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(authors' note:  this story should fill-in all of the plot-holes from the
previous story (Chris Who?).  If you should just so happen to notice a
couple that I may have missed, then please let me know.
        "And now for something, completely different."
      -Monty Pythons' Flying CircusŪ)

                           To Travel
                         by The HellCat

        Ext.  Nothingness.  As we open there is nothing but a stark-white
back-ground.  Babs 'pokes' her head 'in' from off-stage (our right).  She
then 'pulls' her head back off-stage (or screen, whichever you prefer), and
then walks to the center of the stage.

        Babs:  "Hiiiiiieeeeeee!  I suppose you're all wondering why I'm
here, and Buster's not.  Well, he got a call from Bugs Bunny this morning,
and ended up helping Bugs fix his car."  (Scratching her head in
confusion),  "Something about owing him for a credit card bill."  Suddenly,
she remembers the whole Hawaiian fiasco.  (Looking a little bit
embarrassed),  "Oh yeah uh heh, heh, heh."
        Babs 'shakes' it off, and begins talking again.  "Anyway, I'm
supposed to fill-in those plot holes from the last story for this
hack-writer, so, here goes.  First, the coffee pot was Chris Pews'.
Secondly, the only reason that Fifi hasn't maimed the guy with affection
yet, is because they met under somewhat calm circumstances (for Feef,
anyway).  Thirdly, Hampton quit dating Fifi a long time ago.  (To herself)
What else?  (To us) Oh, the reason that Chris' back wasn't hurt when he
lifted that huge tray, is because he has some kind of supporting steel bar
that connects his shoulder to his hip, or something like that anyway (She
indicates to us what she is talking about, by turning so her right side
faces us, and points her index finger at her shoulder, and then down to her
hip).  (Facing us again) And last, but not least"  Babs pauses for a
moment to produce a script from behind her back.  She quickly flips through
it, points to something on it, nods to herself, and puts the script away.
"Oh yeah, Chris didn't leave Acme Acres.  Well, he hasn't left yet,
anyway.  He spent the last week living in an old Lincoln that he found near
Fifis' place.  He fixed it up really nice for himself too.  He's actually a
pretty generous guy.  After he fixed a DeLorian to drive around town for
himself, he fixed-up an old Checker for Me, Shirley, and Fifi.  But it
really doesn't matter.  Fifi's the only one of us who knows how to drive a
'three-on-the-tree' stick-shift anyway."
        Babs starts talking to herself as she turns to go off-stage.
"Well, for an intro, that wasn't half bad."
        Buster (off stage):  "It wasn't half good, either."

        Babs turns around to see Buster walk on stage.  He is filthy.  His
gloves are practically black.  His shirt looks like it has actually been
'run' through a motor.
        Buster (smiling):  "How about a hug Babsie?"

        Babs knows exactly what he is planning to do.  She bolts-off
yelling, and he takes off after her.  She runs back on-screen, and does the
only thing that she can think of to save herself.  She leaps-up, grabs a
rope, and pulls-down the next scene.

        Ext.  We are looking straight up at the sky, and all we can see are
a couple of white clouds floating by.  As we look down to the street below
(about 200 ft. down) the music starts.  The Beatles playing "Can't Buy Me
Love."  As we zoom in on the four lane street, we can see that it isn't
very busy.  We begin following a certain yellow car as it passes under us.
It's a late 50's Checker Monarch.  We zoom in on the car until we're about
15 ft. away from it.  'Camera-wipe' to the license plate.  It reads
"BEAUTY".  We back off of the cars 'tail', and follow it for a little ways.
View to a stoplight about a block ahead of the car.  As if to be in
synchronization with the music, it changes from green to red.   The old
beast comes to a 'dead halt' at the red light, and we look inside.  There,
tapping the rhythm of the song on the steering-wheel, sits Fifi La Fume.
She is dressed a little bit different though.  She is wearing a pair of
wrap-around sun-glasses, and one of Chris Pews' leather jackets.  From the
outside of the car we watch the light turn green, (in sync with the music,
of course), and the old ex-cab makes a left turn onto a two lane street.
After going in this direction for about a block, she stops at an
intersection, and then continues driving for half of a block until she
makes a sharp left turn into the junkyard.  As the song ends, the old car
drives around behind Fifis' Cadillac (kicking up a severe amount of dust,
naturally) until it can't be seen from the side that her Caddys'
'front-door' is on.  She 'kills' the motor and gets out of the car.  She
takes off the sun-glasses, puts them in her pocket (hidden fur-coat
pocket), takes off the jacket, and walks over to Chris' Lincoln.
        Fifi:  "Whew!  Driveeng zat car around can be tres deefeecult!"

        She walks up to what is obviously the cars' front door (his mailbox
is there, next to a small rod-iron fence).  Just before knocking, she
notices a note tapped to the door.  She snatches it from the door, and
reads it.
________________________________________________________________________
        Fifi,
                 I promised you that in one weeks' time I would decide if I
should stay in Acme Acres, or continue traveling.  I'm busy making that
decision right now.  If you want to know my answer, meet me at Weenie
Burgers at noon.

                Yours,
                        Chris
________________________________________________________________________

        Fifi looks at a watch on her wrist.
        Fifi:  "Well monsieur Pew, ah just 'ope that vous make les correct
deeceesion."

Fade out.

Fade in.

        Int.  Fifi is laying on her stomach, on her couch, and talking on
the phone.
        Fifi:  " And zat was when ah found zee note."

        The screen 'splits', and we can see Babs is on the other end of the
phone-line.
        Babs:  "Wow.  What time is it now, anyway?"
        Fifi:  "Eleven o'clock.  So weel vous meet moi at Weenie Burgers in
one hour?"
        Babs:  "Sure Feef.  Besides, I want to know what he says too.  I
_hate_ getting gossip (unless it's from Harriet).  I'd rather dish it out."

Fade out.

Fade in.

        Ext.  Route 647 leaving Acme Acres.  It's just a two lane highway
(the one that Chris first appeared on), that seems to stretch on forever.
Next to a sign that marks the Acme Acres city limits, is Chris Pew.  He is
laying on the hood of a DeLorian so that his head rests on its' windshield,
and his long tail hangs off of the side of the car, and just touches the
ground.  He sits-up, turns his body, and slides off of the hood.  He walks
over to the highway, and looks down it as if he is about to leave.

        Chris:  "I'm really gonna miss it, ya know.  Never knowing what to
expect from the next town.  Or for that matter, if I would even get to the
next town."  He takes a couple of steps down the road, stops, and smiles.
"Ah well.  Nothing lasts forever, ya know."

        *Beep Beep Beep*

        He looks at the watch on his wrist, and presses a button on it.
        Chris (slapping his fore-head):  "Jeez, man.  I told Fifi that I'd
be there in fifteen minutes!"

        He turns around, and runs to the car that he had just been resting
on.  He Lifts open the gull-wing door, gets in, and pulls the door shut.

        Chris (putting his seat belt on):  "I just hope that I can make it
there in time."

        He starts the car, puts it in gear, and takes off like he's on
fire.  The car throws dirt and grass everywhere, until the rear wheels get
to solid pavement.  We watch the car proceed to 'dodge' (as in 'miss')
traffic, from an overhead view.  It looks a lot like something out of the
video game "Grand Theft Auto".

Camera Wipe

        Fifi, Buster, Babs, and Shirley are sitting in a booth next to a
window at Weenie Burgers.  Fifi looks at her watch, and then looks at the
others.
        Fifi (looking as if she is about to cry):  "Eet's 12:05 now.  Ah
guess he eesn't coming back."

        Out of nowhere, we hear the screeching of car tires, as a silver
object passes their window at a very high rate of speed.  All of the toons
turn to see a car 'flip' a U-turn in the middle of the street, and stop
right next to the Weenie Burgers entrance.

        Buster (looking at Babs):  "I thought we agreed on _NO_ Back to the
Future cameos."
        Babs (looking at Buster, while the others look at her waiting for
an answer):  "We did."

        Suddenly, the doors of Weenie Burgers 'fly' open, as Chris runs in.
All turn to see who it is.

        Chris (running to their table):  "Sorry I'm late, but I couldn't
find the valet."
        Fifi:  "CHRIS! Ah thought zat ah ah mean, we had lost vous."
        Chris (just catching his breath) winks at Fifi, takes her hand
(laying on the table) in his and says.  "No Feef, you haven't lost  me.  In
fact, I've decided that I just might like it here in Acme Acres.  Besides,
I left one of my jackets at the cleaners."
        Shirley:  "Like, you mean you're staying?"
        Chris:  "Totally, Shirley.  Totally."

        Chris sits down next to Fifi, and they all begin talking.  After
about five minutes, Buster and Babs become very silent.  They look rather
displeased.  The others turn to see what they are looking at.  Two rats
(unfamiliar to Chris) walk in, and over to their table.

        Buster (keeping a stern look on his face):  "Well, if it isn't
Roddy and Ruby!  Look Babs, it's Roddy and Ruby!"
        Roddy (grinning):  "Hello losers.  I see that you've managed to
deceive yet another Buster."
        Buster:  "What're you talkin' about rat?"
        Roddy:  "Why, _him_ of course." (pointing at Chris)
        Chris:  "Did I miss something here?  (Turning to Roddy)  Who are
you, and just what do you want?"

        Roddy (loving such an opportunity to insult Buster and Babs) begins
talking.  "I'm Rodderick Rat, and this is my girl, Rubella."

        Ruby (beating Roddy to the first insult):  "Hi Babsie.  How's the
Loserversity?"
        Babs (fists clenched at her sides):  "Not as good as the make-over
I oughta give you, sister!"
        Both girls look like they're about to start fighting, but Buster
holds Babs back, and Roddy likewise (with Ruby).
        Roddy:  "As I was saying (glaring at Ruby), we're from Perfecto
Prep.  My card."

        He hands Chris what appears to be a business-like card.  It reads:
________________________________________________________________________
        Rodderick Rat
PERFECTO PREP

"If your money isn't ours, it should be."
_______________________________________________________________________

        Chris:  "You've gotta be kiddin' me, man.  You're even greedier
than Montana Max!"

        From across the room, Monty hollers "I HEARD THAT!"  (Monty starts
talking to himself).  "Rasafrackin' robo-skunk."

        Roddy (to Chris):  "You really should consider joining _our_ school
next semester.  Besides, why would you want to go to school with a jerk
like that, or losers like these?"  As he says this, he 'gives' a 'panoramic
motion' with his arm, indicating to everybody else at the table.

        Chris stands up.  He is thoroughly ticked-off by now.
        Chris (poking Roddy in the chest, and forcing him backwards, yet he
is talking rather calmly at the same time):  "You've got a lot of nerve,
rat.  Nobody calls _my_ friends losers." (pointing at Fifi with his left
hand)  "Especially not her."  Now the rat and skunk are nose to nose, and
no one dares to go near them, as Chris pulls his arm back to his side.
"You have exactly five seconds to get out of my sight, before I pulverize
you."
        Roddy:  "Oh yeah?"

        Roddy takes a step backward, and gives Chris a right-hook to the
jaw.  The skunks head jerks to the right with the forceful impact, but he
doesn't fall down (much to Roddys' frightened dismay).  Instead, he slowly
turns his head back until he is facing Roddy again.  His teeth are clenched
as a trickle of blood comes out of the corner of his mouth.  He begins
breathing heavily, and lets out a low growl that sounds a lot like a wild
animal preparing for a hideous attack.
        Roddy (in a quiet voice, and a close-up on his face):  "Mother."

        Chris draws back and punches Roddy with his right fist so hard,
that the now air-borne rat crashes through the front doors, and continues
soaring until his face makes contact with a "STOP" sign, causing a massive
dent in the shape of his face.  Presently, Arnold the Pitt bull dressed as
a traffic-cop walks up to the rats' limp body, which still attached to the
sign.  Arnold begins writing Roddy a ticket.
        Arnold:  "You stupid weakling mousie-head.  This is for destroying
public property.  Make sure that it doesn't happen again, or I'll have to
harm you severely.  Ja?"

        Roddy reaches back and takes the ticket from Arnold.  Back inside
Weenie Burgers, Chris calms down a bit and turns to the group.  Ruby glares
at Chris, and snarls through clenched teeth, "Don't worry, we'll be back!"
She then turns, and runs out the door to find Roddy.
        Chris  (being thoroughly satisfied with himself for disposing of
the two annoying characters) sits back down next to Fifi.  The others at
the table just stare at him with disbelief.
        Buster (in a rather perky tone):  "I've wanted to see somebody do
that for years."
        Chris:  "Well, your wish just came true pal.  I doubt they'll mess
with us for a while."
        Fifi (to Chris):  "Are vous okay?"
        Chris (turning to look at her):  "Yeah.  I feel great!  Why?"
        Fifi (examining the place below his eye where he got hit):  "Thees
eez tereeble!  Come on, ah weel take of your cheek right now, before eet
gets how you say swollen."
        Chris:  "It's not necessary Fifi."
        Fifi (in a calm, yet determined tone):  "Yes eet ees."
        Chris (holding his hands up in surrender):  "All right.  If you insist."

        Chris gets up to let Fifi out of the booth.  She gets up, takes his
hand in hers, and they walk outside together.  When they are gone Babs
starts talking to Shirley.

        Babs:  "Well, it looks like he might actually be useful around here!"
        Shirley:  "Yeah, but like, with a temper like that, I'd totally
hate to be on his bad side, fer sure."
        Babs:  "Hey Buster, did you get a load of the look on that rats'
face just before he got ejected?"
        Buster (chuckling):  "Yeah.  He kind of looked like Plucky waiting
for an anvil."

        At this remark Babs and Shirley look at each other, and begin
laughing hysterically, remembering what the poor duck looked like right
after the anvil chorus.

Fade out

Fade in

        Int.  Fifis' Caddy.  Fifi has Chris holding an ice-pack on his
cheek.  He looks exhausted.  She is sitting next to him on the couch.
        Fifi:  "Ah had no idea zat vous felt zat way about moi."
        Chris (turning to Fifi):  "Huh?"
        Fifi:  "Well, vous regarded moi as a reason to get rid of zat
annoying rat from our presence."
        Chris:  "Oh.  Well, uh, you saved my life.  That doesn't exactly
rank low on my own personal appreciation chart (so to speak)."
        Fifi (looking very curious):  "Are vous sure zat zere eesn't
another reason?"

        Chris takes the ice-pack off of his face, and looks deeply into
Fifis' eyes.  His left cheek is bruised very badly, turning the white fur
such a dark shade of purple, that it's almost black.
        Chris:  "It's a possibility."

        They embrace in a kiss, and their tails wrap around each others'
bodies, pulling them both close together.

Fade to black

        I realize that this story isn't exactly as good as the proceeding
story, but hopefully (and I do mean hopefully),  my stories will get better
in the future.  If you would like to compliment, complain, or just plain
criticize, my E-mail address is cneu@trib.com.  Just please have a reason
for writing me.  Also, all characters in this story (except Chris Pew, of
course) are copy-written by Warner Brothers.  "Can't Buy Me Love" is
copy-written by Parlophone, Apple Records, and EMI records LTD.  I have
absolutely no clue what so ever as to who owns copyrights, trademarks, or
whatever on the video game Grand Theft Auto.  And Monty Pythons' Flying
Circus _was_ copy written by the BBC in the 60's (I think), but I'm not too
sure _who_ owns _that_ now.  But, I _shouldn't_ get sued, because I'm not
making any money for writing these stories.

                -HellCat

(Without laughter, there would be no true meaning in life).
        [personal observation]