasers. Nothing they threw or shot could  get past them. And the walls were too thick 
to smash a hole or blast them open before the dip reached  them. With the dip 
flowing closer, they took all their pocket contents and  formed a rickety barricade 
between them, trying to hold off the dip as long as they could. That didn’t help at  
all, for when the dip reached the barricade, it slowly began dissolving the  objects.
	They were trapped.
	Painfully, the two families huddled against the right corner; the adults  
hoisting the children on their shoulders, and the children lifting up the  youngest 
seven as high as they could.
	But all knew that it was futile.
	At this, an obscure memory flashed through one of The Fourteen. “Oh, no!!”
	“I know, Buck! We’re all going to die!!
	“Uhhh—no, Chuck!! Someone *else* is going to die!! Our other guest is 
going  to be trapped in here as well!!”
	“What?” asked Babs. “What other guest? Only us, The M’s, and Nolan knew  
about this!!”
	“Uhhh—yeah, but since it was a party, I invited someone who really liked  
parties!!”
	Outside, Dakota, again in her lab coat, was standing in front of a podium,  
where she had a monitor and console that controlled the Hall. When she heard  
Buck’s comment, she raised an eyebrow. “Someone else? Who?” She was so 
engrossed in the monitor in  front of her, and in the screams of terror of her victims, 
that she didn’t  hear a rising tone coming from behind her—
	—until it was too late.
	“BLEPHBTTTBLARGHHTRLPPEPHBTTTBLARGH!!!!!!!!!!”
	She turned just in time to see a purple tornado pounce on her and smash her  
on the front doors. They didn’t stop Dizzy, for he burst through the doors,  steel and 
all, and finally wound down to a halt in the middle of the concrete platform.  
“BLEPHBTTTBLARGHHTRLPPTTPARTYYYYYYY!!!!!!!!!!” The brunette 
didn’t have a  chance to scream, as his sudden stop flung her toward the far wall, 
right above the pit of dip. She  smashed on the wall flat on her back, spread eagle, 
and stayed there for a  moment, before starting to peel from the wall.
	The families stood there in silent shock. All the ropes and poles they had  
were being dissolved, so no one could throw anything to save her. Dakota  couldn’t 
grab on to anything, and gravity kept peeling her from the wall more and more. But 
even in this  moment, she kept her scowl, and her defiant glance. After all, this  
particular batch of dip had no effect on her. But just before she lost her hold on the 
wall, she screamed with all her might:
	“YOU’RE A LOUSY KISSER, TEX!!!!!!!!!”
	[SPLASH!!!]
	It was as if she fell into the dip in slow motion, and no one could do  
anything to save her.
	Painfully, they set all the youngsters back on the floor, and stood. Tex  
limped as near the pit as he dared, hoping against hope that Dakota had been  right 
about the dip.
	Then, he saw her hair emerge. 
	And that was all that emerged from the dip.

EPILOGUE  -  ETERNITY  

	Tex stood alone in the middle of a field, wearing sackcloth, with ashes on  
his head and drooped ears.
	He felt tired, so *very* tired.
	“Dakota Dee chose the wide and meandering path, the path of darkness,  
despite multiple warnings, and she received the consequences. She left  behind no 
friends, no descendants, and no one to carry on for her, unless her parents decide to 
have another  child, who will never meet her in person. Dakota Dee has been judged, 
and  sentenced accordingly. And now, no more can be done.” The grieving buck 
pulled out a rose out of nowhere, and  laid it in front of a very small headstone. His 
swollen eyes and worn  incisors indicated that he had been there for quite a while. 
He spoke again, with a choked voice, hindered by heavy  sobs, “Dee, it—it didn’t 
have to end this way!! Not like this!! He refused  to put you in a decent plot—and 
gave you an unmarked grave!!! I—I didn’t—mind—paying for the headstone—sorry 
it’s  so small—it’s all I could afford—my brothers didn’t want to lend me any  
money—for it—” He shook his head, and covered his eyes, “If you’d only 
listened—!! Now—now  *my* payment for what I felt for you—will continue—for 
now—and until Kingdom  come—I’ll always pray for you—” At that, the green 
buck turned, and slowly padded away from  the stone, with a slight limp. In the 
distance, under a tree, a young female  toon was waiting.
	“Will you be okay now, Tex?”
	“I—I hope so, Tally, I—I hope I can recover—I have to move on—I hope I 
have  the strength.”
	She held his arm, “You have your family and friends to help you—and me,  
too. I’ll do what I can, Tex. I don’t know what I can do just yet, but I’ll  figure it 
out.”
	With that, both youngsters left the scene, leaving a small headstone  proclaim 
to no one:  DAKOTA DEE Loved by only one toon. 1999-2013 
	They were about to leave, but the green lagomorph stopped: his sensitive  
ears were picking up an odd sound.
	“What?” asked the black feline.
	“Um—nothing—I thought I heard a chain just now—I thought someone was  
repairing a car around here.” A silver flash caught his eye, and he saw a  dime on the 
ground. He thought about picking it up, but decided not to, because he didn’t need it.  
With that, the two toons left. 
	The spirit tugged and tugged, but was unable to free herself. She cursed  the 
buck for being so generous that he left the dime where it was. She could  only hope 
now that someone else who travelled this lone road would see the dime she had 
snagged herself  on and pick it up, freeing her, because that was her punishment, for 
now,  and for eternity: the same punishment for those whose works she did and 
whose paths she followed… 
	…proving to Heaven and Hell that she was truly Jacob Marley’s Daughter.

THE END / DAS ENDE / DIE EINDE / EINDE / EL FIN / O FIN / LE FIN / IL 
FINE /  SFIRSIT / KONIEC / KONEC / BEIGAS / LOPPU / TELOS / SOF / 
TAMAT / LIAU LIAU  / DANEH O’ / WAN-LE / OWARIMASU / SLUTT / 
SLUT / UXUL

ENCORE  -  I WEEP FOR THE SOULS…  

	The J stood before the microphone, and Anni was on drums  with a 
microphone  in front of her. A.J. stood behind a keyboard rack, Nolan on guitar, and  
Bekki on bass. Anni marked the time, and the band began a fast rock song, yet it was 
mellow and sad.  After the introduction, J began, 
	“*Somewhere in the darkest night
	A stranger has lost the way.*” Dakota walked into a dark alley.
	He shivered, “*Cold wind and a distant light
	Has carried her heart away.*” She looked at him with total hatred.
	“*Some say she was one of us.*” A toon? A friend? A Waiting One?
	“*A prodigal gone astray.*” Due to parental neglect?
	J and Anni, “*But inside she’s as cold as ice—!!!*” More shivers.
	J, “*To the truth that she won’t obey!*” Dakota threw the Book into the  fire.
	“*She won’t discern—*” And watched it burn.
	“*The point of no return—in the—*” 
	All, “*Last daze, the final haze!*”
	J, “*There was—strong delusion to believe a lie. In the—*”
	All, “*Last daze before the blaze.*”
	J, “*She couldn’t see beyond her misty trance.*” Dakota smiled as she  
looked at her monitor.
	“*To grab the truth and have a fighting chance!*” Tex knelt before her,  
weeping.
	J looked up, “*In the last daze…*”
	All sighed, “*Last daze…*” She walked away, toward the darkness. 
	Everyone shuddered, “*_Cold chills_ when the Spirit speaks
	J, “*That some shall depart from the Faith.*” Dakota eyed the ghost with  
contempt.
	“*All ends in calamity—!*” She fell into the pit.
	“*Just when she thought it was safe.*” And all looked at her helplessly.
	“*She followed the lies.*” She read the biography, and gave an evil smile.
	“*The fables men devised—in the—*” 
	All, “*Last daze, the final haze!*” Dakota smiled in her laboratory.
	J, “*There was—strong delusion to believe a lie. In the—*”
	All, “*Last daze before the blaze.*”
	J looked down, almost weeping. “*She couldn’t see beyond their misty  
trance.*”
	He clenched his fists in frustration, “*To grab the truth and have a  fighting 
chance!
	In the last dazeeeeeeee…*” 
	A.J. and Nolan played a sad solo for a while, as they saw scenes of Dakota  
rejecting every warning, scoffing at the ghosts, rejecting J, rejecting Tex,  rejecting 
her uncle, rejecting Granny, rejecting her cousins, rejecting Leo and Miranda, and 
rejecting  Montana. She smiled as the Book slowly turned to ashes. After a while, J 
and  Anni shrugged, 
	“*Some say it’s a certainty.*”
	He opened *his* Book, “*‘A sign of the times’, I am told.*”
	But the others wept, “*Wo——!*”
	And he did, too: “*But I weep for the souls of those who will never return  to 
the fold—*” The ghost trudged on.
	The rest echoed in despair, “*Never return to the fold—!!*” 
	J, “*In the—*”
	All, “*Last daze, the final haze.*”
	J, “*There was—strong delusion to believe a lie!! In the—*”
	All, “*Last daze before the blaze.*”
	J, “*She couldn’t see beyond her misty trance.
	To grab the truth and have a fighting chance!
	In the last daze…*”
	The others replied, “*Last daze…*”
	J, “*Last daze!*”
	All, “*Last daze…*”
	J, “*It’s the last daze!*”
	All, “*Last daze…*”
	J, “*Wo—wo—yeah! Na-na-na-na-na-na-yeah!*”
	“*Last daze…*”
	J,“*Last daze—! Na-na-na-yeah!*” The rest echoed as the song and light  
faded to oblivion,
	All, “*Last daze…
	Last daze…
	Last daze…*”

******* 

	What, you thought I was going to end it right here? This is a story about  
choices, and their consequences. What was presented here was the result of  one 
choice. Now, here are the consequences of *another* choice.

*******

ALTERNATE STAVE FIVE  -  THE LAST OF THE SPIRITS (ENDING)

	“Is this correct?” she asked him, her eyes now shining with hope, the  
oppression finally lifting from her heart. “I can start new and help  others?”
	And for the only time in this visit, the ghost nodded.
	For the first time in the entire ordeal, Dakota felt peace, and let out a  
relieved sigh. She turned once again to him—
	But he was gone.
	Then, slowly, whatever light there was around her began fading.
	Silent terror filled her once again. She screamed, “WAIT!! I will honour  
Christmas in my heart, and try to keep it all year long!! I will live in the  Past, the 
Present, and the Future!! All three Spirits will be within me!!! I won’t ignore the 
lessons that they  taught me!! Is it—is it too late???”
	No one was there to listen.
	Had it been too late to turn from evil? Should she have acted instead of  
asking so many questions? 
	Dakota fell on her hands and knees. The ghost of Christmas Future had left  
her there, but her thoughts were in total turmoil.
	No light.
	No sound.
	No companion.
	Alone.
	Not only that, but there was such an oppression over her, such an  incredible 
fear, it reached right to her heart. And she felt it, too:  shortness of breath, a horrible 
pain right in the centre of her chest, unable to cry for help, feeling like she was 
dying… 
	Dying… 
	Alone. 
	Slowly, she got used to the oppression, but she still felt like she was at  the 
brink of death. She didn’t know how long she stayed there, unable to  move. Some 
time later, she turned her head.
	Everything in the saloon was still the same.
	All this reminded her of a song, and perhaps it was her own mind bringing  
up the memory to counter the torment of the silence, but in the background,  the low 
strains of a cello sounded, enhanced a light the strumming on a guitar. Dee sighed 
and stood,  feeling the words well up inside her, remembering the song.
	It seemed so *right*.
	She didn’t dare look up, though. 
	“*I’m standing on a bridge; I’m waiting in the dark.
	I thought that you’d be here—by now.*” Tex always seemed to follow her,  
even through time.
	“*There’s nothing but the rain, no footsteps on the ground.*” She  
remembered the rain of the earlier night…
	“*I’m listening but there’s no sound.*” Just silence filled with terror. 
	“*Isn’t anyone trying to find me?*” Her parents?
	“*Won’t someone come take me home?*” Her aunts and uncles? Her 
cousins?
	“*It’s a _[darn]-cold_ night—!*” She hugged herself, her pyjamas suddenly  
losing their ability to warm her.
	“*Trying to figure _out-this_ life!
	Won’t you—take me by the hand—
	Take me somewhere new?*” She walked outside.
	“*I don’t know who you are but I—*” She realised she really didn’t know 
Tex  that well.
	“*I’m with you.
	I’m with you, mmmm…*” She walked the streets of the dilapidated town,  
shivering in the December wind. 
	“*I’m looking for a place; I’m searching for a face.*” A green buck’s face,  
actually.
	“*Is there anybody here—I know?
	Cause nothing’s going right, and everything’s a mess.*” She looked at the  
saloon, and its broken windows, and the shadows replayed in her mind.
	“*And no one likes to be alone.*” 
	“*Isn’t anyone trying to find me?
	Won’t someone come take me home?*” Not even Tex?
	“*It’s a _[darn]-cold_ night—!*” She yelled at the night.
	“*Trying to figure _out-this_ life!
	Won’t you—take me by the hand—*” She reached out to a shadow of Tex, 
but it  faded away.
	“*Take me somewhere new?*” Confusion and terror filled her as the entire  
town faded away, leaving her alone in the sand and gravel…
	“*I don’t know who you are but I—*” Pleading, hoping…
	“*I’m with you.
	I’m with you, yeah-yeah.*” Completely alone, Dakota seemed to plead with  
the very air. 
	“*Oh! Why is everything so confusing?!*” She glanced around at the dark  
emptiness.
	“*Maybe I’m just out of my mind!*” And nearly pulled out her own hair in  
desperation.
	“*Yeah yeah-yeah! Yeah-yeah! Yeah-_yeah_! Yeah-_yeah_!  
YEAAAAAAAAAAAHAA!!!!!!!*” Finally, she calmed, kneeled, and sang softly. 
	“*It’s a _[darn]-cold_ night,
	Trying to figure _out-this_ life.
	Won’t you—take me by the hand—*” Slow tears fell.
	“*Take me somewhere new?*” Suddenly a bright light seemed to shine down 
on  Dakota.
	“*I don’t know Who You are but I—*” She looked up, and screamed.
	“*I’M WITH YOUUUUUUU!!! I’M WITH YOUUUUUUU!!!*” Maybe she 
wasn’t seeking  her family.
	“*Take me by the hand—take me somewhere new!*” Or Tex.
	“*I don’t know Who You are but I—*” But Someone much more powerful, 
Who  could change all of this.
	“*I’M WITH YOUUUUUUU!!! I’M WITH YOUUUUUUU!!!*” The One 
Who had  orchestrated this whole warning.
	“*Take me by the hand—take me somewhere new!*” And she had heeded 
the  warning.
	“*I don’t know Who You are but I—*” As the light brightened, Dee sensed a  
presence, and reached toward it. The human felt the Presence take her hand,  and a 
flood of peace filled her heart.
	“*I’m with you,*” The hand seemed to have a puncture wound in it.
	“*I’m with you,*” She knew perfectly well Who It was.
	“*I’m with you,*” She whispered, as the Light brightened, and faded the  
scene into whiteness. 
	“I’m with *you*....” she heard.

ALTERNATE STAVE SIX  -  AFTERSHOCKS  

	The next thing she knew was that the hand that she was holding had turned  
into her bed curtain, and that she was kneeling in front of one of the  bedposts. 
Glancing around, she saw that her stereo was still there, the bed was intact, the 
balcony doors were  shut, and the fireplace was smouldering slightly. “YES!!” she 
squealed. “It  was all real!! Everything’s still here!! I still have time to change 
things!!” Still kneeling, she repeated to  the ceiling, “I will honour Christmas in my 
heart, and try to keep it all  year long!! I won’t ignore the lessons that they taught 
me!!! AND I WON’T DIE!!! YAY!!!” Then, like the proper toon she  was, she 
began bouncing all over the room a-la Daffy Duck, with the  required, “WOO-
HOO!! WOO- HOO!! WOO-HOO!! WOO-HOO!!” that normally accompanied 
such celebration. She  twirled around a bedpost, squealing, “Whoo! I’m light as a 
feather! I have  no idea what to do now!!” She crawled under the covers just for the 
fun of it, “I have no idea  what I’m doing!! I’m as giddy as a schoolgirl—!!” 
Suddenly she popped out of  the covers, “What am I saying? I AM a schoolgirl!!!”
	She jumped out of the bed and continued bouncing in the morning light. As  
she did, she took a closer look at the various parts of her room. The floor  from 
where Howard Hughes entered, the fireplace, the recliner, the balcony doors, the 
clock on top of  the door—
	She did a double take, and stared at the date. That couldn’t be right!  Well, 
she didn’t actually care if it was correct or not, because today was  the first day of 
the rest of her life, and she intended to use it to start making up for all the wrongs 
she had  committed. But she HAD to know. With a swift kick, the balcony doors 
burst  open and she stepped out into the sunlight—the *sunlight*! Not the cold night 
or bitter darkness of a desert!  THE DAYTIME!! But still, she couldn’t bring herself 
to trust her clock.  Then, something in the distance caught her eye. There was 
someone walking in front of the mansion, perhaps a  morning jogger—
	With a very toony zoom, she dashed out of her room, down the hall, down 
the  stairs, out the main doors, through the front yard, burst through the main  gate, 
and stopped only to grab the toon from the front of his Hound’s-tooth trench coat 
while planting  her feet on his torso. “YOU!!!”
	The adult male albino rat was scared out of his depression by this young  
pyjama-clad humanmaid suddenly grabbing him. “Wha—?”
	“What day is it???!!!” demanded the crazy teenager.
	The rat just looked at her, grinding his teeth in confusion. “Wot? What’ya  
mean what day is it?” And to top it all off, he had a British accent!
	“Yes!! I need to know what day is today!!!”
	“Whoi, it’s Christmas Day, lass. And Oi’d like to add, that’s hardly a way  to 
treat an adult, don’t you know?”
	Suddenly she realised just how she was holding him. “Oh, right.” With a  
sheepish grin, she released him and dropped to the snow. Her bare feet, in  contrast 
to the rat’s Wellingtons, stiffened under the chill of the snow, sending shivers all 
over her, but  they were *good* shivers, because they told the teenager that the snow 
was  real. She shifted around rather sheepishly. “Sorry, but you wouldn’t believe the 
night I had!” She hugged  herself, partly because of her joy, and partly because the 
low temperature  was starting to get to her.
	The male adjusted his blue scarf, “Say, lass, shouldn’t you have a sweater  
on, at least?” He was getting concerned more for this child’s mental status,  though.
	“NO!!” she blurted, smiling, frolicking about, “The cold—the cold is 
REAL!!  I can feel it, at last!! The snow is real!! It’s not a dream or a vision or  a 
shadow!! I’ve never felt like this before! I finally feel the world!!” Her own modesty 
prevented her from  frolicking naked in a world she seemed to step into for the first 
time in  her life. Suddenly she stopped frolicking and turned to the rodent, “Wait, did 
you say it’s Christmas Day?”
	“Aye.”
	“It’s Christmas Day—for real???!!”
	“Aye, it is. Whoi do you ask?”
	She shivered, and her voice trembled a trifle, “Bad night, like I said…”  
Then, she realised something, “Wow…they did it in one night…”
	“Huh? Who did what?”
	Suddenly the brunette grabbed his paw and proceeded to dance around the  
sidewalk, with the bewildered albino rat in tow. “They did it in one night!  They did 
it in one night! THEY DID IT IN ONE NIGHT! I HAVEN’T MISSED IT!!!” 
Bouncing again, she repeated,  “I’m lighter than air! I have no idea what I’m doing!! 
I’m as giddy as a  schoolgirl—!!” Suddenly she stopped and did a face palm, “Ugh, I 
said it again! I AM a schoolgirl!!!  BUT WHO CARES!!! WOO HOO!!”
	“Yes, and I’m married with a very jealous wife, so please unhand me!!”  
demanded the adult.
	“Sorry!” she yelped as she released him. “I’ll buy you a car for your  
trouble!! MERRY CHRISTMAS TO THE WORLD!!!”
	Now the rodent was pondering seriously that there was something wrong 
with  the child. But first thing was first, “Uh, that’s all well and good, lass,  but 
you’re going to get frostbit if you keep goin’ like you are presently.”
	The humanmaid stopped and saw that she was still clad in her silk pyjamas.  
“Oh, silly me, I forgot to get dressed just now—” It was here where she  noticed that 
something *else* was amiss. “Hold it—we’re in California. Why are you talking 
with a British  accent?”
	“Because Oi’m from Britain, wot. Oi moved here with my family a whoile  
back.”
	Here, something clicked. “You’re—British—British—British—” She 
shuffled in  the snow, trying to remember. “British—I remember Daddy talking 
about a  British family that moved here a while back—they were—they were—” She 
looked up at him, “Say,  your last name wouldn’t happen to be C-C-C-C-Carrotte?” 
Her jaw was now  twitching involuntarily.
	Now seriously concerned, he picked her up and held her close, brushing the  
snow off her feet. “Yes, it is, whoi do you ask?”
	“C-C-C-C-Carrotte—say, isn’t there someone in your family who’s having  
p-p-p-problems with a baby or something?”
	He rubbed warmth into her shoulders, “Yes, my soon-to-be niece is having  
problems. There’s been a charity drive, but it hasn’t helped much.” He  sighed as the 
brunette suddenly felt the bite of the cold, though she appeared to be deep in 
thought. “It  was a real blow to all of the family that so many problems started out so  
soon, blast it that it had to happen at Christmas time! We all love Leo and Miranda; 
we stayed with them in the  hospital for so long that none of us had the time to 
prepare a proper  Christmas dinner, wot—and we’re chefs, of all people!! Blast it, Oi 
would gladly give up dinner for the rest of my  life if it would help Miranda and her 
baby. The hospital got a bit gloomy so  Oi had to get out and walk even for a 
mmmmMMMPHH—!!”
	“I c-c-c-can help her!!” she stuttered, clamping his jaw shut.
	“Hhhwhh?”
	“I c-c-c-can help her!!” she repeated. “I c-c-c-can help them—and YOU!  
Gosh, no wonder you had a face as long as a horse just now! Come! I  n-n-n-need 
you to come inside!!” She squirmed out of his grasp and grabbed his paw again, 
dragging him back into  the mansion as quickly as she could.
	“But—lass! My family’s waitin’ for me!!”
	“Call them and tell them you’ll be there in a bit!! I need to give you  
something!!!!”
	Here, the rat noticed something, “Hey, wait! Isn’t this Montana’s mansion?  
Oi don’t think Oi’m allowed in here!!”
	“YOU HAVE *MY* PERMISSION!!! NOW COME ON!!!”
	Once back inside, the cold slowly lost its grip on the humanmaid. Dakota  
dragged the adult up to her office, and she ran to her desk. There, he  looked in 
wonder as she pulled out several file chips (they replaced the DVD-ROM a while 
back) as well as some  stacks of folders, notebooks, and note pads. Not knowing how 
to present them  to him, she grabbed the first thing she found: an expensive suitcase, 
stuffed the information in, and  handed it to the murid.
	“That will help your niece—wait, I forgot something.” She was giggling, for  
some reason. Taking another briefcase, she ran to her closet, opened a safe,  and 
began stuffing it with money, not bothering to count it. “All of this—hee hee!!—is 
for all the  doctors to use the info as best as they can—hee hee!!” She shoved the  
suitcase at him as well. Both suitcases were huge and bulky, and the male was barely 
able to hold them steady. “Oh, but  wait, you can’t carry all this by yourself all the 
way back to the  hospital!!”
	“Well, no Oi can’t, but—”
	She jumped to her desk and turned on the intercom. “Get my helicopter ready  
to leave for Acme General NOW!! This is an emergency—hee hee!!—AND I’M  
SERIOUS!!!” The rat stiffened when he realised that the youngster’s giggling 
sounded eerily  similar to Elmyra’s. “Oh, by the way—hee hee!!—I’m handing the 
deed of  ownership to the hospital as well— hee hee!!—they can put the helicopter 
to better use than I can—hee hee hee  hee!!—if you want to work for them, it’s fine 
with me!!! I’ll give you the  best severance package you’ve ever laid your eyes on!! 
HA HA HA HA HA HA!!!” She turned to the adult,  pushing him away, “The 
heliport is on the roof—just take the elevator down  the hall—HA HA HA!!!— wait, 
did you say you didn’t prepare dinner? Don’t worry—HA HA HA HA  HA!!!!—I’ll 
take care of that, too!! NOW GO!! YOUR NIECE NEEDS YOU!! AND YOU  
CAN KEEP THE SUITCASES!!!” She practically shoved him out the door, 
slammed it shut,  and bounced back to her desk to order the best and biggest dinner 
from the  most exclusive—
	No.
	But then, she proceeded anyway, and dialled a number. “Hello? Club Swank? 
I  call now because I was *about* to place an order for the BIGGEST Christmas  
dinner you could come up with, with money being no object, BUT I’M NOT 
GOING TO ORDER IT  ANYMORE!! HA!! And do you know why? BECAUSE 
**YOU** DON’T NEED THE MONEY!! No, I’m going to give someone else the 
chance to do something much BIGGER  than you could ever come up with!! 
MERRY CHRISTMAS!!” She slammed her phone  down, and grabbed the phone 
book. There, she looked up the name of the grocery store  that she saw with 
Christmas Present, looked up all the delis and diners in  that area, and made a few 
phone calls. Acme General was going to have a feast it would never forget!! She  
had quite a problem getting people to take her seriously because she was  giggling so 
much, and then the giggling turned to an uncontrollable guffaw, so uncontrollable 
that after  she made the last phone call she dropped to the floor, rolling, sweating,  
and laughing like never before in her life. 
	She didn’t know for how long she laughed, but at last, she got up, needing  to 
do more. She dashed out of her room, but stopped when she came up to the  
portraits. For some reason, they looked brighter, more handsome even, especially 
one in particular.  “Thank you, Mister Hughes, for the warning. I’ll never forget 
you—and I hope  a bit of your punishment has been removed, as it happened with 
Mister Scrooge and Jacob Marley.” She blew the  portrait a kiss, and went on her 
way. 
	Elmyra was wearing her blue nightgown and was sitting in front of the  
vanity mirror in the master bedroom, brushing her hair—
	“OOF!!!”
	—and then she was on the floor with her daughter hugging her like never  
before.
	“MERRY CHRISTMAS, MOM!!!”
	“Wh-what? Dee? What’s going on?” She wondered why her daughter was  
practically matted with sweat.
	“I’M HAPPY, THAT’S WHAT’S GOING ON!!!” Dakota looked around, 
and suddenly  asked worriedly, “Where’s Dad?”
	The adult sighed, “I’m afraid your father decided to go to Aspen after all.  He 
said it was business, but now I’m starting to doubt that.”
	Dakota helped her mother get up. “Um, Mom?”
	“Yes, Dee?”
	“Are you still going to Uncle Duncan’s party tonight?”
	“Why, of course I am, Dee! Your Uncle Duncan always prepares the best  
parties ever!!”
	Sheepishly, and even slightly ashamed, the youngster asked, “Um—can I 
come  too?”
	For a moment, Elmyra wondered if this was her real daughter. “You—you 
want  to come?”
	“Y-yes. I—I know I’ve been very rude to all your—our—relatives—I think 
it’s  time I changed that—too bad Daddy won’t be there.”
	Elmyra caressed her daughter’s real sweat-drenched hair. “I’m glad you  
changed your mind, Dee. It will be a big surprise for your Uncle Duncan!”
	Dakota smiled, her face shining—and now, tears glistened. “Mom?”
	“Yes?”
	“Th—thanks for having me—and not giving up on me—” Her voice choked 
up as  she hugged her mother like never before, weeping with joy and repentance,  
making Elmyra happily confused. 
	Later, Dakota Dee was now properly dressed for winter, almost. She had a  
long light blue coat, but donned blue jeans and white sneakers. She ran from  her 
mansion, needing to find several people immediately. As she looked for them, she 
couldn’t help but  take in the beauty of the snow in the city. Even the dirty sloshes 
on the  street seemed beautiful to her; it was as if she was looking at everything for 
the first time—
	She suddenly jumped from the sidewalk onto the driver side door of a blue  
1958 Nash Metropolitan. “GRANNY!!!”
	The ancient toon yelped and slammed the brakes, making the car skid to a  
stop on the crunched snow below it. Gasping and holding her chest, she  scolded, 
“CHILD!! What are you trying to do? Give me a heart attack and finish off what you 
started last  night??”
	Sheepishly again, the repentant toon replied, “Oh, yeah, about that,  
Granny—please consider that outburst—as a horrible thing for me to say about  this 
day—and please forgive the actions of a spoiled girl.”
	Granny didn’t know what to make of that, but the child seemed sincere to  
her. “This is—very sudden, Dee, considering what you said—and did—last  night. 
Why the sudden change of heart?”
	The child shook her head. “It’s—a long story—a VERY long story—and I 
had a  VERY long night—are you still taking donations for the fund of the  
Carrotte’s baby?”
	“Yes, I am,” she replied suspiciously, adjusting her glasses.
	“Oh, good! I’m glad you didn’t give up. The baby’s uncle will soon contact  
you about a donation that was made this morning—I hope it’s enough—and if it  
isn’t—” She didn’t know what else to do except pull out bags and bags of money 
and throw them  in the back seat.
	“Dee? What—?”
	She was giggling again. “I—hee hee!!—hope this helps out—hee hee!!—and 
I’m  throwing in for what I—and my dad—didn’t give before—hee hee!!—you 
know the  charities better than I do, Granny—hee hee!!—I know you’ll know how to 
handle all  this!!”
	“Dee, are you serious? Do your parents know about this?” The elder looked  
worriedly as bag after bag kept piling in.
	“Yes!! And it’s MY money!! I can do whatever I want with it!! HA HA HA 
HA  HA HA HA!!!” She threw the last bag in, and reached inside to hug Granny as  
best as she could. “Merry Christmas, Granny! And happy new year!!!”
	She kissed the elder’s cheek, and with that, the teenager jumped to the  street 
and ran, powered by her new joy. “Uh—Merry Christmas, Dee!!” was all  that 
Granny could say now. 
	Tex, with his thick black coat, emerged from the tree stump, and looked up.  
It was a sunny morning, with the forest glowing with light reflected from  the snow. 
He slowly trudged away from the stump, head and ears down, and teeth grinding 
loudly. His  puffy and bloodshot eyes indicated that he had a long night of weeping.  
Tonight there would be a bazillion rabbits here for the Christmas party, and he 
needed some time alone to  recover before his relatives arrived. He shuddered 
suddenly, partly because  of the cold, and partly because of unspeakable grief. It was 
as if Dakota had died—
	“TEX BUNNY!!!!!!”
	The shout made him jump ten metres into the air. When he came back down, 
he  saw Dakota Dee standing in front of him, with the most fearsome scowl he had  
ever seen on her. “D-Dee?”
	“Tex, WHAT is the meaning of NOT showing up for work today??!!” she  
growled, fists at her sides.
	With his ears diagonally down in fright, he chattered, “Wh-what?? Dee—you  
know perfectly well why, *two* reasons, actually! One: it’s Christmas, an  *official* 
holiday, and two: I—I quit, remember?”
	“Oh? And did you think I was just going to STAND there and watch your tail  
leave my office??”
	“Uh—didn’t you?”
	“I’m not going to stand for this anymore, Tex. With or without you, I’m  
going to make changes around here! And I’m talking RADICAL CHANGES!!!”
	She was leaning into his face, making him lean back. Slowly, he reached  
behind him, preparing to brandish a mallet. “D-Dee, what are you talking  about? I 
can’t help you anymore!”
	“‘HELP’??” she blurted, as if she had been asked for a weasel. “Oh, my dear  
Tex, help me YOU WILL!! And do you know WHY??!!”
	He firmly held the mallet handle. “W-why?”
	“Because you’re RE-HIRED!!!”
	Both stood there, completely still, despite the uncomfortable position they  
were in. Something didn’t seem to register with Tex. “I’m *what*?”
	“You heard me!! You’re hired again!! Complete with vacation, bonuses, 
back  pay, and a raise!! And what’s more, I’m making you my PARTNER!! I may 
have  lost The J, but I’m NOT going to lose YOU!!” She poked his chest, “Is—
that—CLEAR??!!” The buck  was about to ask her something, but she couldn’t keep 
her scowl any longer  and she just clung to him, laughing like never before. He 
didn’t know what else to do but embrace  her too, though soon he had to hold her 
tight to keep her upright because  she was laughing incredibly hard—
	—a *genuine* laugh, caused by happiness, not evil.
	After a while, she calmed down, and the lagomorph was finally able to ask,  
“Dee—are you all right?” She only nodded, smiling at him. “Are—are you  serious? 
What’s going on? Why are you acting like this?”
	“S-sorry, Tex!! But now I know why Scrooge did that to Bob Cratchit!! The  
look on your face was *priceless*!!”
	He winced, but raised his ears. “What? Scrooge? Bob Cratchit? Dee, what 
are  you talking about?”
	The brunette held him closer, “Tex—something—incredible happened to me 
last  night—I don’t know how to explain this—or maybe—this will sound familiar.”  
She stood back, sighed, and sang softly, 
	“*And it’s not a cry you can hear at night,
	It’s not somebody who’s seen the Light!
	It’s a cold and it’s a broken Hallelujah!*” Tex’s jaw thudded on the snow. 
	“*Hallelujah,
	Hallelujah,
	Hallelujah,
	Hallelujah,
	Hallelujah,
	Hallelujah,
	Hallelujah,
	Halleluuuuuuuujaaah.*” 
	Dakota chuckled at the dumbfounded look on Tex’s face. “It’s *quite* the  
long story, Texie—”
	*Texie?*
	“—If you’ve ever read Dickens you’d have an *inkling* of what happened to  
me, in the space of one night.” She sighed, exhausted, and repeated, “I  promise, 
dear Tex, to honour Christmas, and East—erm—Passover—and why not, 
*Hanukkah*—in my heart. Not  just during the season but throughout the year. I 
won’t forget the lessons  given to me by the past, present, and future I’ve been 
shown.”
	Dickens? Past? Present? Future? “W—wha—you mean—all that——
happened to  you—?”
	She nodded. “Yes, Texie, I was Scrooged. And—I chose the path you’re  
walking. I chose to follow, not to lead. I—I chose the Light, Texie.” The  green 
lapine in front of him didn’t know what to think.
	“That—that—explains last night—”
	“I know. It was the longest night I’ve ever—”
	“No,” he held her arm. “Last night, we said our prayers before bed, but for  
some reason, I kept at it. My brothers went to bed right then, but I  couldn’t stop. I 
didn’t know what was going on, but I prayed like never before—I thought it was 
because of the  Carrotte’s baby—but everything kept coming back to *you*. I didn’t 
know what  was the deal with you, but everything just flowed out of me— I was 
fighting a battle I didn’t know—I  never felt such urgency or despair—I nearly 
ground my teeth to nothing! When  everything finally stopped at 6 a.m.—I felt—as 
if you had died.”
	“It was *you*…” she whispered. She caressed some of his matted facial fur,  
“It was *you* who kept it up! Texie, thank you!!” She hugged him *very*  tightly 
now, nearly squeezing the wind out of him. “Just so you know—yes, I felt like I 
died—but  then—I felt alive again, Texie. I’ve never felt like this before, though.  
Everything just looks so—so new! Even you!! I feel like I’m a newborn baby! 
And—and because everything *is*  sorta new for me—I need help. My straight and 
narrow path seems to have  quite a few bumps and potholes—due to my neglect. I—
I need you to help me.” She let go of him and  held her hands behind her, blushing 
furiously now, and fidgeting on the  snow. “Well—actually—I just, sorta, need 
*you*, period. I—I’ve realized how you feel—about me—and—and—I—I  think I 
feel the same.”
	Suddenly, it all came down to the male. “Huh?? You mean—you——you—
——?”
	The female took a deep breath, gently held his paws, and looked earnestly  at 
him, “I—I love you, Tex.”
	For a long moment, the leporid looked into her eyes, searching for any hint  
of deception, for during his time as her sidekick he had trained himself to  spot them.
	After a while, he realised he was finding none.
	And finally, it hit him that she was telling the truth, the whole truth,  and 
nothing but the truth.
	Therefore, he reacted accordingly:
	The buck smiled like never before, and suddenly began jumping randomly all  
around his beloved, screaming, “YAAAAAAAAAAYYYYYYYYYYYY!!!!!!!!! 
WOO-HOO!! WOO-HOO!! WOO-HOO!! WOO-HOO!!”
	The humanmaid laughed again, “Texie, you look like a superball!!”
	“AND I FEEL LIKE ONE TOO!!! MERRY CHRISTMAS TO 
**ME**!!!!!!!!!!!!”
	She giggled, “Merry Christmas to Texie!”
	Suddenly, he stopped in front of her, and put his arms around her.  “And——
merry Christmas to you, my love.”
	She smiled and returned the embrace. She had hugged others before, but this  
time, it was quite different. “I could get used to this,” she commented  about this 
new feeling.
	Happy tears flowed from him. “Dee—you—you don’t know——how  
long—I’ve——I’ve—————asked————————for—————————” 
Softly, human and rabbit connected at the lips.
	“Oh, I could DEFINITELY get used to this,” thought the female, now getting  
quite thoroughly lost in the kiss as it deepened. After a while, the  brunette pulled 
back, and took a few steps back. She just stood there, gazing at him for the longest.
	“Dee?” he asked, wincing a bit.
	She seemed to have problems speaking, though she looked like she had  
something very important to say. “There—there was a future—” she began. The  
humanmaid took a deep breath, “There was a shadow of the future—that—that I 
saw.”
	The male then caught her sense of dread. “What—what did you see?”
	The female looked at the distance. “I saw the Carrottes in mourning,  because 
their baby was lost—also—my father in mourning, but auctioning off  all my stuff—
I don’t know how it happened—but—but it was—” She whispered so only he could 
hear, “Dip.”
	The buck paled when he heard that word. “Oh—my—but—but—you 
stopped it,  didn’t you? You changed the future now, right? Since you changed your 
ways,  you—you changed everything else that will happen, right?”
	“I—I hope so—you see—I—I saw you, too.”
	His right ear fell. “Oh—I—I wasn’t dead—was I?”
	The Caucasian wrapped her arms around herself, gazing off into the  
distance, as she remembered, “No, Tex. You were in mourning, too.”
	“I certainly would be—if I lost *you*,” he smiled weakly.
	She turned to him, “That was something I kept asking myself, Texie. *Why*  
did you mourn me, when the world did not? *What* had I done to deserve your  
tears? Even after you had chosen to move on, and found—somebody else—I was 
still in your head.”
	The blue buck pondered on that, then he held her hands and gave his answer,  
“Because—maybe I was the only one who saw a bit of good in you, or at least  a 
*potential* of good— even when everyone else gave up hope—maybe what I did 
last night was keep  that dying ember of good from extinguishing forever—and 
maybe—because I love  you for no reason at all.”
	The female freed a hand to rub her eyes. Her voice was starting to choke,  
“You must have some super powered eyes, Texie, I guess it comes from all  those 
carrots you eat, because I had that bit hidden pretty deep, you know.”
	Leaning his ears toward her, he wiped her eyes, “And you opened up and let  
it rise to a flame. Now everyone will see it too.”
	The girl whispered, “I didn’t want to be alone—I guess nobody does—but—I  
finally saw you for what you are. Your kindness, consideration, and  goodness—” 
she gently caressed Tex’s cheek fur. “I was such a fool...”
	“But now you’ve changed. You won’t be a fool anymore. You won’t be 
alone  anymore. We’ll be together, now and forever.” He rubbed his chin on her  
hand, and then he embraced her.
	As they moved closer, she whispered, “Forever…” and kissed again.
	Both were so lost that they didn’t notice another toon approach the stump  
and ring the doorbell. An orange doe with a black jacket and black pants  emerged to 
greet her boyfriend, a rat-cat hybrid, who wore a red jacket with matching pants. 
Bekki kissed  Nolan, “Good morning, love. How’s your aunt?”
	He helped her out of the stump. The kiss had made him smile briefly, but  his 
face, whiskers, ears, and tail lowered as he replied, “No changes, but  at least she’s 
not getting worse than she was last night. Oi’ll be going to the hospital later today.”
	Her ears lowered too. “[CENSORED], I can’t imagine how things must be 
for  your family right now. But do you [CENSORED] think that maybe later on you  
and A.J. will join the rest of us? We’re [CENSORED] going sledding, all my 
brothers, and J’s  cousins, too.”
	The carnivore-rodent smiled slightly, showing his canines and incisors. “Oi  
think Oi can make it—huh?” Something in the distance caught his eye, making  him 
grind his teeth in confusion. He looked behind her and asked, “Say, ain’t that Dakota 
and Tex?”
	The lagomorph turned, and looked at the couple in question, wincing. “Well,  
either it’s them—or someone just [CENSORED] broke the record of the most  
[CENSORED] lawn ornament—” She took a closer look, ears stiffening behind her. 
“—OR THAT  [CENSORED] IS EATING MY BROTHER ALIVE!!!!!!”
	Now Nolan took a closer look, and couldn’t help but ask, “What the  
[CENSORED]?” Then, with a chuckle, he added, “Heh, looks rather mutual to  me, 
luv.” Bekki just tensed and was about to warp—
	—when the felid-murid grabbed her arm, stopping her. Before she could  
launch a barrage of curses at him, he asked, “Wait a mo. Why isn’t Tex  struggling 
to get away, if she was eating him? Actually the whole scene looks strangely—
mutual.”
	The irate leporid spat, “MUTUAL?? Please, it’s [CENSORED] not as if the  
both of them are—” looks closer, wincing, “—hugging—and—Tex is 
[CENSORED]  leaning her over? What the [CENSORED] is going on?”
	“Oi don’t know, but it *looks* like Tex got his wish from last night—but  
how?”
	“That’s what *I* would [CENSORED] like to know!!”
	Thinking a bit more, her boyfriend suggested, “Well, it *looks* like she  ‘ad 
a change o’ heart, maybe.”
	“That, or a [CENSORED] lobotomy, complete with a [CENSORED] tonsil 
exam!”
	“Do you think we should investigate?”
	She spat, ears stiff behind her. “Don’t see why the [CENSORED] not, after  
all, he *is* my brother, and she just happens to be a [CENSORED] who wants  to 
kill us all.” She stomped toward the kissing couple.
	Her boyfriend padded beside her, curious about the whole thing, but then  
feeling bemused, “Is it just me, or is the snow below them melting?”
	Tex was completely lost in the sensation of the kiss, now that it was being  
returned. Dakota, meanwhile, had never felt like this in her life. For a  moment, she 
forgot all about the snow, the cold, the visitation, and could only feel his fur pressed 
against  her face, and his furry body against her own, and the warm glow of pure joy  
that was coming from her heart. Bekki, however, was determined to put a stop to all 
that, knowing what her  boyfriend had gone through because of the humanmaid. 
Nolan, on the other  paw, was in a fix. He was unsure if he should stop his girlfriend.
	Tex and Dakota were suddenly yanked out of their romantic trance when a  
furious orange doe yanked them apart. “WHAT THE [CENSORED] IS GOING 
ON???  TEX, HAVE YOU GONE [CENSORED]??”
	Dakota stumbled backward, falling into the snow. She looked up to find a  
very irate Rebecca Bunny staring down at her. “Oh shrimp…”
	The green buck suddenly blocked the brunette’s view of his sister, also  with 
stiff ears. “It’s called True Love, sis! And believe it or not, it  found its way to Dee! 
She repented! She’s no longer a villain!”
	The hybrid beside the doe ground his teeth, “No longer a villain? True  love? 
Dakota experiencing true love? Tex, that sounds rather the oxymoron to  me.”
	The buck glared at his sister and her boyfriend, but his sister spat first,  “And 
you actually [CENSORED] believe her??? Please, Tex, what the [CENSORED]  did 
she do to your brain?? Did you forget every [CENSORED] thing she’s done to J, to 
us, and to  YOU???!!!”
	“Hey, you don’t know what happened to her last night, Bekki!!” he spat back
	“Nor do you, Texie,” said the humanmaid, sadly. “I wouldn’t be surprised if  
they didn’t believe me. Many didn’t believe me just now, before I got here.”
	“‘Texie’?” Nolan asked, curling his tail and grinding his teeth again.
	Dakota stood, with Tex’s help. “What?” she laughed. “You don’t use a pet  
name with Bekki?”
	“Not if Oi wish to live a long and healthy life,” replied the hybrid.  “Bekki 
can call me ‘Lan’, though, but she’s about as bad as Auntie Miranda.”
	She flashed a grin at Bekki. “I prefer to be called ‘Dee’.”
	“Very well. So what the [CENSORED] *did* happen to you?”
	The Caucasian lowered her head, “It’s a long story, guys—ever read ‘A  
Christmas Carol’? The same story your family plays out, and where your  sister 
might be playing Tiny Tim this year?”
	Nolan stood back at that. Before he could ask how she got that information,  
his girlfriend eyed the humanmaid incredulously and asked, “So, you’re  
[CENSORED] saying that you got the Scrooge treatment last night?”
	She sighed, and nodded. “Yes, I did. It’s not something I’d recommend to  
anybody, by the way. What I went through last night—was the scariest——most  
horrible—flashbacks— and flash-forwards——I’ve ever got———Bekki——I 
know this is hard for you to  believe, but I saw the Light——and I received it.”
	Here, the rat-cat became sceptical, especially after what she said about  
Talleen. “Oh? What are you going to do to prove it, ay wot? Donate to Uncle  Leo 
and Aunt Miranda’s health fund?”
	“Well, sure, but could you pick something I haven’t done already?” Now it  
was Nolan’s turn to have his jaw thud on the snow.
	Tex winced, “What?? Did you give the hospital all the info of the research  
you did?”
	“Yes, every last bit of it. And my personal helicopter, too. The hospital  
needs it more than I do.” The two rabbits’ jaws thudded on the snow now.  “Heh, I 
guess that would be surprising for all of you, considering what I’ve done before.”
	Suddenly, Bekki’s jaw reset itself. She stomped in front of Dakota and  
leaned into her face, poking her chest, “Okay, so maybe you’ve done a few  
[CENSORED] publicity stunts—”
	“PUBLICITY STUNTS?!” Dee uttered in pure disbelief. “Bekki Bunny, if 
this  was a publicity stunt, would I be here, instead of at a press conference?  Where 
are the brass bands, the paid-to-be adoring crowds, the news media, and ticker tape?” 
Now *she*  spoke with a slight English accent, brought about by her formative years  
spent in England. “Why am I not on television and demonstrating my ‘benevolence’ 
to the multitudes?” The  four toons stood silent for a while. “Do you want to know 
why, Bekki?” she  asked, still with that slight British accent. “It is because I intend 
to eschew fame, not seek it. It is one thing  to be a philanthropist, it’s quite another 
to use philanthropy to bolster  one’s ego, and image.”
	“Oh really?” Bekki shot back, unwilling to let this little [CENSORED] get  
the best of her. “What would you [CENSORED] say if I got ANNI and THE J here  
to do a [CENSORED] cross-examination on you? What if I [CENSORED] get the 
rest of my brothers  and sisters, A.J. and The M here as well, [CENSORED] it??”
	With her anger spent, she lowered her head, “I—I’d submit to whatever Anni  
and J would want to do to me—I—I know I probably deserve it ten times  over—J—
J would be justified if he mauled me from now till Kingdom come.” She sighed, and  
shoved her hands into her coat pockets. It was then that Bekki realized that  Dakota 
was not in her usual attire. There was no fur, or even faux fur, on the coat. It was a 
higher end coat,  but not exactly a status symbol. It also looked like the human was 
wearing  jeans and plain old sneakers as well, as she had apparently dressed hastily 
this morning. And knowing her, the  evil toon would not be caught dead without 
fashion clothes that even made  Shotsy jealous. She was about to throw another 
inquisition, but there was something about Dakota that Bekki  could not deny. 
Despite her rather run-down appearance, Dakota’s face—
	Appeared *brighter*.
	Gone was her father’s inherited scowl. Gone was the sneer that usually  
graced her lips when talking to them. Her face showed concern, and that  expression 
did not look the slightest bit foreign. And perhaps it was Bekki’s imagination, but 
there was the  slightest hint of loving dopiness that obviously came from Elmyra.
	Finally, it hit her. “Whoa—you mean——this is [CENSORED] real?”
	“I came by to tell Texie about my conversion—and to ask him where I could  
get another copy of a certain Book,” she replied with a slight bit of  self-
depreciation.
	“Another?”
	“Y—yes—the one you gave me—um—I kinda—got rid of it.”
	“Oh, okay! No problem, Dee, here, I have another cop—” He was about to 
pull  out another Book, but she stopped him.
	“No, Texie. This time—I—I need to *buy* it. I won’t take something that  
doesn’t cost me anything now, especially not when I destroyed the Book.”
	He took out another Book anyway. “All the bookstores are closed today, luv,  
so you can have this one until tomorrow.”
	“Thanks, Texie,” replied the humanmaid with a smile, taking the Book and  
clutching it like plush doll.
	At this, the British-American asked his girlfriend, “Well, luv, does  Dakota’s 
conversion seem real enough for you now?”
	The toon in question flashed a grin at them, “Please, I’d—I’d like to be  
called ‘Dee’ now.”
	“That’s going to be a [CENSORED] problem for most of us, Dak—erm—
Dee. We’re  a bit [CENSORED] used to calling you by your first name.”
	The brunette shrugged. “I’m sure it’ll catch on eventually. It sounds  better 
than ‘Dakota’, to be honest. Say, Bekki? Would you and your sibs like  to help me 
clean out my room? I’m going to be donating a lot of stuff to charity, and I really 
don’t want to  interfere with the domestics’ Christmas vacation. I might be able to 
get my  cousins, too—”
	[TRIPLE THUD]
	“WHAT?” she asked perplexed.
	Her new boyfriend reset his jaw, “Um—let’s just say that you’re pulling off  
one miracle after another, luv, but I doubt your dad will let us in the  mansion.”
	She lowered her head again, “Daddy’s off in Aspen, and by the time he gets  
back he’s going to know all that I’m doing—and I know his reactions are  going to 
be—less than pleasant. I might have to hang out at my own place for a while.”
	Bekki finally straightened her ears, convinced that the humanmaid was  
telling the truth. “Um—well—you certainly [CENSORED] surprised us, and  proved 
to us that this is real, and it’s [CENSORED] possible the rest of the teams will 
believe you as  well—but considering all that’s [CENSORED] happened, you’re 
going to have a  [CENSORED] of a time getting J and his family to [CENSORED] 
believe you.”
	The “new” humanmaid sighed again, and looked at the sky. “I know. I don’t  
think Anni will believe me, or *want* to believe me, either. But extend the  invite 
anyway, okay, Bekki? Daddy will be away until after New Years, so we don’t have 
to get rid of  everything in one night—hee hee—I may even end up donating to 
Shotsy’s  wardrobe!”
	The green buck held her shoulders, and soothed, “We’ll tie Anni down if we  
need to, Dee. And if you need more help, perhaps we can get A.J., too.”
	She held his paws, “That’s great, Texie.” They stood like this for a  moment, 
and then she straightened up and gave a deep sigh. “Okay, I patched  things up here, 
almost. Now to work up the courage to apologise to J and his family.” She was about 
to walk  away, toward the M Lair, but her boyfriend stopped her.
	“Um, I don’t think it’s a good idea to do that today, luv. His whole family  is 
visiting from Mexico, and I don’t think you want to surround yourself  with jaguars 
who know that you’ve tried to kill one of their own.”
	For the first time since last night, the Caucasian paled and gulped. “Uh,  
yeah. Very good point, Texie. I guess I still need to work on my timing.”
	“That’s why I’m here to help you, luv,” he replied, gently grinding his  teeth 
and leaning his ears toward her.
	His sister thought for a moment, and decided, “We’ll sort of try to  
[CENSORED] break the news to them first, and then give you the [CENSORED]  
green light when they’re ready to receive you.”
	“I just hope they believe you,” shuddered the humanmaid.
	“They’re more likely to believe us than you, luv. If we can get Anni to  
accept you, J will be a lot easier.”
	“It’ll be a start.” She sighed again, looking contentedly at the three  furries. 
“It will be nice to have actual friends…”
	Tex held her shoulders, “And a *boyfriend*.” She grinned at him,  
remembering that *kiss*.
	That look in their eyes signalled the other couple to make a strategic  retreat. 
“Well, I [CENSORED] guess we’ll leave you two alone. Come on, Lan,  let’s go tell 
the [CENSORED] news to Anni and the teams.”
	However, Dakota explained, “I’d better leave, actually. I’ve got some other  
things to take care of, before I can go home and start packing. I really  shouldn’t take 
Texie away from his family.”
	Nolan chuckled, “Oh boy. This is going to be a lot of fun, to be honest!”
	The green buck smiled, “You do what you need to do, luv,” he kissed her  
cheek, “and we’ll be waiting for you later. Merry Christmas.” Dakota hugged  Tex, 
and then waved to Nolan and Bekki, before she skipped off to do whatever other 
good deeds she  had planned for the day.
	“MERRY CHRISTMAS!!!” 
	“Dee, come on!! You said you wanted to come!!” scolded Elmyra.
	The teenager in question was dragged back to the door for the *nth* time.  
“Oh, Mom, I’m so nervous!! I—I don’t know if I should be here!! I mean—I  
*want* to be here—but do *they* want me here??”
	“Young lady, if *they* say they don’t want you here, we’ll fly to Aspen and  
celebrate with your father, okay??”
	“O—okay.”
	“Now, I didn’t tell your uncle you were coming, but he *did* invite you, so  
I’m sure he’ll have a HUGE surprise!!!” She rang the doorbell, but to Dakota  it 
sounded like a funeral dirge.
	Duncan opened the door. “Ah, glad you could make it, sis!! Please, com—”  
His jaw would have dropped to the ground if he had received more toony  training. 
“Dee????” he asked incredulously.
	At the sound of her name, all chatting and music and every single noise  
within his house suddenly ceased. Slowly, all of her relatives walked to the  door to 
see if the Prodigal Daughter/Granddaughter/Niece/Cousin had actually returned.
	“Hi, Uncle Duncan,” she said sheepishly, almost trying to hide behind her  
mother. “I—I changed my mind—and decided to accept your offer this year—I—I  
hope you have room in there for me—and I hope—that you can forgive this spoiled 
girl for insulting  you and Christmas like I did last night—I—I’m sorry for what I 
said, Uncle  Duncan—please forgive me— and the rest of you, please forgive me—
for neglecting—WHOA!!”
	She didn’t get to finish her request, because suddenly her uncle picked her  
up and carried her on his shoulders, parading her all over the living room.  All her 
relatives cheered and clapped, all wanting to hug her, mess her hair, and even give 
her a noogy.  When at last he put her down, one of Duncan’s daughters asked, “So, 
Cousin,  what brings you to this neck of the woods to spend time with the peasants?”
	The brunette replied, “Oh, I don’t know, maybe I decided I’ve been—a  
brat—long enough—maybe because I finally saw the light—maybe because I need  
to appreciate family more—and maybe because if you want to draw a sketch of me 
you MIGHT want to  see me so you can know what you’re doing!” Naturally, the 
“Artist” didn’t  know what Dakota was talking about, and didn’t care, either, because 
both were caught up in an  embrace a moment later.
	It was a Christmas celebration that family would not forget, because their  
Prodigal finally came home, naturally, but this Prodigal didn’t return  empty-handed. 
That night, a U-Haul truck stopped by the Duff house to drop quite a few Christmas 
gifts.
	There was a twinge of regret, though, right when Duncan finally gave Dakota  
the gifts that had backed up over the years. There were many she didn’t need  
anymore, like a tricycle, but she assured him that it would be put to good use.
	And yes, they did play Pictionaryref ™ that night.
	Also that night, they received a visit from a few furry friends, and it was  a 
good thing, too. Dakota needed to tell them a story, and it was a bit long  so she 
didn’t want to repeat it unnecessarily, so she told it to all of them, now when they 
were all in one  place.
	That story began with a vault…

ALTERNATE EPILOGUE  -  FATHERS  

	Meanwhile…
	The waiting room was practically full, so most of the Carrotte’s extended  
family was in the hallway that led to Miranda’s room, with every one of them  
concerned for the little mink that had come into their lives, and the child that said 
mink was currently  carrying. Nigel hoped the information that the odd girl he had 
met before  would be of some use in helping his sister-in-law’s condition. The 
money and helicopter were already being put  to good use, and the pilot was only too 
happy to help. The rat had caused  quite a scene arriving at the hospital by 
helicopter, carrying what appeared to be the key to saving Miranda’s  baby. He was 
barraged by questions from everyone, but he himself didn’t have  the answers. It 
took a while to settle everyone down, sort out the data, and contact Granny to help 
them  distribute the donations correctly. The doctors were working furiously,  trying 
to catch up with the wealth of information, and treating Miranda accordingly, so 
Nigel and the family  waited, but this time with a renewed sense of hope. Sometime 
later, Nigel’s  son, Nolan, arrived. Before anyone could tell him what his father had 
gone through, everyone suddenly heard the  clatter of things being set up, and it was 
coming from the lounge area. The  albino rat got up, motioning everybody to stay, 
just in case, and he padded to the lounge. Once there, it  took all his will to keep his 
jaw from dropping. There was a sumptuous feast  being laid out by several furry and 
human toons, with the help of the nurses, and a few other visitors as  well.
	“Here, now, wot’s all this?” Nigel asked, suddenly reeling with the scent  of 
the most delicious cheese he could remember.
	“This is for the Carrotte-Mink-Purrestein-Norka family,” said a canine,  
padding up to him and pulling out a note. “Is your name Carrotte?”
	“Aye, but none of us ordered any of this!! Oi doubt we could even *afford*  
it, much less eat it all!”
	“Oh, don’t worry, it’s all been paid for.” Some of the family also padded  up, 
curious about the whole thing.
	“Wot wot?”
	“Yes, all you see here was donated,” the clerk added with a smile. “The  
benefactor called this morning, and set it all up. Spared no expense.” The  dog gave 
the rat the bill, which had “PAID IN FULL” stamped on it. “Merry Christmas.”
	Nolan came in at the end of the conversation, and looked around, puzzled.  
“Whoa, who set this up, dad?” he asked curiously.
	“The benefactor wished to remain anonymous,” replied the clerk.
	“Wow,” Nolan uttered, suddenly thinking he knew the answer.
	“Indeed. Most people who spare no expense on a donation usually wish to be  
named and thanked,” Nigel observed. “This must be one special benefactor.”
	The hybrid looked up at his father. “A *very* special one, that’s for  sure,” 
he smiled, knowing the answer.
	The clerk just shrugged and continued setting up. “Well, son,” Nigel  uttered, 
still somewhat amazed, “let’s go and fetch the others. And make  sure your Auntie 
Miranda gets a plate too. Though from the looks of it, we’ll be able to share it with 
everyone in  the hospital and STILL have plenty left over!” The rat-cat and his father  
walked back to the rest to tell them of this interesting turn of events. 
	Dakota kept the promise she made, and did all she said she would, and much  
more. She even volunteered to baby sit Leo and Miranda’s newborn daughter,  who 
did *not* die after all. In fact, she spent so much time with her she became like a 
little  sister to her. She learned a lot about taking care of kids, enough to  prepare her 
for those she knew she would have in the future with a certain close friend of hers. 
So profound was the change  in her that many considered her a completely new toon. 
Many laughed at her  new behaviour, but she didn’t mind. If she could make others 
happy like that, then she would continue to  look foolish in front of others. After all, 
not everyone knew what she went  through. Her father, Montana, watched her from 
afar, sometimes with wonder, sometimes with disgust,  sometimes with utter shock 
as she practically had changed into his polar  opposite. She did her best to love him, 
and make him *see* that she loved him. As to whether he accepted his “new  
daughter”, that is another story, for another day. Dakota did her part, and  that was 
the important matter. She wouldn’t continue his greedy legacy, naturally, and he 
knew that, though she  would always remain his loving daughter. What’s more, 
Dakota gained even  more than what she had in the past, not just in the material, but 
with friends and family as well. The  more she gave, the more she received, and the 
more she laughed, too. Montana  Max may have been her biological father, but now 
she had other fathers as well: Ebenezer Scrooge, Nicholas of  Bari, Shaul of 
Tarshish, Zaccheus of Jericho, James Cash Penny, Milton  Hershey, Adam Smith, 
but most importantly, she was now an adopted daughter of Abraham of Ur.
	She never saw the spirits again, though she *did* meet the *real* Nasty  
Canasta once, nearly scaring the colour out of her. Though she had no more  contact, 
her family, friends, and employees said that she knew how to celebrate Christmas—
and Passover—and  yes, even *Hanukkah*—better than anyone. 
	“*May that be truly said of us, and all of us!*” 
	And so, as Talleen said, in her role of Tiny Tim: “God bless us, every  one!”   
THE END / DAS ENDE / DIE EINDE / EINDE / EL FIN / O FIN / LE FIN / IL 
FINE /  SFIRSIT / KONIEC / KONEC / BEIGAS / LOPPU / TELOS / SOF / 
TAMAT / LIAU LIAU  / DANEH O’ / WAN-LE / OWARIMASU / SLUTT / 
SLUT / UXUL

ALTERNATE ENCORE  -  I FOUND A REASON  

	Dakota, several of her cousins, and The Fourteen, were working in her room,  
packing her belongings, some of which were going to charity, and some to her  villa. 
It appeared that they had accepted her story and believed her, but Anni and Mel 
weren’t  exactly calm, especially when they knew that someone else lurked in the  
mansion—
	“Hello, bunnie-wunnies!”
	“AAAHHH! ELMYRA!” screamed The Fourteen, and immediately hid—
behind Dakota.
	“MO-THER!” she groaned, blushing furiously. Leave it to parents to  
embarrass their kids in front of their friends. Her cousins, meanwhile,  couldn’t help 
but laugh. It didn’t help that her mother was wearing her traditional Tiny Toons 
outfit, either.
	Junior peeked out from behind his friend, ears low, and muttered, “Um—I  
mean—hello, Mrs. Maximilian.”
	The adult at the door giggled, “Hee hee hee—now what was that line that  
Babs always said? Oh, yeah. ‘I just can’t help myself!’ Now, I just thought  I’d come 
and see if you all would like a snack, before you head to the villa.”
	“Well, let me ask them.” The brunette stepped to one side, revealing all  the 
lagomorphs compacted into a nice Dakota-shape, though as soon as she  stepped out 
of the way, they collapsed out of it. Shotsy grunted and gave her a dirty look, but 
Dakota  just laughed, “Well, do you guys want a snack or not?”
	“Well, we sure do,” replied the “Artist”. Timidly, the lapines stood and  
approached their parents’ nemesis, unsure of what to make of this.
	“I’ve got carrot cake.”
	“YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAYYYYYYYYYYYY!!!!!!!!!!!!” 
Fourteen lagomorphs  bounced/stampeded out of the room.
	Dakota and her cousins barely managed to step out of the way. “Hey, I think  
they like the idea, Mom!”
	To which, the adult simply replied, “Do I know bunnie-wunnies, or what?”  
The humans laughed and followed the rabbits down to the living room, where  
several large carrot cakes and flagons of carrot juice awaited them—as well as some 
lettuce, too.
	The Fourteen, no longer afraid, hopped over to eat. 
	From somewhere, a piano began to play, accompanied by drums, then a 
guitar,  and then a bass completed the ensemble. 
	The humanmaid sat among her new friends, eating cake. 
	“*I’m not a perfect person.
	There are many things I wish I didn’t do.*” 
	And she stuffed some down Tex’s mouth, starting a food fight. 
	“*But I continue learning.
	I never meant to do those things to you.*” 
	In the middle of the melee, she pulled him to the floor, and kissed him. 
	“*And so I have to say before I go:*”
	“*That I just want you to know!*” 
	They picked up the boxes and suitcases, and walked out of the room to a  
waiting U-Haul truck, and a limousine. 
	“*I’ve found a reason for me!
	To change who I used to be!*” 
	Through the window of her limousine, she sadly looked back at the mansion,  
even though she knew she would come back later today. 
	“*A reason to start over new!
	And the reason is you…*” 
	But smiled again as she sat next to Tex. 
	“*I’m sorry that I hurt you.
	It’s something I must live with everyday.*” 
	She saw Tex handing several boxes to a homeless shelter. 
	“*And all the pain I put you through—!
	I wish that I could take it all away.*” 
	All was forgiven, but the pain would always be there. 
	“*And be the one who catches all your tears.
	That’s why I need you to hear—!*” 
	As they drove on, she held his paw. 
	“*I’ve found a reason for me!
	To change who I used to be!*” 
	The villa was a huge structure of Spanish colonial style, marked with earth  
tones, and dark highlights. Willows and azaleas were scattered about the  estate. 
	“*A reason to start over new!
	And the reason is _YOUUUU_!!!!*” 
	The ostentatiousness of it made her feel shame again. Tex noticed, and he  
placed an arm on her shoulder. 
	“*And the reason is YOUUUU!!!!*” 
	He kissed her cheek, leaning his ears toward her. 
	“*And the reason is _YOUUUU_!!!!*” 
	She hugged him. 
	“*And the reason is YOUUUU!!!!*” 
	Both walked inside.
	Now came the unloading, but there wasn’t much of that. Shotsy gave a few  
hints for redecorating, but there wasn’t much that Dakota wanted to add. Her  office 
was transferred there as well, practically the only place that actually seemed 
“lavish”.  Eventually, it got dark. Her cousins went home, and The Fourteen, one by  
one, burrowed away. 
	“*I’m not a perfect person.
	I never meant to do those things to you.*” 
	Tex, however, remained at the main door. 
	“*And so I have to say before I go:
	That I just want you to know!*” 
	He held her hands. 
	“*I’ve found a reason for me!*” 
	Placing an arm around her shoulder, both turned to face the California  
sunset. 
	“*To change who I used to be!*” 
	Her head found his shoulder, and he ground his teeth softly. 
	“*A reason to start over new!*”. 
	She cried, both for joy, and regret for all the time lost. 
	“*And the reason is you…*” 
	He held her closer, rubbing his chin on her head. 
	“*I’ve found a reason to show—!*” 
	He looked at her eyes. 
	“*A side of me you didn’t know!*” 
	They pulled closer. 
	“*A reason for all that I do!*” 
	Their lips met once again. 
	“*And the reason is you…*”  
	They remained like that as the sun sank on the ground, making room for the  
stars, planets, and galaxies, letting them glimpse at the new couple, the  female 
formerly being Jacob Marley’s Daughter.

CREDITS AND BLOOPERS

The Tiny Toons characters, Chicken Boo, The Warner Brothers (and the Warner  
Sister) were created by Tom Ruegger, Glen Kennedy, Dave Marshall, Ken Boyer,  
and Rich Arons, I think.  However, Duncan Duff, Amanda Duff, MacArthur ‘Mac’ 
Duff, Emily Duff, and  Queegee Bananaho were created by Deanna Oliver, I think.  
Nasty Canasta was created by Charles Mendelson “Chuck” Jones, I think.  Granny 
“Emma” and Yosemite Sam were created by Friz Freleng, I think.  The names of 
Santa Claus’ reindeer were conceived by Clement Clarke Moore.  Rudoph, however, 
was created by Robert L. May.  Bugs Bunny was created by Tex Avery.  Honey 
Bunny was created by Robert McKimson  Lola Bunny was created by Leonardo 
Benvenuti, Timothy Harris, Steve Rudnick,  and Herschel Weingrod, I think.  Club 
Swank was created by Jennifer Cleckley and Jerry T. Withers.

*******
	“No, Tex, it’s NOT over. Not until J or J.A.M. are gone. I WILL win. I’m  
RICH. I HAVE to win. No [CENSORED] felines are going to get the best of me,  
EVER!! I WILL DESTROY THE J, IF IT’S THE LAST THING I DO!!!”
	With that, she threw him out of her way, and—
	[KATHUD!!!]
	—tripped over his footpaws, sending both to the floor.
	“CUT!!!”
	“Sorry there, Tex.”

*******

	Suddenly a scowl replaced her smile. “J was a [CENSORED]!!! We could 
have  made beautiful music—and profits—togeth—” Nothing. “Togeth—? 
Together?”
	“CUT!!!”
	Dakota called out, “UNCLE!! YOU MISSED YOUR CUE!!!”
	The door creaked open, “Someone needs to cue me a bit louder, don’t you  
think?”

	******* 
	She jumped back with a start. The raspberry had come from the wall!! But  
there was no one there, either! Just the portraits—
	“PHHHLLLBBBTT!!!”
	“PA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!!!”
	“CUT!!!”
	“I’M—HA HA HA HA HA—SORRY, BUT I WOULDN’T LAUGH IF HE 
DIDN’T LOOK SO  FUNNY!!!”
	“Can we get another Scrooge here?” quipped the portrait.  *******  [By 
Rottin Kid]
	The ghost loosened the bandage on his head, and much to Dakota’s fright,  
caused his jaw to swing down to his chest, allowing a horrifying shriek to  explode 
from the apparition—
	[WHAM!!!]
	—Causing Dee to go flying into the wall of the set.
	“CUT!!!”
	“[groans] Could we turn down the wind machine, a wee tad?”  ******* 
	[SHOOF—WHEEEEEEEEEEeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee…]
	Dakota dashed to the rampart, quite shocked at seeing the ghost fall off  the 
balcony like Professor Wile did in his old shorts. As soon as she looked  down, 
though, Hughes’ ghost suddenly shot back up to her face—
	[BONK!!!]
	“CUT!!!”
	Dakota staggered back, holding her nose, while Howard held his head, both  
in agony. “You leaned too far there, Dee!!”
	“[CENSORED]!!!” was all she could say.

*******

All characters are © Warner Brothers/Amblin Entertainment (and used without  
permission, but it’s doubtful that they mind) EXCEPT FOR:  Nolan Carrotte, 
Talleen Carrotte, Lionel Carrotte, Nigel Carrotte, Lizbeth  Fox, Adam Junior “A.J.” 
Fox, Sir Rupert Carrotte, Lillian Carrotte, Viktor  Norka, Amanda Norka, Soho Prep, 
and Jessimyn Wolf, who are © Jennifer Cleckley. Used with permission.  Adam Fox 
is © Eric Richardson. Used with permission.  Roberta Rat and RuBarb Carrotte, who 
are © Jerry D. Withers and Lee M.  Withers. Used with permission.  Miranda 
Carrotte, who is © Jerry D. Withers and Zachary Zulkowski. Used with  permission.  
Erik Wolf, Jason Wolf, Jasmine Wolf, and Lillian Wolf, who are © Erik  Ahlstedt. 
Used with permission.  The M, who is © The J.A.M./Jennifer Cleckley.  THE 
FOURTEEN: Team Aleph (first litter): Buster Junior Bunny, Alexandra  “Alexi” 
Bunny, Miriam Bunny, Tex Bunny, Isidore “Crazy Friz” Bunny, and  Shotsy Bunny. 
Team Beth (second litter): Mortimer “Morty” Bunny, Rebecca “Bekki” Bunny, June 
Bunny,  and Hunni Bunny. Team Gimmel (third litter): Barbara Ann “Anni” Bunny,  
Melvin “Mel” Bunny, Buck Bunny, and Charles “Chuck” Bunny; who are © The 
J.A.M.  Dakota Dee, the *wives, husbands, fiancée, sons, and daughters* of the Duff  
family, The J.A.M., The R.I.C.K., The T-M.A.N., The R.R.O.S.I.E., and The  
E.M.M.Y., who are also © The J.A.M.  I suppose that the representations of 
Christmas Past and Christmas Present  are public domain.

*******

[Also by Rottin Kid]

	Without a word, the Ghost grabbed Dakota by the back of her shirt and  
hoisted her off the bed.
	[ri-i-i-i-ip!!!] Suddenly the pyjama top gave way.
	[fwoomp!!!] And Dakota landed back on the bed, where she quickly wrapped  
the comforter around her torso. “What IS this? Torture Dee week?”
	“…cut…”

*******

	“But what about all the dealings that I still have pending?” she protested.
	“Oh, don’t worry. Your dad sent a chicken with me to deal with those. Trust  
me, he’s the—no, wait—”
	“CUT!!!”
	“Buckawk!”
	It took Dakota and the students to stop laughing.

*******

	“***J***!!!! I *will* find out your name, J!! One way or another, I WILL  
know!!! AND ON THAT DAY, I WILL CURSE YOUR REAL NAME AND 
YOUR RELIGION!!!!!!!!!!” By the time Dakota finished screaming, the young onça  
was out of sight. “***I WILL TAKE YOUR HIDE AND USE IT FOR  
PYJAMAS!!!!!!!!***”
	“…and…cut—”
	“YOU WILL BOW DOWN BEFORE ME, JOR-EL!!!! EVEN IF IT TAKES 
*AN  ETERNITY*!!!!!! *YOU* *WILL* *BOW* *DOWN* BEFORE ME!!!!!!!!! 
AND SOMEDAY—YOUR [CENSORED]!!!!—I mean—‘heirs’—ha ha ha ha!!!!!”
	“That’s enough, Dee, just get ready for the next shot.”

******* 

	“I—um—if you want to—well—I’d like—to continue the workouts—and—
and all the  competition. I know—I know now that you’re—you’re—[grinding her  
teeth]—*better* than me—but—but—that doesn’t mean—well—that we can’t—we 
can’t—um—train—with each  other.”
	“Sounds fine to me. I never knew you could take so much, and I’ll tell you,  
I—I—never knew you could—take so much—and make me forget the rest!!—I—”
	“CUT!!!”

*******

Props by Acme Co.   Bicycle furnished by Montero.   Soho Prep was established by 
Jennifer Cleckley.   Soho Junior Academy was established by The J.A.M.   Loony 
Elementary was also established by The J.A.M.   Mary Melody’s wardrobe furnished 
by Oscar de la Renta.   The J.A.M.’s wardrobe furnished by Yazbek and Casio.   
Dakota Dee’s wardrobe furnished by Pierre Cardin.   Elmyra’s wardrobe furnished 
by Miss Take.   Soho Junior Academy’s uniform designed by Jennifer Cleckley   
Santa Claus’ wardrobe (and his appearance in general) was designed by Thomas  
Nast. Additional designs by The J.A.M.   DIP was created by Gary K. Wolf.   The 
term “aniplasm” was coined by Abel DuSable.   International Nekkid Day was 
established by Pepe K.   Looney Toon consultant: Professor Nathaniel T. Freeman

*******
	“A waste?” asked the ghost. He reached into his bag, and pulled out—not a  
present—but a handful of gold dust.
	“GOLD!!!!” screamed the teenager, lunging for the bag.
	[WHUMP]
	And grabbing it, making everybody laugh.
	“CUT!!!”
	“A bit slow there, grandpa,” she giggled.
	“Sorry.”

******* 
	“Well we certainly can’t call it the [CENSORED] Band. Unless we only 
wished  to play rough clubs,” chuckled her boyfriend, and host, tuning his—
	[POINK!!!]
	Nolan exhibited the guitar to the camera while everyone laughed.
	“THESE ARE THE WORST STRINGS IN THE WORLD!!!”
	“Oh, just cut already…”

******* 

	The older rabbit looked blankly at all of them, then he resumed his teeth  
grinding. “Well——with what Dee did today—she——she made Scrooge look like  
Sister Teresa.”
	The band stood still at that (but eyeing each other), while Dakota just  
crossed her arms. “What, she only made it to ‘sister’, Tex?”
	“CUT!!!”
	“Say what?”
	“MOTHER Teresa!!!” screamed everyone, laughing

******* 

	“Because,” he replied, shutting the closet and locking it, “she *knows* her  
presents are here. All she has to do to receive them is [CREEEEAK] come here  
and—” he turned and tried again. “—and help me lock this stupid door!!”
	“CUT!!!”  ******* 
	Before she could put her jaw back in place and reply, a swift kick suddenly  
burst open the door—
	[THUD!!!]
	—and the door fell to the floor.
	“CUT!!!”
	Anni looked sheepishly at the fallen door while Tex laughed. “Tee-hee—I’d  
better go easy on the leg bench presses, don’t you think?”

*******

	Both cousins looked at him, and then A.J. looked at him in the eye.  “Prayer, 
my friend. Lots and LOTS of prayer,” and he too scrambled up the  ladder—
	[SLIP!!!]
	A.J. barely managed to grab a rung, but he definitely slipped.
	“CUT!!! You okay, Adam?”
	“Just barely!”

******* 

	“*‘If these shadows remain unchanged’,*” he proclaimed solemnly, “I see a  
new nursery, new baby furniture, new baby clothes, and new baby toys, all  new—” 
Dakota sighed in relief, “—and unused, carefully preserved, yet gathering dust. If 
these  shadows remain unaltered in the Future, the baby will die.” Dakota gasped  
slightly. “But,” added the ghost, business-like, “Perhaps you’re right. ‘Why don’t 
they let evolution take its  course and eliminate that freak before it’s born, geez’!!” 
She whirled at  him, as if she had just been slapped in the face. Then, with a 
sternness never seen on someone so jovial, he leaned  down to her face and scolded, 
“Child! *‘If a child you be in heart, not  adamant, forbear that wicked cant until you 
have discovered who the Freaks are, _what_ they are, and _where_ they  are. Will 
YOU decide what toons shall live, and what toons shall die? It may  be that in the 
sight of Heaven, you are more _worthless_ and _less fit to live_—*”
	“Cut…”
	“What was wrong with that?”
	“Nothing, Santa—it’s just that the couple behind you can’t stop smooching  
for a moment.”
	“We just can’t help ourselves!!” giggled Miranda.  

*******

 Original casting by Steven Spielberg.

Additional casting by Rottin Kid/The Incredible Werekitty and The J.A.M.

Voice direction by Andrea Romano.

Mary Melody is Cree Summer Franks

Dakota Dee is also Cree Summer Franks

Duncan Duff is Whitby Hertford

Granny is June Foray

The Fourteen are: Team Aleph: Junior is Charles Adler
				Alexi is Tress MacNeille
				Miriam is Candi Milo
				Tex is John Kassir
				Friz is Frank Welker
				Shotsy is Sherry Lynn
		     Team Beth:  Morty is Nathan Ruegger
				Bekki is Nancy Cartwright
				June is Russi Taylor
				Hunni is Kath Soucie
		     Team Gimmel: Anni is Francesca Marie Smith
				    Mel is Luke Ruegger
				    Buck is Richard Beals
				    Chuck is also Richard Beals

The J is The N.I.M.H.

The M is Keisha Knight-Pulliam 

A.J. Fox is Frankie Munez

Roberta Rat is Alyson

Court Nolan Carrotte is Daniel Radcliffe

Talleen Carrotte is E.G. Daily

Howard Hughes is Terry O'Quinn

The ghost of Christmas Past is Dick Van Dyke

Yosemite Sam is Noel Blanc

The ghost of Christmas Present is Chuck McCann

The Clerk is Casey Kasem

Elmyra is also Cree Summer Franks

Mac Duff is Matt Frewer

Emily Duff is also Tress MacNeille

Amanda Duff is Soleil-Moon Frye

"Baby" Duff is James Earl Jones

Cousin One "The Artist" is Yeardly Smith

Cousin Two is Toran Caudell

Cousin Three is Tara 

Strong Cousin Four is B.J. Ward 

Cousin Five is Luke Ruegger 

Cousin Six is also Pauline Renniee 

Babs Bunny is also Tress MacNeille 

Buster Bunny is also Charles Adler 

Miranda Carrotte is Laraine Newman 

Lionel "Leo" Carrotte is Rob Paulsen 

The J.A.M. (cub) is The N.I.M.H. 

The R.I.C.K. is also The N.I.M.H. 

The R.R.O.S.I.E. is Herself 

The T-M.A.N. is Himself

Nasty Canasta is Himself 

Janitor One is Mike Myers 

Janitor Two is Hank Azaria 

The Auctioneer is John Moschitta 

Wakko Warner is Jess Harnell 

The Pen-pal is Phyllis Diller 

Gogo Dodo is Frank Welker 

The Minister is also James Earl Jones 

Montana Max is Danny Cooksey 

Dizzy Devil is Maurice Lamarche 

Mel's Son is Bill Murray 

Nigel Carrotte is Jeff Glenn Bennett  

and  The J.A.M. is Himself

Special appearances by:  Bill Cosby as The Doctor

*******

[Yet another by Rottin Kid]

	She whirled toward the source of the sound—and immediately fell to hands  
and knees. “Okay...somebody stop the floor, I wanna get off!”
	“Cut!!!”

******* 

	“You do realise,” she explained, turning to him, “that I’m underage, and I  
can’t go into bars for several years yet.”
	He insisted with his gun.
	“Listen, dummy! I can’t go in there! I may be evil, but I’m NOT an  
alcoholic!”
	Suddenly Canasta dropped his arm and chuckled.
	“CUT!!!”
	“This would be easier if you didn’t make funny faces, Dakota!!!”
	“ME??”

*******

[Still another by Rottin Kid]

	The teenager pushed open the swinging doors, making them creak on rusted  
hinges—or at least TRIED to push open the swinging doors. She heaved and  
grunted for several moments before hanging off one of the doors, and panted a bit. 
“A little  help here?” Dee asked with a grin.
	“CUT!!!”

******* 

	The brunette had enough. She pulled away from the window and demanded, 
“ALL  RIGHT, CANASTA! JUST *WHOSE* STUFF ARE THEY AUCTIONING 
OFF???!!!”
	The ghost just stood there.
	She raised angry fists. “[CENSORED] it, you—hee hee—just have—HA HA 
HA HA  HA HA!!!”
	“CUT!!!”
	“WHOSE MAKING THE FUNNY FACES NOW, CANASTA???!!! HA 
HA HA HA HA HA  HA!!!!!!!!!”

******* 

	For a moment, the ghost twirled his gun, as if thinking something, and then  
backed out of the room. The girl followed him—
	[click-click-click-click]
	Dakota rolled on the floor with laughter while Canasta chuckled, “Heh heh,  
forgot to reload between scenes—”
	“Cut…”

*******

Music directed by Steve Bernstein and John Van Tongren.

“O Fortuna” (“Fortuna Imperatrix Mundi”) from the album “Carmina Burana” was  
arranged by Carl Orff. Performed by the London Philharmonic Orchestra.  Directed 
by John Williams. Used without permission.

“Red Letters” is © 1998 Achtober Songs / Out of Twisted Roots Music / Blind  
Theif Publishing / Fun Attic Music, from the album “Supernatural”, © 1998  
Forefront Records / Virgin Records America, Inc. Words and Music by Toby 
McKeehan, Michael Tait, Kevin  Max and Mark Heimermann. Performed by 
Charles Adler, Tress MacNeille, Candi  Milo, John Kassir, Frank Welker, Sherry 
Lynn, Nathan Ruegger, Nancy Cartwright, Russi Taylor,  Kath Soucie, Francesca 
Marie Smith, Luke Ruegger, Richard Beals, Keisha  Knight-Pulliam, The N.I.M.H., 
Alyson Court, Daniel Radcliffe, and E.G. Daily. Used without  permission.

“Hallelujah” is © 2001 Dreamworks Records. Written by Leonard Cohen.  
Performed by John Kassir. Used without permission.

“War” is © 1985 Scotti Bros. Records. Written by Vince di Cola. Performed by  the 
London Philharmonic Orchestra. Used without permission.

“Last Daze” is © 1990 Dayspring (Word) Records, from the album “Beyond  
Belief”. Words and music by Bob Hartman. Adapted lyrics by The J.A.M.  
Performed by The N.I.M.H., Francesca Marie Smith, Frankie Munez, and Daniel 
Radcliffe. Used without  permission.

“I'm with you” is © 2002 Arista Records, from the album “Let Go”. Written by  
Avril Lavigne. Adapted lyrics by Jennifer Cleckley. Performed by Cree Summer  
Franks. Used without permission.

“The Reason” is © 2003 Universal Records, from the album “The Reason”.  Written 
by Douglas Robb. Performed by Hoobastank. Used without permission.

******* 

	“Hello, Dakota,” he replied. His voice had deepened over the years. He  
looked at the lab coat that covered his daughter, in contrast to his  charcoal business 
suit. “This is a big project you’re working on, isn’t it?”
	“…………that’s a good question, Dad.”
	“CUT!!!”
	“Sorry, I got spaced out there. What was my next line?”

******* 

	“Uh—if we were all invited at different times, how is it that we all  arrived at 
the same time?” asked Buck, slowly. Everyone looked around, and  stood still.
	For quite a while.
	“CUT!!! Who didn’t cue the doors?”

******* 

	“THEY WON’T!!!” screamed Buster. “You can have them!!! You can raise 
them  and make them your employees, servants, sidekicks, ANYTHING!!! But—
but—it  seems that #19 needs a change!!!”
	“CUT!!!”

*******

[Hey, another one by Rottin Kid!]

	Then, like the proper toon she was, she began bouncing all over the room  a-
la Daffy Duck, with the required, “WOO-HOO!! WOO-HOO!! WOO-HOO!!  
WOO-HOO!!” that normally accompanied such celebration—
	[WHAM!!!]
	And promptly slammed into a wall. “Dang, what’s the deal with these 
walls?”
	“CUT!!!”

*******

[What do you know, here’s another one by Rottin Kid!]

	Her bare feet stiffened under the chill of the snow, sending shivers all  over 
her—“[CENSORED], that’s COLD!”
	“CUT!!!”

*******

[Oh dear, one more by Rottin Kid!]

	Suddenly Dakota grabbed his paw and proceeded to dance around the 
sidewalk,  with the bewildered albino rat in tow—until they tripped each other and  
landed in the snow, with both Dee and Nigel laughing themselves silly. “Man, when 
did I become such a  CLUTZ?”
	“No clue, old girl, but it was rather funny.”
	“[sigh]…cut…”

*******

 No copyright infringement is intended or implied. I did all this for the fun  of it.  All 
of the characters, places, and events portrayed in this fanfic are  fictitious. Any 
resemblance to any real persons, places, or events is  unintentional and purely 
coincidental, except in cases of severe self-insertion, I suppose, but even then the 
similarities  are controlled, hee hee.

SPECIAL THANKS  To U-Haul.  To Milton-Bradley, for Pictionary®™.  To 
Professor Nathaniel T. Freeman, Rottin Kid/The Incredible Werekitty,  Jerry 
Withers, and Radar Foxbat, for providing vital character information.  To Abel 
DuSable for a few obscure references here.

EXTRA SPECIAL THANKS   To Charles Dickens.  To Rottin Kid/The Incredible 
Werekitty, for all your help and suggestions,  especially on Stave Four.  To Chris 
Silva, for helping me get my data back. You’re the best.

******* 

	“The heliport is on the roof—just take the elevator down the hall—HA HA  
HA!!!—wait, did you say you didn’t prepare dinner? Don’t worry—HA HA HA HA  
HA!!!!—I’ll take care of that, too!! NOW GO!! YOUR NIECE NEEDS YOU!! 
AND YOU CAN KEEP THE  SUITCASES!!!” She practically shoved him out the 
door—
	[THUD!!!]
	And he fell at the entrance.
	“…[sigh]…cut…”
	“Oi fell on moi tail, wot…” he groaned under the suitcases.  

******* 

	She was leaning into his face, making him lean back. Slowly, he reached  
behind him, preparing to brandish a mallet. “D-Dee, what are you talking  about? I 
can’t help you anymore!”
	“‘HELP’??” she blurted, as if she had been asked for a weasel. And for no  
reason, both began dancing:
	“*Help! I need somebody—
	Help! Not just anybody—
	Help!*”
	“…cut…”

*******

[Ack! One more by Rottin Kid!]
	"Oh, I could DEFINATELY get used to this,” thought the female, now  
getting quite thoroughly lost in the kiss as it deepened. Tex leaned Dee  back, and 
they were both suddenly interrupted by both Tex’s and Dee’s feet slipping in the 
snow [fwoomp!!!]  and they both fell in.
	“CUT!!!”
	The humanmaid just laughed. 

******* 

	“PUBLICITY STUNTS?!” Dee uttered in pure disbelief. “Bekki Bunny, if 
this  was a publicity stunt, would I be here, instead of at a press conference,  
forgetting my lines and wondering why the cue card guy just went on a coffee 
break??!!”
	“CUT!!!”  

******* 

	She didn’t get to finish her request, because suddenly her uncle picked her  
up and carried her on his shoulders—
	[BONK!!!]
	—bonking her head on the top door frame, making everyone laugh.
	“CUT!!!”
	“Uncle, you forgot to duck…!!” she groaned, nearly falling off him.

*******

[Don’t panic, but there’s one more by Rottin Kid!!]

	“AAAHHH! ELMYRA!” screamed The Fourteen, and immediately hid—
behind Dakota.
	“MO—”
	[KATHUMP!!!]
	The fourteen rabbits were now on the floor, on top of Dakota.
	“CUT!!!”
	“All right! WHO didn’t study their Toony Evasion and Hiding 101?!” 
demanded  Alexi.
	“Hee hee, we dog piled Dakota!” giggled Buck.
	A muffled Dakota groaned from the bottom “Who’s wearing the ‘Baby 
Loony  Tunes’ underoos? This was NOT a view I wanted!”
	“PFFT!! I had somebody’s FOOT in my mouth!” hissed Shotsy. Elmyra,  
meanwhile, was holding onto the door frame laughing herself silly.
	From somewhere in the pile, Bekki cursed, “And it went so [CENSORED] 
well  in rehearsal!”

*******

[This is insane! Still another by Rottin Kid!]

	“YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAYYYYYYYYYYYY!!!!!!!!!!!!” 
Fourteen lagomorphs  bounced/stampeded out of the room.
	Dakota and her cousins—were nowhere to be seen?
	“CUT!! What happened here?
	From the floor, a flattened Dakota groaned, “Medic...”

*******

Just in case you’re wondering, the various ways of saying “The End” are  written in 
English, German, Afrikaans, Dutch, Spanish, Portuguese, French,  Italian, 
Romanian, Polish, Russian, Latvian, Finnish, Greek, Hebrew, Malay, Hokkien, 
Seneca, Chinese, Japanese,  Norwegian, Swedish, and Mayan, respectively.

END TAG: 

	Talleen comes out of the TTA rings and proclaims, “God bless us, 
everyone!”

*******

Until next time, remember:  I AM THE J.A.M.  Good evening.  [WARP!!!]

**************

 DELETED SCENES  

	[It could be said that from the ending of Stave Five to the conclusion of  the 
first encore is a deleted segment in itself, as that was my original  idea for ending 
this story. Rottin Kid had other ideas, of course, and after VERY long nights of 
discussion, I gave  in and thusly prepared the second ending. There was one other 
idea that I  had scrapped. I had originally intended for the Ghost of Christmas Future 
to be another character instead  of Nasty Canasta. Basically, this is what the end of 
Stave Four and the  beginning of Stave Five would have looked like if I had gone 
along with that first idea.]  

	Suddenly, the silence was broken. 
	Despite the sound being infinitely hushed, lower than a whisper, the  
surrounding silence made it sound like a sonic boom that pounded in Dakota's  brain 
and chest. It took her several seconds to identify the sound as a very soft crunch of 
gravel,  almost *too* soft, but as it increased in volume she also heard some very  
deep breathing, almost a growling. She whirled toward the source of the sound— 
	—and fading in from the mist, walking toward her with only the sound of his  
footfalls, was The Ghost of Christmas Yet To Come.

STAVE FIVE  -  THE LAST OF THE SPIRITS  

	Dakota Dee had never been so scared in her life. The sight and sound of the  
ghost tore at her innermost recesses, ripping away all the presumption and  pride and 
greed and hate that she had built for herself. As the ghost came closer, she began to  
distinguish him from the surrounding darkness. It was a monster black  panther, 2 
metres at the shoulder, with muscles rippling as it padded closer and closer to her. It 
wore no hood or any  textile whatsoever. As it moved closer still, she saw that the 
face wasn’t  covered by anything, either, in fact, she could *see* the face—
	“I don’t believe this,” she commented with an involuntary crack in her  
voice. For a moment, she thought that J’s, or even his father’s face, was  the same 
face of the panther in front of her, but a permanent scowl and baring of fangs 
indicated otherwise. Also,  there was a faint red glow coming from the eyes. The 
breathing was  *definitely* mixed with growling, characteristic of non-toony feral 
panthers. “Now isn’t this ironic?” she  scoffed. “How fitting that the personification 
of the future just HAPPENS to  be a blatant reminder of my nemeses, while 
remaining completely unknown, and also having the ability to scare the  
[CENSORED] out of me!!”
	The panther stood in front of her, his unblinking gaze tearing down the  
insolence of the humanmaid below. His glare tore at her so much that she had  to 
turn away. Trying to drown out her own terror, she commented, “I suppose that 
you’re not going to say  anything?”
	Breathing/growling.
	“That’s what I thought. You’d think that Whoever did this would just 
THINK  of having you use an *incredible* invention that has revolutionised  
communication everywhere: it’s called SPEECH. If you try that, you could get your 
message through to me  much more efficiently.”
	The ghost showed no amusement or surprise at her suggestion. She 
continued,  “You’re *really* freaking me out, more than the other two, you know.”
	Silence.
	She didn’t know what would be more horrifying: a demonic voice, a  
mechanical breathing a-la Darth Vader, or the infernal breathing/growling  that was 
consuming her, broken only by her own cries. Seeing that she wouldn’t get any 
dialogue from him, she  sighed with defeat. “Okay, okay, so you’re the Ghost of 
Christmas Future.  You’re here to show me what *could* happen later on. But how 
are you going to show me anything here???  We’re in the middle of nowhere!!”
	Finally, the ghost gestured. He turned his head toward a building on  
Dakota’s left. It only took her a moment to deduce that he was telling her  where to 
go. She turned—
	—and saw that he was pointing to a saloon.
	“You do realise,” she explained, turning to him, “that I’m underage, and I  
can’t go into bars for several years yet.”
	He insisted with his head.
	“Listen, dummy! I can’t go in there! I may be evil, but I’m NOT an  
alcoholic!”
	Without saying a word, the ghost leaned over and picked up Dakota by her  
pyjama neck, and padded over to the saloon. “HEY!!! WHAT—???!!! You know,  
that is getting reeeeealy old.” The ghost’s head pushed open the swinging doors, 
making them  creak on rusted hinges, and unceremoniously dropped the Caucasian 
on the  dusty wooden floor.
	The saloon looked like any abandoned and decrepit western saloon, except  
that there were no tables, chairs, or barstools. There was a bar on the  opposite side, 
but there was nothing behind it. A seemingly endless wall with countless windows 
completed the  front side. Dust, dirt, and sand were everywhere.
	“This place looks a lot bigger from the inside than from the outside.” She  
stood and turned, “Okay, we’re here, and I doubt you’re going to buy me a  drink. So 
now what?”
	The ghost then did something odd. He padded to the first window next to the  
door, raised a paw, and slid it open. Dakota didn’t think that to be  anything 
special—
	—then she did a double take when she noticed light coming from outside, but  
only through *that* window. Cautiously, she approached it, and looked  outside—
	—and looked back inside with a raised eyebrow. She looked outside again to  
make sure that she was seeing what she was seeing. “Now this is decidedly  
strange,” she said to herself, as she examined the scene “outside”.
	“Outside” was actually “inside”… 
	[That was basically it. I hope you enjoyed this story!]   
______