"PARALLELS" by Jerry D. Withers (Furrball T. Cat)(jwithers@tcfn.org) Volume I: "Parallel Parking" -0- "What to wear, like, what to wear, or some junk?" Shirley the Loon was going through her closet, looking for her day's wardrobe. It was a pointless search, as all there were, were about a dozen or so red pullovers just like the one she always wore. There was a fine line between uniformity and monotony, she told herself, and she was playing hopscotch on it. To make matters worse, she'd promised to spend the day with Plucky. She totally forgot why. "Please, somebody, like, get me out of..." She didn't get around to finishing the rest of her thought, as she heard a noise that sounded roughly like what you'd get if you combined a rolling tympani with a runaway freight train. Her first thought was, "Like, *earthquake!*" She immediately rushed to the nearest door frame, when something made her stop. There was no sensation of the ground shaking; no rattling of furnishings...She looked around cautiously. No, her beaded curtains were perfectly still. Shirley made her way to a window and looked outside. Everything was perfectly normal. Maybe the sound effects man was being cute, she thought. Then, another thought hit her. "Wait a minute! Like, Tiny Toons has been out of production for *years!* This is going to take some major looking into, I'm *sure!*" She donned one of her pullovers and dashed out of her house to investigate. Judging from the sound, she thought, it seemed to be coming from Acme Forest... -0- As it happened, Shirley wasn't the only one who'd heard that sound. Buster Bunny heard it, too. "Oh, darn, I overslept AGAIN! Steven's gonna have my foot on a *chain!*" he berated himself... before suddenly remembering that Tiny Toons was out of production, he'd long since graduated from Acme Loo, and had settled down (if you could call it that) to married life with Babs Bunny, who was still sleeping comfortably. He shook her awake, gently. "Babs?" "Buster, it's Saturday," she growled. "This had better be important, or by the time this conversation is over, I'll make myself a widow!" "Hey, make one for *me*, too, will ya? I hear they're really *eas...*" "BUSTER!!" she snapped, now fully awake and visibly irritated. "Sorry, dear," he grinned. She knew darn well he wasn't. "Did you hear a strange sound a minute ago?" "You mean something like what you'd get if you combined a rolling tympani and a runaway freight train?" "Yeah..." "NO!!!" She was still ticked off; only now, it was at herself for getting pulled into that lame joke. She opened her mouth to say some more choice words, when *that* sound happened again. "Now you can't tell me you didn't hear THAT!" Buster said, hopping out of bed--and falling flat on his face. He smiled weakly. "I meant to do that..." "*Sure* you did," Babs remarked cheerfully. The frantic rapping at their burrow door interrupted her. "I'll get that. You might hurt yourself." Babs opened the door, and Shirley continued knocking... on Babs's forehead. "A-HEM??" "Like, oops..." Babs pulled Shirley inside. "Hi, guys. Did you hear...?" "Yeah, we heard," the Bunnies replied. "Like, what do you think it *was?*" Buster frowned. "Whatever it was... it didn't sound good..." -0- Rubella Rat had agreed to take her kid sister Roberta for an early morning walk through Acme Forest that day. It was kind of refreshing, she thought, if you didn't mind the incessant chattering. And she didn't mean from the birds, either. (Besides, she was taping the Kids WB! shows, anyway.) Roberta was in the middle of another inane question when the sound stopped them both cold. "W-w-what was that?" she asked, clinging to her older sister's leg. Rubella quickly adopted an air of nonchalance. "Two sound effects that have no business being together," she said; but Roberta could see through the flippancy. "Listen, kiddo, we've seen enough nature for today..." Roberta went into hypertalk. "No we haven't not by a long shot you said you were gonna show me all about the secret life of Chip and Dale and Mac 'n' Tosh and you're just as scared as I am and I gotta go to the BAF-room...!" Ruby rolled her eyes and asked herself, 'Why ME?' "Come on," she cajoled her sister. "I think Buster and Babs live somewhere around here--ah, there it is," she said, pointing to their burrow. "If you really gotta go to the 'bafroom'..." "Bathroom," Roberta corrected her. "Umm...yeah," Rubella said. Suddenly, that sound rang through the forest again, and Roberta leaped into Ruby's arms. "Ruby...I wanna go home..." Ruby knew how she felt. This was *weird*...and not very funny. "I'll race ya," she whispered loudly. Before she could move, Shirley knocked her down in a mad rush. "Gangway, or some junk!" she yelled, making straight for the burrow. "HEY!!" Rubella yelled back angrily. "Maybe she has to go to the bafroom, too," Roberta noted. Ruby thought it best to be quiet... -0- "*That* was pointless!" Buster complained. "Can't this hack introduce characters in their order of appearance anymore?" Babs and Shirley joined him as they cautiously made their way out of the burrow. "I think it's a literary convention," Babs said. "I don't care if it's the *Republican* Convention!" "Like, who does, Blue Boy?" Shirley added. Babs and Buster smiled at each other and said, "True..." Meanwhile, Rubella approached Shirley angrily. "Listen, loon, I've got half a mind..." "Like, you heard it here first, folks!" "Now, now, be nice," Babs sighed. "Did you guys hear what we heard?" Rubella asked. They nodded. "What do you think it was?" Buster raised an eyelid. "I'm not quite sure, Rat Babe, but I'm beginning to get a pretty good idea..." With that, he yelled up towards the sky, "*ALEX!!!*" You could imagine the look on Buster's face when the object of his displeasure--the mysterious, all-powerful owner of Acme Acres who called himself 'Alex Redolence'--tapped him on the shoulder in response. "You rang, Buster?" Buster spun around and almost lost his balance. "What's the big idea making all that racket?" Alex smiled. "Don't ask me, Buster; I heard it the same time you did." "Like, that wasn't *you*, then?" "Hardly, Shirley. I usually make a bigger entrance than that, remember?" "Oh, yeah, that's right..." "Excuse me?" Buster interrupted. "We *were* trying to figure out where that obnoxious sound was coming from. And if it wasn't Alex..." Alex stiffened, his tail waving wildly. "Hold your ears, folks; I think it's coming again..." "I *heard* that!" Plucky's timing, as always, was perfect. "I didn't mean *that* obnox..." Alex was interrupted in mid- insult as *that* sound occurred one more time--only this time, none of the Toons were prepared for the sight which accompanied it. "Stand back!" Alex commanded. The Toonsters didn't need to be told twice. Before their astonished eyes, a hole opened up in the scenery before them! It was about the size of, say, Bugs Bunny; oval shaped; and flat. Alex walked around it as if it were a mirror hung suspended in thin air. "Like, ohmygawd," Shirley gasped. "Which one?" Plucky asked. Shirley was too stunned to react. Maybe she'd fry him later. "Alex?" Babs approached him slowly. "What IS it?" He was still investigating it. "I'm not sure...I've never dealt with something like *this* before..." Suddenly, the border around the hole glowed an eerie neon red. "...But there's something I don't like about it...Babs, are you and the others open to suggestion?" "Depends on what it is..." "I suggest you bolt!" "That's an *excellent* suggestion!" Babs quickly agreed. "That woulda been MY first choice!" Plucky said. "No surprise *there*," Rubella sighed sarcastically. -0- "Success! The portal is *holding!*" "It's about time!" The speakers were a couple of scientists; the first, short and male, the second, tall and female. She turned to her colleague, a worried expression on her face. He read it like a book. "Don't worry. ANY place has got to be better than HERE..." She started to protest. "But, I can't just leave you..." He placed a finger on her lips to stop her. "Look, we already agreed it would be best if you 'disappeared'...for everybody. After all, you're the one he's after..." He fixed his eyes on hers. "You'd better go now; there's no telling how stable this portal's gonna be... or if we can ever use it again..." She wiped a tear from her eyes and kissed him on the cheek. "You know what to do, just in case," she said solemnly. "Right," he sighed reluctantly. Suddenly, the border around the portal glowed an eerie neon green. "Hey, THIS isn't supposed to happen!" he yelled. "Somebody must be on the other side!" "But if they get in..." She started panicking, as she was wont to do in crisis situations. "Shut it down, NOW!" "I'm trying," he rushed to reassure her, disappointed that her escape had to be postponed because of 'outside interference'... -0- Back in Acme Forest, the small group noticed the changing color as well. "What do you think it means?" Roberta asked Ruby. "It means we'd better get out of here, like Alex said!" "Like, for once we're in total agreement," Shirley added. Alex would have heeded his own advice, except that at the moment, he found himself being pulled toward the portal. "What the-- ?" he asked, surprised. As much as he enjoyed exploring new worlds, he preferred doing it on *his* terms - and being dragged tail first into said 'new world' *wasn't* what Alex considered 'his terms.' Buster saw his predicament and raced to help him. Alex didn't exactly approve. "Buster, get out of here!" he yelled as the bunny grabbed one of his arms. "No way, Alex!" Buster strained, but the pull was too strong. He turned to the others. "Hey, I could use some HELP here!" Without thinking of their own safety, the rest of the Toonsters rushed to help. "Like, I don't think it's going to work, Buster!" Shirley yelled. Roberta tried, too, but Rubella shooed her away. "Get out of here, Sis!" she screamed. "Okay," she sighed heavily. And before anybody could say anything further, the whole bunch of them disappeared through the portal--which then disappeared itself, leaving only Roberta to stare in wide-eyed amazement. She walked over to where the portal and the Toons *were*, blinked twice, and scratched her head. "Well," she finally declared, making her way to the Bunnies' burrow, "I hope they don't mind if I use their bafroom..." -0- "OOOOOF!!" was the shared sentiment as everybody tumbled through the portal into...they didn't know where. Alex spoke first upon landing. "Is everyone all right?" The Toons chorused that, yeah, they were, pretty much. Alex continued. "Then would you mind getting OFF OF ME???" They scrambled to do so. Quickly. "Sorry, Alex," Buster apologized. Alex dropped his stern demeanor. "That's all right, Buster. I would've done the same for you..." "That's all well and good," Plucky complained, "but does anybody know where we are?" "Good question," Alex said, before coming face-to-face with the female scientist. "Maybe *she* can...excuse me, haven't we met before?" "I don't think so," she replied nervously. "Are you from... the other side?" "If you mean the other side of *that* thing," Alex said, pointing to the portal, "yes. By the way, did you know kidnapping is a major offense...are you *sure* we haven't met before?" She became even more nervous. "Yes, yes, quite sure..." She turned to her assistant. "Can you get this thing working again? We've GOT to send them back!" "Why? Are we too small?" Babs chirped--and then gasped. The scientist also gasped, in total shock. "Oh, my...it *can't* be...but I thought you..." She then looked for the first time at her unwilling arrivals. Then she fainted. Rubella was the first to her side. "Give her air, gu..." She didn't finish her statement, as she recognized the face. "This CAN'T be!" Buster leaned in for a closer look. "Afraid it *can*, Rat Babe...or should I say, 'Babes'?" There was no denying it; the resemblance between Ruby and whoever this was *was* remarkable. "I think she's coming out of it..." Ruby reached out to help her double sit up, before Plucky yelled out to stop her. "NO! DON'T TOUCH HER!!" "Why not?" "You don't know where she's been." Shirley decided she wouldn't wait to fry Plucky. "You've been watching too many 'Doctor Who' reruns, duck!" The smaller scientist joined his comrade and, likewise, was shocked at the appearance of the newcomers. He approached the blue bunny in disbelief, as if he were seeing a ghost. "B-B-BUSTER?" Buster was equally stunned. "Calamity?" "Catastrophe, actually." "You're not kidding," Babs added as an aside. Ruby's double addressed them nervously. "But...but we thought you were all...all..." "All *what*? Cancelled?" "Cancelled? Is *that* what they call 'dead' where you come from?" "HUH?...Er, no, we call that 'suspended animation,'" Buster smiled. "So, who are you and where are we?" "Okay," she sighed. "I guess I owe you that much. I'm Rebecca Rat, and this is Catastrophe Coyote...and if there's such a thing as 'Toon Hell,' then you're *in* it!" "Up to your eyeballs," Catastrophe added grimly. "Yeah? Well, up *your* eyeballs too, fella!" Plucky countered, then reconsidered. "Hmmm...that doesn't make much sense, does it?" Everyone else just ignored him. Buster turned to Babs. "I didn't know I was dead..." "Are you talking about last night?" she smiled wickedly. "Rope it in!" Rebecca said, to almost everyone's surprise. "Sorry; force of habit..." "HEY!" Buster said excitedly. "I'll bet this is one of those 'parallel tooniverses'!" "You mean like where we met the Bookkeeper?" Plucky asked. "Yeah!" "And you know what *that* means, don't ya, pal?" "Indeed I do, Pluckster..." They exchanged high-fours. "A *PLOT!*" Alex buried his head in his hands. "*Ay*-yi-*-yi-*-yi-*YI!*" Meanwhile, Rebecca and Catastrophe busied themselves with moving a secret panel in the floor. "Come on," she whispered. "As long as you're here, you might as well blend in with the scenery. I'll explain on the way..." Buster turned to Babs again. "Well, whaddaya think?" "I think I should've invested in junk bonds..." "Get going, Ivan..." The group cautiously made their way through the panel, with Catastrophe being last, replacing it just as the door to the lab was kicked in. They all held their collective breath as they heard the sound of general destruction above their heads. From above, one of the intruders spoke. "No sign of anybody here..." Then, after a few more anxious minutes, they heard the welcome sound of their leaving. Catastrophe cautioned them to remain quiet, and he slowly raised the floor panel an inch or two to survey the surroundings. He lowered it again, mournfully. Rebecca read his face like... well, like a face. "It's bad, isn't it?" He nodded. She turned to the Toons. "I suppose you're wondering just what's going on here..." "That thought *had* crossed our minds, yeah," Ruby answered, none too amused at their situation. "Okay," Rebecca said, taking a deep breath before beginning. "I don't know where you guys are from..." "Acme Acres," they chorused. The name didn't register. "Well, where you are now is 'Perfecto Plaza'...only, it's not so perfect anymore..." "What happened?" Babs asked. Rebecca sighed sadly. "The Lord High Mayor, that's what happened. He's totally out of control!" She then went on to list a litany of offenses that, had there been a branch office there, would have made Amnestoon International cringe. Her voice choked as she continued. "...And worst of all, he disposed of everyone who ever opposed him." She paused to wipe a tear. "Some of them were my best friends..." The Toons looked at each other in silence. No *wonder* she'd reacted the way she had when she first saw them! "I'm so sorry," Babs said, offering her a handkerchief, which she accepted. "Thank you," Rebecca replied, wiping her eyes. "But you haven't heard the *worst* part..." "Gee, kid," Plucky muttered softly. "What *could* be worse?" Rebecca swallowed hard. "He... he even had my family killed..." Rubella gasped sympathetically. "Your... family?" Rebecca nodded. "Do you still have one on your world?" "Yeah, my mom and a kid sister..." Ruby stopped, as she suddenly understood the horror of what her counterpart must have gone through. "Oh, no..." she whispered, shocked, saddened and outraged by the thought of it. "But, like, why?" Shirley asked, equally outraged. "Same reason as the others, I guess," Rebecca said. "You see, the Mayor's job here is a hereditary one, and his successor would have certainly tried to undo all the evil things he'd done; so he figured that instead of just destroying his heir physically, he'd first try the psychological approach..." Alex picked up the thread. "By destroying those closest to..." He almost said 'him', but then suddenly realized the full impact of what Rebecca was trying to say. "...To... YOU?" She nodded. "But, for you to be his legal successor, that would make him..." Rebecca finished the thought for him through clenched teeth. "My *father*..." Nobody said anything after that for a good long while. There was nothing they *could* say. Finally, Rebecca broke the silence. "Well, the Goon Squad won't be back today. We might as well check the damage..." So saying, she led the little group back up to the lab. -0- "Boy," Plucky said as they looked around the lab, which by now had been well and truly trashed. "This makes the 75% Off Sale at the Acme Mall look like the work of amateurs!" Everybody shot him a warning glare. "Well, it *does*..." Catastrophe stood near the portal control (what there was of it), shaking his head. "Whaddaya think, Catastrophe?" Buster asked. "Can it be fixed?" "It'll take time, Buster..." "And even if we did get it working, we couldn't risk running it again so soon," Rebecca added. "It's not exactly the quietest mode of transport there is." "Yeah, we know," Babs said. "It *does* tend to attract attention, doesn't it?" Rebecca smiled wanly. "It certainly does *that* all right, Babs!" Buster suddenly had a brainstorm. "Hey, Alex!" "What is it, Buster?" "You know that transporting thing you did back in the French Alps?" "Yes?" Alex smiled, knowing what Buster had in mind already. "Do you think it could work between parallel dimensions?" Alex gave it a little bit of thought before answering. "I don't know. I've never tried it before. But then again," he added, "I've never had any good *reason* to, either! Still, I suppose anything's worth a try..." With that, he looped his huge tail into a circle, concentrated slightly, and suddenly a wormhole appeared in the middle, to the amazement of Catastrophe and Rebecca. Catastrophe let out a long whistle of admiration. "Gee, just think, we've been doing this the *hard* way!" Rebecca punched him on the shoulder. "Oh, be quiet!" She approached it carefully. "Is... is it safe?" "SAFE?" Plucky yapped. "Are you *kidding*, sister? Buster and I have travelled this way DOZENS of times!" Buster and Alex each arched an eyebrow in his direction. "Dozens?" "Well, okay; once. But it was quite a rush..." "Oh, it was NOT!" Buster snapped, then turned to Alex. "Er, no offense..." "'Sallright," he growled, grinning. Meanwhile, the wormhole had opened up enough to where a picture could be seen... a picture of a familiar-looking forest. "Hmmm...*looks* like Acme Acres..." Buster mused. "Are you *sure*?" Rubella asked skeptically. "Only one way to find out," Buster replied; and with that, he leaned halfway through the wormhole, leaving just his backside exposed. "Gee, and *me* without my *camera*!" Babs said cheerfully. The others would have laughed at that; however, at that moment, Buster quickly backed out. It was obvious from the look on his face that he had a very good reason for doing it. "ALEX! CLOSE IT!! QUICK!!!" he shouted. Before he could comply, four hooded figures entered the lab through the wormhole, brandishing rifles! "Set four extra places at the table, mama," Plucky muttered under his breath. "Guess who's coming to dinner?" -0- "Buster, can I tell you something?" "Sure, Babsie..." She leaned in close to his right side. "I'M *SCARED!!!*" she yelled. "And I'm now deaf in one ear... eeeeEEEEeeee!" He shook his head rapidly, trying to stop the ringing. Buster knew how Babs felt, though. Having four hooded characters holding loaded rifles in your general direction was not exactly a calming sensation. "Say, who's your outfitter?" Plucky asked brightly. "L.L. Doom?" The obvious leader raised his rifle butt to strike him down. "mother?" "STOP IT!" Rebecca yelled angrily. The leader didn't lower his rifle so much as drop it in bewilderment. "BECKUMS?" he asked, in a familiar voice. "You're still ALIVE??" She couldn't believe her ears, either, and rushed to hug him. Only one person had *ever* called her 'Beckums'. "Hmmm...either she has some strange friends, or..." Plucky began. "Like, shut *up*, duck!" Shirley finished. "Wait a minute...Rebecca, do you *know* these guys?" "I'd better, or we're *all* in trouble!" She smiled, then turned her attention back to the leader. "It must get hot in those outfits!" "Heh heh...yeah," he laughed, removing his hood. Buster looked at Babs. "Don't tell me..." "You're just a singer in a rock and roll band?" "Knock it off..." "'KNOCK IT OFF?' What happened to 'Rope it in'? That's been good for *years*!" That said, they turned their attention back to the leader. They shouldn't have been surprised when he revealed himself to be an exact double of... Buster! (But they were, anyway.) "Hey," Babs said, "Rebecca told us you were..." "Dead? Naahh, just went underground for a while, that's all!" The two Busters studied each other closely. Same blue fur. Same red sweater. Same no pants. Only the other Buster's eyepatch distinguished him from the original. "Say, who's *your* outfitter?" "Guy named Spielberg." "Never heard of him." "That figures..." The others, meanwhile, had removed their hoods to reveal exact doubles of Babs, Shirley and Fifi beneath. "Well, if it isn't The Amazing Three," Babs said. "Or a cheap imitation," Plucky added. The girls gave him a dirty look and pointed their rifles at him. "O-*kaayyyy*..." He raised his hands in mock surrender. "Say, just out of curiousity, how come there isn't a double of ME in this grouping?" The loon known as 'Sheryl' grabbed him by his T-shirt. "Because ONE of you is annoying enough, all right?" She dropped him on the floor. Hard. He turned painfully to Shirley. "You know, you could take diction lessons from her!" Shirley zapped him again. "Euuggh! How *vomitose*, or some junk!" Sheryl replied. "...Or not!" Plucky reconsidered. The skunkette, Fala, had been cautiously checking the door, and rushed back to join the others. "Hey, snap it up!" she said, in a decidedly un-French accent. "We're about to have unwanted guests!" "AGAIN?" Ruby asked. "Boy, some parallel tooniverses just aren't *safe*!" Alex quickly formed the wormhole again and zeroed in on the same forest. "Go on, I'll catch up!" Buster started to protest, but Alex raised a paw to stop him. "Don't worry about me, just GO!" They knew the skunk meant it, and dashed through the wormhole. When he was sure they were gone, he uncircled his tail and crouched behind the portal console, his emerald eyes now a fiery crimson. In his best Jack Nicholson voice, he chortled, "Wait'll they get a load of *me*..." -0- "Hey, that *is* fast!" Catastrophe said, impressed. "When you absolutely, positively have to get there at faster- than-light," Buster grinned. "So, where to now?" he addressed his double. "This way..." He led them through a thick clump of bushes and down a rope ladder to an underground clearing. "Gee, all the comforts of home...if you happen to like abject poverty," Plucky griped. Everyone ignored him. "So, where'd you come from?" Fala asked. "A place called 'Acme Acres," Babs answered. She didn't wait for the name to click. She knew it wouldn't. "It's in another dimension. We sort of got here by accident." "You could say they put a damper on my escape," Rebecca smiled weakly, throwing a power switch on, illuminating the clearing. Buster and Babs gave huge, carrot-eating grins to the accusing stares from Rebecca's friends. "Did we mention we were sorry about that?" Babs chirped. Her double growled menacingly in her face. "Heh heh...I guess not..." "Let it *drop*, Barbara!" 'Buster' said. "Okay," Barb said, suddenly all sweetness. "Say," Buster said, "don't you have *another* name you go by? I mean, having two 'Busters' is kind of confusing!" "You know, you're right!" the other laughed. "Okay...call me 'Ishmael'!" "It's been done!" "It *has*?" He sighed dejectedly. "Okay...call me 'Ukariah'...*man*, I hate that name!" "Well, what name would you have preferred?" "Something with a little more...machismo..." "Such as...?" "Fabio?" Ukariah asked hopefully. The two bunnies thought about it only briefly, then shook their heads. "Naaaaahhhh..." Meanwhile, Rubella was involved in a discussion with Fala. "So, how did you escape?" Fala smiled. "Never underestimate the digging power of a pair of rabbits..." "I'll have to remember that... so, the Mayor wasn't as good a 'hatchet man' as everybody thought?" Fala shook her head sadly. "Yes and no, Rubella. Some of us managed to escape, and we've been here ever since; but some others..." She sniffed. "I'm sad to say, they weren't so fortunate..." Ruby hated to ask the next question. "Rebecca's family?" "She told you, then?" "Yeah..." Ruby paused. "Do you think he'll try to kill her, too?" "I have no doubt," Fala grimaced. Ruby was outraged. "Why? It doesn't make any sense!" "Nothing around here makes sense any more," Fala sighed wearily. "Okay, suppose she *did* manage to escape; would it really solve anything?" "No." "Well, what if she stood up to him?" "She wouldn't live long enough. Hatred is a very powerful emotion..." Ruby sighed. "I know what you mean, Fala; unfortunately, I've been there." "Then you know it has a different effect on everyone. Look at Rebecca. It's totally eaten away any courage she once had, and turned her into a pitiful coward." She didn't say it angrily; she was merely stating the facts. "I feel sorry for her, but she has to learn to carry on." She took a deep breath. "No, I'm afraid there's only one way she can face up to that monster." "What's *that*?" Ruby asked nervously. Fala fixed her gaze on Ruby. "Kill him..." -0- Still hidden behind the console, Alex watched as the lab door opened. Fala had been right; it was indeed some unwanted guests... specifically, the Goon Squad. Alex smiled. If there was one thing he knew by instinct, it was clear and absolute: In a surprise attack, get in the first shot. He was more than ready to put that theory to the test. He reached behind him for a nearby beaker and tossed it into the open. They lowered their rifles to shoot it. Alex got them first, bowling them into unconsciousness with a blast from his tail. His eyes returned to their normal green color. "Well, it's good to know *some* things still work, regardless of dimension," he told himself. Then, with a crackle of blue lightning, he disappeared to join the others. -0- "Rubella?" Rebecca asked, "What's your father like?" The question caught her totally off-guard. "I... couldn't tell you," she sighed. "He died shortly after my sister was born. He *wasn't* like yours, if that's what you mean..." "Oh... I'm sorry. What happened?" "He... fell into a vat of dip..." "Dip? I don't understand..." "It's evil stuff," Ruby said. "Ink and paint remover. It's the only thing that can kill a toon outright... and I hope you never encounter it." She found it hard to talk about, even now. "I didn't take his death very well..." "I can imagine... What do you mean?" "Well, let's just say I was at that rebellious stage in my life, and that just sort of... well, pushed me over the edge." She sighed sadly. "I did a lot of things after that... things I'm *still* not proud of..." She stopped briefly; no need to tell Rebecca more than she needed to know. Ruby shed a tear. "You know, there isn't a day goes by that I don't miss him..." "I'm sorry; I guess I shouldn't have asked..." "No, no, it's all right," she sniffed, wiping her eyes with her blouse sleeve. Rebecca bowed her head respectfully, then spoke. "Well, if it means anything, I think he would be proud of you, anyway..." "Thanks, Rebecca," Ruby smiled, still sniffing. Suddenly, the air around them filled with the crackle of blue lightning, heralding the arrival of Alex. "Could you try coming in a little quieter next time?" Ruby asked, half-jokingly. "Can I help it if I like to make an entrance?" "Well, try, won't you?" Rebecca snapped at him. "We don't wanna give away our location!" She turned on her heels and dashed off to join the others. Alex was slightly puzzled. "Did I come at a bad time?" "Around here, when *isn't* it?" She paused. "Sorry, Alex, it's got nothing to do with you..." "I could tell," he said softly. "Come on, I think the others are expecting us..." -0- The Lord High Mayor of Perfecto Plaza, Robert Rat, stood against the window in his palatial office, dressed to the nines in full military regalia. He would have painted a handsome figure indeed, except for two things. One, he didn't know how to paint. Two, and more prominent, were the four ugly scars that ran down the left side of his face. Every time he looked at them in a mirror, or even as much as thought about them, he thought instantly of Rebecca, for it was she who'd put them there. He'd long since stopped thinking of her as his daughter. Now, she was merely one more political enemy to be destroyed. Reconciliation was long out of the question. No, she had to be killed. A knock on the door interrupted him. "Yes?" he said sharply. One of his Goon Squad entered the room. He bowed stiffly and saluted. "Excellency, we've found her." "Continue," he said coldly. "She's hiding out in an underground burrow in the middle of Perfecto Forest... and there's more..." "Go on..." "She and that mangy coyote she pals around with have been seen in the company of Ukariah and his group just this afternoon." He spat the words out contemptuously. Robert perked up. "UKARIAH? Are you *sure*?" "Yes, Excellency!" "Thank you, that will be all," he said. The Goon didn't wait to leave. "Hmmm...well, Ukariah, you've kept your word; but don't think you can count on your rabbit's feet to bring you luck forever," he laughed evilly. With that, he pulled out a laser pistol from a desk drawer, aimed, and made a perfect bull's-eye in a picture of the offending rabbit on a dart board. Both the picture and the dart board blew up. He laughed ominously. Boy, it felt good to be alive... -0- Catastrophe sat listening through his headphones, and didn't like what he was hearing. "Eh, what's up, coyote?" Buster sauntered up to him. Catastrophe waved him off...then threw his headphones off quickly, as if he'd either been attacked by bees, or the "bug" he'd planted in the Mayor's office had been zapped by a laser pistol. "YEEEEOOOWWWWCCCHHH!" he shouted, holding his ears in pain. "Catastrophe, are you okay?" Ukariah asked. He nodded. "Chief, they know where we are!" "WHAT? So *SOON?*" Ukariah sighed. "Well, he's persistent; I'll give him that much." He turned to address the small band of rebels and Toons. "Okay, listen up! We've been found! I don't know how, but we have. Take only the essentials and head to emergency exit 'B'. We're not gonna have a lot of time, people, so let's MOVE IT!!" The rebels rushed to comply, and in only a few seconds, the place was completely deserted, except for the Toons. "Hey, what about us?" Plucky yelled. "Hmmph! Some hosts!" "Quiet, Plucky!" Alex said sharply. "Okay, so I'll be quiet..." -0- "Uke, haven't we forgotten someone?" Rebecca asked. "No,I think we're all..." Then it hit him. "Ohmygosh!! The *others!* They don't know where exit 'B' is!" "I don't even know where exit 'A' is," Barb remarked. "There isn't one," Catastrophe answered. "No wonder I could never find it..." Ukariah ignored her, and checked his watch. "Well, it won't matter now," he sighed remorsefully. "In about 10 seconds, they'll either be fish food, or the Lord Mayor will have captured them." He paused. "And *that's* if they're unlucky..." -0- "Listen, do you guys hear something?" Plucky asked nervously. Alex would've told him to be quiet again, except he heard it, too. "I hope you're all good swimmers," he said ominously. "LOOK OUT!" Ruby shouted, as a torrent of water came flooding through the burrow--directly at them! "What a way to go," Babs said. "What an overused cliche," Buster replied. "I've got an idea," Alex yelled. He quickly wrapped his tail around the Toons, concentrated hard, and hoped against all hope that this crazy idea would work... if it didn't kill them in the process. As the water covered their heads, it crackled with blue sparks... -0- Alex slowly opened his eyes. So, thankfully, did the other Toons. Considering their options, it was a good thing they materialized in the midst of the rebels. He didn't even want to think about the other option. Catastrophe whistled again. "Boy, you guys must lead charmed lives!" "Well, of course," Plucky quipped, coughing up water. "We never go anywhere without our lucky rabbits' feet!" "I'll ignore that," Buster grimaced. "What I don't understand," Catastrophe said, "is how they knew we were with Ukariah..." "Unless they mistook Buster for him," Rebecca said. "Except for the eyepatch, it's easy enough to do." "And *that* gives me an idea!" Ukariah replied. "Buster, can we talk?" "Since I haven't got a joke for that line, hokay." Meanwhile, Babs and Shirley were talking to Rubella, who felt absolutely miserable by now... and not just because of her passing resemblance to a drowned rat. Ruby told them what Fala had said about killing the Lord Mayor. "I don't know, guys," she said softly. "I don't think I can be a part of something like that..." "Like, since when did YOU develop a social conscience, anyway?" Shirley prodded her. "So I'm a late bloomer, like, sue me, and shut up, 'kay?" Ruby replied angrily. Babs attempted to defuse the situation as best she could. "Now *there's* the Rubella we all know and love," she chirped happily. Ruby wasn't buying it. "No good, huh?" "I'm sorry, guys," Ruby said. "It's... well, personal..." Babs and Shirley eyed each other. They knew exactly what she meant; it was Ruby's personal 'Achilles Heel'. Babs spoke softly. "It's your dad again, isn't it?" Ruby nodded, lips quivering and tears forming in her eyes. "Sorry... we had no idea..." "It's not just that," Ruby finally said. "It's... well, I think about poor Rebecca, and what I'd do if I were in her place..." Shirley grabed her firmly by the shoulders. "Rubella Marie Rat, you listen to me, and listen good! You've got to stop this self-pity and transference trip you're on, okay? Like, even though you can still be an insufferable jerk, you're still a good toon inside. You'll never convince *me* of it, of course, but it's true! You're a lot of things, Ruby, but timid isn't one of them! I'll bet if it comes right down to it, you've got guts you don't even know you have." "(Sniff) You think so?" "Girl, I *know* so!! Besides, nobody's asked you to actually kill anybody..." "True..." "Okay. Better?" Ruby smiled. "Lots! Thanks, Shirley." "Like, no problem, dudette!" Babs was amazed. "Shirley, I'm amazed! I didn't think you two would _ever_ bury the hatchet!" "No big deal, Babs... the hard part was getting through all that new age self-help drivel without saying 'or some junk' even once!" "What was that?" "*No-*thing..." -0- "I don't know, Ukariah; sounds awfully dangerous to me..." Buster was already having second thoughts about his counterpart's brilliant idea, and it hadn't even been implemented yet. "For one thing, how would we get in without being noticed?" Buster had a point. There were bound to be goons patrolling the palace grounds, so burrowing was out of the question. "Hmmm..." Ukariah thought for a moment. Either that, or he was humming some forgettable 70s love ballad. Then he smiled. "What about your friend Alex?" "Naw, he's no good at burr...*ohhh*...ya know, that idea's so crazy, it might just work! Although I don't think he'll go for it..." -0- Turns out, Buster was right--on both counts. It *was* a crazy idea. And Alex wanted no part of it. "Absolutely NOT, Buster! I forbid *any* of you to go through with this. It's too hare-brained..." "What was that?" Ukariah glared at him. "You know what I meant," Alex corrected himself. "Anyway, you're not in any position to dictate terms around here. This is *my* turf you're on, remember?" "I know that," Alex growled. "Besides, what's wrong with being hare-brained?" Uke challenged him. "It's kept us alive *this* long..." "All right!" Alex was clearly irritated now. This worried Buster, but he thought it better not to say anything just yet. "I'll go along with it, but I'm *not* too happy about it!" "I'd have never guessed," Uke replied sarcastically, as he reached in his pocket and handed Buster an eyepatch. "Let me guess... my disguise, right?" "No, actually, it goes over the *left*," Ukariah grinned, hoping that a little humor would ease the tension. Buster slipped it on and adjusted it over his left eye. "Well, Alex, how do I look?" "Like some jerk who forgot to tell us where exit 'B' was..." "Is *THAT* what you're so upset about?!?" Uke finally exploded. "Listen, I *said* I was sorry..." "You did NOT!" Alex and Uke were right in each other's faces now. "Well, I *would*, if you'd shut up for a minute!" "*Sure* you would..." "ALL RIGHT, KNOCK IT OFF, BOTH OF YOU!!" The two antagonists turned, stunned, to see a very *angry* Rebecca! "I don't *believe* you guys! I mean, who needs the Lord Mayor to destroy us if you two idiots are going to do it from within?!?" Uke and Alex paused, took a deep breath, and bowed their heads shamefacedly. "Sorry," they muttered. "That's better," Rebecca smiled. "You must've been taking assertiveness training lessons from Ruby," Buster grinned... and walked smack into a wall! Babs fell down laughing. Buster just fell down. He yanked the eyepatch off and handed it back to Ukariah. "I'm sorry, but this isn't going to work..." "Well, then," Uke shrugged, "I guess it's Plan 'B'." He then removed his own eyepatch, revealing a perfectly good eye underneath! "Hey, what the heck is *this*?" Babs asked, startled. "My opthamologist recommended it," Uke replied sheepishly. "My right eye's a little weak, and he said this would correct it." "Your opthamologist sounds like a bigger jerk than *you* are," Alex said... only this time, he was grinning. "Tell me about it," Uke grinned back. He turned to Rebecca. "Beckums, you don't have to come along on this mission..." "Who *says* I don't?" She smiled. "Besides, you're gonna need someone to guide you around the palace, and by default, I'm it!" She grabbed a nearby rifle and offered it to Rubella, who politely declined. "Sorry, Rebecca, but those things *scare* me!" "Besides," Babs chimed in, "Spielberg never let us play with them." "Babs..." "Well, he *wouldn't*..." She paused. "Say, has anybody here seen Plucky?" "You called?" Plucky appeared from the ammo room. He was done up just like Rambo. He looked... well, *ridiculous*. "Like, lose the armory, duck!" Shirley said. He started to protest, but she raised her hands to zap him again. "NO!!!" everyone shouted. Shirley's zaps were dangerous enough by themselves; mixed with heavy artillery... "Okay," she smiled, lowering her arms. Plucky breathed a loud sigh of relief. For obvious reasons. "But if you slow us down, Plucky, I'll fricassee you to your next life!" "Or some junk," Sheryl added. Alex formed the wormhole again, and a clear picture appeared in the center of the palace library. Rebecca shook her head. "No... we'd be spotted there. A bit lower..." The picture shifted to the basement. "That's perfect," she smiled, satisfied. "Okay, is everybody ready?" Ukariah asked. They nodded silently. "Good... let's *do* it!" And with that, they dove in. Alex calmly waited until the last of them went through. A walkie-talkie Catastrophe provided him with crackled to life after a few seconds. "Alex?" It was Ukariah. "None other, over?" "We're all here. Come in anytime, over?" "Roger, over and out." Signing off, he disappeared as only he could. But he didn't head for the basement. Not yet. He had a different destination in mind... -0- Reappearing above ground, Alex hoped he wasn't spotted. After assuring himself he wasn't, he made his way through the forest to the heart of downtown Perfecto Plaza. Strolling past the shops, he could tell at a glance that Rebecca and Catastrophe had only told him *part* of the story. 'Toon Hell' didn't even *begin* to describe it. He grumbled inwardly. At one time, he thought, this must have been a beautiful city. He wagered he'd have no trouble finding the palace. If this was like all the dictatorships he'd read about, it was probably the grandest building in this otherwise squalid town. He couldn't blame Rebecca for wanting to leave. He wanted to leave, too, and he didn't even *live* here! Soon enough, he found the palace. No surprise, he told himself. Outwardly, it looked like something out of a storybook, but Alex felt it gave no hint of the evil within. Suddenly, he felt the fur on the back of his neck stand up, and heard the sound of a rifle pointed at his back, cocked and ready to fire. He didn't waste time. "I'm sorry, I didn't know Disneyland was closed for the weekend..." With uncanny accuracy, he blasted a bolt of pure energy from his tail and encased his would-be assailant in a porous block of a substance that was (to lift a phrase from Douglas Adams) almost, but not quite like, ice. Checking his handiwork, he snapped his fingers, and a pair of shades appeared on his face. "Chill, dude!" He then used another blast of energy to skid the goon behind some bushes. "I also do weddings and bar mitzvahs," Alex added. He then looked around the grounds just in case he had to take out any more goons, or surveillance cameras. Curiously, there weren't any. "Hmmm...one guard, no cameras... this place has worse security than Woolworth's!" he thought. "Well, let's see how the others are doing," he added as an afterthought. Still, he didn't dare risk using the walkie-talkie. Still, being Alex Redolence, he didn't *have* to. He had a more reliable means of communication... -0- "I can't understand what's keeping your friend Alex," Sheryl whispered to Babs. "Well, he doesn't exactly arrive on the scene quietly, remember?" "Oh, right..." She turned to Buster. "You think he decided to take the long way?" "I wouldn't doubt it..." Just then, he froze. "Hold on, I think I hear him now..." Ukariah started to check his walkie-talkie, but Shirley stopped him. "Forget it, dude; like, they're tied into each other psychically." Buster motioned for silence. 'Alex? Is that you?" he thought. 'If it isn't, then somebody's using your mind to go web-surfing!' 'Never mind the one-liners; just tell me where you are...' 'Shheesh! Everybody's a critic! I'm outside the palace... the east wing, I believe. Ask Rebecca if the security's always so lax around here...' 'Okay.' Buster relayed Alex's question to Rebecca. "Hmmm?...Oh, I know what he means," she smiled. "One guard and no cameras, right?" "I'll ask him..." Buster relayed the info back to Alex, who confirmed it. "He said, yeah." "It's always been like that. He thinks that because he's so powerful, that no one would dare attack him at the palace." Buster relayed that news back to Alex. 'Talk about your wooly thinking!' Alex thought. 'Has your glorious leader gotten you out of the basement yet?' he added, and Buster thought he heard Alex smirking. 'I wouldn't let him hear you say that!' Buster replied, chuckling to himself as he did so, and leaving Uke to wonder what was so funny. 'Well, I'll be heading to the roof and see if I can find a way in from there. I'll see you soon.' 'Okay. Good luck, Alex.' 'You too...and that goes for everybody...' -0- Meanwhile, the Lord Mayor was busy cooking up something. And it wasn't just a plot, either. In the middle of the grand ballroom, looking ominously out of place, stood an immense black pot. Inside, a thick red liquid was bubbling to a slow boil, being heated by the fire beneath it. The lid, which was hinged to it, was propped open by sheer gravity. He checked once more to be sure it was placed precisely where he wanted it. Running up the staircase that led to the upper floor, he peered over the railing; then, holding out an arm, he dropped a small vegetable in the pot. It landed dead center. He liked that analogy, 'dead center.' And who knew? If things went according to plan, soon both Ukariah and Rebecca would find themselves in that very spot. The other rebels meant nothing to him, but if he could eliminate Ukariah, that would mean a sure end to the rebellion. After all, no one else in that motley crew had even a fraction of that meddlesome rabbit's... what was the word? 'Oh, yes,' he thought. 'Chutzpah.' As for Rebecca, she'd been a thorn in his side from the day she first learned how to think for herself. He knew what would happen if she succeeded him, and he couldn't have that. He hid behind a wall tapestry, patted his laser pistol, holstered on his right hip, and waited... -0- "Plucky, maybe you *should* lose the armory," Buster suggested. "What for?" "Well, for one thing, it clashes with your ensemble," Ruby quipped. "And in the second place, how can we pull a sneak attack with all that clattering you're doing?" Plucky hadn't considered that. "Oh, all right," he griped, removing his bandoliers. "But if you're shooting it out with the Lord Mayor and his goons and you run out of ammo, *don't* come crying to *ME!*" "Consider yourselves warned," Buster said nonchalantly. The small group snickered quietly. "Thanks, Plucky," Ukariah smiled, "but if we're fortunate, maybe there won't *be* any gunplay. I *know* you're disappointed..." He then addressed the rebels. "Okay, now you know the plan. We want to take the Lord Mayor alive, if possible. He's more than likely to have his goons patrolling the inside, and they won't hesitate to shoot first and forget the questions. Disable them if you can; but shoot only if you *have* to. We don't wanna have any bloodshed if we can avoid it. You know your assigned areas?" They nodded. "Good. Buster and I are going to try and get him out in the open. Fala...well, *you* know what you'll have to do if he's within range..." The skunkette nodded solemnly. "Well, that's all I can think of, gang, unless somebody has something they'd like to add?" Nobody did. "Okay. Let's go..." They cautiously made their way out of the basement and into the 'palace proper.' 'So far, so good,' Uke thought. He turned to Rebecca. "Scared?" he whispered. "The truth? Heck, yeah..." "Well, don't be. He'll have to go through all of us first to get to you, and I don't think he can hold out that long." "Maybe," Rebecca sighed, "but can *WE?*" "This is a lousy time to have cold feet, kiddo," Plucky whispered as they entered the library. "I know, Plucky... but I also know I can't keep hiding forever..." "Well, if we succeed, you won't *have* to," Buster said determinedly. Rebecca squeezed both Buster and Plucky's hands. "Thanks, guys... I just want you to know..." A shout from Sheryl interrupted her. "Goon Show at 12:00!" One of the goons appeared at the library door, ready to fire. From above the door, Ruby saw an old-fashioned battle helmet. "I'm on it!" she yelled, and making one of her patented leaps, jumped over the goon's head, ripped the helmet from its resting place, and bopped him into dreamland with it. All in the space of 1.5 seconds! Rebecca's jaw dropped. "You can admire my technique later, kid," Ruby told her, tossing the goon's rifle to Rebecca. "I hope you know how to use one of these, 'cause I don't!" "Okay, let's MOVE IT!" Ukariah barked. They exited the library and continued their search. Babs and Barb found themselves near, of all places, the men's room! "Toss you for it," Barb smirked. "Sorry, don't have time!" Babs replied, rushing in and dispatching two goons at once--literally with their pants down! She came back out with their rifles and a sillier-than-thou grin on her face. "Don't go in there, Barb; it's *not* a pretty sight!" Barb didn't dare ask what this crazy pink rabbit meant... but she had a pretty good idea. They joined the others near the entrance to the grand ballroom. "And just *where* have you two been?" Plucky asked. "The little boys' room," Babs said, with a not-so-straight face. "Ask a stupid question..." he sighed. -0- From his hiding place, the Lord Mayor could hear the group approaching. "Okay, spread out," he heard the unmistakable voice of Ukariah say. "But be careful!" The Lord Mayor chuckled to himself. "Ukariah," Fala asked, noticing the cauldron, "what do you suppose he's going to do with this?" "Beats me. Probably rinsing out his shorts or something equally nauseating." 'Laugh all you want, rabbit,' thought the Mayor. 'It won't keep you alive much longer...' He patted his holster again, and the action caused the tapestry to move slightly. Buster noticed it, and whispered to Ukariah, who nodded, and whispered back to Buster, who also nodded, and crouched out of sight behind the cauldron. It was showtime. "My oh my, it's such a lovely day to go throughout the palace," Ukariah said loudly, a smirk on his face, as he approached a statue of the Mayor near one of the exits, "and wantonly destroy mediocre works of so-called art..." He paused. "Tip..." he said, and tip he did. *CRASH!!!* That did it. The Lord High Mayor emerged from his hiding place just in time to see Ukariah standing at the exit, blowing him kisses. "Mmmmmwah!" he shouted, and dove through the exit. The Mayor reached for his pistol, but couldn't believe his eyes. There, at the opposite exit, tipping over another statue and making great big girly eyes at him, was Ukariah! (Actually, it was Buster, but the Mayor didn't know that!) "I won't miss *this* time," he growled, and fired at Buster. Fortunately, all those classes at Acme Loo on how to avoid hunters paid off. The Mayor was ready to shoot in the same spot again, when he heard... "Yoo hoo!" He turned to see Ukariah, armed with a can of spray paint, standing near a wall-length portrait of His Excellency, on the other side of the room again! "Excuse me, snookums, but does 'schmuck' start with an 'F' or a 'Ph'?" "AAAARRRGGH!" "Thanks!" He didn't wait to get out of the way. End result: one safely hidden rebel leader, and one great big hole in the wall. "Curse you, Ukariah!" the Mayor yelled angrily. Out of his peripheral vision, he saw Buster on the other side of the room. "And you too, Uka--UNG!!!" Meanwhile, he was being so flustered by this, that he didn't even notice the female rat on the same landing, until she bumped into him. "Ooops! Pardon me..." He recovered his wits slightly. "Quite all..." Then he recovered them fully. "*YOU!!!*" he shouted, lunging at her throat with both hands. Unfortunately, he got her, and began strangling the life out of her! On the ground level, unaware of what was happening, Ukariah and Buster were congratulating themselves on a flummoxing job well done, and rejoined the group. "Okay, let's GET him!" They ran charging from *their* hiding place, and then stopped short when they saw what was happening. "Oh no!" Ukariah yelled. "He's got Rebecca!" "What are you talking about? I'm right here," she said from behind him. At that moment, the same horrible thought struck all of them, but it was Buster and Babs who gave voice to it... ""HE'S GOT RUBY!!"" They could only watch, petrified, as she fought an obviously losing battle, arms and legs flailing helplessly. If they'd been paying closer attention, they would have seen her tail snaking not-so-helplessly towards its objective, although at that moment, it would be a miracle if she lived to accomplish what she had in mind. Ever so slowly, she pocketed the object in her skirt, and then, with all her strength ebbing, made one last gesture of defiance--scratching four ugly scars on the right side of his face, to match the ones Rebecca gave him. If she thought it was going to save her, she was wrong. He merely tightened his death grip, walked towards the railing, and held her over the boiling pot. It was apparent what he was going to do with it, finally. And Rebecca couldn't stand it any longer. Steeling herself, she emerged from the safety of the group. "Hey! You want *me*, you idiot? I'm down here!" she screamed. "WHAT??" he yelled angrily, not believing what he was seeing. Then, he smiled wickedly. "Well, whoever this *was*, I'll just consider her... shall we say... *practice*?" He held the apparently lifeless Rubella directly over the pot with one hand, still choking her. "Can't somebody DO something?" Babs shouted in frustration. Plucky spoke grittily, "Stand back, sister!" and waited for his chance... -0- Alex, meanwhile, was outside on the balcony, and saw everything. His tail twitched back and forth wildly, his eyes started changing color, and he yelled at the top of his lungs, "*NOOOO!!!*" Every window on that floor shattered inwardly, spraying the ballroom with broken glass. The Lord Mayor was so startled that he let Ruby go... and that's when Plucky did the unbelievable; flapping his wings like a duck possessed, he circled the ballroom furiously and caught Ruby by her blouse collar just before she would've hit the cauldron! Buster, Babs, and Shirley could only mouth a silent 'WOW!' Who knew that green egomaniac had *that* in him? The Lord Mayor, however, was about to have troubles of his own. He spun around, and came face to face with a *very angry* Alex Redolence! He grabbed the Mayor by his jacket, and stared at him eyeball to eyeball. Alex's eyes were the only thing he noticed. They weren't green. They weren't even crimson. Instead, they glowed with the very fire that was underneath the cauldron. For the first and last time in his miserable life, the Lord High Mayor of Perfecto Plaza experienced genuine *terror*. He had every reason to... especially when Alex levitated to the ceiling, still holding on to the Lord Mayor, suspended above his own cauldron. Alex hissed, with a loud, booming voice, "Your father was a *bachelor*!" and with all the power he could muster (and, being Alex, that was a LOT of power!), flung him into the cauldron with such force that the lid slammed shut, and then the pot fell through several floors to the basement! Alex calmed down and looked at his friends. "Well, call me butterfingers..." They didn't laugh. He descended to ground level and joined them. "How's Rubella?" he asked. Shirley answered, tears flowing down her face. "Alex, she... she's..." She couldn't bring herself to say it. "Booshwah!" he snapped, and wrapped his tail around the dead rat. She started to glow briefly, then opened her eyes as if nothing had happened. "Don't ever scare us like that again," he told her softly. "Acme Acres wouldn't be the same without you." She was too busy hugging him to reply. -0- Back in the lab, Ukariah approached Rebecca. "Beckums... are you *sure* you won't change your mind?" She smiled, but it was tinged with sadness. "No, I don't think so. Besides, there's nothing left for me here..." "But you *are* the rightful ruler..." "As Alex would say, booshwah. Anyway, I'm not the ruling type; and you'd make a much better mayor than I ever would." She turned to Catastrophe. "Is the portal working?" He nodded reluctantly. "It should be ready any second." Alex addressed the toonsters. "I'm proud of all of you... yes, even you, Plucky!" He turned to Rebecca. "This is really what you want?" "I'm sure, Alex. From what Buster and Babs tell me, Acme Acres sounds like an interesting place..." "Well, I don't know as I'd call it 'interesting.' A little off-kilter, perhaps," he laughed. "Besides," she added, fingering a ring Catastrophe had given her, "if I ever get homesick, I can always hitch a ride..." "Fine, can we get going now before something else happens?" Plucky snapped--just before the door came crashing down! "Like that?" he added. It was the Lord High Mayor. He was covered from head to toe in the thick red liquid from the cauldron, and he was not a happy camper. "What *is* that stuff, anyway?" Ukariah asked, unable to contain his curiousity any longer. "It's spaghetti sauce, you fools!" The group looked at each other incredulously. "But that's not important right now; what IS important is..." the Mayor said as he backed Rebecca into a corner, "...*YOU'RE HISTORY!*" he yelled angrily, reaching into his holster...and finding nothing. "WHAT...?" "*LOOKING FOR THIS?*" Before anybody could stop her, Rubella pulled the Mayor's laser pistol from her skirt, and fired! He didn't even have time to scream before he blew up. Shaken by her own action, she flung the weapon to the floor, where Alex melted it with a blast from his tail. "What... what have I done?" she asked weakly. "What you had to," Alex said softly. "But don't ever do it again, young lady." "He would've done the same to any or all of us," Fala replied reassuringly. Ruby wasn't consoled much. Meanwhile, the border around the portal glowed neon red, and they could see Acme Forest. Rebecca bade her final goodbyes to all her old friends, and approached Ruby. "Rubella... it's okay, really... come on," she said, taking the still- shaken rat's arm. "Let's go home..." -0- Roberta was talking at a hundred miles an hour, trying to convince Rhonda of what had happened; Rhonda, in turn, was just about ready to tell Roberta to lay off the overactive imagination, when the portal appeared, noise and all. "I take it all back," she gasped in disbelief, as the Toons made their way through. "Home sweet home, like it or not," Babs shouted gladly. "Oh, hi, Mrs. R." "Umm...hi, Babs..." Rhonda's eyes widened as first Ruby, then Rebecca exited the portal. "Oh, my..." "Wow! Memorex to the *max*!" Roberta said. Ruby hugged her mom like there was no tomorrow. "I'm happy to see you too, dear, only..." "Oh, Mom, this is a friend of ours we rescued from an alternate tooniverse. Is it all right if she stays with us until she gets settled in?" "Well, Ruby, I..." Rhonda finally noticed the 'battle scars' on Rubella's neck. "What happened to *you*?" she asked, panic setting in. "Mom, it's a *LONG* story... and I'd just as soon forget most of it!" "Perhaps it would be better that way," Alex noted. "Well, now that you're all back, I'll see you later... sometime..." and just like that, he disappeared. "Whoa! Mondo COOL!" Roberta said, visibly impressed. "When can *I* do that?" "We'll talk later, dear," Rhonda sighed, and wondered what *other* surprises her nutty daughters had in store for her. "Come along, Roberta..." As Rhonda and Roberta made their way home, Ruby noticed a bit of hesitancy on Rebecca's part. "Having second thoughts already, kid?" Rebecca paused only a second. "None at all... we'll talk later, okay?" She gave Ruby a wink which said that there *would* be a tomorrow... even if it would take some getting used to. "All right, you two, break it up!" Plucky snapped. Ruby punched him on the arm. "OW!" "My hero," she laughed, hugging him. "Thanks, Plucky..." "Yeah, sure, right..." "Something wrong?" Rebecca asked curiously. "She's right, you know; you ARE a hero..." "I know, *I know*..." he continued. "And it's UNFAIR!" The rats were confused. "Unfair?" Becky asked innocently. "Why?" "Because," Plucky said, before voicing his discontent to the skies, "...*NOBODY'S EVER GONNA BELIEVE ME!!!*" "That's okay, Pluckster," Buster smiled. "WE believe you..." Back in the Perfecto Plaza lab, Ukariah smiled. "You won't be the *only* ones... count on it!" He turned to the coyote. "You can shut it down, now, Catastrophe; she'll be okay." He paused, looked at the portal, and sighed deeply. "Take care, Beckums..." -0- EPILOGUE The Deed met Alex upon his return. Alex barely noticed, as he was lost in thought... and whatever he was thinking disturbed him greatly. "Master Alex?" "Wha? Oh... sorry, I was just thinking..." "So I see. Where were you, anyway?" Alex related the particulars of the day's events in minute detail. "A parallel tooniverse? *Really,* Alex, you can do better than that..." Alex shot the Deed a piercing stare. "On second thought, I believe you!" Alex sighed. "And the worst part of it is, it may not be over yet." "For whom?" "For all of us," Alex said cryptically, casting his eyes towards a huge wall monitor, which was currently projecting the scene in Acme Forest. The Deed followed Alex's viewpoint, and focused on Rebecca. "You suspect the young lady may be involved?" "At this point, I suspect everything... which is why I may have to go back..." "You aren't serious... are you?" "Only if I HAVE to," Alex said grimly. "Call it a gut feeling; but something tells me that everything in that place was *not* as it appeared. I only hope I'm wrong... for *all* our sakes." "But, Master Alex," the Deed protested, "you don't know the first *thing* about inter-dimensional travel!" Alex allowed a smile to cross his lips. "Well, then... it's time I *learned*, isn't it?" "PARALLELS" is (C) 8/30/1996. This version (C) 6/3/1997 by Jerry D. Withers. All characters (C) Warner Bros. Animation and Amblin Entertainment, used without permission but with just the slightest hint of irreverence, except: "Alex Redolence" and "The Deed" created by Jeremy J. Jurrens (C) 1996; and "Rhonda" and "Roberta Rat", and all the inhabitants of Perfecto Plaza, current and former, created by ME! :D (C) 1996. Special thanks go to my guest editor for this story, Don Spiers, as well as Kevin Mickel and Jeremy J. Jurrens for their comments. And of course, the usual suspects (The Tri-Cities Free-Net, Mid-Columbia Library) and the unusual suspect (Geocities). Keep watching this site for Vol. II of Parallels: "Parallel Bars", coming soon to a PC monitor near you!