Buster and Babs Bunny: Relation? A Tiny Toon Adventures Fanfic by Don Speirs (Prologue, Chapters 1,4,5) (dp1don@oakharbor.net) Rebecca Littlehales (Chapter 2) (esbeckras@yahoo.com) Kevin Mickel (Chapters 3, 6, 8-10, epilogue) (HKUriah@AOL.com) Mike Cote (Chapter 7) (ReddRaccoon@AOL.com) based upon an idea by Don Speirs edited by Kevin Mickel Tiny Toon Adventures, Looney Tunes, and any and all things related to them are copyright to Warner Bros. Used here without permission, but great respect, and no claims are made to any of those copyrights, nor is any infringement intended. Ramona Rabbit first appeared in Mike Cote's fanfic, "Aw, Have A Heart!" She is used with permission. This is the official sequel to The Buster and Babs Trilogy Prologue Buster looked over the crowd at the party, his expression nervous. Here he was, about to make the biggest announcement of his life, and he was worried. 'What if I can't spit the words out?' he thought. 'I'm so nervous, my whole mouth is going dry.' As he thought this, his tongue turned to sand, which slowly dribbled out of his mouth. Looking at his classmates and teachers, he tapped the microphone and started again. "My fellow Toonsters. As you all know, a lot of things have happened today." He glanced up at Bugs, who nodded at him. Buster could see the pride in Bugs's eyes. "But I'm not here to talk about those things. You all saw the news and read the papers, so you know what happened and how it all turned out. All I can say about it is that it's all true." He then paused, knowing the weight of those words were reaching his friends instantly. He was then joined at the microphone by Babs. 'Ah, Barbara Anne,' he thought. 'What a team we're gonna be.' He looked back at the crowd and continued. "However, there is one thing you don't know about, yet." He looked at Babs, then held up her left hand for all to see. "Babs and I have an announcement to make." "Oh, puhlease... get on with it, Buster." As always, trust Plucky to throw in a comment to break the mood. The crowd rippled lightly with laughter, and Buster found himself losing his voice again. He looked at Babs and shrugged. Babs made eye contact with Shirley the Loon, who simply nodded. From across the room, the punchbowl levitated upward, floated lazily over Plucky, and then upended, drenching the duck in fruit punch. As he opened his mouth to protest, a large iron spike fell out. "Aha," he said, "I knew that punch was spiked." Babs jumped into the breach. "Oh, well, he's always been kind of shy... What we have to announce, folks, is that Buster's decided to make an honest rabbit of me." She tried to say more, but the two of them were suddenly surrounded by their friends, who were cheering and congratulating them. Hamton grabbed Buster's hand. "Congratulations, Buster. I know you and Babs will be very happy together." Plucky, still wet, barged his way in. "Of course they will, Hammie. Buster's always been the lucky one. Still, we know he only has one choice for best man." Buster looked at Plucky, his brows furrowed. "Best man?" "Why, of course, Buster. Surely you haven't forgotten that all grooms have a best man. And who else could add that special air of elegance to the festivities then your favorite green ducky pal? And hey, Hammie, to show I'm no sore winner, I'll even let you help clean the church afterwards!" "Well, Plucky, it just so happens I haven't picked a best man yet. And your antics over the last couple of days don't exactly make me put you at the top of the A list." Plucky listened, unbelieving. "What? Buster, I've just got to be the best man! This wedding's going to be the social event of the year! Think of the publicity! Think of the exposure! Think of the money from selling the photos to the tabloids!" "Get lost, Duck, before I drop an anvil on your head." Plucky suddenly looked up in panic, trying to spot the iron aimed at him. As he did so, Buster slipped away from him and up next to Babs. She looked at him, then asked, "Plucky?" "Jerk." "Party?" "Tired? "Idea?" "Boogie?" "Outta here." At that, they jumped over the crowd and headed to the exit while most of their friends were still talking amongst themselves. Across the hall, Bugs watched them leave as Yosemite Sam walked up to him. "Ya know, varmint, ya done alright with that little critter of yours." Bugs raised an eyebrow at Sam. "Oh? You knew?" "Why, sure enough. Thet youngster's burned my brisquit a couple of times in his time here, and only a young'un of yours could have done that. Still, he seems to be an all right sort, for a rabbit, that is." "You think so, Sam?" "Oh, sure. He can be a handful, but then, you know I hates rabbits anyway. Still, good to see 'em gettin' hitched and all. So why aren't you in there with them?" "It's dair moment, Sam. Let 'em enjoy it. Besides, dey still got school on Monday. I only wish Felicia was here t'see dis." "Yep. Now that thar was one special lady. Well, see ya later, varmint." "So long, Screwy. See ya in St. Louie," Bugs replied almost from rote. Still, his heart wasn't in it. Watching Babs and Buster together, he suddenly felt all his years, like time was passing him by. Chapter One A Shocking Revelation After the party, Babs and Buster were walking back to her burrow, hand in hand. Neither said a word, they just basked in the feeling that comes when you know you've made the right choice. From the day they met, it was as if they were meant to be together, and now they could see that day approaching. They could hear Plucky following them at a respectful distance, still occasionally calling out to Buster encouragement to pick him for best man. "What you thinking about, Buster?" "Well, Babs, when do you want to have the wedding?" "I don't know, Buster. June's nice, but isn't it a cliche?" "True. Knowing you, Babsy, I figured April Fool's Day, though. Besides, another April shower is possible at anytime." Babs looked up at him, alarmed, shaking her head. "No, not the water-" Suddenly, a high power stream of water washed over her. "-pistol." "Face it, Babsy, I can always catch you not ready for this." Babs spun a quick change into a dry costume. "How true, Buster." Spinning again, she changed her costume and now appeared as Blanche DuBois. "But then again, I have always relied on the kindness of strangers." Spinning back to her true self, she finished, "And face it Buster, they don't come any stranger than you." With that said, she planted a big wet one right on his kisser. As they broke apart, their gazes met longingly. And as they slowly leaned in for another embrace, they heard Plucky's reaction. "Ewwwe -yuck!" Buster looked at Babs, tried to keep a straight face, and lost it. He collapsed onto the hillside, holding his sides, laughing. Babs looked down at him, shaking her head. "Tsk, tsk. Obviously unable to deal with the reality of the situation." Babs, disgusted, looked at her helpless boyfriend. 'Cute,' she thought, 'but totally useless tonight.' "Well, I'm going in now, Buster. See you on Monday at school." And with that, she headed down the hole into her burrow. Buster watched her as she left. "Say good night, Babs," he called after her. From her burrow, he heard her reply, "Good night, Babs." Same old Babs. Still chuckling, he headed off for home, singing to himself as he made his way home. "Amazing, she said yes, It could've been a big mess, and just who would have guessed, she'd agree to be my bride?" "A wedding we will plan...." Plucky interrupted from his hiding place, singing "Can I be the best man?" I know it'll be grand, and that's not just my pride!" Plucky continued singing, following Buster down the path. "For here in Acme Acres, they'll have a wedding day, in mid June, they'll Honeymoon, when they'll sail away! She's tiny, he's toony, they're both a little looney! But being the best man will make the wedding fun! And I'm the only one!" Then the anvil fell on Plucky as the camera irised out. ********** Babs floated down the hole into her burrow, her eyes lit with the laughter of one truly in love. As she made her way into the living room, she noticed two things: Her brothers and sisters were all in bed, and her mother was waiting up for her. "Hiya, Mom! You didn't have to wait up." Babs's Mom looked at her, and sighed. "I'm afraid I did, Barbara Anne." That brought Babs up short. Mom knew how she felt about that name, and only used it when something was wrong. "OK, Mom, I'm listening. This is probably one of the happiest nights of my life, and you're throwing out some serious bad vibes here. What is it?" At which, Babs thought, '"Serious Bad Vibes?" I've been hanging around Shirley too long.' Babs's mom looked at her again, and sighed, a long mournful exhale. "I know, Babs, but the time has come for us to talk. I know what has happened, and I'm happy for you. Really I am. It's just..." Babs's mom trailed off, a lump in her throat. Babs looked troubled. She had seen her mom angry before, but never upset like this. "Mom..." Babs's mom turned away, fighting back tears. "Oh, Babs. I love to hear you say that. I just wish it were true." "Of course it's true, Mom.... er, it is true, isn't it, Mom?" Babs suddenly felt her mouth turn dry, and her insides went cold. "Mom, what do you mean, 'you wish it was true?'" Sniffling and wiping her eyes, Babs's Mom turned to face her. "No, Babs, you deserve to know this, especially now. Babs, honey, your father and I, we... adopted you when you were just a baby." As her mother mouthed the words, Babs felt her insides turn to ice from the shock. Adopted? How? Why? Who? The questions came flooding into her mind. Overwhelmed, she fell into a sitting position, her ears hanging down. Babs's mom continued, letting the story pour out. Babs followed as best she could with the sounds of trains rushing in her brain. It seemed that she was abandoned on the steps of Acme Loo when she was just a few days old. Elmer Fudd found her there, and brought her over to Babs's mom to care for her until a suitable home could be found. "Well, I was just married that month, and we hadn't had any children yet, so you coming into my life was a precious thing. Oh, I looked down into your eyes and fell in love, and made the arrangements the next day to adopt you. Oh, honey, I've loved you as my own all these years. But soon you'll be on your own, starting a family, and you need to know this. Please forgive me." Babs looked up at her Mom, thinking, 'If you're not Mom...? What do I call you?' "All I can ask is why you hid it from me for so long?" "I was afraid if I told you, you would just run away, trying to find your real mother. At the time, I couldn't bear the thought of losing you forever." "Oh, Mom, don't worry. You've been the rabbit who has loved and raised me to be a good bunny. All I am is because of you." "Not all, Babs. I've never been able to do the spin change trick you picked up at an early age. I think you inherited that talent." "You think so? I wonder what my birth mother was like?" "All I know is that the note left with you was signed with the initials 'FR'. I have the note here, if you want to see it." "Maybe later. Mom, would you mind if I looked for my birth mother?" Babs's Mom looked long and hard at her daughter, and then sighed. "I knew this day would come. Trying to keep a toon from growing up and embracing the world is impossible. No, Babs, I don't mind. But know that I do love you and will always be there for you." "Thanks, Mom, you're the best" And with that, she hugged her mom. But as she did, Babs's mind was racing, wondering who she knew with the initials 'FR'. Chapter Two The Games Begin Buster was sitting in his room, thinking of Babs and absently playing with a paddleball. The activity took little conscious thought when he really got into the rhythm of it, and so it was the perfect occupation for his distracted mind. He had been at it for nearly twenty minutes when Plucky suddenly popped into the room. "Hey, Buster! Don't you think I'd look great in a tuxedo, standing at the front of the church and-- OW!" His suggestion (which Buster had already heard about twelve times since the engagement was announced) was cut short when Buster's paddleball shot right into Plucky's eye. The momentum of the paddleball didn't stop, and Plucky's head- followed directly by Plucky- was yanked back on the elastic string. Plucky's head apparently didn't have enough bounce to keep going, however, so his trip ended with a loud WHACK when he smacked into the paddle. "Hi, Plucky," said Buster calmly. There wasn't much at the moment that could break through his calm sense of euphoria. "You okay?" "Gimme a minute," said Plucky as he tugged on the string of the ball. Eventually it popped out of his eye socket, and after blinking a couple of times he was fine. "Hmph. After that, you just might have to BEG to get me to be your best man." "Don't be sore, Pluckster." Buster grinned to himself. "I'd hate for you to be let down." Plucky took no notice of the sarcasm. "Well, since I AM a humble, forgiving waterfowl, my offer still stands. So, when are you going to--" He was interrupted by Buster's telephone. Buster held a hand up to him, signaling for him to wait a minute, and answered. "Hello? ....Hey." His voice softened instantly, his posture changed, and the expression on his face went from casual to big, dopey grin. "Who is it?" asked Plucky, poking his head over Buster's shoulder. "Yeah, Plucky's over," said Buster into the phone. He turned away and folded the ear that wasn't against the phone over, shutting Plucky out. "Uh-huh. Yeah." He started laughing a little. "Who is it? Can't you call them back? C'mon, Buster, who is--" Plucky was cut off as an anvil dropped on his head. All that could be seen of him was his bill, protruding from under the anvil. "That was gratuitous," he said in a choked voice. "Really? Hold on, Babsy," said Buster, and he put his hand over the phone. "Plucky, do you mind? Babs has something important she wants to say!" "Oh, FINE! Just drop your best friend for your bunny-wunny!" said Plucky, dragging himself out from under the anvil. "I'll just go... But you're REALLY going to have to beg me to--" A second anvil fell on him suddenly, squashing his head down. "I hate running gags," he croaked, and left. "What's the matter, Babsie?" said Buster as soon as Plucky was gone. Babs had started out talking to him normally enough, but she had quickly deteriorated and now sounded rather close to tears. "I- I'm okay, Buster... But I..." she was stuttering, something that was very unusual for her. "I just... found out something really unexpected. I'm... I'm adopted." Buster didn't know what to say. He wasn't sure how Babs was taking this, so his reaction could conceivably upset her even more. "How... How did you find out?" Babs's voice cracked a little, then she composed herself. "My mom told me when I got home. She said... that she found me on the steps of the school, with a note that had the initials 'FR' on it. It's... it's weird, Buster. I feel like I don't know who I am anymore." "With your schizophrenic personality, I'm surprised you don't feel that way more often," joked Buster. Babs laughed half- heartedly. "Seriously, Babs, you're you, that's all you need to know. You're the same bunny you've always been. The same bunny I'm madly in love with." "I knew calling you would feed my ego, Blue-Ears," said Babs. "I know I'm me, and I shouldn't be so worried by this, but... Well, I think it might help if I found my real mother. I asked my mom- you know, the one who raised me- and she said it's okay. I want you to help me. It'd be nice to have her at the wedding, don't you think?" "That would be nice. But do you think your mother- your other mother- will mind?" "'Course not! She's really understanding about this! She knows she'll always come first with me." Babs sounded like she was about to get a little choked up again. She cleared her throat. "So, will you help me? We have to think of who we know with the initials 'F.R.' Anyone come to mind?" "Of course I'll help. I can't think of any F.R's, but tomorrow we could go by the Acme Library and talk to Bookworm. He might know some rabbits by that name. Sound good?" "I knew you'd help me, Buster. We'll start tomorrow. It's a date!" She sounded cheerful again. Babs's emotions were obviously on quite a roller coaster. Buster worried about her a little, but of course, it had to be natural to have so many mood swings when you find out news of this magnitude. "Well, see you tomorrow?" "Sounds good!" "I love you, Buster." "I love you too, Barbara Anne." "Don't CALL me that!" They laughed together for a moment, and then each hung up, content. Chapter 3 Yet Another Unexpected Development The next morning, Buster was awakened by the sound of someone pounding on the metal hatch that covered the entrance to his rabbit hole. He looked over at his alarm clock, it was only 7:30. "I'm coming," he called groggily as he rolled out of bed and pulled on his bathrobe. "Who the heck is pounding on my door so early on a Saturday?" he muttered as he made his way to the entrance to his burrow. Buster unlocked the hatch and flopped it open to see Babs standing there expectantly. "Oh," she said when she saw his disheveled appearance, "did I come to early?" "Uh, no," said Buster. "Not at all. I was just about to get up anyway." "No you weren't," said Babs matter of factly. "Oh, Buster, I'm so sorry. I should have waited for you at my place. I... I..." Babs ran out of words and looked like she was on the edge of tears. Reacting instantly, Buster pulled her to him and held her tightly. "It's okay," he whispered into her ear. "Don't worry about it." After a few seconds, Babs calmed down again, and leaning away from him, she asked, "Are you sure?" "Positive," said Buster. "Come on it. Have you eaten breakfast?" "No." "Well then come on," said Buster as he led her inside. "Help yourself to something while I go get ready, okay?" "Sure," said Babs, feeling a lot better. Then, giving Buster a serious once over, she added wryly, "Hmmm. So, this is what I'm gonna have to wake up to every morning? I'm not sure if I'm impressed, or frightened." Buster pulled his robe more tightly around himself without even realizing that he had done so. "Uh, right," he stammered, and hurried back into his room. A few moments later, after having made himself more presentable, he found Babs sitting at the kitchen table munching on some Carrot Crunch Cereal. "Better," he asked as he came into he room. "Much," said Babs with a grin. Pointing then at an empty bowl, and then the cereal box, she asked, "Want some?" "Sure," said Buster as he sat down. As Babs poured the cereal into the bowl, Buster noticed that Babs looked a little different to him that morning. It took him a few seconds to figure it out, but once he did, he started to grow concerned again; Babs had forgotten her ear ribbons! In all the years he'd known her, Buster had never known her not to have them, and their absence only confirmed to him that she was not entirely in her right mind over what she had learned the night before. Seeing the suddenly serious look on his face, Babs asked, "What is it?" "Oh, nothing," Buster hedged. "I'm just worried about you." Babs smiled. "Oh, how sweet. Don't worry, Buster. I'm fine. Really I am. Sure, I'm a little shook up, but I'm really okay. And once we figure this thing out, I'll be even better." "If you say so, Babaloo. So, ah, how do you wanna go about all this?" "Well, like we said on the phone, maybe Bookworm can help us go through the records and figure something out." "Sounds like a good plan to me," said Buster. "In fact..." Buster was cut off as the voice of Plucky Duck came calling from above. "Hey, Buster, you up yet?" Buster sighed. "Yeah, Plucky, come on in." In a matter of seconds, Plucky bounded into the room and said, "O, boy, have I got a deal for you! I was talking with Taz last night after you two vanished, and I got him to agree to provide the Tux's for your wedding at half-price! I even hoodwinked him into giving the best-man his Tux for nothing! Isn't it great! Not only do you get to go formal for next to nothing, I get to do it for free!" "Uhm, aren't you making a rather large assumption there, Pluckster?" "Like what?" "That you'll be the best-man." "Oh, come on, Buster. Quit clowning around. Sure, I came on a little strong last night, but who else could be? Hmmm?" Buster just shook his head in disgust. "Come on, Babs. We've got work to do." Without saying another word, Buster took Babs by the hand and led her out of the burrow. The were followed closely by Plucky, who continued his pleading. "After all," said the little green duck, "one of the duties of the best-man IS to set up the bachelor party. Do you really wanna leave that up to Hamton? Who else but me could make sure that it'll be a night to remember forever?" Buster couldn't believe what Plucky had just said, and that he had said it in front of Babs. Looking apologetically to her he said, "Would you care to do the honors this time?" "With pleasure," she said. Turning then to Plucky, she added. "I'd move if I were you." Plucky only crossed his arms and grinned. "Why?" he asked. Buster and Babs were both amazed. No anvil had fallen from the sky to clobber him. "How," they both asked in unison. "Simple," said the Duck. "I made a deal with Acme. No anvils can fall on me for the rest of the day. So there!" and he stuck his tongue out at Babs. "No anvils, huh?" asked Buster. "Too bad." "Huh?" asked Plucky. "What do you..." KA-BLAMMO!!!!!! Babs looked with wonder at the Space Shuttle that had just fallen on Plucky. Turning to Buster, she said, "Well done." "Yeah," said Buster with a chuckle. "He shoulda made the deal with NASA." "Maybe," said Babs. "Uh, Buster, about your Bachelor party..." "Don't worry, Babs. The only nights I wanna remember forever are the ones I spend with you." "Okay, but you're gonna have to wait until after the wedding!" and she winked at him suggestively. "Believe me, Babs, I wouldn't want it any other way." ********** When they got to the library, they were surprised to find that Bookworm wasn't there. "Oh great!" said Babs with annoyance. "What are we supposed to do now?" "I have an idea," said Buster thoughtfully. "What?" "Well, why should be even bother with computer records? I know someone who probably knows every last rabbit in Acme Acres." "Who?" "Your future father-in-law," said Buster matter of factly. "Let's go talk to Bugs." The two bunnies wasted no time in making their way to Bugs Bunny's posh mansion. "Hiya, kids," he said when he greeted them at the door. "What brings ya here?" "We need your help, Dad," said Buster solemnly. Bugs was taken back a bit. Even though their secret was now out and Babs had known about it for a while, Buster was still in the habit of calling Bugs "Dad" only when something was very serious. "What's da matter?" he asked. "Well," said Buster slowly, "last night, Babs learned something very unexpected; she's adopted." Bugs raised an eyebrow at the revelation, but said nothing. "We were hoping," said Babs, "that you might know something that could help me learn who my real mother was." Bugs slowly nodded. "I'd be glad ta, kid. Whattaya know?" "Not much," said Babs. "The only clues I've got are a note that was in my crib when they found me. It was signed 'F.R.'" "F.R? Well, I suppose da R could stand fer Rabbit, it's almost as common as Bunny. Matter of fact, Buster, your Mom's maiden name was Rabbit. But da F, day could be anyt'in'. Do ya have da note, Babs?" "Yeah. Would you like to see it?" "Please." Without any hesitation, Babs took the note out of her pocket and handed it to Bugs, who opened it carefully. Bugs froze when he started read it, and both Buster and Babs could see that he looked very disturbed. "What's wrong?" asked Buster. "I recognize dis handwritin'," said Bugs in a flat, unemotional voice. "Well, that's good," said Babs. "Isn't it?" "I ain't so sure," said Bugs. "Who's handwriting is it, Pop?" asked Buster with just a hint of concern. Bugs looked back and forth from the note to Buster to Babs a few times before looking intently at Buster and saying, "Your mother's." Chapter 4 Revelations Buster looked back at Bugs. His eyes were wide, but his pupils had shrunken to tiny dots from the shock. He sputtered incoherently. "M-M-M-Mom?" Bugs, still not wanting to quite believe his own eyes, shut them slowly, took in a deep breath, and then exhaled, sagging a little as he did. He nodded, his entire body showing his reluctance. "Yeah, kiddo, it's definitely your mother's handwriting. I'd know it anywheres." "But... how?" "I don't know, kid. But facts is facts. That note is definitely your mother's." Babs watched this exchange, her features frozen in place as if carved from stone. But, as still waters run deep, so did Babs's thoughts. She tried to remember all she could about Buster's mom, all he had told her. As she reviewed it, her brain made a connection that her heart saw first... and froze her. As her internal temperature plunged with dread, she turned to her beau. "Buster," she murmured quietly. Buster and Bugs were startled to hear Babs's voice, especially by the chilling tone it held. As they turned in unison to see her, the first thing they noticed was how the color had seemed to drain from her. They could almost feel the chill emanating from her, frosting the already tense room. "Buster, we can't get married..." Buster reeled under this shock like a prizefighter taking the second half of a combination. As he staggered back, he could only look helplessly at his love and say, "What?" "Buster, let me put it simply. We. Can't. Get. Married. Come on, think about it. FR... Felicia Rabbit. Think about what that means..." Buster tried, but his brain was still reeling from too many emotional blows. He just shook his head, a blank look on his face. Realization dawned on Bugs's face immediately, however. Wearily he rose, and put an arm around each of them. He looked down at Babs, a sad smile on his face. "Barbara Anne, I understand what you're saying. But don't make any hasty decisions here. We still don't know for sure what all of dis means yet." Buster looked up at his father. "Mind clueing me in here a bit, Dad. I'm not thinking real clear here, and I missed the connection you two seem to see." Bugs sighed, then turned to face his son. Placing both hands on his shoulders, he looked directly into Buster's eyes. "Look, Buster. If this is true, well, then, that would make Babs here your..." The word hit Buster like a hand grenade. "Sister." "Well, half-sister, at least." Buster twisted away from Bugs and walked over to the window, stareing out of it. He turned back, and yelled at his father. "No! I won't believe it! I can't believe it! Look, we don't even look alike. We're the same age! It's impossible! It just isn't possible!" Bugs, seeing his son's distress, looked over at Babs -and stared in confusion.. Babs was fiddling with her ears nervously, running her hands over them to keep them down. Bugs immediately walked over to her, with an intensity that froze Babs in fear. As he reached her, he immediately reached out and touched her left paw. "Babs, come over here into the light, please?" As she moved over to the table and its lamp, Bugs held onto her left hand, muttering to himself. He gently moved her hand under the light and brushed up the fur on the back of her paw. As he did so, she saw what he was examining. Underneath her fur was a faint discoloration, a birthmark, in the shape of the Warner Brothers shield. It was very faint, just a slightly darker shade of pink, but it was there. Bugs looked up at her, his distress evident. "Buster, come here please, and take off your left glove." Buster complied, taking the glove off and slowly shuffling his way over to the table, holding his paw in front of him as if afraid of it. As he moved into the light, all three looked to the back of his paw. There, in a slightly darker blue than his fur, was a birthmark in the shape of the WB shield. Buster snatched his hand back as if it had just touched fire. He shook his head. "No, this just is not possible..." Bugs, trembling slightly after seeing this, turned around to look at Buster. He tried to find the words, but couldn't. He looked upward at the ceiling, cleared his throat and started again. "Well, son, yes it is possible. You see, your mother... well, she had da same boithmark." Babs stared at the back of her hand, looking at it like a foreign object. She put it down, tears welling in her eyes. "I think... I guess... I gotta go. I need time to think." She turned and fled out of the house, leaving a Babs-shaped cloud behind her for them to stare at. Buster turned to follow her, but Bugs laid a hand on his shoulder. "Let her go, son. She needs a little time to sort some things out in her heart. And so do we." "Umm, yeah, OK... but, Dad, what's going on here? How is this possible? You never mentioned that I had any brothers or sisters." Bugs turned and walked over to his fireplace and stared into the flames. After a moment he spoke, his words deliberate and heavy with pain. "Buster, I loved your mother dearly. I was filming a project when she had you, and although I lost her soon after that, with you in my life, I still felt we were complete. But the hospital never said anything about any other children, and your mother could never mention anything about it again. I guess I should have asked, but the shock of losing her... I was just grateful to have a little bit of her through you." "Dad, be honest with me, do you think Babs is... well, is she my..." Buster felt the word stick in his throat, unable to force himself to finish the sentence. "Your sister? I don't know. But I intend ta find out." "What should I do now? Do you want me to help?" "Right now, son, you need to go be with Babs. She needs you more than I do, right now probably more than ever. Even if she doesn't realize it, she does. Go and just be there for her. And remember, I'm here for you." Buster nodded, and took off after Babs. He ran preoccupied from his father's home, not noticing the two figures innocently sitting on a park bench nearby. As he passed them, they glanced after him, and their eyes narrowed as they watched him go. The male of the pair turned to the female on his right and smiled a perfect smile at her. "Right on schedule, and right according to plan. And now, the games begin." His companion grinned back nastily and reached for her cellular phone. When the call went through, she said "Completed, beginning phase two," and then listened for a moment. She nodded and broke the connection. Getting up and smoothing her miniskirt, she turned to her companion. "Next stop, the library. Time to make a withdrawal." The male smiled as he stood and offered his arm to his lady friend. "Well, then, shall we?" Arm in arm, tails swishing, looking to all the world like a couple in love, they sauntered easily toward the Looniversity Library. ********** As the couple passed the fallen space shuttle, a green feathered arm started to push it upwards a bit. When the shuttle was raised a couple of inches, a very flat green duck slid out from under it. Once clear, the arm of the flattened duck released the shuttle, letting it fall. Finally, Plucky stood up and popped himself out into his whole three-dimensional self. As he did so, he held his head and shook it carefully. "Whoa, that's a pain that's gonna be around a while. Good thing I'm insured." He looked around, trying to spot his friends when his stomach rumbled. "Well, I don't know where the bunnies went, but being flattened sure gave me an appetite. Besides, if I talk to Weenie Burger about catering the wedding, I can pocket the extra cash. Yeah, after all, what are best men for?" With that, Plucky headed off for the hangout. As Plucky waited at a stoplight in town, he was met by Fifi and Hamton, out on a morning stroll together. Plucky waved to them. "Hello, Hammie. Hiya, Fifi, looking really good today." "Mais oui, Plucky, and how are vous today?" "Oh, not bad, Fifi. Buster's really coming around to the realization that I'm the only choice for best man at his wedding." Hamton stiffened a bit at that and looked over at Plucky. "Don't you think you're jumping the gun just a little bit, Plucky?" Plucky, his usual oblivious self, was ogling the passing ladies. He turned back to Hamton and smiled. "Yep, Buster's about to see that I really am the only true choice for the job. After all, there really isn't any one else who could even try to do the job." Plucky started to laugh. Fifi and Hamton sopped dead in their tracks and threw an "Oh, really?" glance at each other. Fifi spoke up. "Well, Ah for one happen to theenk mah Hamton would make zee wonderful best man. At least he would bring a sense of dignity to the role. Isn't zat right, mon leettle piggy du passion?" With that, Fifi turned and smothered him with one of her full body hugs, Hamton struggled, as much for breathing room as to escape. Plucky stopped and stared back at his friends. "Ah dignity, schmignity. I happen to think it's highly overrated. Look, these are the Bunny's we're talking about. Babs's engagement ring is probably from a box of Cracker Jacks!" Hamton and Fifi just stared in shock at Plucky. After a few moments, the duck became very nervous under the intensity of their glares, which had started to melt the adjacent lamppost and mailbox. "What, was it something I said?" "Plucky," Hamton said, "you need to learn how to hold your fire sometimes. Buster loves Babs very much and is showing that love very tenderly. You need to learn to respect that." "Well pardon me, Albert Schweitzer!" At that moment, Shirley the Loon floated up, her legs in the perfect lotus position. "Like, hello Fifi and Hamton." She then saw the green duck. "Oh, like, Plucky, you're here too." Plucky turned to Shirley and smiled his cheesiest smile. "And hello to you, too, loon of my dreams." He waggled his eyebrows at Shirley. Shirley shuddered at the look. "Like, get crucial, Plucky! You, dreaming of me? Not even!" With that, a cloud formed above Shirley, showing her what she saw in Plucky's dreams. As the dream Plucky tried to force Shirley to kiss him, she became very angry, and zapped the dream Plucky, following it up with a well aimed bolt that fried the real Plucky as well. "Like, mondo negatory vibes, Plucky. Stay away, you perv." Plucky screeched in pain. "OWWWW! Now what did I do?" "Like you know, you ... you... DUCK!" Shirley turned and floated away in a hurry. Fifi threw Plucky a venomous look, and chased off after her. Hamton shook his head and looked at his friend. "Plucky, when are you going to learn? You need to show respect to others in order to receive that respect from them. You seem to keep relearning that lesson over and over. Maybe this time it'll stick." With that, Hamton started off after Fifi. Plucky looked dumbfounded after his friends. "Hah, let them run. I know I'm right, and nothing could move me from the conviction that I'm standing in the right on this!" At that point, he turned and walked straight into an open manhole. About 15 seconds later, a very wet duck scrambled out of the hole, followed by a snarling 10-foot alligator. He grabbed a piece of wood from the wall next to him, and used it to beat the gator back into the manhole. As he did so, he noticed the hastily scribbled writing on the board, which read, "Acme Block and Tackle Co. Do not remove this board as it counterweights the piano." Plucky looked up, confused. "Piano?" At that moment, a falling grand piano flattened the duck. He rose up groggily from the wreckage, his dazed expression revealing a mouth full of ivory keys. They fell out of his beak one by one, each one striking a single note as it hit the ground. Plucky noticed idly that the notes formed the opening measures of "These Endearing Young Charms." He winced as the last one hit. "Hmmm, that last one was a little flat." Plucky then fell backwards out of the frame. Chapter 5 Red Herrings and Chips Buster hustled to catch up with Babs, his mind reeling. He knew he still loved Babs, but now... his sister? Shades of Luke Skywalker! He just couldn't get his mind around the concept of Babs as, well, his kid sister. Still, she was shaken now, as her entire life seemed to be changing. 'Well, I can still be there for her, no matter what,' Buster thought. As he exited the park, he saw Babs walking rapidly toward Acme Loo. Every stride she took showed her determination to get to the bottom of this. Buster silently made his way to her and fell in stride with her, waiting for her to say something. "Leave me alone, Buster." "No." She wheeled on him. "What do you mean, no? I need to be alone and figure this out for myself." Buster took her hands in his. "Look, Babs, you're not thinking this through clearly. I understand, this is a lot to take in all at once. In twenty four hours, you've become engaged to be married, found out you were adopted, and then found out your fiance may be your brother. My gosh, it's a wonder you haven't gone psycho on us." Babs looked at him, and threw down his hands. "Nice try, Dr. Joyce Brothers. I'm fine, I just need to start figuring out the truth." "So do I, Babs. But you have to admit, we've always done better as a team than as individuals. So let's work this one together, Babaloo. Besides, you know I'd just figure it out faster on my own anyway a lot quicker than you would." "Hah! In your dreams, Bunny-boy. You just want the credit for my work!" Babs opened her mouth for another retort, then pulled up short. "You conniving... You're just trying to get me to forget the mess I'm in!" "You got it, Babsy. You keep brooding and you aren't going to be any help in solving this at all. Besides, the world just isn't right without you wise-cracking your way through it." Babs took in a deep breath, shook her head, and started walking again toward the Loo. "Buster, what about us?" "What exactly about us do you mean?" "Well, obviously, if we're brother and sister, we can't be engaged." "Yes. IF we're related. Which, I might point out, kiddo, hasn't been proven yet. So, let's just maintain things the way they are, OK? If you are my sister, there will be plenty of time to return that ring later." "OK. So what's next?? "Well, you're headed for the Loo. Why?" "I figured if Felicia Rabbit was my mother, I'd want to get to know her. The best way for me to find out about it is the film vaults at the Library on campus. Maybe the Mysterious Vaultkeeper has a trick or two up his sleeves to help us out." "Ya know, Babsy, that's what I love about you. Great minds think alike. I was thinking that in the Archives there, maybe we'd find something about Felicia's life. Besides, I never really did dig into it before, and she IS my mother. Maybe it's time I learned more about her." "So let's get hopping, Bunny. Last one there is a Weenie Burger." And Babs took off, replaced by a Babs-shaped cloud of smoke. Buster followed, close behind. ********** When Babs and Buster arrived, they found that Bookworm still hadn't returned to the Library. "That's odd, he normally isn't this late," Buster noted. "Yeah, but you know how Professor Fudd is with midterms He probably has Bookworm finding the deepest, darkest trivia for the Animation History test next week." Buster groaned. "Don't remind me. I still have to study for that one. Let's go down to the film vaults." As the bunnies made their way down the stairs, another figure watched them recede. She stepped back into the stacks, smiling. "Soon, Buster, you'll be free of that stupid pink bunny's hold on you. And then, my little blue friend, you'll know where your true... interests lie." With that, the female chuckled, the vibration making her ample endowments move in a number of interesting ways. At that moment, her two rat friends from Perfecto Prep walked up behind her. Without looking at them, she murmured, "Did you make the switch?" Roddy chuckled behind her. "Yes, Ramona. The doctored film is now in the can, ready for their 'viewing pleasure.'" "And the original?" Rhuebella chimed in. "Right here. We'll sneak it up to Perfecto Prep and bury it so deep in the library there that Indiana Jones himself couldn't find it." Ramona smiled. "Perfect. Now let's see Bugs and Buster try to explain their way out of this one. Time for me to make an appearance soon as the 'comforting friend.' You two lay low and stay in touch. And Roddy, thanks. I owe you both big time on this one." Rhubella and Roddy just smiled. "Our pleasure, Ramona. After all, we are bound to help those less fortunate then ourselves, as long as we profit from it. Just remember that debt sometime when we ask you for a favor." With that, the two rats moved quietly out of the library. ********** Down in the vault, Babs had immediately looked in the directory for any references to Felicia Rabbit. While there, she came across an intriguing entry. "Buster, come look at this." Buster read the words on the entry that Babs showed him, his mind racing. "News of the World Newsreel #896. Birth Announcement from Bugs Bunny and Felicia Rabbit." Babs looked at her friend. "I thought your Dad said that he hadn't made a big deal about you growing up?" Buster shrugged. "He didn't. But the studio probably put this out as a standard press release thing. Besides, this was the 70's, nobody was watching newsreels by then." "OK, let's see... Reel #1379-A27. Should be right over..." Babs dashed down the aisle, quickly grabbed the film can and zipped back into place, "...here." She handed the can to Buster. Buster stuck his tongue out at Babs. "Show off. Come on, let's motor over to the projection room." Soon, the toons had the film threaded into the projector and were sitting back and watching its image flicker across the screen. The newsreel started with the familiar News of the World logo, followed by the breaking national stories and sports. Finally, the screen showed the story card "Bugs Bunny Birth Announcement Brings Joy to Acme Acres." Babs and Buster leaned forward in their seats, waiting to hear the narration. Suddenly, their jaws dropped down as the screen showed a picture of a proud Bugs Bunny holding two bundles, as the announcer droned on. "Hollywood and Acme Acres are celebrating today, as Warner Brothers cartoon legend Bugs Bunny and his wife Felicia announced the birth of twins." On the screen, it was easy to tell from the changed shades of gray thay one of the tiny bundles was a blue color, and one was a lighter shade, probably pink. At that, both Babs and Buster fell backwards and fainted. ********** Plucky Duck walked dejectedly along the street, thinking dejectedly, "I just can't seem to get any respect anymore. Buster and Babs don't want me in their wedding, just when I think that I'm finally getting closer to Shirley, she suddenly seems to think that I'd be better off fricasseed, and even Hamton doesn't want to have anything to do with me. I mean, what's wrong with these folks? I mean, I'm still the same old lovable duck I've always been, aren't I?" As he pondered this, Plucky was passing the Acme Acres Post Office. His head down, typically lost in his own thoughts, he didn't see the signboard until he walked full speed into it. "Of all the lousy places to put a sign..." Plucky looked up at it, and saw a recruiting poster for the Army. "BE ALL THAT YOU CAN BE!" it proclaimed. "BE THE SPECIAL SOMEONE WHO MAKES A DIFFERENCE!" it screamed at him. Suddenly, a lightbulb appeared over Plucky's head. "You know, maybe if I were in the Army... Yeah, then folks here would be able to see how special I really am. Besides, everyone knows that chicks dig a guy in uniform." With that, Plucky started to daydream, seeing himself in famous movie roles as a military guy. Plucky saw himself piloting an F-15 Tomcat in TOP GUN, his jet blasting so fast past Tom Cruise's that Tom's jet just spun in place. He saw himself going toe- to toe with Louis Gossett Jr. in AN OFFICER AND A GENTLEMAN, although when he tried to pick up Debra Winger, it was she who picked him up and carried him out of the factory. Finally, Plucky dreamed he was Patton, addressing his troops. As he finished addressing them, he heard their cheers rise up, crying out his name... "Plucky, Plucky..." "Plucky! Snap out of it, duck!" Daffy stood there on the steps of the Post Office. "You were having a flashback again. I told you to keep those down to no more than one an episode." With that, Daffy ducked into the Post Office. Plucky looked again at the poster, his resolve firm. "OK, look out US Army, here comes your latest ultimate warrior. These people will learn you can only push a duck so far." With that, Plucky strode out confidently toward the recruiting office. Chapter 6 Be All You Can't Be Plucky marched into the recruiting office and over to the recruiting sergeant's desk. "Can I help you?" he asked. "You sure can, Sarge," said Plucky in an almost flippant response. "Where do I go to sign up?" The sergeant looked at Plucky a little skeptically. "You wanna join the army?" "You bet I do!" "Why?" he asked, still finding it hard to believe. "Why else? To impress my girl!" "I see," said the sergeant with a nod of his head. Then, finally recognizing him, he added, "Waitamimtue, you're Plucky Duck, right?" "The one and only," he replied as he proudly threw out his chest, which promptly flopped down into his gut. "Uh, oops!," he said as he sucked it back in. "Nothing a little trip to basic training won't fix." "Yeah, right," said the sergeant. "You are still in school, right? You haven't run over here on a whim after being expelled for doing something stupid, have you?" "Of course not!" shouted Plucky. Then, his mind racing, he added, "Should I?" "No," said the sergeant as he held up his hands in a disarming gesture. "Hang on a second," and turning to his computer, he started tapping on the keyboard for a few seconds before saying, "Ah, here it is, Acme Looniversity. You're in luck, Plucky. Acme Loo has just started an ROTC program. Why don't you contact the instructor and sign up? Stick with it, and assuming you graduate, you'll enter the Army as a commisioned officer. Whattaya say?" "What do I say? An officer? Me? Yahoo! That's just the ticket I'm looking for! Who's the instructor?" "Here," said the sergeant as he handed him a sheet of paper with the instructor's name and office number on it. "I'll give him a call and tell him to expect you." "Woo-hoo!" cried Plucky as he grabbed the paper and headed back for the Loo. "Shirley will never be able to resist me now!" ********** Meanwhile, back in the Looniversity film vault, Buster and Babs were coming to as they recovered from the shock of what they had seen. "Well that's it then," said Babs distantly. "I really am your sister." "Babs," said Buster, "I..." but he could find no words. "I gotta go home, Buster. I need to think, alone." "But, what about us?" he managed to ask. "Buster," she said quietly as she took off her ring and handed it to him, "there is no us. There can't be." Without even realizing that he was doing so, he took the ring, but with a pleading look in his eyes, he said, "Babs." "No, Buster," she said. "Please, don't say anything. I... I'll call you." Having nothing else to say, she slowly turned around and left him alone in the film vault. He looked after for a few seconds, before looking down at the ring in his hand. "Babs," he said quietly as a tear rolled down his cheek. Not knowing what else to do, he decided to head for home. As Buster emerged from the Loo, he had never before felt so low in all his life. It was all he could do to keep the tears from flowing. "Babs..." he whispered in a voice bordering on dispair. Babs, of course, did not answer, but the voice that did was oddly familiar, "Buster? Is that you?" Buster looked up, and was very suprised to see who had spoken to him. "Ramona Rabbit?" he asked. "What are you doing here?" "Oh, I just moved back into the area. Don't worry, I won't try to come between you and Babs again, I know you two love each other." At the mention Babs, and of how he felt for her, Buster fell even deeper into his gloom. Ramona saw it, and filling her voice with, false, concern, she asked, "Buster, what's wrong? Has something happened to Babs?" "No," said Buster with a shake of his head. "Nothing's happened," and he told her the whole sad story. "Oh, Ramona," he asked when he had finished, "what am I gonna do?" and he finally broke down and started to cry. Ramona reached out to pull him into a comforting embrace. "Don't worry, Buster. It'll be all right. And," she paused for moment then before adding, "and I'll be here to help you through it. After all, what are friends for?" Buster made no reply to that question, but Ramona could not help but smile with satisfaction when he, tentatively at first, returned her embrace. ********** Meanwhile, the Mysterious Vaultkeeper of Acme Loo, better known as Bosko, the Talk-Ink Kid, was making his morning walkthrough of the vault to make sure everything was in order. He was whistling "A Hot Time In The Old Town Tonight," as he made his rounds, stopping occasionally to tap out a few notes on an out of place film can, a set of shelves, or any other object that he could easilly transform into a musical instrument. His music making stopped though when he came across the abandoned projection room where Buster and Babs had been and saw the film sitting there on the take up reel. "Aw, uts-nay," he murmered, "work!" Still, Bosko was not one to let his job get him down, so he entered the room to rewind the film and put it away. When he saw the title on the film can though, it gave him pause. "What gives?" he wondered aloud. "Warners quit making Newsreels years before the date on this one." Overcome with curiosity, Bosko quickly rethredded the film to watch it. By the time it was over, his nomally jovial demeanor was gone, as he knew that something very wrong. Hurrying back to his office, which he had decorated in a pure Harman- Ising, Black and White style, and picked up his phone. "Hello, Bugs?" he said after a few seconds, "this is Bosko. You better get over here to the film vault right away. Something's wrong." ********** After double checking the paper that the recruiting sergeant had given him to make sure he was at the right office, Plucky took a deep breath and knocked on the door. "Come in," he heard someone on the other side of the door call. Plucky opened the door to see a rather non-descript looking human toon sitting with his feet propped up on his desk. He was wearing a WWII era army uniform, and he had only one stripe, but a whole bunch of hash marks on his sleeve. "Ah," he said as he took his feet off his desk and stood up, "you must be Plucky Duck. Glad to meet you," he added as he stuck out his hand. "I'm Private Snafu." "Snafu?" asked Plucky with confusion. "Yep, that's me. Situation Normal, All Fff---, er, Fouled Up. I used to be the biggest screw up in Uncle Sam's army." "Uh, yeah," said Plucky, unsure of what to say. He could have sworn that Snafu sounded proud of his status as a goof up. "Yeah is right," plodded on the dimwitted private, "back durin' da big one I made a whole buncha trainin' films on the best way to get killed in action so's the guys would know what not to do. In between, I did see some action though. Onea these days I'll tell ya all about it." "Sounds like fun," said Plucky, who by now was totally bewildered." "Great," said Snafu. "Come on, let's get you into a uniform. You'll hafta wear it every Thursday, and keepin' it clean is your responsibility. You got that?" "Uhm, yes sir," said Plucky, trying to get a grip on the situation again. "Hey!" shouted Snafu, and he was suddenly in Plucky's face. "Don't you EVER call me 'sir!' I useta work for a livin'! You got that?" "I got it, I got it!" said Plucky quickly. "Good, and don't you forget it. Now come on, let's get you your uniform." As Plucky followed Snafu over to the rack of uniforms, he found himself wondering if this was such a good idea after all. Chapter 7 I Ain't Got You, Babe Ramona rubbed her hands together greedily, and cackled maniacally. "I've turned Buster Bunny into an emotional shambles, just right for the picking." She kicked open the hole cover to the burrow she rented from Old Man McBunny. She got a special rate on the month-to-month with just a single flirty look at McBunny. She dropped the last remaining item in her moving van (which she also got a reduced rate on), her heavy winter mink (which was a gift from someone, she couldn't remember who anymore, probably that Hasselhoff guy), and climbed down the ladder into the darkened burrow. Searching around on the wall, she found a dimmer switch and clicked it on, keeping the lights still very dim. Bright light bothered her eyes. "Ah, good to see you again," a too-happy voice behind her said. Ramona whirled around to look into the still-prevalant shadows. A pair of beady eyes walked out into the brighter light. It was Roddy. "What do YOU want?" she frowned at him. "Get out of my house." "I just wanted to make sure you were comfortable in your new burrow," Roddy told her. It was obvious to Ramona, though, that Roddy had something entirely different on his mind. "That's not why you're here, I'm sure." Roddy scratched his chin. "Hmm. You're more perceptive than I figured you for." The rat put his hands behind his back and started walking in a slow circle around the rabbit, like a vulture. After a complete circle, he stopped and eyed her evilly. "I've already paid you what I owe you," she told him. "You've done your part. I no longer require your assistance... or your presence." She pointed to the exit. "Now get out!" "Oh, but honey," another voice from inside the shadows remarked. Ramona looked over and saw Rhubella slink out from the shadows. "You still DO need our assistance." She let out a snobbish little laugh. "The way we figure it," Roddy said, "your plans would be completely ruined if Buster somehow found out you were behind this whole scheme." "Someone might deliver an anonymous letter to his house explaining the whole thing," Rhubella interjected. "That would just be a TRAVESTY!" Both of them smiled greasy smiles at the rabbit. Rhubella reached into her pocket and pulled out a piece of paper. The words on the paper were made out of letters cut out of magazines. "Why look," Rhubella said, feigning surprise, "here's one right now." "Blackmail?" Ramona couldn't believe what was happening. Both the rats shook their heads. "Blackmail is such an ugly word," Roddy told her. "We prefer to call it insurance," Rhubella said. "And the way we see it, you don't have a choice but to pay our premium." ********** Buster crawled into his hole. He wasn't thinking straight. Heck, he was hardly seeing straight. What was he going to do? As he mindlessly walked into the living room and plopped down on his couch, he was replaying over and over the events of the past 24 hours. It had been the most emotionally exhausting day in his life. He'd gone the full circle from the glorious bliss of anticipatory excitement to the lowest low, and now, utter confusion. He held up his helpless gloved hands in front of his face. He couldn't figure out a way to help Babs all afternoon. He looked in the face the very real possibility that Babs might be his long lost twin sister. He still wasn't sure he bought into the idea, at least not entirely. The evidence scale certainly wasn't tipping in his favor right now, though. And now, Ramona. "Why today, of all days, did I have to run into her again?" Buster asked himself silently. In truth, Buster had all but forgotten her. Every now and then his thoughts would flow back to an afternoon or two with her. Aside from that, though, Buster never dwelled on her memory for more than a moment or two, and most memories he had of that whole short-lived affair served a purpose of showing him how far he'd come in the last couple of years. Not 24 hours ago would Buster have been at all concerned if she had come back. He was engaged to someone he loved with all his heart and soul, and he was convinced that nothing, nothing would ever stand in the way of that love. The meeting today, however, conjured up more than memories. They conjured up... something else. Buster wasn't sure exactly what, but there was emotion in there along with it. Buster shook his head. He realized that he'd been lost in thoughts he shouldn't be thinking about. Babs was his number one priority right now. The rabbit leapt off the couch and stormed back up to the surface. He wasn't sure exactly where he was going yet, but somehow he knew he'd end up where he should be. Five seconds after the heavy steel hole cover slammed down on top of the entrance to his burrow, the phone rang. The machine picked up the phone. "Hello, son? Are you dere? Give me a call as soon as possible." ********** "Are you ready?" An answer was slow in coming. "I said, are you ready?" A loud snore answered his question. Private Snafu walked out of the supply closet and back into his classroom. The classroom was empty, save for one little green duck, fast asleep with his head resting comfortably on his desk. Every couple of seconds, a girlish giggle or a strange-sounding murmur escaped Plucky's beak. "Attennnn-HUT!" Plucky jumped to his feet and stood up straight. "Plucky Duck, Reserve Officers Training Corps Student, serial number 0424-193..." Snafu growled to himself. "And they used ME as a bad example?" He shook his head. "Alright," he said after giving himself a moment to collect his thoughts, "we've got a lot to cover today, so let's get to it." "Yes SIR," Plucky answered, and gave the Private a hearty salute. Snafu only rolled his eyes and sighed. "C'mon," he said with resignation, "let's go outside." ********** "Awright, soldier," Snafu barked at Plucky as the two of them stood in the outdoors training area. Plucky, sporting an olive green helmet and a small rifle made out of wood, listened intently. "Here's what yer gonna do." Plucky looked up as Snafu pointed toward a large, 12-foot high wall with a thick rope dangling from it. "Yer gonna grab that rope, pull yourself up it, and go over the udder side of dat wall. Got it?" Plucky snapped to attention, dashed off a quick salute and shouted, "Yes, SIR!" The private sighed. "Plucky, for the 20th time, don't call me 'sir', got it?" "Yes, SIR!" Plucky broke the salute and charged headlong toward the wall before Snafu could even roll his eyes and groan. Plucky raced toward the obstacle at near reckless speed, hoping his bravery in facing the wall would somehow impress his commanding Private. "I'm gonna be the best darn little green duck this man's army has got!" Plucky thought to himself. Plucky imagined himself in the throngs of battle, bolting through no man's land to save a fallen soldier. He imagined himself being decorated by the President of the United States, shaking his hand, and then being invited to a wild party in the east wing of the White House. "The first lady's not at home tonight," the President whispered in Plucky's ears. "When the cat's away the mice will play, eh soldier?" The illusions of greatness shattered just as Plucky was 20 feet from the wall. Plucky leapt at the wall, grabbing for the thick cord. As he caught hold of the cord, Plucky started pulling himself up the wall, but about halfway up, he noticed that one of his feet had somehow become tangled in the rope hanging below. Plucky tried to kick the rope off his foot, but the cord was wrapped around his right leg and had to be pulled off. "Stupid rope," Plucky muttered out loud as he stopped to untangle his appendage. But Plucky's grip on the rope quickly gave out. "Yaaaaa!" Plucky yelled helplessly as he started falling back toward the ground. Fortunately for Plucky, the cord broke his fall. He dangled at the end of the rope just long enough to wipe his brow and go, "Whew!" before he felt himself being pulled upward like a yo-yo. "Uh oh," Plucky said quietly to himself as he realized both what was about to happen and that he was powerless to stop it. Up and down the duck tumbled, over and over, wrapping himself up in the cord, then falling back down. "What the?!" Snafu exclaimed as he saw what Plucky had gotten himself into. "What has dat da-, er, darn kid done now?" Snafu raced over to the wall to rescue the duck, but no sooner had he tried to grab Plucky than he himself had gotten tangled up in the mess. It was a bizarre sight: two of Uncle Sam's boys strung together like some defunct marionette. Finally when their momentum ran out, the two dangled about five feet from the ground, still tied snugly together. Plucky offered Snafu a shrug of the shoulders and a big, toothy grin. "Sorry about that, sir," the duck said, adding a sheepish chuckle. ********** Several minutes later, Plucky and Snafu were at the ROTC's firing range. Snafu had already determined live ammunition was both too advanced and too dangerous for Plucky to be handling, so instead Snafu supplied the mallard with a heavy paintball gun. "What's the woist he can do wit' dis?" Snafu asked himself. In the back of his mind, though, he felt unsure handing this duck any sort of object which could be found even remotely dangerous was inviting trouble. He tried shrugging off the thought, but somehow it still lingered. "Awright, dogface," Snafu barked, "Dis is pretty simple. All you gotta do is get as close as you can to dose targets over dere." He pointed toward a large circular target with several red and white concentric rings on it. "No problem," Plucky pronouced. The duck put his eyeball close to the targeting sight and took aim. Plucky saw that he was dead-on with the innermost ring on his target. "Piece of cake," he said to himself as he started to slowly squeeze the trigger. His mind was a steel trap as his finger slowly came toward him. He fired. As if in slow motion, the red paintball made its way toward the target at an interminably slow pace. Plucky felt his heart jump when he heard *SPLAT!* Plucky looked up at the target. The ball had hit just inches from dead center. "WOO-HOO!" Plucky shouted triumphantly, waving the gun over his head in victory. Snafu frowned at his pupil. "Nice shot, kid, but be careful where you're waving dat..." Before Snafu could finish his sentence, the gun slipped out of Plucky's hands and hit the ground with a deep *THUD*! The two soldiers stood by one another, staring at the fallen weapon with just a hint of dread on their faces. They knew what was about to happen. "Uh oh," they said quietly, awaiting the inevitable. Just then, the gun made a whiny whirring noise, started jumping up and down by itself until it was pointed straight at Plucky and Snafu, and let loose with its full clip. Only the sound of the discharging weapon and several loud splatters could be heard for miles around as the gun fired round after round of colorful paint at the pair. The two ran for cover almost immediately, but the accuracy of the weapon was uncanny. A big glob of purple hit Plucky in the back of the head as he ran away from the paint-toting enemy, and he fell to the ground limply. Snafu, he himself looking like a renegade rainbow, grabbed Plucky and tried to hoist him over his shoulder. "No," a weary Plucky told him. "Leave me. Save yourself. Twenty-two points, plus triple-word-score, plus fifty points for using all my letters. Game's over. I'm outta here." "No way!" After absorbing several more hits each, both sought shelter behind a large battle tank on the other side of the training grounds. The onslaught continued while the two soldiers looked each other up and down. Both looked like Jackson Pollack originals minus the white space. Plucky panted hard. "Well, we're safe here." Snafu nodded in agreement. The paintball gun, however, had other plans. With just one round remaining, the gun fired a wide, arcing shot which sailed toward the open hatch of the tank. By some frightening stroke of luck, the round landed directly on the tank's ignition. The tank roared to life, lurched forward suddenly, and rolled straight over Plucky and Snafu. As the tank rolled away, it revealed Plucky and Snafu lying spread-eagle on the ground, both flat as pieces of paper. A gust of wind kicked up, and the two floated away harmlessly. Chapter 8 So that's what it all means! "Dere ain't no answer at Buster's," said Bugs as he hung up the phone in Bosko's office. "What are you gonna do?" asked Bosko with genuine concern. "I ain't sure, but I do know dis. Somebuddy's tryin' t'hurt me boy. I'm gonna find out who." "Good luck, Bugs," said Bosko as the rabbit rose to get some answers. "You're gonna need it." "I know," muttered Bugs as he left Bosko's office. "Well," he mused, "if I can't talk t'Buster, I may as well try and talk to Babs." It didn't take him long to get to Babs's place, and her mom greeted him with concern as he entered the burrow. "Oh, Bugs!" she said with exasperation when she saw him. "I don't know what's come over Babs. She was acting stange this morning, she even forgot to put on her ear ribbons, and now she's just sitting in her room in the dark, not paying attention to anything. She was already in bed when her father and I got home last night, and we're worried about her. Did something happen between her and Buster?" "Sorta," he said. "Can I talk to her?" "Go ahead. I sure hope you can figure out what's got her down." "Me too," said Bugs as he made his way to the door to Babs's room. ********** Babs sat alone in her room, unable to think. When the door opened, she said quietly, "I said I want to be alone." "Eh, I don't t'ink so, Kiddo," said Bugs quietly. "Youse gotta hear dis." Babs turned around and looked at Bugs accusingly. "How could you?" she demanded. Then, with scorn in her voice, she added, "Daddy." "It's a fake, Babs," was all that Bugs said. The full range of expressions from rage to curiousity to confusion and everything else in between flashed over Babs's face in an instant. "A fake?" she whispered. "The newsreal?" "Uh-huh. We never made anytin' remotely like dat fogerey. Somebody's playin' you... us, fer suckers." "But who?" asked Babs. "And why?" "Now dat's the sixty four dollar question, and no, I ain't got de answers in advance." Babs was starting to work through the data in her brain, "If the newsreal's a fake, then, all the rest of it probably is too." "In all likelyhood." "But then, that would mean that this hoax goes back to when I was born. I don't get it." "I been thinkin' about that too," said Bugs. "I think we need t'talk with yer mother." Leaving her room behind, Bugs and Babs found Babs's mom at the center of several dozen of her children, trying to resolve a dispute over chocolate and goose feathers. "Oh, good, Babs" she said when she saw her. "Here, hold Mortimer for a minute, I need to straighten this out." "Uh, sure, Mom," said Babs as her youngest brother was shoved into her arms. "Can we ask you something?" "Alicia! Stop putting glue on your sister!" cried her mother suddenly. "Sure, hon. What is it? BRADLEY BUNNY, you put down that cleaver this instant! No! Not in your brother's tail!" and she snatched the utensil away from him." "Was I like this?" Babs mumered under her breath. "Worse, dear," said her mother instantly. "What's on your mind? EMILY! Come and help me with this! Babs has already got her hands full with Mortimer!" Babs rolled her eyes skyward as her sister Emily emerged from her room to start pulling apart several of their even younger brothers and sisters. "Mom," Babs said quietly, "about last night..." "Your father and I had a wonderful time," she interjected. "Thanks so much for the certificate." "Huh? What certificate?" "The one for a free dinner at the Acme Arms hotel. It was delicious. Erica! Ernest! Stop thowing spit wads at each other!" As her mother moved to separate the combative twins, Babs felt herself growing more and more confused. "Mom, I wanted to talk to you about the conversation we had when I got home." Her mother stopped and looked at her eldest daughter with concern. "Are you okay, Babs, hon?" she asked as she put a hand on her forehead. "All you said when you came in was, 'leavemealoneIneedtothink,' and then you went to your room." "No, not today. Last night." "Last night? You were in bed by the time we got home." Babs started to feel more and more confused. "But what about when you told me I was adopted?!?" Babs demanded in frustration. "Barbara Anne Bunny!" her mother said sternly, "don't you take that tone with me! And what's this nonsense about you being adopted? I can assure you that I remember every twinge and cringe from when you were born!" Looking then at Bugs, she asked, "Is this some sort of wierd homework assignment?" "Eh, I wish it was, Mrs. Bunny." Babs just started at her mother in amazement. The confusion in her mind was even worse than when she had been told she was adopted. "But... but... but who... I mean... What was... I... What?" "Are you sure you're okay, Babs?" asked her mother again. "You're not acting like yourself." Babs was trying to figure out what she was going to say when a custard pie spooshed into her face. "WILLARD J. BUNNY!" Babs mom was instantly shouting, "YOU COME BACK HERE THIS INSTANT!!" Babs wiped the custard out of her eyes to see her mother confiscating an Acme Custard Pie Bazooka from yet another of her brothers. "Just you wait 'till your father gets home!" she warned him sternly. "All right!" said Bugs then with quiet authority. "Dat's enough. All of youse kids sittdown and shaddup!" To both Babs and her mother's infinate surprise, all the the younger bunny children instantly became quiet and well behave little rabbits. "How did you do that?" they both asked him simultaneously, with Emily chiming in for perfect three part harmony. "Eh, it's a gift," Bugs said with a shrug. "Somthin' to do with bein' da top rabbit." "Can Buster do that?" Babs asked suddenly. "I dunno," said Bugs. "I've never seen him try it, and I ain't tried t'teach him neither." Babs filed that information away for future reference. "Alright," she said after a thoughtful moment, "if you and Dad weren't here last night, then that means I couldn't have talked to you. That would mean that someone else was impersonating you." "But, Babs?" asked her mother with concern. "Why would anyone want to do that? And who could have done it?" "I don't know," said Babs thoughtfully. "But I intend to find out. Hang on!" Babs dashed back to her room then, and when she returned, her familar ear ribbons were back in place. "Let's go!" "Right," said Bugs with just as much determination. "C'mon, Babs. We gots t'go find Buster." With that, Bugs and Babs hurried out of the burrow, and as they left they heard Babs's mom suddenly shout, "Brendan Bunny! Put that grenade down!" ********** A long, painful time later, Plucky and Snafu, back in clean uniforms, stood again in the ROTC classroom. "I take it ya learned somethin' t'day?" Snafu asked his questionable pupil. "Yes, SIR!" blurted out Plucky as he saluted smartly. Private Snafu slapped Plucky's hand away from his forehead. "Lookit, kid," he said with a sigh, "how many times do I have ta tell ya not t'call me that?" "Uh, sorry, Private," said Plucky sheepishly. "I guess I got a lot to learn." "Y'got that right," agreed Snafu. "Otherwise you'll sure as h- uhm, heck never get noplace in the soivice." With a final shake of his head, Snafu handed Plucky a small booklet. "Here," he ordered. "Read dis t'night. It'll explain everything that you didn't pay attention to today. I may have been a prefessional screw up, kid, but in the end, you gotta know dis stuff. You'll be tested on it tomorrow. Now get outta here, I gotta do some paperwork." "Okay, Private," said Plucky as he took the booklet and stuffed it in his pocket. "See ya tomorrow." "Yeah, whatever," mumbled Snafu as he watched his new pupil leave the classroom. "Boy, what's dis woild comin' to? If he's the future of this man's army, we're in trouble." With a flash of light, Technical Fairy First Class appeared on Snafu's desk. "Oh, and *you* could have done any better in your day?" the gruff pixie asked. Snafu promtly flattend the sprite with a mallet. "You bet I could," he muttered as he propped his feet up on his desk and went to sleep. ********** As Plucky left Snafu's classroom, he couldn't help but wonder if he was going about his plans to impress Shirley in the right way. "Oh well," he thought aloud as the bell rang ending the current class period, "I'll know soon enough," and he headed for Shirley's locker. Rounding the corner, he saw her getting some books from her locker while she was talking to Fifi. "Like, it's totally annoying," he heard her say. "I wish he'd just, like, learn, or some junk." "Oui," Fifi replied. "He can be a, how you say, twinge in zee neck." "Pain," corrected Shirley absent mindedly. "Anyway, I..." "Hiya, girls," said Plucky then as he struck a proud pose. "How's it going?" Shilrey and Fifi turned to face Plucky, and both of their eyes widened when they saw his uniform. "Like, what's with the costume?" asked Shirley. "This is no costume. This is my uniform! I just enrolled in ROTC. Whattaya think?" he asked as he threw out his chest in a manly pose. As his chest promptly fell down into his gut, Fifi said, "Ah theenk that eet eez time for moi to leave. Ah weel see vous later," and she hurried away. "Ah, heh heh heh," stammered Plucky as he took at deep breath to restore his physique. "Well?" he asked hopefully. "Well what?" asked Shirley. She wanted to still be angry with him, but her curiosity was getting the better of her. "What the heck are you, like, doing this for?" "Why for you, of course." "Like, come again?" "Ah, c'mon, Shirl. Why else would I put on a uniform other than to impress you with it?" Shirley starred at his with disbelief. Unable to think of anything else to ask him, she said, "What about a desire to serve and defend your country?" "A coward like me?" he asked with incredulity. "Not this little green duck. Uh-unh. No way. Never in a million zillion years." "Uhm, Plucky. Did like, it ever, like, occur to you that being in the Army could be, like potentialy mondo dangerous, or some junk?" Quite suddenly, the possibilities of the more hazardess duties of millitary service came flowing into Plucky's mind. "Uhm... I, uh... Oh NO! WHAT HAVE I DONE?!?" "More importantly, why?" "Why? WHY? I already told you why! I wanted to impress you, Shirl. You've been mad at me ever since last night, and I wanna get back on your good side. This is all I could think of. You gotta like me again, Shirl!" he cried suddenly as he dropped to his knees. "I need you!" Shilrey smiled inwardly. Seeing Plucky grovel was always fun. But, she wasn't going to relish it. "Like, get up, Plucky. Somebody might see you. Do you, like, have any idea why I was upset with you, or some junk?" "No," he admitted with exasperation. "If I did, I'd apologize." Shirley just shook her head. He really *didn't* understand what he had done. 'Well,' she thought, 'I still love him. Maybe he just needs to be told.' "Plucky," she said with extreem patience, "did it ever occur to you that it wasn't a good thing for you to tell the press about Buster and Bugs? Didn't you realize that he'd told us that in confidence?" "Uhm... No. I never thought..." "Exactly. You never think, er some junk. C'mon. We gotta have a long talk. You need to learn how to think, and I gotta, like, figure out what it'll mean be like, a soldiers wife, er some junk." "Hey!" Plucky suddenly protested. "I never said anything about that!" "Not yet you didn't," said Shirley as she took him by the hand. "But you will. Trust me, you will," and she lead him to the study hall. Plucky for his part swallowed hard. He was unsure which he dreaded more, the prospect of being a soldier, or being in love with a loon that could forsee the future. ********** Not sure of what he was going to say, Buster headed for Babs place. "Whatever else happens, I need to talk to her about all of this." He was about half way there when she saw Babs and Bugs walking towards him. "Babs!" he shouted with enthusiam. "We need to talk!" "Buster!" she replied with even more exhuberance. She ran over to him in a flash and threw her arms around him as she gave him a big, fat, kiss. "Duh..." stammered Buster as she broke it off. "Gee, Babs, I duh...." "Hiya, Buster," she said sweetly. "I missed you." "Duhhh....." "Eh, I t'ink ya overdid it, Babs," said Bugs as he eyed his dumbstruck son. Grabbing him by the ears, he hoisted him up and shook him vigoriously. "Snap outta it, kid. We gots ta talk!" "OW!" said Buster as Bugs uncerimoniously dropped him on his tail. "What's going on?" he asked. "Real simple, son," said Bugs non-challantly. "Somebuddy's playin' yas for a sucker," and he filled him in on the whole story. "The only question is, who?" Several things suddenly clicked in Buster's mind. "I think I might know," said Buster. "Or at least partly." "Who?" asked Babs, as she ran her fingers over the edge of a very heavy mallet. "C'mon," said Buster as he took her by the hand. "I'll explain on the way." Bugs smiled as he watched the pair head off into the distance. "I pity you, whoever you are," he said to their unknown tormenters. "Eh, on second, thought, no I don't." Chapter 9 Payback Ramona Rabbit looked at herself in the mirror and smiled smugly. Sure, she was a bit worried about what she was going to do about Roddy and Rhubella, but she'd figure that out eventually. Right now, she was more concerned with finally snatching up Buster Bunny once and for all. "Oh yes," she said as she smiled smugly at her reflection, "soon he'll be all mine." Her musings where interupted by the sound of someone knocking on the cover to her burrow. "Oh wonderful," she muttered as she went to go see who it was. Climbing the ladder, she hefted open the covering, and before she could look around to see who had knocked, or even ask, she felt the unmistakeable sensation of a mallet being forcefully connected to her cranium. When Ramona came to, she saw Buster and Babs standing over her. Buster was snatching a mallet away from Babs, and he looked a little miffed. "Babs! I told you, wait till we find out why!" "Oh come on, Buster, she deserved it." "Uhm, excuse me," said Ramona tentatively as she slowly say up and rubbed her noggin, "but what are you doing in my house." "What do you think we're doing?" asked Babs with contempt, and she grabbed the mallet out of Buster's hands and konked Ramona with it once more. "Cut it out!" said Buster as he again took it away from her. "Yeah, Pinky!" said Ramona angrilly. "Where do you get off attacking me like that?" Buster instantly whalloped Ramona with the mallet. "No one calls Babs, 'Pinky,'" he said matter of factly. "Ooohhhh...." said Ramona as she massaged the lumps on her head. "Now then," said Buster when he saw that the yellow furred bunny was more or less recovered. "Why did you do it?" "Do what?" "Wrong answer!" said Babs as she snatched the mallet away from Buster. "Hold it!" said Buster as he intercepted the blow. "Okay, I'll be good," said Babs with a grin. Then looking menacingly at Ramona, she added, "Or not." Ramona swallowed hard in apprehension. "Buster, what's going on?" she pleaded. "You know what's going on, Ramona. The film, the adoption story, it's all a fake. You're the only one around here with reason to pull that stunt. But why now? And more importantly, how?" "I knew I shouldn't have trusted those Rats!" hissed Ramona. "I knew they'd screw it up! I should have just moved in on you on my own!" She was babbleing now, and didn't care. "I wanted you back, Buster. And they told me that this would be the way to do that. But forget about that. Look at me. Now look at her. You'd have to be blind to not see that I've got so much more to offer you than she does! Why won't you admit it?" Buster could hardly believe what he was hearing, and Babs was frothing and the mouth with smoke coming out of her ears. "Why you brazen little... Give me that mallet, Buster! I'm gonna flatten her into the middle of next week!" "Now hang on, Babs, there's no need for that, yet." Babs hesitiated as she considered Buster's words. Allowing her anger is subside a little, she said, "Okay. Just let me know when it is." "I promise. Besides, she's not worth the effort. She already told us who the real masterminds behind it all were." Babs looked as Buster blankly. "She did?" "Uh huh." "Who?" "Think about it for a second, Babsy. Rats?" Then it dawned on her. "Roddy." "Rhubella." "Perfecto." "Revenge?" "Let's go!" "You got it, Babs. Good bye, Ramona. If you know what's good for you, you'd clear out, and don't come back." With that, Buster and Babs left her behind, intent on a rondezvous with a couple of Rats from Perfecto Prep. "Oh, I don't think so, Buster," said Ramona with anger. "You may have won this one, Babs, but he'll rue the day the chose you over me. You haven't seen the last of Ramoma Rabbit!" Suddenly, Babs popped her head back into Ramona's burrow. "Oh here. This is for impersonating my mother," and she dropped a bundle of sputtering dynamite at Ramona's feet. "David..." muttered Ramona as the fuse ran out. ********** Roddy and Rhubella Rat sat in the hottub in the rec hall at Perfecto Prep sipping ice tea and feeling smug about their accomplishments. "Ooh, Roddy," gushed Rhubella as she slid up closer to him, "this has *got* to be your best plan yet. It was *so* devious." "Yes, it was devious," said Roddy as he put his arm around her shoulder, "wasn't it?" "Very much so. I get goose bumps just *thinking* about it." "Heh heh heh. C'mere, babe. I got better ways to give you goose bumps." "Oh, Roddy," she said as he took her into his arms and kissed her. "Perfecto, Rah!" Roddy was about to kiss her again, when without any warning, Danforth Drake suddenly sailed head first into the hottub, splattering water everywhere, and taking all of the romance out of the Rats tender (?) moment. "Danforth!" shouted Roddy as he and Rhubella leapt to their feet. "You idiot! What is the meaning of this?" "Uhm, sorry boss," sputtered the waterlogged waterfowl as he struggled to get his head above water. "But, well, they wouldn't take no for an answer." "Who?" "Us!" called two voices from the door to the room. Roddy looked over to see who had called to him. Standing in the rec room's doorway were a very angry looking Buster and Babs Bunny. "Uh oh..." said Roddy when he saw the arsenic in their eyes. What followed next was a cartoon fistcuff of the type legends are made of. A cloud of dust filled the rec room, out of which emerged the occasional mallet, sputtering bomb, fist, anvil, brused head, lightning bolt, and banana cream pie. When the dust settled, the rec room was a shambles, Rhubella was out cold, face down on the floor, Danforth was tied up by his ankles hanging from the ceiling, and a bandaged from head to foot Roddy was handing Buster a can of film. "Here, take it," he croaked. "Thanks, Roddy old pal," said Buster as he took the film. "Now at least we can put this back where it belongs." "C'mon, Buster," said Babs as she took his hand. "Let's go home. We've still got a wedding to plan." Hearing Roddy groan miserably as they left the room, Buster remarked, "Gee, Babs. Do you think we let him off too easy?" "Nah. If he thinks he's hurting now, wait till Rhubella comes to." "What do you mean?" Before Babs could answer him, they heard Rhubella give off an ear peirceing shreek of terror, which was followed immediately by a blindfolded Roddy and Danforth sailing out of the room. As the rec room's door was slammed shut, Buster looked at Babs as asked, "What happened?" Grinning from ear to ear, Babs held up Rhubella's bikini top. "I just can't help myself!" she proclaimed. Epilogue The next day, Buster, Babs, Plucky, Shirley, Hamton and Fifi sat in their booth a Weenie Burgers, laughing hysterically. "Babz!" said Fifi when the pink bunny finished the tale of how they had dealt with the Perfectoids, "Zat was a, how you say, small hit." "Low blow," said Hamton, reflexivley offering the correct idiom. "Whatever," said Fifi. "Steel, Ah moost admeet, eet was a feeting one!" "Maybe," said Hamton. "I just hope she minds her own business from now on. Oh, Babs, what about that birth mark on your hand?" Before Babs could answer, Fifi raised an eyebrow at him. "Eet's not ZAT unusual, vous know." Extending her hands towards the table, she ruffled back the fur on one of them to reveal the now familiar shield shape under the fur. "Eet eez fairly common to all WB styel toons. Ah theenk eet eez a licencing theeng." "Fifi's right," added Babs. "There seems to be about a fifty-fifty chance of having it. I know, I checked all my brothers and sisters, and that's how it came out." "Kinda funny, Bugs not having one," remarked Buster. "Well, nobody's perfect," said Babs. "Riiiight..." said Buster slowly, not sure of what to make of that statement. "So, like, what was on the real film, er some junk?" "Not much, Shirl." said Buster. "Just some raw footage of Bugs, Felica and me as a baby at the hospital. There wasn't even any soundtrack. Bugs had all but forgotten about them filming it, as it was never used for anything." "Yeah, whatever," said Plucky. "Did any of you guys notice how WB stock is going up?" "Plucky," said Babs with irritation, "who cares?" "I do! I've got some in my portfolio." "Give it a rest, Duck," said Buster. "I've got more important things to worry about," and he took Babs's hand and thumbed her ring. "Like yeah, when's the wedding gonna be, or some junk." "We're not sure yet," said Buster. "Sometime soon after graduation. We still got plenty of time to work out the details." "Speaking of which," said Plucky, "have you decided on a best man yet? I know I'd make a great one. In fact I..." Plucky was cut off as Shirley clamped her hand around his bill, snapping it shut. Then, for good measure, she placed a miniature anvil on the end of his bill and glared at him warningly. Buster and Babs looked at Shilrey with surpise. "Gee, thanks," they said in unison. Shirley only rolled her eyes heavenward. "He's like, *got* to learn." Plucky had to cross his eyes to look at the mini-anvil on his bill. "I *hate* running gags," he managed to murmer out of the corner of his clamped shut mouth. THE END About the Authors: Don Speirs: Author of the delightful fanfic, Bad Hare Day. He also get's credit for the basic idea that led to this story. Rebecca Littlehales: Not involved in anything TTA these days, and fanfic is limited as I have started focusing my time and efforts on web pages - programming and design. For the summer In the Year 2000 (gotta sing that for the right effect), I'm interning at an ad agency in the website department - huge learning experience! I seem to vaguely remember this project and the fact that I developed an enormously crippling case of writer's block midway through it and had to give up after writing only one chapter. :( I'm glad to see it done - it looks great, and my section isn't really as dreadful as I remembered (I must've stolen that paddleball gag from someplace). The only other two TTA fanfics I've completed have been a couple of mediocre chapters in the otherwise-stunning "Mondo Negatory Tiny Toons: The Other Side of Comedy", and a short fluffy Monty-Elmyra piece called "The Best Things In Life Are Free". Extreme thanks to Kevin for including me. ^_^ Mike Cote: Mike has written five TTA fanfics to date, including "Aw! Have a Heart" (in which Ramona Rabbit made her debut), "A Really Very Special Tiny Toon Adventures Thanksgiving...I guess", "The Showdown", "The Stupor Bowl", "Yellow Water Tower Book 1", and was a contributor to "Mondo Negatory Tiny Toons: The Other Side of Comedy". He's currently continuing work on "Yellow Water Tower" and working on several of his own projects in his spare time. Kevin Mickel: Well, I run the TTA-Fanfic Mailing List, am a frustrated wanna be novelist, and work for a living at the Boston Copley Marriott Hotel in the Audio Visual department. Previous fanfics include the three stories of the Buster and Babs Trilogy, (Buster and Babs, No Relation? What's in a Name? And That's a Wrap!) of which this story is the official sequal, A Short, Short Story, Pluck Amuck, Bunny Bedlam, Ducks Out of Luck, Voices, Hare Hysteria, and portions of Mondo Negatory Tiny Toons: The Other Side of Comedy. Editor's Note: This story started out when Don Speirs made an offhanded comment on the TTA-Fanfic list about what would happen if Buster and Babs were actually related. He and I corresponded, and he suggested doing a sequal to my own Buster and Babs Trilogy based on that premise. It took several years to get it written, but the final product is now before you. I want to thank Don for having this great idea in the first place. A great big thank you to Leloni Bunny and Thorne, whom I conned into reading this thing the day I finished it, for giving me a few helpful suggestions to smooth out some of the rough spots. Tip to all people considering doing a collaborative story: They take a LONG time to complete! Thanks for reading, we hope you enjoyed it. "Say good night, Babs. "Good Night, Babs!"